Perhaps it has become your goal to be more charismatic, uninhibited and sociable.
Let's have a thread where we ask questions and give advice to improve exactly that.
>>2972>>2971the worst part is that we don't even fucking know if this shitty virus is truly gone after the "hype" surrounding it is gone.
Like imagine going out to socialize and getting the virus after everyone has returned to their work and the media is talking about other stuff.
>>2981I've heard it is exclusively for hookups.
Bumblebee I've heard is more for relationships and friends. But you can't dm people if you're a man.
btw if you were going to use tinder for dating what would you do to keep away right wingers without having to virtue signal???
>>2981I used interpals to find friends near me. The site is used mostly for language learning, but there's a few people who wanna meetup or be penpals. The site is kinda outdated though.
Okcupid also sounds like a nice idea, but it's mostly for relationships so meetup . com might be better.
I've never had issues with this, my main problem is finding the motivation to actual get into social situations, a lot of the time I'd rather not.
-have a gf and friends
It frees you up to talk without thinking about future plans or commitments. Talking about your friends will also make you seem more normal. If you find that you don't have anything to say, just don't speak, if you try too cope with being awkward you will simply come across more awkward, stand up straight, and listen intently. To not look creepy this requires you to be moderately attractive, cut your hair, exercise, and shower every day, I know some of these are a meme, but if you do these things you can't go wrong.
If you want to meet people you need to get a hobby first or something, people appreciate people who are trying new things, it's hard just trying to force friendship for the sake of it. Obviously it's almost impossible with corona, but ignoring that, go join a pottery class, make some cool bowls, don't worry too much and your life will improve.
>>2999I'd say just send them leftist memes and a conversation will form if you send something 'controversial', then you can work from there.
>>3119>Stalin is controversial but you'll look like a lunatic defending someone like him.That's just your superego talking lad, other than liberals people are pretty open to accepting Papa Stalin into their heart
Just tell them about the worldly possessions he died with to begin with
>>3125>worldly possessions he died with to begin with?
You could always go with the "bash the fash" angle that is popular nowadays. I mean he did help kill nazis.
>>3115>I'd say just send them leftist memes and a conversation will form if you send something 'controversial', then you can work from there. I can't debate for shit, I spill my spaghettis every time I have a serious conversation because of how irony
and being a coward brainlet too probably poisoned my social interactions. I'm sending funny not-that-political memes tho like picrel hoping in this particular case that it can make them realize how manufactured your consent is by media.
>>3242The library was state property along with anything else you can mention
Those were the only things his children inherited
His daughter couldn't even live in her childhood home because it was an official residence
It'd be as if she grew up in the Whitehouse or number 10 downing street if you're having trouble getting this
>>3534Yeah, I'm the Anon. I'm in the same situation where because of the virus my university is closed and pretty much everything else too, so trying to build a social circle right now is kind of impossible. So this advice is for doing something once this is over.
>I know and have done all the usual stuff: make small talk in class, "ready for the test?", "what's your major" etc. I've built up a rapport with a few people, but once class is done everyone just sort of goes about their own thing and I'm stuck alone again.Okay, that's good that you've approached people at least on this level, but I will tell you what I think is wrong with what you said and correct me if I'm making wrong assumptions.
You are having mostly small talk and think there is a norm to abide when it comes to how to talk to people?
One thing I learned is when you talk to people it's not about having this rational exchange of information like "I have this major, I liver there, I spend my time like this". Of course you gather information about the person you are talking to, but first and foremost it's about vibing with people. That's the actual goal of any casual social interaction. It's about building a vibe with people and to have fun. If you are stuck at this rational conversation stage, you are not going to be interesting to people beyond being a friendly & polite acquaintance at lectures. When I mentioned norms I meant rigidly following a belief of what you think you should say or "what is normal to ask", but that can be boring. Feel free to be spontaneous and creative in the way you talk to others.
>Everyone seems to have groups to hang out with already.Yeah, but that doesn't make it an impossibility to still befriend them. In the first few semesters I made a couple of acquaintances that I don't talk to anymore. Then I met my friend group in the 3rd semester. They already knew each other, hung out with each other and had their group that I initially wasn't a part of. I think people who make this excuse, that friend groups already formed so that's somehow an issue, are too pussy to make a move themselves. Are you waiting for an invitation from them? Because it sounds like you are waiting for an invitation. It's true that it is more difficult to become a part of an existing friend group, because they seem less accessible, but if you don't want to be lonely you will need to find the courage to step out of your comfort zone and take the initiative to deepen your relationship with these people on your own. I'd give you the advice to talk to everyone of a friend group if possible, or at least as many as you can. You will become familiar to all of them, you will feel more at ease with them and feel less like a foreign intruder. Also have you asked anyone of them for their number? Because if so, I don't understand how meeting up outside of class didn't happen? Additionally, take the initiative to invite them or individuals of that group to do something with you. I believe this should all be obvious and perhaps you've done that, but that's up to you to give me the details what you have tried. I just think the solution is to take the initiative and make yourself part of that group, which is difficult if you are a more socially reserved or timid person. But I can understand, because I used to be like this as well.
>a paradox, where you can't make friends unless you already have friends.It's easier to make more friends when you already have friends, but it's not impossible to make them when you don't have any yet. What's actually going on is that for a shy or introverted person it becomes very, very difficult to jump into the cold water and take the lead when it comes to approaching strangers, asking for their number and inviting them to things. It can be intimidating. So they are stuck not achieving anything beyond doing the comfortable stuff, like small talk with people, who due to circumstance are regularly in proximity, but that can change again.
>with a weird loner like meSo that has been a problem through out your post as well that you talk shit about yourself. I mean maybe you are awkward and unusual, but don't you think you are sabotaging your self-esteem and self-image here when you talk like it's a fact you are weird and undesirable? That's certainly going to have an impact in your sub-communication with others. You certainly have some qualities others will benefit from when they befriend you. Maybe you are a good listener. Maybe you have good ideas. Maybe you are very knowledgable.
>>3543>So this advice is for doing something once this is over.>overAnyway, I think you're right about me sabotaging myself. I've had a therapist tell me something similar as well as my parents in the past. Whenever I talk to people I'm constantly telling myself "they don't like you and don't want you talking to them" and basically try to rush through the conversation.
Which ties into your first point, yeah, I definitely feel like I sometimes view conversations almost as dialogue trees. And it's weird because there are times where my brain just *clicks* and I find myself talking like a normal person (this is how I felt in my English class – it was a morning class, a few of us would show up early and just chat about random stuff). So I know I'm capable of it, it just takes me getting over my anxiety to actually let it out.
As for the friend group thing, I think my problem (at least with school) is that by the time I start to come out of my shell and become more comfortable with people, oops, semester's over and I never see them again and I'm not acquainted quite well enough with them to ask for contact info. I DID manage to get a few Snapchats last semester (and they were always the ones who offered), but I haven't actually communicated with any of them through that because… I dunno. I feel awkward doing that. It feels like I'm asking them on a date. I tell myself "this is weird, why would they even want to hear from you, let alone hang out?" It's dumb and ties back with my whole lack of self-esteem, which is probably the main underlying issue here. Doesn't help that because I'm an introvert, I don't go out much, so I have no idea where to invite people TO.
This fall will be my third semester, so hopefully I'll end up like you and I'll finally find my group (assuming there's any actual on-campus classes in the fall, which is honestly seeming less likely as time goes by).
>>3572>Whenever I talk to people I'm constantly telling myself "they don't like you and don't want you talking to them" and basically try to rush through the conversation.Not sure what to tell you there, cause I'm not an expert. I used to feel the same way about girls but I just ignore that potion of my mind and just go for it anyway. Gotta also work on your self-esteem as well, but you probably already knew that. Maybe Six Pillar of Self Esteem would be a good book for you. I'm reading it atm, it has some insights that weren't obvious.
>So I know I'm capable of it, it just takes me getting over my anxiety to actually let it out.You are probably stuck in your head. Try meditation to be present to the moment. Meditation has a genuinely healthy impact, it isn't just woowoo spirituality crap. You probably should desensitize yourself to social interactions by having them frequently, so you stop feeling like they are a big deal.
>and I'm not acquainted quite well enough with them to ask for contact info.You gotta step it up friend, I ask them for their number after the same lecture I met them, lol. You will get used to it, trust me. Just be like "hey we could study together some time".
>but I haven't actually communicated with any of them through that because… I dunno. I feel awkward doing that.Anything stops being awkward when you do it often enough, that's one thing I learned in the past few years of becoming more extroverted.
Overall, I do relate with you, I had some of the same issues. It's those psychological blockades you need to release.
>hopefullyNo, it's all up to you and if you don't put in the effort it's going to remain a problem for the rest of your life. Just being honest.
>>8804who the fuck calls other creeps in their face? Red flags.
You need to practice socializing before it becomes easier. You won't notice progress though.
I'm getting an ASD screen arranged when I can, I'm tired of being on my own and not knowing why I can't understand all these things everyone else seems to instinctively get, my social skills are terrible, my only friends are my step sister and my comrades in my group and I don't understand how I even got them to be friends with me, I'm glad for them, but they're mostly older than I am and we don't have a huge amount in common other than politics
At least if I go and get told yes or no I can re-evalute, I think I have aspergers tbh, I have a lot of the traits and people that I trust have mentioned me being very very reserved and like a blank slate, i.e. unreadable in the past, I know for a fact that people find me super blunt because I get told so everytime I start a new job or interact with a new group, fit the solo sports and co-ordination, not liking certain stimulae as well as other criteria like the inability to express emotional thoughts clearly and terrible hand writing etc.
I wonder if there are any groups in my area for high functioning spergs actually, one of those could be nice, go and interact with my fellow people of logic
>>8808can you volunteer somewhere?
don't try to get people to like you. just be nice, that goes a huge way. you don't even have to talk much. avoid making too much eye contact.
DON'T FLIRT
what happened this last time? Maybe we could figure out something you should avoid in the future.
>>8835Clubs are just fucking shit man, I wouldn't read too much into they were probably all drunk, if they were a group of people that didn't know each other they might have been having a weird vibe like about to fight or splitting drugs or something
So glad I don't have to go to clubs anymore that's one thing I don't miss from when I was more socially active
>>8835It's very hard to approach people in clubs. I wouldn't try it, nor do I recommend it. If you aren't with friends yourself, that sends to them a huge red flag. Not recommended at all. What happened was basically expected.
When I moved city I tried making friends alone in clubs and bars. I am very social, that shit doesn't work.
>>8808I think you were just unlucky. I consistently improved my social skills over the past 3 years and what I can tell you is, whenever you step out of your comfort zone you sooner or later will do something cringy cause you aren‘t attuned to that level yet. Plus, you don‘t know certain things yet that come from exposing yourself and gaining experience. That‘s not something to give up over though, it‘s normal. And you will get better. Everyone who is really socially skilled has experienced that. It‘s just that social butterflies did all the failing when they were children and teens, while some socially unskilled people learn it when they are adults.
Also lol at your club story. Clubs generally have the harshest blow outs. Plus, you don‘t know what the people are like that you approach. Therefore it‘s bot reasonable to criticize yourself over that. They just weren‘t interested in talking to you and the girl was being a cunt.
>>8848> If you aren't with friends yourself, that sends to them a huge red flag. Not recommended at all. What happened was basically expected.Eh. I‘ve approached a couple people in clubs on my own, it‘s whatever. Clubs can be really intimidating, so if you don‘t feel comfortable or can‘t maintain a solid frame, you likely will fuck up, yeah.
>>8835Going to clubs to meet people is a fucking meme, most people go there to dance and drink with friends or hook up with strangers, that's all. You probably got that advice from people who are absolutely clueless and just repeating shit they never tried. You can definitely strike a conversation with people in a club but it's not much different from doing so in any other public situation, there are clues you have to be aware of and someone who's socially awkward and can't pick up on them should stay far away, and ultimately you have to act with the understanding that that's not what people are there for.
