>Count Gustavious Schtrudelbaum von Sauerkraut-Habsburg is unsatisfied by owning about 0.7 and 1/2 of a vineyard and 64547,2 fields of raw cabbage
>He vows to his bucktooth inbreed orangutan countess of South North East South Western Central Moravia that he shall take action for he is of the most erenal of noble households, the 87th son of his fathers uncle-inlaws step sisters brothers mother who can trace her lineage back to the 1337-iteration of a pure paramecia
>He begins to plot and starts stroking his very manly heirloom chin in the shape of a ingrown cows toe for inspiration
>His page boy comes up with a cunning plan but because the count stroked his chin too much whilst gazing at the young luscious haired boy he develops a stiff resurrection in his undergarment.
>This be obviously the work of the luciferian sodomite serpent trying to rise up from the depths of darkness to turn me into a nonce
>Instead of reflecting on his sick urges in shame or acting on them, he sends word for a doctor preferably someone who knows how to urgently drain all the blood of a ox from its back left left nipple in under our good lords 0.00005476 seconds with only half a leach, making him the very first weasel in his family to have conviction and not plow boys at first "hellenic curse", and earning him the title "kraut der restrainer"
>The doctor gets the message and proceeds to visit the count in a record time of 36.02 months passing over 4 swamps - 3 meadows with little banditry - 2 freshly plowed m`ladies and quick stop at the Knajghts Templarius inn for a third round with the oldest profession.
>He assures the count he knows all of the bibles verses in vulgar greek backwards due to him being thought the anatomy of the soul at the Sorbonne and has milked slugs
>He charges the count 75636 florintsese and 4 castles weekly only to inserts 2 vials of mercury into count anus. Proceeds to spend the next 13 months at the castle compiling evidence on the countess episodes of vaginal bleeding as witchcraft to present to Grand Inquisitor Torquemada Pedro for further investigations of the heretic grand order ruling europe from the shadows.
>After 8 years the count finally recovers starts to scheme in his plans again only to stubs his toe in a pillow developing gangrene and dying the next day
>His his 1 remaining son and 2346 uncles split his land with his uncle equally so that 0/16 goes to the son 7/8 goes to the church and 1/8 goes to Lujis IXIXIIXI
Good post (I don't know what to write on this topic)
This all really happened by the way
early tradcath history be like
>Pope Paulus IXVIXILCMLLMXLMC calls for a holy synod at the Clerpairlemontini Romanorum to discuss the immidiate theological controversy of our time: did Jesus wear underwear’s from cotton or linen?
>Bishop Cuckmont de Penisfort declared that no, Jesus did not wear any underwear’s as god’s son wouldn’t follow the rules of heretic Jews and his garment was just fine and cites a 300 year old debatable witness account by the 3rd or fourth roman soldier who looked up Jesus’ garment after his crucifixion while walking under the cross, written in page 365 of a book written by the first Christian abbot in northern Italy, augstinusnusnussus of boylovingus.
>Charles de *insert French shithole here*. a radical Priest, says that “yes he did, and it was of Egyptian cotton brought alongside the river Jordan, to this the son of god would make god's kingdom on earth as an unshrouded barbarian is insulting, cuckmont is an unbabtized heretic who follows heretic books rewritten by byzantine orthodocucks, misread the bible, and is probably Manichean too”
>new elected Pope Pedophilicus IXVIXIIXXLMC (birth name Pedo de Roncenbarrone) holds the Conclave of Mimirimini to decide the controversy
>it doesn't do shit and the schism gets out of hand among all the western Clergy, The Sedecasandalist heresy number 89 erupts. with the patron saint of texile himself backing the Monoflaxiers (flax only clothes) versus the Polynude Eucharists after the latter faction's top believe, broke the last straw by claiming jesus did in fact, did not wear his sandals too. (earthly possessions be sinful)
>10,000 Europeans die at the burning stake in some most pointless bumfuck hill in modern day Slovenia in a massacre by the most serene heresy hunting holy knights of the inquisition of the holy Briefs. (one of the retired knights later goes on to form the hospitaller order 20 years later)
<this is considered a tragedy, a huge gigantic loss of life in Europe when in china 10.000 is a tuesday battle
<so tragic and grim in fact, it later gets into a voltaire play and gets a monument made after it in east germany about why religion = the murder.
>>803740The Trinity concept is a lie btw