I don't want to transition after like, idk what happened
>be 20 years old
>faggy "natural" femboy with a snatch waist and small limbs and effeminate demeanor
>skinhead phase in high school where i was very angry and loathing towards especially lgbt people
>when i was 18 i fucked around and found out [tried to oust pedophiles and was banned] from my local furry community and a pet play club
>moved out of abusive situation with mother in with gf [whose trans] in april
>wanted to transition for the longest time, always been appealed to being feminine since childhood but bullied and shamed by mother out of it
>basically transitioned from 17 to 18 without hormones, from losing weight, growing out hair, changing clothing, etc.
>started having anxiety attacks at 19 due to masculinization
>fast forward to a month ago
>see picrel on bsky under pghrt.diy [which otherwise seems like a good resource]
>start getting second thoughts
>from that point onwards I just didn't want to transition, even though I continued to go through the motions of getting over-the-table HRT
>even when I was at the fucking pharmacy getting the HRT I had second thoughts and a dead stare on my face. the music was loud popslop and I saw what seemed to be a late-transition pooner.
>I just thought "these aren't my people. this isn't me."
what the fuck do i do i have hrt and i don't want to transition anymore
i do have access to guns now at least, unrelated statement btw