By the way, it's the same with gyms and concerts and ESPECIALLY bars. People always recommend those places for some fucking reason as if they're these open spaces where everyone is trying to make friends. Absolutely wrong.
The reason people tend to have an easier time making friends at school and work is because they give you plenty of excuses to interact with people without coming across as overbearing or crossing a line. It's EXPECTED that you will talk to people there. You need to go to places like that. Aside from school and work, you can try
>classes/courses outside of school, including sports>volunteer/community work>open hobby groups of some sort>I've HEARD gaming tournaments and similar events are good for this, but I have no idea. I imagine an advantage is people there are probably as autistic as youBut even then you shouldn't expect to just hit it off with people just like that.
Honestly, the fact that you managed to approach people in a club is kind of impressive, I don't think many people in your situation would have had the balls, so don't give up just yet.
>>8835As others have said, clubs are a terrible place to meet perople, especially if you have low social skills. They thought of you as a creep, because they themselves are fucking animals. The only reason anyone ever goes to a club is because they can't stand being alone but they also strongly dislike their firends, so they need it all to be a smooth blur of noise, shadows and alcohol.
If you want to meet wholesome people, you need to figure out a hobby that forces you to be in contact with others. Here's the hard part though: you need to stop giving other people the power to determine your self worth. When you talk about wanting to end it all (even if you are exaggerating), that tells me you're putting waaaaaay too much weight on the perceptions of people you don't know - perceptions that are based on one interaction. Maybe that's because deep down you fear that you really are a creep. You're not. You're socially clumsy, and your tone deaf attempts at socializing some times makes people around you feel uncomfortable.
Understand that your lack of social skills doesn't determine you any more than your lack of helicopter-flying skills. Social skills can be developed, and if it seems to you impossible, it's likely because you have a negatively skewed sense of self, which robbs you of the confidence and self respect necessary to socialize with other people in a healthy manner. And when I say "confidence", I don't mean ignoring your obvious weaknesses. I mean being able to see them in the proper perspective. If you're nervous when meeting someone new, you can say it out loud (just don't say it's because you don't have any friends). When you say something stupid or otherwise make someone feel uncomofrtable, you can apologize and laugh it off. It's rough at first, but the more you do it the better you get at it. You'll become more comfortable with yorself, and other people will become more comfortable being around you.
>>8902I don't fuck manlets but thanks for the suggestion
I did manage some pretty good normal people conversations this past week, its hard to practice social skills in the middle of the plague though
>all this talk of how to get gf'sHonest thoughts on this /r9k/ classic by Eggy?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5tuf59ex-U0Watched it when it first came out (2015, during peak/prime 4ch /r9k/ which was 2013-2016 imo, the comfiest shit with all the NEET/wagecuck threads, /nightwalk/ generals, epic greentexts, that one guy who posted the >tfw no qt filipina gf Thread every single day without fail, with the same girl in the OP, and the "Some of you guys are alright, Don't go to X tomorrow if you are in Y location, Happening thread will be posted tomorrow morning" meme).
And it was fucking hilarious. I still re-watch it every so often, for the laughs.
>>8904I guess it really depends on the type of concert. I've had several people start conversations with me at small metal shows at the bar, but EDM concert goers are much more reserved and anti-social, talking to them seems to take them out of whatever psychedelic they're doing and pisses them off. Going to a concert with more women (especially young single women) will always be more friendly and have more talkative people than a show that's nothing but 20 year old men.
An interesting lead in I've seen is people will kind of side-talk to me and tell me something, as if they don't care about a conversation but just wanted to get something off they're chest, like "hey dude, I just talked with the bassist for 20 minutes, felt cool to meet a band member", and then you respond back to them with a bit of a question "Oh really, you talk about his new custom from Warwick?", and now you have a normal person conversation going on. Anons also gotta be aware that 90% of conversations will never go anywhere the second they end. Having 10 friends means you talked to 1000 people who you never saw again, socializing is always a numbers game.
>>9013There's nothing inherently genetic (nor social), always a mixture of both. Some people are luckier than others, and if you aren't you can counterbalance with learning skills, you just need to really want it and have the time to do it (and if you don't have time for this you are basically fucked). There will always be gifted people for social skills like for any other skill.
>>9012Great observation.
>>9013He's right that most "normal" people got there with no effort, but he's trying to imply that self-improvement doesn't exist and it isn't true, I can attest to that. I'm hardly a chad but I'm also not the spaghetti spilling loser I was five years ago.
You should always take posts like this with a grain of salt because a lot of the time it's just people venting or trying to convince themselves it's hopeless so they don't have to put in the effort. Or just trying to piss others off.
>>9019An adult virgin is not automatically an incel, despite most incels being adult virgins, incel has evolved past a simple descriptor and now means something much more toxic, like for example our little bitter, overweight, smoking eggy friend complaining about genetically superior men while sitting in his toyota in a crumpled shirt with 2 days worth of grease in his hair
Adult virgins can't get laid for some reason, Incels can't get laid for very obvious reasons that are completely unrelated to the things they think are the reason
>>9019incel ideology =/= adult sexless person
BTW, wanted to remind everyone here:
FRIENDS, NOT FOOD!
Make friends first. Social skills are key to being well in the head.
After that, sex will come much much more easier without the dread it has when you don't have friends.
Also, good quality friends!
-sociable
-outgoing
-cool
-caring for each other
-open
MAJOR KEYS.
>>9023if someone acted in a way consistent with the incel ideology then they are an incel, regardless if they identify as one.
>>9024Incel as a descriptive term doesn't work because celibacy is a choice for 99.9%. Have sex anytime, A schizophrenic vagrant is getting head from a single mother with a crack addiction, you have no excuse for not doing it.
>>9026>if someone acted in a way consistent with the incel ideology then they are an incelthere is no "incel ideology" topkek
>celibacy is a choice for 99.9%.The absolute COPE. Look up hypergamy and the 80/20 rule.
>>9025>Spot the bitter incelHope she sees this, bro.
>>9026>celibacy is a choice for 99.9%<meanwhile top 20% Chads hook up/have relationships with 80% of the women
<polyamory increasingly mainstream
<27% of young men are virgins (up from 9% in 1990)
ok, Coper
>>9026>Have sex anytimepicrel
>>9031>how to make friendsPick a goal you're working towards and talk to people who are working towards a similar goal. But don't be naive or gullible either, some people will take advantage of you in the long run, so steer clear of those types.
>>9033>Have you actually been able to pull girls though?Yes.
>Because that's the central issue around which the whole "self improvement" vs "no hope" meme rests, isn't it?I guess. But some people here or on /r9k/ seem to have trouble even talking to service providers.
And look, I'm not gonna pretend someone who is ugly as hell just needs to lift and get a haircut and bam instant sex, my point is that for a lot people self-improvement IS the answer, I doubt that many people even on this socialist Taiwanese woodcut message board are actually "genetic dead-ends".
>>9013>be born pretty, male>high school was excellent and things happened>stop doing self care>things no longer happened>in college, return to doing self care>things happenedHmm. I don't think these guys have an excuse.
<lift weight for one day
>im not strong, give up<talk to girl and she doesn't immediately slobber your sick
>woman bad, me bad too >>9348>>9353Have you heard of the movie The Notebook? Women love it. Like love love it.
What's it about? Rich girl falls in love with laborer.
Eat shit. Believe in yourself.
>>8913Nice advice.
even tho I'm not the best at socializing I'd add that the social setting is really important. For example, at a club, you probably don't know what to talk about and people only percieve you by your looks and not by what you've said. On the contrary, if you go to a leftist gathering (Protest, strike, bookclub) you'll probably be on a terrain where you know much more and have tons of shit to say. Thus people will act much more interested in you.
That's my 2 cents good luck anon
>>9384>one womanMagically all women
>youtube lady describes how they are all socialized into itAren't you a communist? Don't you also agree that bad shit can be socialized? Meaning it's not permanent?
Why would you be interested in a superficial person in the first place? Date a leftist or someone that isn't interested in hypergamy. Don't continue this "All women are blank" bullshit.
Women are not a monolith.
>>9389>Date a leftistYeesh, no thanks, "leftist" women in the US are all mentally ill college students and/or psychotic landwhales.
>someone that isn't interested in hypergamy.lmao and where would I find those? Church?
>Women are not a monolith.You're right, they're all different kinds of shallow and retarded.
>>9389I mean I don't know what else to tell you at this point. You're obviously privileged with being well-adjusted and normal, so you'll never actually be able to understand people like me. You're the equivalent of libshits who tell people to pick themselves up by their bootstraps and just work hard and they, too, can be rich and successful.
Some of us have broken brains from years of abuse and illness, and we're meant to be ignored. Some of us legitimately cannot fucking fit in anywhere or with anyone.
>>9393There's people out there that will accept you as you are, as a friend, and will help you on the path to healing. They're likely leftists too.
People aren't broken, you're not broken. That'd mean that you have some sort of use-value and were otherwise an object. You're a person.
>>9396Take shrooms
Then ket
Then LSD
That should knock down that prison wall
>>9396gonna have to second the advice to do drugs
IDK about using them once and bam, youve been therapied, but definitely psychedelics can help a bit, and more importantly, shit like molly, 2c series, the entactogens will help you socialize and break down those fears. Also, just anxiolytics possibly. Try self-medding with different things, see what works. Just stay away from harmful stuff. Like id get drunk all the time if it didnt end up making me depressed and fucking my liver, but obv what i need instead is just something else that lowers inhibitions and anxiety.
>>11142>never ask anyone for help for anything. Ever.Yeah.. good idea.. make your life harder.
I used to browse /r9k/ a lot when I was 17 to 20. I'm not a normie, but I did improve myself severely. There was a word for it. "Cyborg". They have "robots" which are the complete failures and cyborgs are something in between normies and robots. I felt very understood when I browsed that site back in the day. I was entirely surrounded by normies all day in school and outside and had nobody who could relate to my most pathetic of fears and problems, so having found /r9k/ back then felt like home. I'm glad with time I began to turn away from that site, because it is awfully toxic and unhelpful. They take truths but then put a pessimistic and defeatist spin on it and frame everything as black and white and unchanging, essentially turning it into a lie.
I'm skimming sections of it and I find myself disagreeing with a lot while acknowledging the truth in some parts. But that truth is severely muddled and perverted to fulfill some desire of self-victimization.
There is just so much I could point out but it would be a lot of work. So I will just point out one example I just skimmed over. His bar analogy in the third post.
>If they do like, it's usually out of pity and not out of a genuine interest.This is the perfect example of trying to turn any fucking thing around to mean something negative. That is so implausible, but out of the perspective of someone who hates himself and has low self-esteem that scenario makes perfect sense of course.
I will say as much, it can feel good to indulge in this negativity, because yes things in life can be shit and it feels unfair when you see other people who look like they are living on easy mode. But you gotta accept the hand you've been dealt and whatever social milestones you missed out on. You can work on yourself and choose to live a life you are happy with.
I'm just here to vent. There's no /leftytrash/ thread anymore like in the 8chan days (the GET thread is zero effort weebshit) so I guess I'm posting here.
Semi-recent college grad here. Spent months before the pandemic applying for increasingly desperate job positions. Got three job interviews, rejected by two and ghosted by one. After Covid hit there's fucking nothing, just uploading your resume, then copying all the information in it into the boxes, day after day after day all so their computer algorithm can rule you unprofitable and ghost you. I could probably find some minwage foodservice hell job but the last thing I want to do is bring covid home to my fatass boomer parents. That's the backdrop, all this time isolated with nothing to do has sent me into a deep despair.
