/siberia/ - Off-topic

How do we consolidate desire as a materialistic subject?

for example, i was watching a video on how "porn hates women" and it all struck me right in the brainworms, because apparently women might consume more "hardcore" porn than men in some studies?, i can't confirm this outside of my very biased edgy mind but it still gets me thinking and linking the anarchist dilemma

how do you justify the use of violence without sacrificing your or other's freedom?, and how does this tie up with Felix Guattari theory of "everybody wants to be a fascist"

because while more "state centered" currents might go to sleep thinking; "well, violence is required to deter those who are a danger to ourselves and themselves often"

again in my own projection of the anarchist dilemma have only 2 questions:

>"who do i want to hurt?"
>"how much do i want them to hurt?"

some other anarchists might also think

>"why do i want them to hurt?"

but often that's a question most of us familiar with violence know you very often will ask AFTER hurting someone

taking this back to the porn dilemma, when i was younger, the only 2 fulfilling career paths i had thought for myself were either;
>a military career
where i would kill and or die a violent death, violence felt so cathartic, i had no need for any other emotions other than aggression which i can admit to being an evolution of my first reaction as a kid which was crying up until the day i realized i was more likely to be made fun of for it rather than escalating violence which was a more consistent course of action.

>transexual pornstar
this was the other side of the spectrum, i would be on the receptive side of often controlled, often more spontaneous violence
i was a reppressed trans person with no idea of what trans identities meant, as i had no resources on this growing up, i just knew what did and what didn't felt right

there was moments where my wires would get crossed and violence would feel often sexual or i'd imagine all sex as violent

Here is where i would love a pacifist take on the subject, how do you deprive yourself of something as reactive as violent thoughts?
you wouldn't deprive yourself of sexual pleasure.

the only people who i know do this are monks and this often involves a very strong discipline, controlled enviroment, and or a conditioning which implies you're pretty much a hypocrite as you've been there, done that and got bored out of it.

my brain is going through a medical prescribed sexual abstinence and lack of inspiration to do military RP at the moment so, bear with me and my projections