My ex just posted her university graduation photos on Instagram and I just want to kms. Maybe I should show off with my graduation pics but like, she would just know I'm copying her. Hadn't felt the pain of love in a long time. I hate this shit so fucking much. I will never experience love apart from with her. What am I meant to do? I'm so fucking stupid this is all because I was too scared to transition when I lived with my parents. She is only into women, she told me after she broke up with me. When I told her I love her she said it was the best day of her life and then a week later it was over and I was so heartbroken because we grew up together and she meant everything to me. And then later I asked if she wanted to get back together and I ruined our friendship over it because I just love her, thats when she said she just wasn't into men. And its all fucked now.
I forgot about it all for years, I got over it. But I have never experienced love since. Nothing like it. My life has been good the last year, I've been politically active and living my life basically, really doing interesting stuff. But all it takes is one picture and I'm fucking back where I was. Obviously not going to talk to her again, I don't want to burden her with this shit. I'm not going to be an annoying ex, just completely out of her life. But I loved her no matter what gender she was. And she didn't love me because I was too scared to transition (even though she knew I was trans). It's just heartbreaking.
Not to say my life is bad or I won't have a meaningful existance, I'm happier than ever, but I'm missing her. I really don't think I can experience love for anyone else. It'll never happen. Nobody is as funny and kind and beautiful as her and I have to live with that. I have everything but a life partner. Maybe I gave this up for political success. I will die at 30 fighting the state or I will win, but there is no romantic love for me, just the love of the masses and the love of my friends, but never this same all encompasing power. I have given up idealism for materialistic love.
>>3732>And she didn't love me because I was too scared to transitionBold of you to assume that love has such prerequisites. I don't believe that love has a definite because/reason to happen, because ideally it's a state only exists when it distinguishes itself to the non-existence in all the other things.
The fire grasps your soul in its enthralling warmth, so everything else feels cold.
How can you be sure that her heart had beaten for you, when she told you things like 'she's not into men'