hi everyone it's furry anon
>going on 21
>admittedly the weirdo dating the now-going-on-36 year old trans lady
>now transitioning for like three months
>haven't gone anywhere
>all desire to make art has been gone for years, longing to program and play guitar and make doom maps is gone. every hobby is a "used to". can't even consistently read a book.
>still no friends, i tried to make friends at my extremely brief fling with college [that ended because i realized i couldn't do enough courses in-time and it'd be wisest to pull out of higher education before I shot myself in the foot] and that went poorly. no spaghetti-spilling events, just the impending sense the very few people i spoke to were already "set" in their friend groups and wanted not a soul extra in their lives. that's understandable.
>i also hit it off with people significantly older than myself, met by way of my girlfriend, but they have yknow, lives, and shit, that have no room left. i don't really want a part in them myself, seeing as they're pretty boring - not really stay-awake types, naturally.
>still have no job prospects, if I'm going to be honest I gave up on trying to get a job, but because of recent happenings I guess I'll have to go and try to find a job again. it probably will not succeed.
>i went to therapy for several months and it went literally nowhere. the breaking point was when the therapist focused, pretty concerningly, on a moment where i was angry at my girlfriend. i can't even remember the moment, but these are two traumatized trans women having a moment of slight anger that began and ended within about 40 minutes. the therapist focused on this anger like it was a serious issue. i'll agree i'm an angry person but i think the momentary, explainable, probably reasonable, and well-handled anger between two people who live with eachother and deal with eachother every day is *not* worth any time and was frankly insulting knowing what really concerning domestic anger is - being both a victim, perpetrator, and witness of it in regards to my parents.
>i now live with my girlfriend as said before. it's nice i guess but i think it's taking its toll on her. im the one that makes the dinner and cleans the house etc. etc. etc. I have developed severe microplastic OCD which lead to my gf throwing out hundreds of dollars worth of random plastic bullshit and replacing it with expensive stainless steel cookware. it's nice but she does reasonably resent me for it.
>we've had issues where there were severe misunderstandings with what was expected of me as basically a housewife. yknow basically me being a lazy shit that'd only do the dishes and call it a day. i feel bad about that.
>i've taken to budgeting for the household alongside planning grocery trips
>recently gf has reached a point of utter frustration with me going nowhere financially speaking, giving an example of her being unable to take work off for a month. that's an extremely unrealistic expectation for basically everyone with a fucking job in this economy, and if not by the grace of others i'd be utterly fucked so i'm not an exception sans other people's own kindness and i acknowledge and am thankful for that, but ok i get it. volunteer or whatever the fuck
>i feel awful not just because I'd be losing my place of residence and access to food and nice shit, but also the fact that I honestly feel like my gf is the only person who loves me
>the furries still lie heavy on my mind. I hate them, I hate them so goddamn much. I know they don't think about me, and that's good.