i feel like i've been denied everything the moment i was born
my father was the least favorite of his known (and unknown) brothers, that much he says.
my family always treated us like others,
growing up with FARC stories and named after a communist hero i always wanted to be a soldier.
going through my teenage years i tried so hard to fit in a mold that wasn't made for me, i got to associate femininity with bourgeois behaviour due to me getting bullied out of my own feminity
i used to stare at quinceañera dresses daydreaming of my own quinceañera party
i wanted to be a mother, to be a woman, to be a soldier, everything i've ever wanted has always been denied to me.
and then my mother who kept stopping me from joining military school kicks me out for wearing a skirt.
i see my cousins who my grandfather loved more achieving all of this and the only thing i have left for me is violence, all i have is the dream of one day taking my enemy's life
i can barely pretend to be an adult by ignoring my cousin who just got gifted a Switch for christmas while we had no christmas that year.
acting like i'm not salty.
I can only imagine the lives i was denied and it hurts like i had a chance at it.
I can swear i feel it, being a mother, being a soldier, being loved.
the friends i've lost, the body i lost, the battles i've lost.
won't stop hurting… It's like they're all still there.
>>5002I like you SabinyAK. I don't know, I don't get this whole trans stuff, I hate to say I don't believe in it and I don't think that drugs could possibly make you more who you are than who you are. My niece is a teenager and she is only up to non-binary/they/them thank god. I think a cruel joke was played on you.
I mean even if it is not the gender related stuff, a cruel joke was played on all of us.
Another hug, the battle within us is constant.
>>5018
>I don't get this whole trans stuffa trans person's brain functions more like their desired gender/sex than the rest of the body, possibly due to natal hormones, possibly due to genetic factors, we don't really know yet exactly what causes someone to be trans
>I don't think that drugs could possibly make you more who you are than who you aresex hormones have psychoactive effects and for a trans person having cross-sex hormones tends to work a lot better in their brain
certain effects of hormones (breast growth, bone growth, voice deepening, etc) are irreversible without surgery while others (fat distribution, body odor, hair growth) can be changed with HRT
if HRT is started early enough (such as after delaying one's natural puberty (that which is driven by one's gonadal hormones) with reversible GnRH analogs) a trans person is generally indistinguishable from a cis person except for genitalia (this is why it's so important trans kids not be barred from accessing GnRH analogs since they allow them to 'try' their gender and mature before any permanent changes)
>My niece is a teenager and she is only up to non-binary/they/them thank godnon-binary people are simply some mix of masculine and feminine
if they want to be called they/them, please do so. unfortunately there isn't a gender-neutral equivalent of niece/nephew
>a cruel jokebeing trans itself SUCKS, being denied the freedom to be trans and being subjected to constant hate just makes it so much worse. trans people deserve to be treated so much better and i hope OP can finally be herself one day
>>5039>gender-neutral equivalent of niece/nephewMy dictionary says niece applies to both. You may also use nibling. Also please don't talk about transmedicalism like it's a foregone conclusion. Not every transhumanist wants to wear dresses when they're in kindergarten and biology doesn't make people become dysphoric, especially not natal hormones, which is why it's wild to me liberals have been pushing this form of calvinian predestination at every opportunity. Normoids probably aren't ready for this conversation, about how the horrors of cissiety can
make someone trans, but in this particular case i blame defensive gays and their "born this way" rhetoric.
>>5043
>>biology doesn't make people become dysphoric
>Studies show the opposite.
Correlation =/= Causation sucka
Reminds me of those ridiculous debates we had about determining the age of consent from "brain development".
>Liberals are usually butthurted by transmedicalism.
It's the main framework of transness for the liberal state, along with medicating dysphoria and le freedom to pronouns. This is how you get to the psychopathologizing and HRT gatekeeping practiced by even the most "liberal" trans healthcare.
>>5042
>Not every transhumanist wants to wear dresses when they're in kindergartennever said this?
>biology doesn't make people become dysphoricthen what does, the trans fairy? what about the studies showing evidence of differences in the brain?
>>5044to be clear i am anti-gatekeeping; if someone wants to use a different name/pronouns and do HRT they shouldn't be barred from doing so
that being said having a scientific understanding of trans people is important as with anything else
>inb4 the nazis will use it to find us!!!!!they don't need to, queer people in general already have flags and other ways of communicating our queerness
I genuinely feel bad about hijaking your comfort thread ((Sabinyak))
<- that's the boomer notation for a hug>>5048>then what does, the trans fairy?<the horrors of cissiety can make someone transSeriously considering biological determinism on a marxist website should get you nothing except ridicule. For animals biological factors have been determined, that result in less competitive behavioral patterns, which researchers may construe as acting or "being" homosexual, yet in humans there is little doubt sexuality is primarily shaped by upbringing and early childhood experiences in particular. When considering gender, as opposed to sex, there isn't even a basis for it in the biological realm, because its existence doesn't depend on society, that in turn is the basis for sex roles and transgenderism. I recently found a tumblr post on lesbianism, which may better convey my sentiment:
>I also urge you to ask yourself, what is a lesbian? Is it a feeling of being only attracted to womyn? Is there a materialist basis for lesbianism? Is it the action of exclusively having womyn lovers? Gender identity as a feeling is anti-materialist, something that fails to explain misogyny and in fact obscures its origins, because the material basis of womyn's oppression is men's historical exploitation of our reproductive abilities.The fact you cannot reduce such things to simple biological processes is something my own experience has taught me. Even if i, personally cannot conceive of every one of the manifold reasons for people transitioning or having transitioned in the past.
>>5050Sorry, but believing this autism score-tier crack about transbrain makes you a literal sucker.
