Why can’t I relate to other trans people? I just can’t relate to the level of comfort and pride and self-love many of them have. It genuinely seems like so many of them don’t have the part of the brain that makes them cringe. They’re just so unfiltered and unapologetic, I just can’t relate at all, I constantly feel like a gross disgusting excuse for a woman and feel scared interacting with the world as one. I don’t know why I cling so strongly onto this meekness, maybe it’s misogyny, I just associate being boisterous and loud with being masculine. I can’t relate to how willing they are to make cringy niche trans memes to their cis friends. I just am so anxious to discuss transness in any open forum where I know cis people might see it. I admit I still have this kind of backwards view that being trans is something shameful and it would be better to stealth if possible. Idk what to do, I want this level of comraderie other trans people have but being in trans spaces, especially trans women spaces just makes me cringe, it either feels like it’s full of very bro-ish sorts of trans women who are unapologetically masculine, or trans women who feel sort of overly preformatively feminine. I genuinely just can’t relate to most of trans culture right now.
>>3913>Women are loud as shit, wtf? God, get just a handful of them together and the sound of cackling could fill an auditorium. I wish I fit into this stereotype and was a chatty woman. I hate the fact im not like this
>the part of the brain that makes them cringe.
Unlearning cringe is the first step of developing basic emotional intelligence.
>>3913My apartment complex has at least a 1:1 female-to-male ratio of tenants and it's always the men i hear rambling in the halls, loudly cackling next door or screaming about their g*ming cringe. In all my time only ever heard one woman from my window, who visited to get her earrings back from her boyfriend(?). This makes me believe loud and boisterous women are a small, largely self-selecting group that dominates public spaces, but neither represents the majority of women, nor is as frequent an outcome as it is for male identity. Or in public spaces talking loudly might just be something people do, regardless of gender or self-awareness.
>>3907ahaha the trans plush LOL XD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! epic FTW
>>3918secondhand embarrassment is part of "emotional intelligence" too fucktard
>>3907> waah weeeeeeey waaaaah i am not like other awesome tranwahmen waaaaahh i am such a pathetic girl waaaahhhOkay? And?
>>3913When I get drunk with my cis girlies I do tend to get loud with them, but it takes me alcohol and a group I know won’t judge me too harshly.
There's no singular culture for a minority, you'll eventually find one that better matches you. Also, being trans is kind of a special case, since, like you mentioned, stealth is a thing, and huge portions of the community are indistinguishable from cis people. With the pressure to not be trans in an increasingly hostile world, the ones who aren't either boymoding or stealth, hiding at one end or another, are the ones who have decided to not give a shit and be entirely, unapologetically themselves. This makes them look cringe, but they're arguably the bravest of us, so I'm not complaining. They deserve to express their joy. A lot of them also don't have a choice, and are fighting their way through the days with that loud positivity as a weapon. So much of how queer people interact with the world is on the terms of cishet overlords in this way, it can be exhausting, but it's what we've got right now.
>>3923yeahh nobody likes people who act pathetic (except for like predators and abusers lol). probably a big reason people are less put off by loud and proud drag queens than terminally online smol bean anxious depressed trans girls
Knock on some doors for your org and you will quickly find your self confidence.
>blahaj
IT'S BLÅHAJ
WITH AN Å
GET IT RIGHT
>>3940idk i have a friend with the tism who is physically unattractive and constantly infodumping and making unfunny nerdy jokes (that pretty much only i get (and theyre still unfunny)) and people still like him
>>3941It doesn’t sound like you like him at all, considering you find him so annoying and unfunny. Likely everyone else does aswell but they just act nice. I used to be like him when I was a kid until I found out all the people I openly talked to actually found me insufferable, so I stopped talking to others all together
i feel the same, wish there was more cringe and free trans spaces
>>3942>considering you find him so annoying and unfunnyi just said i dont find his jokes funny you defensive fucking retard lmfao
do you think friendship can only manifest as being the personal jester of someone else?
>>3940My honest advice, not that you're obligated to pursue it ofc, is to take a shotgun approach: find other losers
online until you meet one with similar interests and compatible personality.
>Nobody will ever like me or want to be my friend or ever love meDespair talking, seeing as I once said the same as you I can't blame you too much for it.
>>3980For an autist like me then yes that’s the only possible way for “friendship” to manifest as.
>>3990I’ve tried that. I’ve joined tons of discord servers with the same interests as me and nobody ever took an interest in me even though I talked often. I’ve never had a real online friend
>>3990tbh this is just socializing in general. its all a numbers game but normal people already socialize regularly with plenty of different people so its easy to not realize it
do idiots here unironically believe neurotypicals all like each other? thats retarded
This is only tangentially related, but lately i've had to interact with a reasonably well-passing oldtranshumanist a lot, who just creeps me out with their mannerisms, and i say this as a twinkhon boymoder. While physically they pass reasonably well, the evidence has been mounting: skin and fashion sense don't match with likely age, facial structure feels off, alway has a raspy voice, hunched posture, unusual gait, gaunt figure, adjusts hair unusually often, often gets very close, badly coordinated gestures, unflattering lipstick, transhumanist bob, job in computer science.
I feel rude trying to avoid their presence and attention, yet i don't know how else to manage my disgust/externalized dysphoria. There's something fundamentally creepy about someone in their 50s or early 60s acting like my 70+ grandma who can barely walk to the local supermarket, even if the drag is convincing and everyone else just seems to roll with it.