>tfw no gf
I'm beginning to think that the economic subordination of women is a good thing, because command over material resources is the only way that autistic dweebs like me can get some. By autistic, I mean a literal psychiatric label. Something about me unsettles women on a primal level. It's either no eye contact or a rapist stare. I've been on a few dates, all I want to talk about is Second International Marxism or calculating hyperfocal distance. Instead I ask them Dale Carnegie shit about their family and pets, forget all of it, and never get a second date.
>Just talk to women bro
I'm fucking incompetent, but I try. Got a number from two classmates, got ghosted by one, first date from another. On top of that, two online dates, one of which got angry when I told her she had to pay for own food.
>Go to social clubs bro
Was involved in my campus' "revolutionary socialism club", was a total sausage fest and felt no connection to the few women there. It was a dogmatic Trot cult (IMT), they indoctrinated everyone to believe that any reading material not by the MELT canon or IMT members was "academic marxism" or "sectarianism". Paramount guru was Alan Woods, some pedantic grandpa who's either senile or has always been a charlatan, always brushes off substantive economic questions with "dialectical" mysticism. Haven't been involved with political orgs since I left college, maybe I'd have a chance at impressing some Bernie Bitch in the DSA with my knowledge of Antoine Labriola, but I doubt it.
>Get fit bro
Already have, but I'm a 5,5" manlet. I don't lift anymore but my hobby keeps me in decent shape. Linus Tech Tips body, don't know how else to describe it.
I'm not suicidal, but I think I might start to be if shit keeps going the way it's going. I tell myself that I should dive back into political theory with all my free time, but the end goal of socialism is looking more and more distant. Don't get me wrong, I still fucking hate capitalism, but I can't shake the feeling that the alternative would be some soviet-style bureaucratic farce where prewritten resolutions are adopted unanimously, as seems to be the case already with all "anti-stalinist", "socialism from below" organizations. I just don't - oh, sorry, I see we're at the end of our time here, back to Halo legendary campaigns and copying wagecuck stats.
>>11208>Complimenting is good, but you shouldn't over do it. … If she's attractive she has plenty of dweebs who do that already.I definitely wasn't overdoing it. The compliments were genuine but I know I was giving them in the most awkward, forced context imaginable. I think my problem is that I desperately want some kind of emotional intimacy, someone who cares about my feelings beyond some direct or indirect monetary transaction. Thing is, I can't provide this myself. I don't give half a fuck about your dog, or how unfair your grader is, or how much the newer albums from favorite band suck. Maybe I'm not meeting the right people, but I'm running out of places to find them. Class is over, online dating is fucking hell for a manlet. I'm done with the fucking "Leninist" left. Maybe there's potential in the idpol agony that is the DSA, but my dad threatened to kick me out of the house if I joined. Wasn't even broached to him, the org was just mentioned in some conversation about AOC (he doesn't know I'm revleft).
>>11214>Thing is, I can't provide this myself. I don't give half a fuck about your dog, or how unfair your grader is, or how much the newer albums from favorite band suck.When people are in scarcity they have the tendency to only think about themselves and to not care about the needs of others. Meanwhile people who have a sort of abundance are in the headspace where they want to give freely to others.
I'm not scolding you or anything, but I am describing a type of behaviour that you seem to be exhibiting based on that comment. The problem is this is unattractive. It causes all kind of negative behaviour like neediness, being socially uncalibrated, being less able to find the right tempo with others. While I understand your need for intimacy and that other things are not going well in your life, there is no way around it, you need to find a way to be content even without girls.
You might think you are depleting your options, but be honest, you probably live in a town with thousands of girls, right? You actually have plenty of options. Technically you could meet a girl anywhere and maybe there are options you haven't thought of.
>The compliments were genuine but I know I was giving them in the most awkward, forced context imaginable.Don't let this discourage you tho. There was a time where I cringed at the thought of giving girls compliments, let alone the ones I'm attracted to, but things that feel unusual become normal when you do them often enough.
>>11208>While I understand your need for intimacy and that other things are not going well in your life, there is no way around it, you need to find a way to be content even without girls.Story of my fucking life. I've been faking it all my life, never once gotten close to making it. "Just bee yourself" is even worse.
>be honest, you probably live in a town with thousands of girls, right? You actually have plenty of options. Technically you could meet a girl anywhere and maybe there are options you haven't thought of.Plenty of fish in the sea, blah blah blah. I've tried approaching complete strangers, every single time I'm met with a look of fear and revulsion and immediately mentioning a boyfriend, real or not. Care to think of some options for me? The other thing I've tried is hobby stuff like the "camera club", it was even more male dominated than the IMT, all middle aged gearheads jacking off their $3000 telephoto lenses with portfolios that make my cliche photos look decent. I don't even know why you'd want to do photography in a social setting anyway, most of the appeal for me is the serene solitude of being completely alone in scenic places around sunrise.
>>11219>I don't even know why you'd want to do photography in a social setting anyway, most of the appeal for me is the serene solitude of being completely alone in scenic places around sunrise.Dude you are clearly intelligent and I'm sure a girl would feel attracted to you if you articulated what interests you. That is because girls are attracted to passion and ambition.
>I've been faking it all my lifeWell don't. Learn to understand your psychology and what triggeres those happiness hormones, specifically in you. I remember in high school I realized everyone liked the very happy people the most, that's why I faked being happy too, to get people to like me. But I had depression and disliked almost everyone around me. To me that felt unfair that being happy seemed much harder to me and that I was implicitly expected to fake it. But then I realized it's not about faking being happy, you need to genuinely become happy by all means. Especially for your own sake and not to be liked by others. We all have our specific triggers that make us feel proud, attractive and happy. As the master of your own life it is your duty to yourself to figure out what your triggers are.
>"Just bee yourself" is even worse. I thought about this piece of advice a lot and I will tell you what I think about it. I think it is both correct and wrong in a way. Be yourself is wrong if it means you should never change yourself and evolve. If you can identify things in your life or in yourself that you deem to be a problem, then change it. Being yourself shouldn't mean to stay 100% the same for ever, as if human beings were perfect or if growth and improving weren't necessary. Of course they are and you should, but under your terms. The point is not to change merely because you fear the judgement of others or because you want to be liked by others. The opinions of other people
can serve as an indicator that something is wrong with you, but you must develop the competence to judge yourself whether or not something actually is an objective problem or merely subjective and therefore shouldn't be changed just because others don't like it. Like music taste. On the other hand being yourself is correct if it means being authentic in the moment. You might have not reached your personal ideal, but when you are in the moment with other people, then be authentic and act on intuition. It makes your interactions with people more natural and free of anxiety. If you feel comfortable in your skin, most likely others will feel comfortable around you too, because people sort of mirror your own internal world, based on how you feel about yourself. In the background you might be changing things in your life and about yourself, but in the present moment with others, be authentic and speak transparently. And you don't act authentic because you expect people to like you more for it, but you act authentic because you realized it's futile trying to get people to like you, who aren't your match. That's what I learned the hard way. The positive are that you will have better relationships with people who match you, you feel more confident and many people actually will like you. But don't make that your goal, that's the paradox of it.
>I've tried approaching complete strangers, every single time I'm met with a look of fear and revulsion and immediately mentioning a boyfriend, real or not.In the last year I approached perhaps 3 or 4 dozen girls on different occasions and there have been nights were most girls didn't like me and nights were most if not all girls I approached liked me. You said you approached complete strangers and they reacted negatively, but maybe you were unlucky? Maybe there was something flawed about your approach and if you got feedback from another person watching your approach you could see the problem and fix it? All I can say so far is that you should keep trying. If you have a Chad friend go as wing men and ask for his advice. Make sure he is a good and honest guy though and not one of those toxic faggots who boast and lie about their sexual accomplishments.
>Care to think of some options for me?Pretending Corona isn't a thing: festivals, concerts, parks, events, night clubs, volunteering somewhere (lots of girls usually) and house parties.
>>3534it's me again.
So I started a new job a couple months ago at a deli. Been going pretty well and I'm generally well-liked by the people there. They even invited me out to get dinner with a bunch of them. I unfortunately wasn't able to go because of some dumb shit but they apparently do it every so often, so at least the door is open for the future.
Maybe I'm not a total unlikeable loser after all.
My advice for social skills is to think like a journalist in a sense (or a good journalist anyways). Watch documentaries by Louis Theroux and Anthony Bourdain. These guys are/were very good at getting people to open up to them because they had an empathetic, non-judgmental approach where they let their subjects tell their own stories. They keep an open mind and mostly just ask open-ended questions. That's what makes them interesting and why people talk to them – because they're interested in others.
People also like to talk about themselves. They have their interests and passions. I've found that asking open-ended questions can get people talking. You don't want to be pushy and don't want to ask things that would make people uncomfortable, although it's okay to take some risks, of course. But remember the key words:
>Who>What>When>Where>Why>HowThose are the building blocks of storytelling, and people like to tell their stories. Who is it, what is something they do, when do they do it, where do they do it, why do they do it, and how? There are endless variations of questions like this.
You're on a date? Forget about asking them about their fucking dogs. Talk to your date about *them*. What is something they're interested in and what they want to do when they're not working? And then when they start talking, they will produce details that you can then use to ask more who/what/when/where/why/how questions. It could even be something that might seem trivial, one time I spent most of a date asking my date about an internet forum that they loved to post on – what is they like about it? How did the forum come into being? How do people post there? And then suddenly you're spending 45 minutes hearing everything you wanted to know from this person about all the details of this obscure forum they've posted on for 10 years and the culture of the place and what they get out of it, too.
You can make a lot of friends this way. I got a member of the Bandidos biker gang to talk to me for an hour about being in the Bandidos – although I had a leg up because I knew a few things already and my dad hung around those guys in the 70s. But I just went at it like Bourdain and asked him about what it's like to actually ride a motorcycle with these dudes on a rural highway going 100 miles per hour with 20 other dudes. And you know what that's like? It's fucking amazing. And I'm like, fuck yeah, dude. And right there, from his perspective, it's like "this guy gets it, he's cool." I had to be careful about what questions I asked him, but as things developed, he'd volunteer information about himself that he wouldn't normally tell people, like being shot at by another biker gang while on a "mission."
And I'm just a scrawny nerd who looks like Louis Theroux.
Last guy I got to know was my neighbor's bro-like boyfriend, who I would normally not have anything in common with, but I learned early on he was really into skiing and snowboarding. So right there, we're off to the races, because this dude will talk your ear off about skiing and snowboarding. It's this guy's whole universe. What it's like, how'd he start, where/when does he go, what is that like, etc. etc. etc. And you can make a few wise cracks but don't fake it like you know – I don't know shit about snowboarding, but this guy would certainly tell me all about it.
https://youtu.be/bct8stbZafI>>11287 (me)
Also, remember these guys' professional thing is being able to go anywhere and talk to anybody. The question of "why" also can refer to many different things. But remember to be empathetic. If there is something this person has got going on, why is it important (to them)?
Remember we're talking about something they do, some interest, some hobby or passion. Maybe it's their work (although often it's not). Maybe it's their kids.
But why is what they're talking about important to *them*? What's the meaning of it? That's where you'll find the truth about a person.
I made a friend at a dive, drag bar in Galveston one time, just hanging out drinking and smoking on the balcony, that eventually came to the subject of her kids, which she mentioned she had. Well, how old are they? What are their interests and what do they like to do? And you can do some banter about this, but I don't have any kids and I don't know anything about raising them. It seems really hard! Wow. Turns out, this girl worked at a Texas Gulf Coast gas refinery, working-class woman, the husband and father to her kids took off, meanwhile her daughter was this science whiz who wanted to study microbiology and was on some fast-track college program. Isn't that amazing? She was so proud of her daughter.
