Most queer theory and medical studies regarding transexual people is mostly focused on who deserves medical transition.
It has kept me in a state of imposter syndrome/hatred towards other trans people
i kept thinking why i couldn't stop verbally abusing other transexuals in online games, i thought i perceived them as privileged for living in a first world country where they were allowed to grow up and explore their gender freely.
which isn't far from the truth;
but all this time what i've been feeling is this dread that i've been denied my transition because i'm not worthy.
even fully knowing my lack of resources it's the cause, i just couldn't detach it from the fact the entirety of queer theory in first world anglocentric countries has been weaponized against us to tell us who is deserves a happy transition and who doesn't.
and you know what's the worst part? this cycle is going to repeat itself as long as this "community" acts as an cult to individualism over actually creating support groups that don't alienate other transexuals, nobody survives alone, and i'm alone…
>>6470The idea of deserving transition is so dumb. It's just body modification to fit your personal aesthetic. The fact that you feel distress over how your perceived and seek to make your body conform to internal standards most likely impressed on you by society is shared with cis people. No one deserves or doesn't deserve transition or any body modification. If you can afford it and it's a priority you do it. Sadly we live in a competitive world and maybe that's why you feel hostility, because people with more privilege are able to pay to win in the social and sexual marketplace, and that relative loss becomes an absolute loss when we're competing for something scarce (whether it's acceptance or whatever).
I personally thing "transgender" is an evil invention that binds us more than it liberates us.
the foundations for institutional standards of care regarding medical transition were established by people like Ray Blanchard and J. Michael Bailey based on pseudoscience (even within the already pseudoscientific standards of bourgeois psychology & sexology) and particularly in the latter's case it's a known fact that they were chasers who created misogynistic gatekeeping standards around who is a "real woman" based on performance of straight middle class assimilationism, because these were the trans women that would submit to getting raped by these credentialed chaser rapists. the ones who didn't, either because they didn't resemble cis women enough for these credentialed chaser rapists or because they refused to allow themselves to be raped by them, were labeled as fetishistic men to gatekeep them from having access to hormones.
in the 90s a false alternative was invented to this archaic pseudoscience of transmisogyny whose explicit purpose was to make transfems' bodies available to men and to genocide everyone else out of existence who didn't want to assimilate into an imitation of the straight existence. by building off the liberal idealism of theorists like Judith Butler who reduced all feminist theory and critique of the so-called "second wave" (which was often imperfect but nonetheless contained radical potential), instead of any understanding of trans people that approached the issue from a materialist basis and took it for granted that we should seek to understand the science of transition better, to improve on it as much as possible, and to increase the bodily autonomy for people who wish to transition rather than invent more standards for it, all standards were thrown out the window. the category of "transgender" was invented by literal NGOs working with inner-city predominately Black and Latina transfem sex workers and imposing this single category onto them which also lumped them in with assimilationist white transfems and even literal crossdressers, transvestites, and various other people that we now recognize today as not experiencing transmisogyny.
my point is that this very abridged history of how the "trans" category and discourses were invented were all done not only explicitly without us having any say in any of it but specifically for the purposes of controlling and using us. this continues to this day with how the two mainstream tendencies in transfem culture reflect these two things: the assimilationist transmed types who largely exist on /tttt/ and adopt all of this transmisogynistic gatekeeping rhetoric to a degree that is essentially mass psychosis, and the idealist tucute types who largely exist in spaces like r/traaa who level out all analyses and critiques of trans issues and theory to a homogeneous gray paste of "queerness" or "transness" or whatever the fuck that is explicitly in denial of the qualitative differences between different people who fall into these categories, people who wish to medically transition, people who are subject to transmisogyny, versus (at the other extreme) people who are effectively non-transitioning cis people who just want to use different pronouns.
all of us go into transition not being prepared for the reality of how much of a fucking nightmare being transfem really is in the sort of world we live in, how isolating and destitute it is, how all of medical science related to transitioning is essentially still stuck in the dark ages. the only solution to this is to ruthlessly critique everything that doesn't involve transfems prioritizing our needs as a uniquely oppressed class of people and acting in solidarity and sisterhood with each other. we have to essentially do biohacking on ourselves to crowdsource transition science and we need to produce our own autonomous culture and theory with real networks of mutual aid.
if we don't fight back against what amounts to a doubly-articulated circuit of discipline and control, many more will go through the same things as you.
Cis Wombyn: unbearable bitch 1/4 of each month due to biology
TIM Woman: unbearable bitch all day every day due to psychology