back when I used reddit I was really into anti-incel stuff. I was really obsessed with losing my virginity. I was obsessed with incels, and not wanting to be one. Eventually I realized I was basically the same as them, obsessed with being a virgin. I only really wanted to lose my virginity for social status, to feel secure in internet arguments against strangers, and I realized when I put it into words that that was a completely stupid and dogshit mindset to have.
I don't really care much anymore about having sex or getting a relationship. Maybe I'll meet a nice girl through my friends or family later, but for now having a girlfriend is something I think I only wanted so that I could be the kind of person who has a girlfriend. It was a vain desire. Not one that formed out of love for someone else.
When I see discussions about incels and virginity and having sex on the internet, I have to wonder how many people have the same mindset. How many people want to have sex so that they can think of themselves as the type of person who has sex? The insecurity about it shines really clearly in a lot of posts on the internet when you're looking for it. You can see the anxiety, even through an ironic or joking post, no matter its position.