And her kids were the most important thing in the world to her, and I could tell, and I told her that before my friends dragged me out of there 30 minutes later to hit up the next bar. And I wished her and her family all the best.
>>8903>blow outs>approach>maintain a solid frameYou're obviously familiar with PUA terminology, and you say you've improved over the last 3 years.
Were there any particular resources (books, etc) you used? Did you deliberately practice your social skills, like making sure to go out more than usual or setting specific challenges?
>>11635>"MOG Erryone breh, just neg her and ignore her brah, she'll want your dick in no time bro!"Again, similar to occult shit, stuff that started out as perfectly reasonable advice got mangled by mechanical repetition and people acting in bad faith.
The concept of 'MOG'ing was originally just 'you need to be assertive, you can't let other dudes walk all over you' - good advice for PUA's intended audience (undersocialised men), but disastrous when harped on endlessly by bodybuilding.com's miscers, the kind of dudes who'll glass a guy for 'lookin at [his] girl'
'neg'ing was originally just 'playful teasing is a key component of flirting' - obvious to anyone who's ever flirted before - but incel psychos took it to mean that 'the only way a woman will fuck me is if I can make her feel as bad about herself as I do about myself'
'ignore her' was originally just 'stop acting so fucking desperate for a root', but redpill reprobates took it to mean 'if you don't treat every woman like an interchangeable part of a thousand-strong harem, you will die a virgin'
As I say, PUA consists of a core framework of useful, practical advice on how poorly socialised men should improve the way they interact with women they want to fuck, namely:
- take care of their appearance
- be assertive and confident
- gain and demonstrate the approval and respect of peers
- be exciting by stimulating a range of emotions
If you're a specific type of socially awkward nerd, PUA material can help you figure out what you're doing wrong.
Over that useful, limited core there exists a mile-thick layer of encrusted fascist/misogynist messaging. At this point, however, we're a solid half a decade past the worst excesses of the manosphere. The useful advice has been recovered and sanitised into a less cognitohazardous form (compare Mark Manson's 'Models' to Roosh V's 'Bang'), and the worst PUA grifters have moved with the Overton window to straight fascism (see Heartiste, Cernovich, Roosh, etc).
>>11645>glass>root>uses 's' instead of 'z'Are you an Australia?
Anyway, interesting point. I'd be curious to hear you decoding other terms.
>>11649>Are you an Australia?Yeah, don't remind me. 2020 was supposed to be the year I finally got out of this corrupt one-horse country.
>I'd be curious to hear you decoding other terms.I'd be happy to. PUA material, along with a lot of deliberate extra socialising and leaving my comfort zone, helped me go from unlikable autist to well-regarded normie. This was back in the bad old days of the 'manosphere' - as you can imagine, it took quite a bit of 'translation' work to make the corpus of people like Roosh V accord with decent communist sensibilities. I'm happy to save others that effort, so feel free to ask any questions.
>>11858depends on the girl and the culture of each land
Being honest is a good start , mention something in her bio
>>11858dating apps: comment on something in their profile, invite them out somewhere cool within 3-5 messages
ideally public for their peace of mind, especially ideally something that you were already going to so it's nbd when they flake (it is normal for you to go out and do cool things, right anon?)
hit em with the 'wanna smash' if it's super late or their profile suggests they're in the mood for it (the profile you see at 11am on wednesday isn't necessarily the one they have up at 1am on saturday)
dms: play it a little cooler - hit em with an invite within 10-20 messages vs the 3-5 on an app, connect more strongly on the basis of common interests
sending them content they haven't seen and that they'll like is a good signal to send - ie, you share their humor and can provide novelty
ABC applies online just as much as it does in real life: Always Be Closing
don't languish in their dms, don't have in depth heart-to-hearts in the tinder chat - move to an irl meet asap
normal prinicples about invitation timing apply - assume that by wednesday her weekend social calendar's been booked
act like the same is true for you (and strive for it to eventually be true if it isn't already)
>"Damn Anon, you are so bad. Will you let me hit?"general rule when trying to smash - declaratives over interrogatives
there's a fine line between confirming consent and draining an encounter of all sexual tension
that line is the same as the one separating 'will you let me x' and 'you should let me x'
>>11865Note that the following is going to be aimed more toward people characterised as 'shy guys' or 'a good person but not fuckable' than dudes who are regularly characterised as 'creepy' or 'coming on too strong'. The obvious stuff like 'wash, work out, dress well, stand up straight, pay attention to her body language', etc all applies even though I haven't gone into detail about it. The exact reasons why these tips work have been omitted for brevity, but the leftist explanation will generally entail saying 'socialisation' and 'lived experience' a lot, while the rightist one will be a long, droning 'biotruths'. There are tons of little tips and tricks and rules that work well but have gone unmentioned, as in practice you'll forget them entirely unless you resolve to go out and put them into practice the same day you read about them.
Above all, observe Dan Savage's 'campsite rule': leave a person in better shape than you found them. If you think something I've said below countermands that rule, I can assure you that you've misread me.
1. SPEED
The number one mistake you see over and over again is dudes not escalating the interaction fast enough. This is the sole real basis for the 'friendzone' - the dude did not register his romantic intent in a timely manner, and was therefore assumed not to have any. Some men act as if their sexuality is an unbearable imposition, an idea that needs to be slowly introduced to an unwitting woman in order to avoid scandal and rejection. Ironically, acting like this guarantees rejection.
This tip applies to every step of the interaction - don't hang around exchanging glances, go up to her literally within 3 seconds of making eye contact. Don't leave room for Jesus between you all night, establish (respectful, consensual) physical contact. Et cetera.
2. PUSH/PULL
Poker machines lose their compulsive effect if they always pay out. Cats stop playing with a string when you stop bouncing it around. A rollercoaster that doesn't go up and down is a train and isn't nearly as fun. A nascent romantic entanglement loses its thrill if the outcome is never in doubt.
If you're constantly pushing the interaction forward, you give the impression that there is nothing that would be a 'dealbreaker' for you. This in turn implies that you have low standards, which implies desperation, which implies that you aren't worth her time. Conversely, demonstrating that your attention and approval isn't a certainty implies the opposite about you. In other words, if your approval is free it's not worth anything. Pulling back occasionally gives the interaction some spice, makes her invest in it.
Also, if you're constantly running hot, you're only hitting the one emotional note, which quickly gets boring. An effective social interaction of any kind should hit on a range of emotional states - intimacy, sure, but also contentment, melancholy, laughter, anger, joy, fear, curiosity, etc. The wider the array of emotions you can stimulate (in a harmless way, of course), the more engaging you'll be. She'll feel like she's 'known you forever' (because you'll have a big range of emotional associations, just like people she's spent a lot of time with).
3. ABUNDANCE
The easiest way to make a million dollars is to start with a billion. Social media sensations gain followers on the basis of their follower count. Protoplanetary bodies accrete material according to the gravitational pull of the material they already have. Women will like you if they see that lots of other women already like you.
There are two ways to make this work for you: externally and internally. In PUA terms: 'social proof' and 'abudance mentality'.
Social proof is pretty straightforward: direct proof that you're socially valued. You turned up to the club with a big mixed-gender group. You've worked the whole room at the party. The bartender's your best mate. There are women hanging off your every word. You can bring people and groups together, make introductions. All your stories start with "So I was out with me mates…". And so on.
Abundance mentality is you behaving like someone who has a lot of social proof. You'll stride confidently into a room, because you know everyone likes you. You're not going to bend over backwards (or, heaven forfend, pay) for a woman's approval - if anything, you're deciding if SHE'S worth integrating into YOUR schedule. You're not going to sweat the outcome of an interaction, either - why would you? It's not like women are in short supply. And of course, you're going to be nothing but friendly to dudes in any mixed group you approach - after all, competition implies scarcity.
This might seem like a chicken-and-egg problem, but it's quite soluble - the abundance mentality behaviours are incredibly easy to fake at range and in shallow interactions, and a quick round of 'working the room' creates enough social proof to kickstart the social proof accumulation process. As it accumulates, the need to fake abundance recedes.
4. RAMBLE
There's going to be an early phase in basically every approach in which you're doing significantly more than half of the talking. The exact content of this conversation will be unimportant, but the total information imparted will make or break the interaction. You'll essentially have to indirectly demonstrate that you're interesting (Tip 2) and in demand (Tip 3). The point is, you're going to be carrying the conversation for a while, so you should get good at speaking extemporaneously. If you're not good at this, it can be convincingly faked with some well-rehearsed stories tuned for entertainment value, coupled with a bit of improv practice. In my younger years I joined Toastmasters, a public speaking club. I can recommend it, as you get the opportunity to practice both prepared and off-the-cuff speaking. Also, don't worry too much about if your chosen improv ramble topic is 'too niche/nerdy/boring', for a couple of reasons. First, if she's not feeling it you're gonna see it pretty quickly in her body language: closing off, moving away, reduced attentiveness - this will provide ample warning for you to change tack. Second, topic choice counts for very little compared to emotional content. If it's uncool but you speak passionately about it, you'll likely maintain her interest.
5. PRACTICE
Reading all the books and top 5 lists in the world won't help you if you don't go outside and talk to women. A certain Go proverb comes to mind: "Lose your first hundred games as quickly as possible." I know of two ways to maximise your practice: immersion and structured (or 'deliberate') practice. For immersion, put yourself in a position where you have to interact with people. Getting a bartending job is a popular suggestion, what helped me a lot was staying in hostels when I travelled overseas. You can also try structuring your practice by setting specific, incremental goals - 'I'm going to go out 3 nights this week', 'I'm gonna introduce myself to everyone in this bar', 'I'm gonna approach 5 women tonight', etc.
Aside from all that, it should also be noted that 'it's just practice, it doesn't matter what happens' is also a pretty decent mindset to adopt when going out - from the outside, it looks exactly the same as the 'abundance mentality' of Tip 3.
>>11890How do you initiate a one night stand type situation? just broke up
with a long term girlfriend and am looking to fuck around a bit before settling down. Have no problem talking to women or getting them to like me, im just more used to dating girls and only having sex after a dating for a while.
>>11936>How do you initiate a one night stand type situation?Be attractive and wealthy (wealthy not required if you're attractive enough).
Risk sexual harassment charges until you find someone who reciprocates.
Bang.
Leave asap or next morning at latest.
Ghost.
Repeat.
>>11936Everything about meeting women is at its core kind of a numbers game, and that goes double for one night stands. Getting a one night stand is more about logistics than anything: Is she actually looking to fuck that night? Can/will she ditch her friends to go with you? How easy is it to get to your/her place? There's a certain need to 'sort through' women who aren't logisitcally capable of a same-night encounter.
In terms of actually getting to a one night stand, it's pretty much just a matter of compressing the first few dates into one night. That seems like a big ask, but in practice those dates only have a few basic functions: You learn what kind of person they are, you bond over mutual experiences, and you become comfortable with each other physically.
I'm not usually one for 'tricks', but something that does help in this situation are location changes - it makes it seem like you've been together longer than you have (similar phenomenon: forgetting why you came into a room after crossing the threshold).
This all, of course, assumes that you're doing things relatively above-board - not just firing off "u up?" texts at closing time to all the numbers you got over the course of the night, or pushing rope in a bathroom stall while you're both munted on pingas.
>>11943I object to this reading of my post in the strongest possible terms. However, I can see how a person might interpret it the way you have. I will attempt to restate the post's thesis in a different way:
Success with women is, substantially, a product of good social skills.
The broad category of 'social skills' can be broken down into a few basic component skills, each of which can be improved with practice. Applying these basic component skills also kickstarts a positive feedback loop of social success.