>>5052i don't shy away from queer discourse but i can't provide much feedback myself besides the fact for most working class and moreoften precariat/lumpen transexuals themselves "queer theory" is overly complicated, i gave up trying to understand a lot of it since it just sent me down weird rabbitholes that made me feel worse.
as far as i know i just cried myself to sleep wishing i had a vagina then converted to Buddhism hoping to be reborn as a cis woman
then after transitioning i've followed Santa Muerte cult for awhile
then when i finally found out trans people existed and transitioning was something i could do all i could think was how i wish i was at least told about these options in what little sex ed we had on the school books.
i know about Judith Butler and "performative" gender and stuff
but for me it's been reduced to buzzwords because a lot of transexual experiences are often lowkey traumatic/raw to just be able to lay down in this sort of theory imo; maybe Judith Butler went more in-depth with this but personally i haven't had the heart to read all of it and a lot of the pamphlets i've found about queer theory for the masses are usually playing it too safe to touch these experiences and it just makes me feel even more alienated from the community…
ultimately i've been trying to reconcile myself with my mother's faith
it just feels more organic, ngl if she came to terms some day and gave me a spiritual reason for why i'm trans it'd probably feel 10 times better than if Hegel himself raised from his grave and explained with apples and pears a materialistic explanation for transexual identity and society and all that stuff.
also i'd still find a way to get lost in the mysticism of it and miss the point…
This is why I would never want to reincarnate as a human.
You have no control over your physiology or psychology
Aren’t you the same one who mocked an autist in /Siberia/ for having self-loathing?
Accusing them of being an underage edgelord?
>>5054I can't recommend reading
>>>/edu/23570 enough. There is a lot of discussion about psychoanalysis and some uncomfortable trvths about heterosexuality, but i think it's a great place for marxists to reach a deeper insight into feminism.
>>5055You do have more power over your mind than you think. Deeply transforming it is the material effect of spiritual pratice.
>>5039>>if they want to be called they/them, please do so. unfortunately there isn't a gender-neutral equivalent of niece/nephewI try to, but if you think about it, the only time I would use the third person to refer to her, is when I'm talking to someone else about her so I just use she because none of these other people want to play this linguistic game either.
Also she is just a bog-standard girly girl. She is just a littke bit of a tomboy and trying out the bisexual phase thing. The girls back in my day used to do the same shit but we didn't have to do this pronoun bullshit.
What are you trying to prove at this point?
>>5065
>If a person from a conservative family, where they don't even know who trans people are, becomes transgender, then it is worth assuming that it is congenital.
You are literally doing the patriarchal burgerparent thing of denying children agency beyond being indoctrinated and "genes". Freudian psychoanalysis is founded on the fact they pick up on even the most subtle power dynamics between mother and father, deriving foundational conceptions about relationships from it. "Being destined to become a model Russian soldier" might as well prompt the diametrically opposed reaction somewhere down the line.
>"they're grooming our children."
<thinks children not obeying their parents is grooming award
>horseshoe
The gender critical position is literally correct, except most "gender criticals" can't see beyond their own personal biases.
>>5066
>allure of escaping womanhood
>son my father had openly said he'd have preferred
trans men not beating the internalized misogyny allegations
Here‘s to you SabinyAK
Rest for ever here in our hearts
The last and final moment is yours
That agony is your triumph
>>5070i'm still here!
Tarkov has been soothing my autistic fighting soul and i've spent the last days collecting trash and building AKs full of picatinnys
i think it was you can you post the image of shinji applying lipstick agian it was kinda cute 👉👈
>>5075i swear the filename is not "mine" i got it off a shady tttt discord full of horrible people but i liked the pic and that's how the girl with the pfp presented herself
>>5078dw i dont even know what agp means (except if you mean accelerated graphics port but it doesnt seem to fit the context)
>>5080uygha please
also how did she kept her mods intact?
whenever i stop playing new vegas for years i just make a new modpack
>>5081No idea, i only played it once with a few community bugfix, content restoration and hd texture mods loosely adapted from viva new vegas. All of them still seem to be in the mods directory in my game folder, which is standard for overriding resources with that engine iirc, so i don't see how you could mess that up, even if you copied them directly into the game folder instead.
>>5084Maybe your mod manager is broken, i never use one when not necessary. You can select any of them by copying to/from the mod folder or symlinking if you're on linux, except for NVSE i think.
How different is it to play game with a gorillion mods compared to minimal improvements?
>>5085you have to fiddle with a lot of configs but at the end is pretty worth it
i basically turn my New Vegas into Tarkov/STALKER
wannabe milsim tyshi
makes battles keep me on edge
tho atm i'm kinda trying to update my mod:
https://www.nexusmods.com/newvegas/mods/94026which means i'm procrastinating mostly
>>5086I was more into the "pretentious rpg for boomers with burn out reflexes" aspects, as 4chin puts it, being someone who didn't grow up constantly playing fps games and usually engages in stealth or melee, but i may look into that. Wasn't there also an anon on /games/, who wrote a mod to improve enemy ai?
I'm actually more interested in new quest content, either in line with the base game or modders doing their own thing. Maybe opiniated stuff that fleshes out some of the underdeveloped factions.
>>5087i like the narrative, it gives me purpose.
but my preferred gameplay loop is all about loot and finding new guns.
>>5089the game has a bunch of lists and lists within lists… sorta, they're called leveled and merchant lists and you have to add items to these lists, usually by tiers, and so merchants also have these lists within their lists.
so you need to look for mods that have "leveled lists integration" and "merchant lists"
>>5052this sounds like something straight out of libtard hell. and wtf is a "womyn"?
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