Years ago, I used to smoke weed all the time, and it was really great. It felt really good. Then, on an edible, I had a horrible anxiety attack, afflicted with the worst suffering I have ever felt. It was a deep and complex form of suffering, which can never be explained to someone who has never experienced it. I took a break from weed for a time. Over the years, I tried smoking weed and taking edibles many more times, but every single time it caused a bad experience. I lost the ability to enjoy weed. After one particularly bad experience I promised myself I would never smoke weed again, since it only ever hurt me severely, and no longer felt good. However, I did it once more after that, while on MDMA, believing that the euphoric and anxiety-suppressing effects of MDMA would cause it to be enjoyable rather than negative, but this turned out to be wrong. It still felt bad. The MDMA acted against it, such that it was far more tolerable than previous occasions, but it did not make the experience of being on weed feel pleasant in any way, like it used to. So I'm unable to enjoy weed and will never smoke it again. I strongly dislike this, because as you may know, getting high is very good and makes life much easier.
I would love to be able to experience intense euphoria every Saturday, but without weed there is no safe way to do this. As I stated earlier I have done MDMA, and do it every three months as is the safe way, but this is not enough. Jerking off on edibles felt better than MDMA does, and I used to do it every week. I dare not try heroin, meth, or cocaine, due to their addictive nature. I dare not try psychedelics, because I fear a bad trip. If I can't even handle weed I certainly won't be able to keep calm on psilocybin. Alcohol doesn't feel that good. There is no way around it. I must go through life sober. I curse that one horrible afternoon in 2023 for fucking up my ability to enjoy the highest-utility drug. At least I can still jack off.
Thank you for listening to my tale.