Put more succinctly - start talking to people. Pay attention to how things go. Keep doing that and you will develop
>perfect social skills and a huge popular social circle.Does that make my post any easier to parse? I've written quite a few words at this point, so I'm kind of invested in helping my fellow lefty-anons get better at socialising. You don't have to be a poorly socialised autist forever! I got out, and you can too. Please let me know if there is a part you don't understand or believe, or if you're having trouble figuring out a concrete action plan from what I've said.
>>11946Honestly mate, what are you even talking about? Average-looking poor people are perfectly capable of having one night stands. The only places I've seen that operate rigidly according to that 'LMS' blackpill logic are nouveau-riche porky hives like LA and Miami.
And 'sexual harassment' isn't even something you can be 'charged with' outside of the workplace.
Honestly, I find the whole 'blackpill' contingent quite tiring - it's almost always the result of either an unwillingness to practice or a complete failure to self-reflect.
Also don't ghost people, that's a cunt move. You're all adults, just say "Last night was fun but I'm not looking for anything serious". Honestly, how fucking hard is it to just communicate and not be a shitheel?
>>11998Read the thread, there are some good advice (like getting a Bourdain nice attitude). Plus, take care of your health in this cursed times.
Nice dubs btw.
>>11967>I just can't do any of that because I'm extremely introvertedMate, over the past few days I've written hundreds of words on a nepalese naxalite bulletin board about how talking to women works. Does that sound like something an exrovert would do? For every day I spend practicing this shit I have to spend a day and a half alone to recover. Being 'introverted' is not an excuse. Learning social skills is something that anyone can and everyone should do, regardless of what position they start from or what hindrances they might face. There is practically no ambition, no activity, no dream in this world that can be achieved without somehow engaging other people.
>impacts my social skills and prevents me from developing a real social circleDon't worry about whether you 'have a social circle', that shit comes after you're comfortable introducing yourelf to new people. Gotta walk before you can run.
>image people have of me as a pathetic lonerUnless you're in high school, if you don't talk to people I can guarantee you that nobody has any image of you at all. Once you start socially engaging with people, they're gonna think you materialised out of thin air in front of them, even if you've been in there for years. If you are in high school don't worry about it, just turn this info into a plan that you can implement as soon as you get to uni. High school is unreasonably difficult on account of how there's nothing to do and everybody's neurologically incapable of empathy. You either luck out early with sports, money, etc, or it's hell. Fortunately there are no consequences going forward.
>my self-loathingYour self-loathing comes from a history of social failure, right? You've used the data you have to build a model of yourself and the world. You only have past evidence of failure, so failure is your only possible future. If you want to challenge that model, you need to generate enough contradictory evidence to invlidate the ld model.
What you need to do is start racking up some successes. The trick here is to move at a pace you can manage. If you can't bed a woman, make your goal to have a conversation. If you can't chat, aim to introduce yourself. If you can't introduce yourself, settle for asking her the time. If that's a bridge too far, practice making eye contact as you pass people in the street. If terror consumes you at the very thought of that, do it wearing sunglasses. I don't give a shit who you are or what ails you, you can look at a passing stranger's eyes for 2 seconds while wearing fucking sunglasses.
>how many nigh-impenetrable barriers there are between me and getting somethingSocial skills are somewhat unique, in that the barriers are only as big as you act like they are. Start thinking you're gonna make it and the barriers will be small enough to step over. Refuse to take that first step and you'll be stuck at the bottom of an infinite well.
>that most people just naturally fall intoComparing yourself to others: the worst, most pointless waste of time. What, just because someone else did it better, quicker, that means you shouldn't ever get some for yourself? Does Chad give up just because GigaChad could pull twice as many women in half the time? Does GigaChad give up because Charlie Manson could convince women to do more than GigaChad ever could? Did Manson give up because Little Ronnie Hubbard made a mint where Manson only made a life sentence? Did Hubbard give up just because Jesus inspired so much more wealth transfer and slaughter than Hubbard's puny charisma could ever manage? Did Jesus give up just because he'd never be able to escape his weak human side like dear old Dad? Fuck no man, they did it anyway, and they all came away with something. The prizes ran the gauntlet from "Laid" to "The Kingdom of Heaven", but the point is that everyone who didn't start got nothing.
The only person you're in competition with is your past self. "Ha! That autismo cunt would never look anyone in the eye. I did it twice! An infinity percent increase over the best that idiot ever did", etc.
>>11968So you can talk eloquently on some subjects, especially ones you've insight on, but clam up at other times. To me that sounds like you don't talk when you're out of your depth. It's a good habit, overall. Nobody likes the arsehole who runs his mouth about shit he doesn't understand. The problem (I'm guessing) is that you end up out of your depth on 'normie' topics. You probably then enter a bit of a spiral, where you think your silence betrays your lack of experience of this normie thing, which marks you out as an autistic impostor, which means they hate you and don't want to hear from you, which deepens your silence, etc.
If what I've described above is the case, there are three things I can suggest:
First, as mentioned upthread - try asking questions. Even if they're idiotically simple. Even if they're just echolalia + uptalk. You interlocutor gets to talk more, you give the appearance that you're interested, and you stand a chance of learning something that you can use to break your silence in a later conversation.
Second, and this'll probably sound weird - take notes. Note down the circumstances that presage your silence. Who are you talking to? What topic was under discussion? Any other pertinent information? Go over your notes - post them here if you want. Find patterns. Outside of the pressure of a social interaction, can you think of anything to say about those topics? If so, memorise it! Then you'll have something to say next time it comes up. Keep that up and you'll pretty quickly have something prepared for most topics that come up (you'll also learn how small is the range of topics covered by most people).
Third, practice changing the subject. Conversations aren't all one way. You're not just there to please the person you're talking to with no regard for yourself. A good conversation meanders around, finding topics that both participants are happily able to talk about. There's no rule saying you have to stick to something you can't speak on. In any case, intervening to change a topic, especially in a group conversation, is a great way to improve your assertiveness. You can take note of and practice the kinds of things that get people to pay attention and comply (volume, tone, gaze, wording, etc).
>>11998Honestly mate, you'd probably be best served just taking notes and making plans for what you can do after the rona subsides. Otherwise I'm sure there's all sorts of clubs or hobby-type things that have moved to Zoom and whatnot, that'll at least get or keep you in the habit of interacting with human beings. Your social development wouldn't be advanced by you catching the plague.
>>12006Thanks for the thorough write up anon.
This reminds of a site called Good Looking Loser which touched upon some of what you're saying, or very similarly.
What do you think of the concept of "Go for 'NO!'"?
Basically go for it, if rejected cool your jets, warm up, then try again. If No a second time either repeat process or preferable terminate the interaction and move on.
>>11890>RAMBLE>text text textI'm not knocking your guide (haven't even really read it tbh just skimmed for a few secs) especially if it's worked for you but:
Is this really necessary? Women (and people in general) love to talk about themselves no? Why not just ask her open-ended questions about herself, actively listen and ask relevant follow-up questions that show that you're listening? This seems way more low-effort, probably just as if not more effective depending on the girl, and with much less possibilities for a guy to fuck up and spill his spaghetti if he's not a well-trained public speaker with lots of experience in Toastmasters like you are.
>>12021You're lucky, your social development was good enough that the rules and mechanics of social interaction seem obvious to you. Others have not been so fortunate. PUA, hateful as it may be, often represents the only material available for the less socially-developed to figure out the lessons they missed out on as children and teenagers.
Some people never got the opportunity to learn how to >just talk to them like a basic genuine human ffs
I've always wondered how common it is for someone to not have any friends their entire life. I've never really had friends, never hung out with anyone outside of school or work, and it kinda seems like it's a rarity to encounter anyone who is just so uniquely maladjusted that they were never able to succesfully form relationships. I had a few "friends" in highschool but that was really it I guess.
I kinda wonder where everything went wrong though. From what I've observed, most people have never ever had to put in effort to exist as a human in human society. I've found socialization an uphill battle for as long as I can remember. Am I just an outlier?
At this point I don't think understanding where everything went horribly wrong would help though. I'm almost 25, middle age is going to get here faster than I think, and I only really have two years of school left before I get thrown into writing spaghetti code and whatever third rate company will take me. After that, I don't think it's even going to be possible to meet people. I live in a huge, densely populated area and it honestly feels like there's really no one around, and even if there was, how am I going to reconciliate having spent 25-40 years of my life completely alone with someone who more than likely has lived a normal life? I don't really have any thoughts anymore day to day, there's just nothing left to talk about with anyone.
It's not so bad. There's more than one way to experience life.
>>12299I used to have friends and now have none for a long time now. The only thing I miss about it are the good memories, but I’ve found you can have just as many good memories alone. However to succeed at it you still have to do new fun shit, you can’t just sit at home on the internet and having no friends tends to go hand in hand with that. I’ve had good memories alone hiking, journaling in a new place, traveling, making something new/ setting up a cozy home atmosphere, new hobbies etc. Now that some of my memories alone are just as good, I don’t really miss having friends all that much.
However I do think it’s good to have an outlet/ different perspective by talking to others once in a while. I don’t consider myself as having any real friends, but acquaintances. They suffice for the most part.
>>12301yeh just do it, just make sure it's a good doctor. the rest of your arguments were honestly just spooks. fix whatever bothers you. acceptance isn't always the answer, imo. but i'm saying this as someone who also suffered from body dismorphia. had moderate acne that was very difficult to get rid off. god i was so tired of brainlets giving me the most obvious pieces of advice "just wash your face bro!" ohh… i didn't know. i always rubbbed sewage in my face before, thanks
do it and when people ask you about it just say you are happier this way. you don't need to justify shit.
>>12955Agree with the other anon. Get therapy.
You should also write down stuff. Keep a journal, maybe burn each entry after writing it down so you feel more at ease writing. I used to draw and try to get my emotions in the drawing. I'm not good at it at all, but it worked wonders.
Also acting, as you describe it, is incredibly draining. I suffer from that too and don't know how to stop.
>>11142A huge but refreshingly honest Black Pill. I independently came to similar conclusions as the anon in that screenshot since a few years back, but had not seen it worded so eloquently before.
The only part where that anon might be wrong in my particular case is sex. Not that I've had it, I'm a virgin. More so that I doubt that I will be a virgin forever. Back when I was several years younger (HS and Uni years, I'm in my mid 20's) I can count probably a dozen different girls (maybe a bit more) who I could have banged. 7 or 8 of them I was almost guaranteed to hit if I had chosen to fully reciprocate their physical advances (I chose not to). The other 5 or so were a maybe if I had played my cards right. It wasn't even a case of me being "too oblivious to recognize signals of interest" either. I knew exactly what they were doing (playing footsies, talking my ear off, sitting shoulder to shoulder and thigh to thigh with me on couches, giving me extended hugs, holding hands, hugging me from behind such that their breasts pushed into my back, cuddling, kissing me on the neck, that same neck-kiss girl telling me she's in love with me, another girl in HS walking with me to a friend of mine's house and sneaking into his house with me since he was at band [or was it cross country?] practice, his parents were not home and one of the backyard doors was open so she followed me inside such that me and her were alone in my friend's house for a few hours, one girl even jumped on top of me while I was lying on a bed just chilling at a HS party etc). It's just that whenever girls flirted with me like that, it never seemed real to me, even when and while it happened. So I basically didn't ever feel like I "deserved" such affection, therefore at most I would reciprocate their touch but not kiss them, make out with them or escalate to sex. Even with that girl who kissed my neck, I only kissed her back on the forehead so (as strange as it sounds) I've never even kissed a girl on the lips despite all those experiences. But I digress, and I wasn't recounting all of this to "brag" or whatever (don't know how it could be interpreted as such anyway, considering none of those interactions involved actual sex), just to illustrate the point that if I've gotten that close to banging girls before (but didn't because I deliberately chose not to), then me actually banging girls in the future (should I choose to do so) is possible.
