is this normal?

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is this normal? Anonymous 26-05-26 22:43:12 No.786780

My reaction to the realisation that I'm going to die one day has become one of complete indifference. I used to care a lot about that I'd die one day, or rather it would make me anxious to ensure that I'd live a good life and also and perhaps more importantly, provide a good life for others before I die. That anxiety would drive to me to take actions to meet those goals but lately I find myself caring less and less. I used to want to meet a woman and start a family with her. Now I realise that the combination of my personality, mental illness and the fact that I've spent a great deal of my 20s living as either a shut in or just talking to a few people very close to me, that's not something that's really a likely thing to happen anytime soon, nor does the likelihood of this appear to be set to decrease any time soon. I used to want to have a job with some kind of prestige, nothing fancy, just something that I feel I could take pride in, now I don't give a shit, the idea of quitting postgrad and just working minwage jobs or collecting welfare and just abusing substances until my body can't take it anymore looks tempting. I used to hope that the political situation of the world could improve or that I could work with others to make this happen. Now I just see how most people in orgs are retards who treat it as a hobby (not that I'm any better) and the conditions for any kind of change worsen everyday, everyone is getting their minds rotten by reactionary nonsense anyway. Part of me would like to give more of a shit about life and just go back to the old way of actually desiring positive things, but I feel that's mostly because that's out of a desire to conform with what's socially acceptable, a lot of me just wants to say "fuck it" just drop out of society and drink and take opiods until I die. Everything else just seems to difficult.
>"oh but why don't you kys then"
I would, but I worry about how that affect those I care about, if I just slowly do it by means of substance abuse, most of them are older than me by an order of magnitude, so they'll be long gone by the time that comes to pass, also I am morbidly curious to see what happens in the future, so there's that.
>"oh you're such a pussy/fag/whatever for giving up on things because they're to difficult and wanting to just resort to hedonism
I know, and honestly I'm past fucking caring.
Since I've killed a thread for this, I might as well ask all of you again, is this a normal way to think? How does one snap out of this? If the answer is to take SSRIs, no I'm not doing that shit again, if anything I think the psychological side effects from that garbage is 50% of the reason I'm like this now

>post discarded
fuck you too

Anonymous 26-05-26 23:36:36 No.786792

not thinking about death is normal btw. theres nothing wrong with you

Anonymous 26-05-26 23:50:18 No.786800

>>786780
memento mori, fren. I used to be afraid of death, but now it seems like the most comforting thing imaginable, at least a painless death, and that's because it's freedom from this shitshow that is this godforsaken planet. the world sucks, and I'm not exaggerating that I think you have to deliberately deceive yourself in order to maintain a positive attitude and have any sort of hope at this point. the knowledge that one day this will all end and I won't even be conscious to worry about it anymore is the only thing that gets me through the day. I am not suicidal, it just keeps things in perspective. this don't matter, none of this matters.
>a lot of me just wants to say "fuck it" just drop out of society and drink and take opiods until I die
same but without the opioids. don't do opioids, they'll cause much more suffering. just marijuana or something.
>is this a normal way to think
yeah, when shit gets dismal, you see it for what it is, you don't lie about it, that's called "polishing a turd"
also, there's no point to suicide, you're going to die anyway, might as well stick around for the show. at least you can write a memoir or some shit, maybe someone will care.

Anonymous 26-05-26 23:52:46 No.786802

Death is just a door to more life, you need to escape samsara to be free of reality

Anonymous 27-05-26 00:02:06 No.786812

>>786802
if that's true then it just means that we get infinite rerolls until we get it right. I guess I don't mind but I hope I reincarnate as a sexy white girl in upper class new york.

Anonymous 27-05-26 00:39:54 No.786824

>>786812
I think the thing with samsara is that there is no getting it right, you experience literally every perspective of all alive creatures across all of time and only then ascend

Anonymous 27-05-26 02:18:04 No.786848

I go back and forth between not caring about death and being in complete dread over it.

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