these are legit recipes.
Here's my variation of the recipe:Guacamole
-3 avocados. Ideally avocados should be somewhat soft when squeezed. If they're too hard, maybe wait a few more days.
-3 red tomatoes (this adds volume. If you decide not to add, that's fine too.) You want to cut squares the size of the top phalange of your pinky finger (like the size of a cooked garbanzo bean/chickpea)
-3 serranos (or some form of fresh spicy paprika/pepper, eg a fresh jalapeño. also optional)
-half cup of raw onions cut in small squares (optional, I personally don't like it)
-2 limes worth of lime juice
- small handful of fresh cilantro/coriander leaves. Parsely might work if you can't find cilantro. Optional, I personally dislike cilantro.
- a tablespoon of stock. Chicken stock or vegetable stock.
- two pinches of salt
- Add cumin
- Add paprika powder
- Add any other shit
- Throw it out when it oxidizes a little (it looks black)
- Store it in the fridge, with a good seal.
- Finish it within a few days.
- Throw it out if you see mold.
The green salsa recipe is solid. I don't like raw onion so I would caramelize a bunch of chopped onion. You can also do the same with garlic, cut it up and roast it on a pan with a little bit of oil. You don't have to add cilantro if you don't like it. I don't and it still tastes amazing.
I would also add a tablespoon of stock. This really seals the deal, it rounds up the flavors really well.
You can also opt out of the blender and just mash them with anything, like a plastic cup or whatever. This leaves some texture and it's nice.
You also shouldn't peel the tomato skin. Leave it on. If the tomato is wrapped in leaves, then yeah, remove those.
Here's a variation that's very ez pz for all you lazy fuckers, with specific instructions and variations since I know you are lazy fucks.Super simple delicious lazy mexican salsa
- chop tomatoes into 4 parts, or whatever, doesn't matter. these can be red or green. If they're red tomatoes, maybe remove the stem part that's inside the tomatoes, it's optional. Chop as many as you want as long as they fit in your largest pan or pot.
- chop onions. doesn't matter how, but they should be thinner than your thickest finger, so no big chunks. Cubes are fine if you prefer, this is the easy mode we're talking about. Thinner will be easier to cook.
- chop some garlic. Doesn't really matter how many nor how you chop them. For some like 5 large tomatoes, or 10 smaller tomatoes I use 1 or 2. I know you fuckers love garlic, but don't overdo it.
Up to now, we've only chopped tomatoes, onions, and garlic. Nothing fancy.
Put the onion first with a little oil in your pan or pot. How much is a little? Well just a drizzle. If you want to not fuck it up, then just use medium heat, and stir every so often. You want this shit to be cooked so that when you press a piece with a spatula, you can break it into two without there being any crunch. So all the freshness is out of the onion. If it gets to dry you can put a little water maybe a little more oil. You don't want this shit to be an oil soup either. For faster cooking, put on a lid, totally not necessary though.
Whenever the fuck you want, put in the chopped garlic. Be sure you're mixing this shit every so often. If it's burning too fast then just turn the heat down. Once the garlic looks brownish (doesn't really matter how brown, as long as the color has changed), then put in the tomatoes.
You want to cook these tomatoes for as long as you can be patient. You want to cook them at least as long as the tomatoes are soft, and if your shit is now a paste, then you've cooked them more than enough. Add water until its not a paste again.
You can optionally add some fresh peppers, like serranos, jalapeños, or another pepper-like paprikas. They should be chopped into small squares.
Add some lime juice. If you don't have, then put some vinegar, whichever you want. If it's red tomato salsa, then it shouldn't taste acid per se. If its green tomato, then just add a small splash to liven things up, green tomatoes are already acidic.
Next, add salt. You don't want to add too much because you can always add more but removing is impossible. A pinch is probably too little. I always eyeball it. Mix it, and taste. The salsa shouldn't taste salty either.
Add some vegetable or chicken stock. I always eye ball it. This will tie in the flavor too. TBH I think I always overdo it with the chicken stock and it still tastes nice.
If you don't have spicy peppers/paprika, and you like/tolerate spicyness, then you can outright just mix in any spicy powder you have to make it spicy.
- chop onions
- begin to cook with a little oil
- cut garlic
- begin to cook
- cut tomatoes (or don't, whatever you like)
- cook everything for as long as you like
- stir everything.
- add some water until it's not a paste.
- put some acidic liquid (lime juice or vinegar)
- put salt
- put stock
- mix everything