However, funnily enough, that doesn't change the fundamental black pill truth of what that anon from this screenshot
>>11142 is saying at all, not even in my case. Like yeah, back when all that happened with those girls I was /fit/ and trim/slim from playing HS sports and all (I got fat a couple years after Uni), and I started lifting for the first time in my life several months ago which is steadily reversing my post-Uni fat gains and re-creating dat dere V-taper that I had back in HS and Uni, and this perhaps would allow me to land some local girls to bang through like OkCupid or something idk. Buuut that would never result in a real relationship anyway, or fundamentally change my life circumstances. At the end of the day, I would still be a NEET with no friends (or: none that I more than extremely rarely talk to via text/IM and don't already have their own life set up anyway) who lives with his parents and has zero job prospects, which is an exactly 0% base on which any girl would ever want to have a relationship with me, even if I was to fuck her once or a couple times off Tinder/OkCupid or some shit.
So yeah, I basically accepted since a while back that what this anon from the screenshot
>>11142 describes as that normie social life, girlfriends/wife and milestones is beyond fucking ogre for me dude. When I had just started to realize this at like 19 to 21 years old, I got sad about it. Especially when I would go on night-walks alone to my old HS or to the park where me and my group of HS friends used to play football, tag, hide and seek, and I would realize that it's over, that all of us had gone off on our separate ways to separate colleges/jobs/etc, that those happy times of youth and close male bonding had passed and that they would NEVER happen again. That all I had left of that were my memories. I sometimes cried hard but silently (those silent tears streaming down your face kind of cries) at those times, alone, sitting on the park bench at night or sitting on the bleachers of my old HS at night, just processing it all and taking it all in. Sometimes on my night-walks, maybe semi-related idk, I would walk to my old elementary school, to the other park where I used to play basketball/chill with my best friend from elementary school or even to my old pre-school. Once I also silently cried while looking at the empty swing-sets/play equipment at night of my old pre-school, with my fingers grasping the chain link fence while I took it all in. "What I would give to be a little kid again, or even just to be a freshman in high school again", I would tell myself back then.
Not long after, one of my (if not the) closest friends from college died and it hit me hard as fuck. There was a group of 4 of us including me since freshman year Uni who were best friends and nearly always chilled together, he was one of us 4.
This song always makes me think of him, it has no lyrics but it's the vibe of it that really gets me:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OlLUtndzw7ALike a year and a half later, this other friend of mine from college also died (he wasn't one of the 4, but was close to my friend who had died before and I'd say semi-close to me too, like I wasn't a regular part of his friend group but the few times just me and him would hang out we would chill comfy for a while) and though it didn't hit me as hard as my first college friend that died, it still hit me pretty damn hard.
All of this to say that, pretty much, life is full of pain and some of those painful events might eventually get dulled in the intensity but you will never truly get over them. And, at the end of the day, somehow, I kind of just deal or eventually learn to deal. I've adapted to spending most of my time by myself and not talking to or barely talking to anybody and it's not even something that particularly bothers me or disturbs my calm all that much anymore.
All the social stuff and talking to girls and everything just kind of ended up seeming not that big of a deal/not that important to me at some point compared to the pain of my close friends' deaths when they were way too young, in ways that are not fair, don't make sense, that I won't ever understand and that will never be ok no matter how much time passes.
>>12984 (me)
Anyway, apologies for the TL;DR.
Here's something much simpler that I have a little dilemma with at the moment:
I'm slowly getting a V-taper from lifting weekly and walking every day for the past several months so that will maybe help me get more matches on OkCupid/Tinder etc right? Cool.
However, all of my pics on these dating apps are old pics of me from when I was out of shape (my activity levels from playing sports in HS really dropped after I graduated).
Here's the deal:
I don't have enough storage space on my cell phone to take new pics.
What do?
>>12985 First suggestion is to stop using hookup apps.
Second suggestion is to get a microSD card from Ali.
Third suggestion is to ask /tech/ next time.
>>12962same, used to d&d with a bunch of guys but we haven't spoken since gathering in groups became forbidden
you could say, oh I guess they weren't real friends, but that's not how it works for me
I can't socialize outside of context. I need to meet x people in y setting or I just don't meet up, at all. except for one or two really close friends. COVID burned all my social context (except fucking work, where there's always the implicit distance of being colleagues) to the ground
>>12988that's a lot of us right now and we feel you.
I look forward to my sunday online reading group - try to join one if you haven't tried already. there are some really cool people out there and zooming makes it so easy to just be yourself™
>>12988Tbh anon just shoot them a message, I'm sure they'd appreciate catching up.
Who knows, maybe you can meet up with like 1 or 2 of them and go hang out?
>>13012it was well intentioned my dude, but some folks dont wanna change and are okay with self pity
plus some folks are trying, even if this thread helped one person aint that enough?
>>13154>tinderi got zero matches
what do
>>13157tbh it was years ago
i have given up
>>13190If nothing else is bearing fruit, it's just pragmatic imo.
Potentially it'll actually provide you an oppurtunity one day to talk to a wheyfu, but for now let the iron be your gf.
>>13155improve yourself (and your situation + prospects) until you get pleassure. Fr though lift weights get dates, and that applies for self care and mental exercise too.
I only got loved when I started loving myself. And I'm an ugly fucker but it's really all about that base. Your 0 will become a ∞
>>3239Last time I did she turned out to be one of those facebook boomer schizos (except in her 20s) who believes corona is a hoax made up by some secret worldwide cabal who also is pushing progressive values onto children or some shit.
Sure, at first I could ignore it but then she started talking about that shit more and more often.
>>13206forgot to give my email. my bad.
[email protected]
>>12955You don't deserve your disorders or mental issues. No one does. Does a bad person that breaks his arm deserve it? It's subjective for one and two you're not awful.
I don't mean to compare you to Frankenstein but does a corpse of necrotic flesh made animate only have a capacity for evil? Even if you are a bad person of bad experiences and intentions, that doesn't guarantee that you'll do nigh good. Email me. I'm that penpal anon above. We can be friends if you want. If it makes you feel any better after I got diagnosed with ptsd I kind of just wallowed in it for a while, feeling at least secure and justified in my being that. I'm not saying I totally understand but that I sympathize in a way.
I'm kind of a impossibly shaped peg too, I don't fit in much. And unfortunately, I was too dead for a while and more people then you'd think too are dead inside. But until we are deceased, we can return from the nightmare to the waking.
I stopped having my nightmare for the first night in literally years. I accepted it as part of my life; and I didn't have it last night. I thought it was going to shackle me forever. But I woke up refreshed for the first time in a very long time. Sometimes a miracle happens, minus the religious connotation
>>12962Yo I thought we weren't going to be able to mosh until 2024, I accepted it, I want to go to shows too. I was bad with people, I got better, then covid happened and my interior mind got better while my social skills went down the crapper worst in a long time.
I don't really know when shows will come back but just know you ain't alone, so please vent all you want.
>>12984fuck your post hit too close to home on the night walks bit. I can feel my friends just fading like glass shards on the beach. I hate when you hang out with someone or you think of them and then a time later they die and it just makes me feel fucking empty and I cry too sometimes on my night walks. I cry other times too.
The only thing that's let me quell the pain is turning it into meaning and righteous fury for moral truth. I try to love the world more then the pain I feel inside doesn't love. I spend a lot of time alone too, and yeah, death has always marred me too. People just are and it feels so inconsequential compared to the weight of attrition.
I think that at any age, even if culturally it doesn't feel like it, friendship and adventure can bloom even if time moves on.
every single day since I was a kid I had been calling out to God (where if it were), "please let me go back to a day time forgot so I can try anew".
Also if you still need pic help;
use an image hosting service to upload your photos that are ok to upload. Partner had the exact issue. Used a thumb drive though
>>19932It's from a movie/book.
>>13314You should work out anyway.
>>13473Just leave your routine and LIVE
You are fucking 30 dude. In the grand scheme of things you are still young. Work out, use retin A to get rid of wrinkles, if you are baling get a hair transplant. I'm tired of you NIG9ERS just pitying yourself in MY thread.
>>13475the use of slurs lets slip 3 things about those who use them:
1. unironic belief in "chan culture", spends far too much time pretending he was on 4chan in 2003.
2. underage, in body or mind (often goes with 1)
3. poor vocabulary, lack of creativity.
>>14044I noticed this for myself a few years back. I had read zillions of short articles commenting on leftist theory and history, but my progress in actually checking off the tomes they were referencing (
Capital, etc.) was shameful. I'm not going to pretend I'm perfect, but these three things helped:
1. Stop doing serious reading on anything with a web browser. The temptation to click into tabbed threads, porn, or wiki digressions is too strong. I highly recommend getting an eBook reader and appropriating free books from MIA and libgen (I hate Bezos too but Kindle is the best e-reader). Dead tree books are great too, but I typically reserve those for reference tomes,
Capital and the like.
2. Stimulants. Caffeine helps a lot for serious reading. Most grocery stores have squeezable caffeine syrup bottles you can add to water for an instant fix.
3. Scheduling. Plan in advance when you'll do your reading, for example, "from 7:00 to 9:00 tonight I'm going to read
Anti-Duhring. Works great
until something forces you to break your schedule and you put down the book for months >>14091I pretty much do everything you said except I always have some cool tunes from the 80's 90's and now
Can't read without it
>>3534Oh shit this old thread, didn't think it was still around
Anyway life is still gay for me, I've just given up by this point.
>>11142Yeah, I'm sorry for replying to old posts still but, coming back to this after now having finished school and worked a job that requires a lot of interaction, this is largely true. The "dude just go outside and talk to randos" meme is the fundamental advice I always get, and I can guarantee that the people who give it are normalfags who have never actually done that themselves. It IS equivalent to telling a homeless guy to just invest in the stock market. Telling people to "self-improve" is the same as telling a homeless man to get a job; it's the classic condescending, ignorant right-wing way of seeing the world.
No one who ever gives this type of "self-improvement" advice has truly suffered or felt alone or depressed. It does not happen. These are people who had it good, maybe hit a minor slump, and relied on their preexisting social tools and connections to bounce right back up. Without those tools you will never integrate with anyone naturally. It doesn't fucking matter how hard you try. I WAS a NEET four years ago. I DID accomplish things - I got my GED, got a car, started college, got a job. And you know what? I feel completely the same as a I did when I was a NEET. I still have no friends, I'm still a virgin loser, I still feel lonely and depressed constantly, I still have no interests (I've actually lost more interests since then).
Every interaction, however good it might feel in the moment, is ultimately hollow and gets me nowhere. I DID talk to people at school, I DO talk to people at work, and still NOTHING. I don't want to hear "oh you're not doing it right," because the people who say that just assume this shit comes naturally and it's YOUR fault for not trying hard enough. Take the people who say "it's on YOU to invite people places". Really? And where would I, a guy who was shut-in for most of his life, invite them? It presupposes that you're already basically a normie who does normie things, just by yourself, and all you need to do is invite other people along and BAM, friends! I'm supposed to just "join a sports club" after being too poor to have ever been a part of a sports team as a kid? I'm supposed to just "find people who share my interests" after years of depression have crushed any interests I had? No matter what advice I follow, what I say, what I do, it's never fucking enough. And after a while, yeah, you want to give up. Because no FUNCTIONAL person has to go to such lengths just to get a fucking phone number. I didn't just try once and give up. I did it over and over and over and over and over and over. And now, gazing into the abyss of post-college wage slavery, I can see that all my hope from four years ago amounted to basically nothing, and I'm at my wit's fucking end.
