Do you do drugs?Do you have autism?Or sexual kinks?How has alienation from living in capitalism fucked you up?———I drink so often it can't be healthy anymore and frequently do some drugs, but am also very happy with my life so far (even when I'm sober).
>>246>Do you do drugs?Pyrovalerone stimulants and various psychs, but very very rarely on both. I trade art or computer repair for opis and other pharms every now and then as well. >Do you have autism?No. I have OCD and paranoia, and ptsd>Or sexual kinks?I don't really, but I have indulged in and explored such.>How has alienation from living in capitalism fucked you up?Losing jobs and homes and losing social status because of that, being homeless and getting stable again, family valuing money over me, hurting my stability in order to get small profit, pushing me to get the most lucrative sounding job instead of the job I can do in a stable way with the least harm, all of these and the actual alienation caused by profit motive being the basis of worth in society, and not being able to afford the products I've made, et c, all these have given me the PTSD from losing family to preventable work-related deaths, to cars being improperly manufactured and wrecking, and then family exploiting that loss to rip me off while I was vulnerable–all that has also made me paranoid and it has magnified my natural OCD sometimes to dangerous degrees.Pic related, it's a work-related injury I sustained doing temporary labor. I'm an artist, I had to relearn to draw and use my hands, because it really fucked up the operation of the entire hands, both hands, and also made me homeless because I couldn't work and then couldn't pay rent.
>>194>Do you do drugs?Only when I go back home once in a blue moon. I really miss LSD and might drop a tab with my girlfriend.
>Do you have autism?Yes. I'm a HFA with Aspergers Syndrome.
>Or sexual kinks?Several, mainly pale girls with black hair and redheads, as well as swinging orgies, feet, spit etc. etc.
>>194Forgot to add
>How has alienation from living in capitalism fucked you up?I hate work and the monotony of it all and how it constantly makes me tired as shit every single time after clocking out. The only joy I get from work is flirting with the hot vegetarian redhead girl with a fat ass and nice personality.
Right after I turned 18, I was arrested for CP I downloaded when I was 17. I never did anything IR, nor did I ever feel the urge to- I was just a degenerate coomer and watched a bunch of other fucked up porn as well. Got put on the registry then probation. Skip to later in my last year of high school, I had ruined all of my relationships, got addicted to xanax, almost died a couple times, got institutionalized a few times, did a lot of shit during blackouts to embarrass myself, and almost didn't graduate. Went to community college for a semester and dropped out due to my apathy. I smoked a lot of weed and just became a neet shut-in for a while. Had a dissociative episode while once and got arrested in another state, but got let off.. Started to use other shit again, did an outpatient rehab, got manic, drank myself back into the hospital, Got out and did outpatient hospitalization, got arrested for stealing and possession while i was barred out. Went to rehab, got a slap on the wrist without a VOP for the charge, got my first job since 18, had a relapse for a while but caught myself before it got bad. I got manic again, got involved with a girl a few years younger then me (legal but frowned upon, it's a loving relationship though and everybody approves), got into carding (with little success), then went through a period of paranoia and delusions. Thought I was being blackmailed, or watched by the cops, or was gonna get fucked over by the cops at some point. I was basically showing symptoms of mld schizophrenia, but they subsided. I stuck with the girl and am still with her, and really did a lot of self improvement too. I can even use drink and do some drugs and control myself with them. I had a lot of "degenerate" experiences over that time, made a lot of passing friends, and got involved with a lot of women (many older), Over those years, I really deprogrammed my anti-social tendencies, and I think I'm a decent person now. Was also on a litany of psych meds (none helped, except still on two), but my views on mental illness have changed, and are more in line what Deleuze spoke about. I've almost 100% stopped caring about what people might think, and any measures by which society may judge me and my lifestyle; I'm borderline solipsistic at this point, but it's a good thing for me. I'm still real fucking depressed, but I'm getting by and my life has improved overall. I attribute a lot of my progress to psychedelics.
>>194>Do you do drugs?Not for about a decade
, except cannabis which I'm prescribed…
>Do you have autism?No but I have MS & Epilepsy and am wheelchair-bound.
Or sexual kinks?
God I miss sex
How has alienation from living in capitalism fucked you up?
It's pretty fucked up I'm barred access to 95% of places because they won't/can't make it accessible to the disabled. A few years ago a black friend of mine got mad when I made a comment about structural
ableism, I'd half meant as a joke, but he got triggered by it so I challenged him to take a 'walking' tour with me of our downtown area. He had to eat shit though when he realized just how many places had physical impediments barring me entry…
TLDR: Smoke weed e'ryday, and steps/stairs are a shit
>Do you do drugs?no
>Do you have autism?psychiatrist said no a few years ago, haven't talked with any since. But I probably do have some sort of mental illness.
