please forgive me if this isn't the right place to ventpost but i just want to share some things since my life seems to be going to complete shit. maybe you all will have something good to say or maybe just laugh and call me slurs, idc either way
this isn't the life i was promised, it's not even close. when you're growing up they tell you you're in this great country, you have so many rights, all the problems have been solved, you can grow up and do anything you want, and so on. yet here i am, slowly but surely going crazy. all i can do is sit here browsing leftypol, watching stupid shit and occasionally eating something. maybe i'll play a game if i'm feeling up to it.
i live in a bourgeoise shithole, i don't have enough money to move. i have legal problems, medical problems, all things that mean i have the labor potential of a squished dog turd. everyone acts like i have so much privilege when i don't, and any privilege i do have just prolongs my suffering.
i'm part of probably the second most hated minority in the world right now. i'm surrounded by people who either treat me like shit because of it or act like everything's fine and my kind isn't being slowly made to not exist or like i can live without certain things i need.
i did fairly well in school, everyone always said i'm really smart. still the environment would cause me to act out and i'd just get treated worse because of it, furthering the cycle. i had some decent skills but i feel like i've completely lost them now. my abusive parent keeps terrorizing me.
i think i'm going crazy. i'm constantly dissociated now, depressed, have panic attacks all the time for no reason. food makes me sick, i can't see things right. i can't even think right or focus on anything. i have nightmares and flashbacks that just make everything worse.
for a short period of time i had a few really good friends but situations changed and i've been isolating so much i haven't talked to them. i don't know what i would say. if not for them i probably would've killed myself by now. i at least have to say goodbye to them and let them know how much they meant to me. i'll probably be putting another cat to sleep soon
i don't know why i'm here, what this world is for or what it even means to be a conscious being. the illusion is broken, i feel like i'm not real anymore and i don't know if i ever was. everything seems so distant. it's like after covid everything changed,
Post too long. Click here to view the full text.