It feels like there are two realities for trans people. Some people just pass effortlessly somehow, and then other people can't pass no matter how they try unless it is with a very specific camera angle and lighting.
What do you think? Does anyone here pass? Not saying you have to pass to be properly trans but also I think people saying they are fine with not passing are just coping. It just feels so frustrating seeing these people who just pass effortlessly and then I'm spending years to get nowhere with voice training and my hands are too shaky to do makeup.
I genuinely don't know how I pass. I just kinda did it.
The first time I remember passing was so weird. It wasn't all that long ago I found out and accepted I was trans. I spoke to noone about it and put absolutely zero effort into anything except growing my hair out (by simply not getting haircuts at all) - it was about shoulder length. I had the most obvious (to me) beard shadow in the world, masc features and clothing. Fat and ugly as fuck.
Got "she"d the entire day. A family member of mine that I rarely ever see told me they have a hard time seeing me as male and had to "correct" themselves in their head all the time.
This was one of the rare cases of me traveling, driving around and interacting with "new" people who didn't know me as male at the time.
When I moved to a different city, I really felt the difference. Still ugly as fuck, even longer hair -> she.
The moment I lost weight I noticed strangers treating me differently again, notably men. I stopped wearing explicitly feminine clothing (like skirts) for a while because it made men hit on me ten times as much.
I don't wear makeup except for chapstick. I wear baggy, comfy, cheap clothes. I don't even have any sort of hair removal yet and god "blessed" me with strong and fast hair growth. You can probably spot some stubble in the afternoon.
Strangers are really blind to everything. I saw that with my grandma and her twin sister all the time. To me, they look nothing alike. Their voices, their faces, their bodies, their movement, their way of behaving, their style of clothing - they're all totally different. But to strangers they look alike. They can't tell them apart. They "pass" as each other.
I guess I'm really lucky, but really: try interacting with some strangers.
>>4251What is the point in coping. It just means you can't properly identify your flaws. It's more important to see the world for what it really is than to be at peace with yourself.
Also it is easy for you to say if you are passing in many ways.
>>4256Yeah I don't really disagree that the world would be better if we didn't worry about passing or looking good. If you don't care then that is like actually amazing. But that isn't the world we live in. I want to be percieved by others as a beautiful revolutionary, an angel, not a freak.
Though at the same time I do kind of feel like embracing the evil. I've been writing a lot about this where the Communists are the wicked blood / pain magic demon users trying to destroy heaven and break the natural order of the world. Mass murder is good actually. That's how I feel sometimes. I'm going dark magical girl core.
>>4259It's only good when my side is doing it. Anyway I wish I could get into the whole mysticalism stuff but I am kind of terminally materialist, I crave to be a magical witch but I can't convince myself any of that stuff is real. Like this is absolutely a good thing but I just can't quite slip off the deep end. I think its just because my experience with life is so wierd anyway. When I close my eyes I see very weird things and I lucid dream almost every night. That all not being real kind of taught me not to hope for things, not to pine for things and just sit daydreaming all the time, but to actually do them. And that also gives me the inspiration for writing (and hopefully like making games or animation if I can ever get skilled enough to do that).
Sorry for blogpoasting >.<