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>>802631
The next sentence of my long rant states that my extreme self-consciousness comes from my parents training me at a young age to mask my Asperger’s in fear that I would get labeled/diagnosed, which led to me having very bad social skills, making no friends in school, and just focusing on academics. I elaborate later that my crush/love for her has become so consuming that I feel like a completely different person then I was before I saw her, and I have practically lost interest in everything but her, as my narrow interests (history and Marxism) no longer truly interest me anymore. History and Marxism are now just things that I continue to engage in out of pure inertia/habit and the fact that I have to pretend to have interests beyond my love for her, due to the fact that I know that the odds of it working with her are really low. This means that if I could find a way to have a real conversation with her I would be interested in whatever she is interested in (it literally doesn’t matter what it is, if she likes it I will like it) just to be able to have something in common with her to increase the odds of success. The problem is that I don’t want her to know that all I am interested in is her because then she will think I am a creep, lol.

It is also very interesting from a psychological standpoint how falling in love with her has given me a very different perspective on both history and Marxism. I will probably get laughed at by most on this website for saying this, but having strong romantic feelings for her has made me become a much softer person (I used to be a big edgelord) who is increasingly turned off by the dark, depressing, and violent nature of most of human history, though I still can read about it, get high grades in it, and eventually teach it, because it is the only academic area I really know about and the only career path that I could do (as I said earlier I am not psychologically cut out for flipping burgers, digging ditches, cleaning toilets, or sitting in a cubicle). Additionally, the whole concept of “revolution” that lies at the center of Marxism has really lost its luster for me, as actually feeling love for another human being has naturally made me very disturbed by the thought of all the innocent people that inevitably suffer and die during a “revolution”. I understand the counter argument that countless innocent peoplePost too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>802529
It’s probably because of my Asperger’s which gives me really bad social skills, so I am scared that if I try to talk to girls about History, let alone my Marxist politics, they will laugh at me and think I am a weirdo. A lot of this fear comes from my parents telling me from a young age to mask my Asperger’s so that I wouldn’t get officially labeled/diagnosed. This is combined with the fact that before I took the theatre class last semester, I never really thought that much about trying to get a girlfriend, as I never had any friends in high school due to being scared of acting “weird” in front of them and revealing that I was on the spectrum. I will admit that the idea of having a girlfriend crossed my mind occasionally, though I used to suppress it and continue obsessing over my narrow interests of history and politics, and my subconscious desire for a relationship was obviously the main reason that I took the theatre class. It is hard to describe exactly how I got attracted to her, as I always thought the idea of love at first sight was hollywood bullshit, but I started falling in love with her from the first moment I saw her. Once I was paired with her for the scene I was having a full-blown crush and starting to imagine that I could spend the rest of my life with her.

It almost feels like I am not the same person that I was before I saw her, because before I got my crush on her I was completely absorbed in my narrow autistic interests (history and Marxism), and now all I really care about is her, and the most exciting thing I do every day is looking at and kissing her picture every night/morning. The saddest thing is that my love for her is not being reciprocated by her, as she does not even view me as her friend yet, let alone her boyfriend, at best she views me as a very minor acquaintance that she knew from one of her classes. If she ultimately never wants to be my friend, let alone girlfriend, I will never be angry at her (I am not some fascist incel chud that blames women for rejecting them, as I understand why girls find me unappealing and I am a leftist that respects female autonomy), as it is her right to decide who she wants to be with and I would never want her to do anything that makes her feel uncomfortable. Honestly, I love her so much that I would even not get angry at her for making fun of me and/or calling me a creep whoPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

<The Fundamental Rights of Sovereignty, according to Thomas Hobbes
>1. The Subjects Cannot Change The Form Of Government (The form of Government is a fundamental law)
>2. Soveraigne Power Cannot Be Forfeited
>3. No Man Can Without Injustice Protest Against The Institution Of The Soveraigne Declared By The Major Part.
>4. The Soveraigns Actions Cannot Be Justly Accused By The Subject
>5. What Soever The Soveraigne Doth, Is Unpunishable By The Subject
>6. The Soveraigne Is Judge Of What Is Necessary For The Peace And Defence Of His Subjects (And Judge Of What Doctrines Are Fit To Be Taught Them)
>7. The Right of making Rules, whereby the Subject may every man know what is so his owne, as no other Subject can without injustice take it from him
>8. To Him Also Belongeth The Right Of All Judicature And Decision Of Controversies:
>9. And Of Making War, And Peace, As He Shall Think Best:
>10. And Of Choosing All Counsellours, And Ministers, Both Of Peace, And Warre:
>11. And Of Rewarding, And Punishing, And That (Where No Former Law hath Determined The Measure Of It) Arbitrary:
>12. And Of Honour And Order
And finally, Thomas Hobbes adds, with his 12 marks of Sovereignty (as Jean Bodin would have it):
<These Rights Are Indivisible
Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

I was on a train ride and a greasy chud looking teenager kept trying to show me pictures and videos glorifying the Christchurch shooter for some reason and making jokes that werent really coherent but registered to me as unfunny in the dream. I got off at a train stop and saw a girl I had had an unrequited crush on in high school and tried to talk to her but she was wearing a covid mask and I couldnt really hear anything she was saying. An old beggar at the station heard me trying to talk to her and berated me and the only thing I remember from that was him saying "You can't do anything in society nowadays?" which made little sense. Honestly a lot of my dreams are very stream of consciousness and don't really have a coherent storyline or meaning that I can tell