>>4098ngl given ur a manmoder, ur disgust is undoubtedly (largely) a result of projecting your own insecurities, but you prolly know that already. that said, im not a manmoder, and i still feel uncomfortable around most other transhumanists. not to give blanchard any limelight, but there does genuinely seem to be an incommunicable dichotomy among transsexuals, "creepy vs disarming", and its something you intuit near-instantaneously, even if they ostensibly pass like ur acquaintance
>>4111although it may simply be because theyre so old lol. a majority of elder transhumanists (as in started transitioning 40yo+) give me the heebie jeebies since they often facially pass due to spending their massive funds afforded to them by lengthy careers as men on extensive FFS, but their oldman bodies cannot be salvaged nearly as much, leaving the person looking as if theyre a divorced dad wearing a convincing crossie mask. also as you mentioned, they are so firmly entrenched in male socialization and mannerisms its hard to unlearn, and so many dont even bother, which only ads to the uncanny (or untranshumanist) valley effect
>>4098>>4111>>4112i only had a slight hunch before, but this has pretty firmly cemented the idea that other trans people think this about me. do i just like kill myself orrr
>>4119Nah. Fuck the other transhumanists its not your fault that transphobia is common even amongst actual fucking transhumanists.
>>4120I agree, but i also wish they'd just take the hint and leave me alone, but we're talking about someone who can't even talk to someone else without getting in their face. If i was in their position i would mostly withdraw from society and only briefly connect to other over science, art or other abstract subjects, which is basically the mindset i had when i was a socially awkward teenager and didn't yet grasp the idea of patriarchy.
>>4127>>4111>projecting your own insecuritiesI'd take the more positive view of seeing who i don't want to be. Actually i've been slightly losing my mind, because i've been non-stop dropping hints to my parents and seeing no reaction, all of the other people i have substantial interactions with on a day-to-day basis know me by name and the last time someone called me a girl was shortly before starting hrt, but it's not over for me, i swear!
>>4112>they are so firmly entrenched in male socialization and mannerisms its hard to unlearnI dont see how this would only be a thing for older trans people, since we were all male socialized from birth regardless of age. Also now im worried whether or not my male socialization shows through and if its making me uncanny to others
>>4129>now im worried whether or not my male socialization shows through and if its making me uncanny to othersThe mere fact that you notice these things as uncanny means you should be able to recognize them in yourself. On the one hand i feel scared of that persons seeming ignorance of boundaries, but on the other hand i feel validated in my ability to recognize the boundaries of others and reassure them i'm not a threat. The only negative is that i'm working through these things by picking up on the social cues of others, while you should only be able to get so far without becoming active and actually girlmoding. Recently i came across a woman who complimented me on my shirt recently, so maybe i actually do pass, but i was already moving on and didn't know if or what to reply.
>>4130I'm not good at all at recognizing things as uncanny. I know basic stuff like being loud and boisterous and calling people bro comes off as male socialized, but I can't recognize the more subtle things. Doesnt help that i have virtually no social skills whatsoever and rarely ever catch social cues. Im not good at recognizing peoples boundaries unless they tell me, so I usually just default to not doing or saying anything unless they speak to me first or tell me to do something. I genuinely have no idea if my male socialization shows and dont know how to tell if it does.
> It genuinely seems like so many of them don’t have the part of the brain that makes them cringe
Idk, but it comes across as oddly performative. It’s kind of like a “Oh, you cis normies think I’m a freak because I’m trans? Let me show you how weird and horny I can be online!”
>>4132Also, obviously no one should cater to the cis but there does seem to be a weird way in which people generally overcompensate for their insecurities by being annoying or abrasive.
>>4131Well no choice except to be more around other women, even while manmoding, until it clicks.
>>4134I would but i dont want to make random women uncomfortable. Especially with how socially awkward i am, im more likely to come off as a weird man randomly approaching them
>>4111This is just entirely projecting your own insecurities
>>4143You're not going to make random women uncomfortable. Most people love talking to others. Start going to a sewing club or writing group or something. It sounds like you are scared of other women because you haven't been around them enough. The answer to that isn't to keep away, but to intermingle, learn what it means to be a woman.
Your aufferings are self-imposed. Cringe is downstream from narcissism.
>>4155People like you have completely butchered the meaning of narcissism and just use it like a buzzword. No, having a sense of cringe isn't a sign of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Also OPs suffering is very much not self imposed, not everyone has a prideful and self-loving personality
>>4155nice empty platitudes regurgitated from social media midwit
>>4159>>4160Cringe is downstream of narcissism because cringe is the feeling of disgust when your self-image is threatened. People who relate to the world through the narcissistic mode of self-image are much more susceptible to feeling the 'cringe' and obsessing over their self-image so as to not evoke that feeling. The link between self-image and narcissism is one of the most basic concepts in psychoanalysis.
>>4204Everyone has a self-image and the instinct to preserve it. I guess everybody must be a narcissist then lmao.
Just because self-image is a big part of narcissism doesnt mean that the concept of self-image is inherently linked to narcissism. You clearly get all of your psychology info from social media.
>>4209Yes, Lacan did claim all Ego is Narcissism.
>>4210>Lacan said it so its a fact!Lacan isn't the king of psychology. Most of the shit he said has been discredited and criticized by many
>>4209Everyone is capable of narcisstic relation, and to some extent everyone is capable of going beyond it too. You are treating narcissist like it's an insult rather than a fact of human psychology.
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