>>13158tell that my penis :D
he stopped talking to my hand after they had an argument
>>13283get roger love's "the perfect voice" via torrent
>>13360no genuinely try to learn an instrument or at least music theory + singing if you really love certain music you can understand it to the best extend
everyone sucks ass when they start out, it's just that nobody records them while doing that so we don't see it
>>15680hmm, you should definitely ignore that advice. It works for some people and it doesn’t work for more alienated and atomized individuals such as ourselves. I was watching a romance movie lately, and liked it. Although thinking about it and the general trope of romance media in general, main characters chasing down their crush is definitely creepy and I would not want to be on the receiving end even if it was some hot hunk.
The reason I bring up the romance movie is that the same creepy social relations present in movies is being repackaged and re-imaged as legitimate advice for making friends and, taken to its logical extreme via fetishization of the movie, sometimes as advice for people looking for significant others which is how you end up being pressed for charges like some (unfortunately) creepy fuck that you can read about on /b/. This social relation of just putting yourself out there and trying to force yourself and others to hang out. I’ve seen this happen to someone as awkward as me but more bold and his quest for friendship just had people talking behind his back and putting on an act. it was pure pity.
However, going back to the romance movie I watched. It did seem to give some advice that was legitimate. The main character was going on a date for the very first time, and his more well adjusted friend told him to survey the entire date area by himself before the date. During this montage the main character got to know the area, but, through self-exploration, also found areas he himself liked naturally and was not simply checking off a checklist for interesting areAs.
How does this relate to friendship and making friends? It’s something I want to try and something that might work with us less- socially skilled. The thing being hanging out with yourself and by yourself and being honest with yourself and finding areas or places or things you do that you enjoy. Of course this is only relevant for friendships irl, but you could take the same approach for more online hobbies, in seeking to enjoy a hobby by yourself and then, when you feel comfortable and knowing that you like the subject, expanding that social circle.
Also, don’t look up “how to make friends posts”. Often, they just repeat the same advice that you hear all the time. What I would suggest is learning social skill cues from websites designed to support neurodivergent people, like those with autism. Especially with autism, they can go more in depth in teaching social skills, although I have yet to find something in teaching comfortability in socializing; comfort may be something that you must recognize on your own.
idk if I may be re-hashing advice you’ve heard, but the above is what I’m gonna try and hopefully not fail(haven’t tried it yet), but your post speaks out to me and others.
>>16550bros how tf do i find out who liked me on tinder without paying?
i tried all tricks changing location or setting
still can't find out who liked me
Not sure if this belongs but..
As a giant negro I cross the street when I see a white woman so she doesn't alert the guards and have them execute me.
>>16550It is extremely difficult for men (straight) online. Women online see pretty much every guy except for an elite few as attractive. Your best bet is IRL, online only works for guys who are already "rich".
>>16971Step one is not caring too much about it, you figured out she was flirting with you and simply being clued in enough to figure that out however belatedly is an advance
Things are looking up for you clearly you have some pull or a woman wouldn't have flirted with you QED
>>16971There is no trick, you just do it. I can go down all the arguments
>fuck what everyone else thinks, that will only hold you back>good guys will give you cudos for trying, even if you fail>you will gain experience and will be better when the next girl comes aroundyada yada, you just do it. You are not a creep for showing interest in a girl. That's the most normal thing. And perhaps one day a girl might interpret your advances as creepy, just accept that. This land mine type of mentality that turns you into an in-active pussy is exactly what differentiates men from boys. Just accept that there are going to be girls who will interpret your advances as creepy, despite the fact you weren't actually being creepy. If she feels that way about you, accept it and move on, but don't let it stifle you. That's not even worth discussing since this girl gave you plenty of signals she felt comfortable with you.
I will give you a piece of advice. Make flirting with others something normal to you. Flirting is just playful jabs and you can do it with anyone. If that becomes second nature for you, it won't feel off or artificial once you are doing it, because you are actually interested in the person.
>>15680i feel that
for me one of the worst parts of the advice "just talk to people" is that many people aren't worth talking to. This isnt coming from a place of edgy self-superiority, just that many people themselves are very alienated, not chill, and their way of interacting in the world is dictated by social norms and cliche. Beyond capitalism taking away public spaces or pre-existing communities, it took away all pretexts for socializing (except sex/dating).
The problem isn't just finding people to hang out with, for me at least that's not too hard, but the problem is finding out how to deepen relationships with people, especially when person after person turns out to just actually be interested in a sex or acquaintanceship. There's something you can't get from people who you just go to a bar with, or any other thing. More and more though I'm convinced it's totally political, as in the most suburban minded people are going to not even know how to have genuine relationships, and it's only really politically radical (leftist or anarchist) people who are worth spending time with, since they at least have a functioning mind, and some empathy. Everyone else seems just out of it. Shit feels like the matrix, like everyone is real, but some people are more aware and not willing to just take their alienation as the social norm, and aren't liable to turn into an agent on you suddenly :P
My tip to you btw, is hang out with stoners. They're usually at least more social and stuff and ready to not just fall into the herd mindset
good luck, don't get burnt out and resentful
>>19688Damn this post really made me think…
And I am somebody who is very good at socializing, but your post really has a level of maturity that I still lack. Thank you
>>11142it's somewhat true - there have always been people who don't fit into society, think historical hermits/traditional hikikomori - but also falls victim to tunnel vision. recently i've realized that a normal life as robots understand it really doesn't exist. people who have more friends oftentimes don't have any close friends, or they're so torn up inside about other problems that they can't appreciate what they've got (alcoholism, trauma, sickness, mental illness). people with spouses get cheated on or divorced, people in clubs get kicked out, successful people lose everything to circumstance or ego-trips. there are 8 billion different kinds of people alive right now, and you don't have to conform to an ideal which would be unrealistic for anyone. not having a social life is just one handicap to happiness, but it's not insurmountable unless you deliberately spend all your time moping in toxicity. i've known very few fully happy people in my life, and like the anon says, we all end up alone in the end anyways
>>19996>How do I make women approach me/consider me as an option?Why would women approach a man when they can just wait for men to approach them? You need to have something about you that's too attractive for them to let it go. You need to seem like an option that they would hate to lose out on. Sucks that that's how it is, but that's how it is because of the whole "men pursue women" mentality and everyone being used to it. It seems beneficial from the woman's perspective but that's when you don't consider all the opportunities you miss from not approaching someone you find attractive.
>Should I move to have a place that has more "liberal" girls instead of shy conservative types?I think there's a strong cultural element to it, so perhaps. Some places/people are really attached to "dating culture" type shit and think there's a whole procedure and set of rituals you need to follow. It's very lame. Rather than moving, maybe look farther afield in your area or better yet try to find the subculture(s) that stand a bit apart from the mainstream, since those can be more open about social things.
>>20003It was fun but it wasn't a total breeze. I'm just very outgoing, even got rejected once or twice.
>>20004I see. My favorite type of woman that I think I have best chemistry with is the confident, pursue your own needs kind of girl, but I rarely get to be with those and even when I do, I still have to make the first move.
>>20011>I'm just very outgoing, even got rejected once or twice.Now you're just trolling.
Guys have to go after 1000 girls and deal 999 rejections until the ugliest one says yes.
>>20026I have rejected many women including the hottest 3 girls in my Highschools and I've only been rejected by one women because I dropped my spaghettios. When I was 17 on my country's equivalent of prom night this gym rat aquintance of mine B came up to me all hyped up and rold me the hottest and most popular girl in my school, J asked me to dance with her, and her friend . I was coming down off speed and had just redosed too late so I was feeling depressed. I walked over with B to the dance floor and J and her friend shyly glided over to us and I took her hand and exchanged introductions. She looked up at me with stars in her eyes as we danced in some capacity in the middle of this tacky boat venue. I am legit 100 percent autistic but thanks to my speed addiction and forcing myself to learn social skills I expertly navigated the interaction, my body language, tempermant, eye contact and our dialogue. I could feel her cool exterior melting into my arms. She was not just the arrogant miss popular girl that everyone knew. She let me feel her energy and I let her feel a taste of mine as well. In the brief first moments of interaction we established a sort of intimacy and mutual understanding. This came as a surprise to me. We both faked appearances for social status while feeling insecure and tense on the inside. She seems to have pursued a life after HS. In my case the boundaries containing my life and my persona dissolved completely within a few months. After the dance I met up with this girl, K, her wonderwoman costume was endearing to me. Her breasts that she was showing off were bigger than my ideal. We talked awkwardly and bashfully in the night, her pupils dilated impossibly wide for the darkness. I'm sure mine were as well since I was frying again. The giddiness in my stomach led me to blush. Some hooligans drove past and leered at K. I stood out in fornt of her and puffed my chest instinctively. They talked some dumb shit and I insisted we're just friends. K looked at me expectingly. Later that night we drank and we drank. I took photos with the boys. B came up to me and asked me for a speed. I obliged. He had a seizure 3 days later and his cop mom was pissed, I felt so much guilt I was ready to turn myself in. I drank too much and got sad as shit. I stripped down to my underwear and tried to drown myself in the pool. Everyone ignored me (lol). I came out again and sat down in a circle while everyone was playins spin the bottle. More girls in the circle and more so girls kissing girls. I kissed this sweet girl S who grabbed me for more, she was almost as drunk as me and brought in the tongue. I politely pulled away. K was not too pleased. I called my cringe 4chan rich kid friend over J. He said he'd come over after he grabs his knife (seems legit). We all slept on the couch. J practically plopped himself doen in front of me as the little spoon (so pleased with himself this fucker) K was behind me and tried to cuddle with me a bit. She clearly wanted it but I was strung out and just wanted to sleep. I woke up with her jerking on my flaccid cock. Felt disgusted, good for perspective I guess. Swatted her hand away and went back to sleep. Wake up to the smell of sizzling pig fat churning my stomach to temp of my throbbing head, kill me fuck how am I alive. Grab a slushie with the less fucked up boys, while I wait for the speed to kick in. Such is life as a chad.
>>20056Anyways I had an actual point aside from stroking my ego which no one will read. I wanted to discuss authentic vs inauthentic living. I grew up spending my energy and intent in a very different way before directing my life towards performing as a chad and essentially a false self which was the seed of this narcissism. I am now living a much more authentic life and I am a much better more just person overall because I don't snap and take out my hidden stress through predatory/antisocial behaviour. But aside from that I'm not so sure that a more authentic life is the better one for me. I was more effective in some ways as the false self, more able to reach my ideals and goals. I had more agency and appeared more resilient. More dominant and more powerful so I could better protect the people I love but I often abused it out of the brewing hate and pain deep within me.
Is there a way to synthesise the true self and the false self? In a way that will allow us to keep the good of both? Humanity is a rational being, this must be possible in somw way. Please share your experiences or ideas therein. I may make a thread on this in the near future.
I will just type out my thoughts regarding the advice "be yourself" and how I made sense of it. I always thought that to people struggling with social skills this was dog shit advice and after having worked on my social skills for a long time and believing I made significant strides, I will just try to make sense of that piece of advice that requires more nuance, in my opinion.
I will start by saying that we need to acknowledge that there are certain traits that are generally seen as attractive. All isn't entirely subjective, as if people had completely random taste or criteria for what they find attractive. There are some commonalities when it comes to what's deemed appropriate, attractive and successful. Other than that, we have *some* degree of subjectivity; personal taste. The point is some things are just commonly seen as attractive traits.
So let's say we had a boy who has a natural interest in sports, naturally engages in competitiveness, has a habit of risk taking, is extroverted and had socially skilled parents. I think we will have an individual who will grow up to be socially successful. It's likely that he will have a lot of exposure to many people, he will have good social skills, he will be athletic and also have the bravery to make the leaps of faith when it comes to certain social situations. Like approaching strangers or a girl they are interested, yada yada.