>sexual kinks?don't want to get into kinks but a porn addiction.
>How has alienation from living in capitalism fucked you up?the same awnser
>>195 gave.
>Do you do drugs?
I have a crippling pepsi cola addiction thats keeping me from functioning as responsible adult. I also smoke the funny reddit herb.
>Do you have autism?
I don't think so and was never diagnosed, but I have somewhat of a social anxiety and feel uncomfortable around ppl I don't know (like friend's friends or students in new classes), but it has been getting better. I also into alot of nerdy shit, but I don't feel like I obsess about those things.
>Or sexual kinks?
I was always into kinky stuff, especially hentai. The first porn I found on the internet was rule34 of simpsons characters and by 14 I was a brony. Right now I'm into femdom, crossdressing, femboys, shotacon and reverse rape. Too bad I'm still a kissless virgin though.
>How has alienation from living in capitalism fucked you up?
First I struggled with the ridiculous gender expactions of my country, where boys are expected to be into soccer and cars - two things I didnt care about at all. My elemetnary teachers found that to be so strange that they wanted my parents to send me to a child psychologists. The middle school over here is split into 3 - one for plebs, one for middle class and one for upper class. Which one you enter is decided upon by recommendations by your elementary teachers, who decided to send me to the middle class school even though I had the best grades - but I was weird.
The next thing I struggled with was the perfomance oriented culture - not really in relation to school work but social perfomance. I vividly remember noticing who was popular and how they could act maliciously towards people like me who lacked social capital. Solidarity between pupils wasn't a thing because everybody realised that their individual perfomance was what they were judged on.
Right now at uni the relationship between students is alot more solidaric, but I really struggle with the fact that science ought to only be carried out to be turned into profit.
I do think that my experiences of being shamed for a lack of gender and social perfomance reinforced increased my social anxiety, but I don't think that such tensions are entirely avoidable even beyond a capitalist society.
>>194i dont know if its "alienation from living in capitalism" or just my lot in life, but im moving closer and closer to the total sociopath life I guess. I don't do drugs since its not fun alone, i hate work and quit jobs often, and theres so little time to do stuff, but also so little personal stuff to do…. what is the point of life?
Also i used to be more autistic, used to drink a ton, used to be kinky af, but idk it was all forms of trying to sheild myself from life I guess. It's lonely out here, and its more comfy when you're not actually confronting it…. Even my hobbies I love seem like just neurotic masturbation in order to avoid confronting life. I wobble back and forth between trying to put myself out there, and realizing i'm alone in my conviction and retreating. I want to live in a social society, but it seems like there's a huge problem of inertia or coordination.
If anything I think alienation or whatever has amplified the idea of recreation and "the good life". I don't believe in that anymore though. I just want to do good work, that i know is useful, around pro-social chill people, in a way that's not dehumanizing… Apparently this basic shit is too much to ask though. Anyways I refuse to identify with my maladaptions now, since I realize that they were adaptations to other people's anti-social behavior(!). So to answer your question resolutely - no, i'm boring and bland.
>>3443I go, "Mom, just get me a Pepsi, please? All I want's a Pepsi"
And she wouldn't give it to me
All I wanted was a Pepsi
Just one Pepsi
And she wouldn't give it to me
Just a Pepsi!
>>3449>but im moving closer and closer to the total sociopath life I guess.Goddamnit, someone conflating asociality with sociopathy again. To live a sociopathic life means to be an illegalist with a lack of empathy, not to sit at home alone avoiding social contact. A very big difference. Compare a goth and a punk, for example. Both are members of subcultures but these subcultures' attitudes are pretty different.
BTW, society is a spook.
>>3459well thakns for informing me. I guess i only thought seriously fucked up people could just live day to day unphased, keeping on mechanically, but ur right maybe thats only weird if youre also like murdering people or wearing black nail polish apparently?…. jk you're probalby not calling goths sociopaths right? anyways w/e lol
Should change ur name to SpookNoticer
>>194>Do you do drugs?Sometimes. I've only done shrooms though. Last trip I had went bad though so I'm not gonna do those for a while.
>Do you have autism?Not that I'm aware of. Sometimes I have the slightest suspicion that I might but I've never been diagnosed.
>How has alienation from living in capitalism fucked you up?I used to love STEM and academia. But high tuition costs combined with the "degree-factory" nature of modern academic institutions has left me bitter and unable to enjoy those things anymore.
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