https://archive.is/MdOjwread this^ pretty interesting.
do you have aphantasia or hyperphantasia comrades? from the description of the article, it seems i have some spectrum of aphantasia. I cant visualize anything but I can pass the rotating apple test because the sensation is somewhat physical and as long as i can imagine my (imaginary) hand rotating it in my mind, i can sense the volume and texture of the apple(only abstractly it feels like a pressure sensation on the finger tips, nothing like the temperature of a real apple). i cant really recall the past but i differ from the people described in the article as i can feel my emotions vividly. People's faces and specific memories are incalculable to me and unless i see you often, youre not on my mind. I forget things quite often and the day is the only thing I can remember, although very terribly. after my grandmother's passing, i thought i was detached because i recovered so quickly despite my closeness to her, and even then recalling the emotions of the loss is somewhat hazy, although the "pressure" is still there. But it also disturbs me as it seems to be the reason why i am not bothered for days on end after seeing gore from genocides in Palestine and Sudan and other places. In the moment the images bother me, but I cannot seem to hold them in or recall them in vivid detail. It seems I could be "angrier" and I associated my loss of emotions SOLELY to cynicism. Like one women described in the article its like having sand rush through your fingers. The sensation was there and "real" but past a certain amount of time it becomes increasingly harder and harder to imagine. It seems so cool that hyperphantasiacs can allegedly recall colors and "edit" things in their mind. That seems to be the only thing that im jealous of as when drawing I often have to rely on references to envision the mood I want. The only way I can visualize things is through movies or drawing it out or through the occasional rare dream when asleep. Although the disadvantage for some folks is that its not like a movie where you can pause it, but something that just happens. Like apparently its invasive and can intrude onto moments of quiet when youre reading or just sitting there. I have ADHD and itd be a whole lot worse if I had that on top of my terrible memory and other struggles. It really does seem like, from the way described, the hyperphantasiacs can "dream" while conscious, which is the only way I myself can "see" images from my mind. And its a shame bc i myself dont dream that often anymore. I seem to rely on mental spatial awareness as well which seems to be an enhanced strength of aphantasiacs. spatial awareness is mostly a feeling in the mind literally like an abstract pressure on my bidy thats almost like a ghost. You can feel a physical sensation on the body but for moments where 3d space isnt necessary, like imagining a math concept like a 3d array where there is no 3d environment to imagine, I rely on spatial awareness for visualizing the math concept and you can feel like a tingling in the brain where I can sense the vague position of objects(for a 3d array, i imagine blocks stacked on top of each other) Like a black void thats filled with unseeable objects that "glow" but you cant see them, you are only aware of their presence which makes their objects obvious but also obviously visibly invisible. There were some artists like JMW turner who alleged they could see images like hyperphantasiacs and from looking at just digital scans of their paintings, their colors are fantastic and lifelike. Its strange, I know Ive seen colors like that before, like a pressure on my eyes as if my brain is trying to recall it visually, but the mental image just fails to produce it. However, it seems their mental imagery, at least when painting, relied on the immediate surroundings.
One thing I've appreciated more after thinking of these things is cameras and recording things. I always have believed its obnoxious but upon realization that I literally do not have any visual form of episodic memory besides spatial and emotional feelings(which are easily forgotten either way), I realize I have no way to look at my past. I might record things more because I literally cannot recall it. When I die the only thing Ill be able to recall is what I did that day. Ive always had a fear of darkness and death when I was a kid and maybe not being able to visualize or remember anything had something to do with it. The fear of death still remains however.
How about you? do you have aphantasia or hyperphantasia?