Now let's imagine we have a shy, introverted boy, who was risk averse. I think it goes without saying that if this boy remained this way in their formative years, we will end up with a man with the opposite qualities I just described.and it shouldn't be a far stretch to say, they will be less socially successful.
"Be yourself" is dog shit advice if it means to not change. What it should mean, to be useful advice, is to accept yourself as you currently are and to love yourself with the shortcomings you have. This is a must for the sake of your self-esteem. Nobody is perfect. We can compare ourselves to others and feel inferior, or we can be mature and realize it's a trap to think this way. We all have our strengths and weaknesses. And a bitter pill to swallow might be that we have more weaknesses than others. But there are no conditions for self-love. No criteria to fulfill. If you think so, then you tricked yourself into a toxic mentality. (Or maybe you grew up with parents that made their love conditional, so in that case I don't want to frame it that way, that it's your fault)
On the other hand that shouldn't be a call to remain the same for ever. One mustn't be static. It's in your own self-interest to improve over time. You will change and you should change for the better. Based on what you deem to be correct, you should improve over time. Perhaps you are shy and see an issue with that. How are you going to assert yourself at work? How are you going to assert yourself when people try to bully you? How are you going to approach the girl you like? Well, you've found your justification to improve on that. Maybe you don't like your skinny fat body. It's not healthy the things you eat and to be honest, everyone feels great looking in the mirror and feeling attractive. So why not change your diet and go to the gym? Well, you've found your justification for that. So you can still change and improve yourself, which doesn't mean you hate yourself or that you outright reject who you are in the moment. You accept how you currently are in this state, which doesn't contradict the acknowledgement that you can benefit from changing certain things. It's in your interest.
We enter the part of subjectivity here. Sometimes people can help you figure out what you can change. They could point out something they find rude about the way you speak. Sometimes you come off inconsiderate. Occasionally, you seem unsure of yourself, which leads to others not putting much trust in your words either. But other times some people might point out your interest in anime is lame, the way your dress is tasteless, and the band you love sucks. These critiques mustn't make you feel unsure of yourself. They are in a state evaluation for now. If you were to choose which of those are real problems and working on them would benefit you, which one would it be? Perhaps you might think "I do come off rude, but when we slack off while organizing we risk not meeting the deadline.", "I should work on my confidence. If I reflect on what good work I've done in the past I realize I have no reason to be unsure of my work.", "I know others around me don't like anime, but I'm not going to keep what I like a secret, just because others find it lame." So this is up to oneself to cultivate good judgement and filter out what is actually harmful and what is simply a matter of taste. This is the part where subjectivity comes to play. This is the part to be authentic and to be who you are. Some people won't like it, some people will love it. And this way you will find the people who truly match you. Rejection will act as a filter to find the people who truly match you, and like you for who you are. No trickery or acting needed. And like that you learn that rejection isn't innately bad.
That's just my way of rationalizing "be yourself", which to me seemed like bad advice when I was a teenager.
>>20058>Is there a way to synthesize the true self and the false self?I've thought about this issue for a bit and it seems like a bit of a complicated topic to answer, but I'll try. I was in a bit of a similar boat as you for some time, I had a facade for my social life and a true self lurking underneath. For me, both existed at the same time, I played the chad when in social situations and when by myself I was myself. I couldn't fully abandon my fake self because then my image would suffer. I couldn't abandon my true self because then I would be miserable. Something had to be done though, I had, in essence, been living two different lives that were in a deep contradiction with one another and it would only be a matter of time before I would have to choose one.
As the contradiction between my true self and fake self grew, I had been thinking more and more out of what I wanted out of life. As I began to read more and started to develop a more solid foundation of who I was and where I was going, I realized that there was nothing to be found in either the idle-minded contentedness of my true self or the narcissistic facade of my fake self, I had to find an ideal to work towards. After I read How the Steel was Tempered, Ostrovsky's famous quote,
>“Man's dearest possession is life. It is given to him but once, and he must live it so as to feel no torturing regrets for wasted years, never know the burning shame of a mean and petty past; so live that, dying, he might say: all my life, all my strength were given to the finest cause in all the world──the fight for the Liberation of Mankind. And one must make use of every moment of life, lest some sudden illness or tragic accident cut it short”,burned itself into my mind and I found that neither the fake nor the true were the best forms of me, that there was some ideal self I had to discover and work towards. My ideal self was based on the philosophy of giving back as much as I could while taking as little as I could, although different people could build themselves on different beliefs. That is how I started to combine the fake and the true, moving the best parts of both into my daily life and discarding the rest so that I could be capable of doing as much with my life as possible.
In summary, if you don't want to read all that, to synthesize the fake and the real into one, it's important to have an ideal to work towards that is based on some personal philosophy, not on whatever's easiest or makes you look the best. It's much easier said than done but in my opinion, it's better to have the pride of making yourself better than simply being in mindless contentedness or existing only in facade.
>>20904Really though
My advice for all of you virgins is the same. Ask questions, get a conversation started that way.
People like talking about themselves so avoid the urge to vomit your pet topics on your date.
Generally you can tell how things will go after the first real conversation, and I believe what they say is true, "first impressions are everything"
>>20908You dont have a break room or any way you can walk by her area and chat or anything? Given the chance, ask what she's doing after work, and if she's free, exchange numbers.
Goodluck anon, dont overthink it.
>>20910>>20945>>20901UPDATESo after being kind of deflated for a bit, my co-worker kept encouraging me to go for it. My co-worker also evidently talked to this girl about me.
So today when I went to pay for my stuff, I just made some brief conversation. Nothing serious or personal, I just broke the ice since, like I said, all we've ever said to each other is basic pleasantries. She seemed very smiley and happy to be talking to me. Later on I talked to my co-worker about what happened and she told me that this girl was hesitant about talking
to me because she said she's
very introverted and worried about getting her heart broken.
So now it clicks - she's not being bland with me, she's legitimately shy. Like holy fuck bros, is it happening?? Where do I go from here?
>>21107This sounds like solid advice, thanks. I saw her today but I didn't really have much else to say. Plus it's hard since there's always an audience around us. I'm sitting in my car on lunch right now basically beating myself up for not keeping up the momentum. I need to find the right moment.
Apparently she's like genuinely nervous about being in a relationship, I really feel for her. She seems a lot more smiley with me though each time i see her.
tl;dr: I think I may have gotten borderline asked out today, what do?
Okay, this is gonna be a long post, I'll start with the background:
About a year ago, my mom met the mom of a middle school classmate of mine and told me said classmate was upset with our class not inviting her to our regular reunions (the middle and high school were de facto a single school, most of the middle schoolers stayed).
I felt bad for her, so I invited her to the next one when our class rep announced it (the plan didn't go through anyway, lol) and got left on read for months, lol.
More recently, a few months ago, she read the invitation, apologized profusely for forgetting to get back to me and gushed how nice it was of me to have reached out in the first place.
The other day, the class rep went and tried to organize another reunion, I invited the middle school girl again.
I was bored, so I started asking her about her studies since I had heard a bunch about them from my mom through hers, like if she's still studying the stuff she wanted to, she asked me about mine, yadda yadda.
Eventually we bonded over both of us taking longer than usual to get our degrees, i almost went off on a tangential autistic rant but headed myself off with "long story".
Towards the end i reminded her to DM the class rep to negotiate another date for the reunion, since the currently proposed date could fuck with her exams at uni, her reply was:
>in case we don't see each other there, we always can meet up for coffee, tea or whatever you like and you'll tell me that long story :)
>so we'll be in touch :D
I replied with the built-in porkybook thumbs up (was this too autistic?).
Reasons to consider this "borderline asking me out":
>may have been into me in middle school, this is likely wishful thinking on my part as i was an even bigger autist back then and she was pretty hot, still is
>she may be impressed by me working full-time in my chosen field already as I told her - that is to say, money
this is made even more likely by the fact she knows I studied CS and likely remembers me wanting to be a programmer even when we were kids, so if she's rubbed two brain cells together, she knows I'm in IT and could potentially earn stacks of polandbucks. However, if I remember correctly her family was somewhat wealthy, so she might not be digging for gold (to such an extent, anyway).
>she may be actually touched or something by me remembering to reach out to her like she says she is
>she is an adult woman, she should be aware of the cultural implications of suggesting "tea or coffee" (I might have myself internalized it as an internet americanism, tbh)
>everyone seems to be lonely and desperate these days
>the heart reactions to my messages, even stuff like "[yeah, I also think getting my foot in the door before getting my degree is cool], very cool [even]" would ordinarily obviously mean nothing since in my experience young women throw them around like nothing, but may be meaningful given everything else
Reasons against this:
>the loneliness mentioned above may not be necessarily romantic/sexual
>I seriously doubt she has any reason to be even potentially attracted to me, seeing as we haven't seen each other since i was a pretty immature and unattractive teenager, we're both 23 now - either she's platonically curious how an old classmate is doing enough to want to meet up with him regardless of others being there or not, or she's smelling the money as I've said in point 2 of the pros
>she may be feeling guilt/pity over the whole "left on read for months" thing
questions:
>should I interpret it this way at all? should I reevaluate any coomer or idealistic biases I might have?
>should I take her up on the offer before the reunion, strike while the iron is hot? I guess sometime next week I could say I got impatient or something and propose a coffee/tea/whatever date (I know the obvious guidelines like decisively proposing a place and time or not being late, ofc)
>>21118>thumbs up is porky ????
Take her on the offer, you can always back out or break up or just stay friends… and yeah definitely strike it hot, just try to be decisive without being too overbearing. If you can't get a girl to like you, get a girl to like herself being around you - compliments, banter and light teasing… just don't bring up any 4chan tier stuff, you'll just be dropping spaghetti.
>coomer/idealistic biases Like? Outside of don't expect her to just jump in your arms it's kinda situational and depends on the kind of person she is, her relationship status and her interests. It's a tightrope m8, and you gotta walk it. Be friends and just probe the waters further as you go along casually going out and the like until you can get a better sense of her intentions.
>>21121 >Polish facebookAhhh understood
>i'm asking for a reality check on anything I didn't consider already IDK man, don't get your hopes up to high just go along and njoy yourself, if she's interested, good you got a GF, if she's not, then you got a friend to chat with.
>>21125A dinner like at a fancy restaurant is overly formal and not for a first date unless you go there AFTER doing something like visiting a movie or something like that.
A coffee meet-up and a walk is like an easy informal date, you go grab something you can hold and just take a stroll in a park or something and chat about stuff - getting more comfortable in a casual sense.
>>21129 >>21130 >been interacting for over a year at this point, and evidently she's liked me for a whileDamn dude, then yeah definitely go for it, I thought you'd barely interacted, you're good to go dude.
>she's been smiling and greeting me by my name more when she sees me. Anon holy shit, you've got a solid chance here, go for it!
>>21131Thanks bro. Like I said before, until the past week or so our interactions basically just consisted of "Hi" and "Thanks, see you later" until I decided to break the ice. I just made some brief small talk but it really showed me that she's a sweet person, albeit very shy. I had always gotten the impression that she was kind of an unapproachable hot blonde, but it turns out I was dead wrong.
My co-worker seems really into setting us up together because she's known both of us for years and feels we'd be a good match.
>>21184>Whats y’all trick for clubbing1. Get drunk(not passed-out drunk) with friends at a bar or a friends place.
2. Prepare a some alcohol that you can store somewhere hidden outside the club, so you don't have to buy the expensive stuff inside
3. Go apeshite in tne club. I am a good dancer, so I'll usually have no problem just letting loose. I admit most of the time I try to hit on someone, I'll guess that comes with going clubbing for me
>>21191Imitating those of talent isn't sheep like, just don't copy them one-for-one, something that functions for on person isn't necessarily the same for another. In Burger society at least, most of this kind of stuff is pretty necessary and based in "Fake it till you make it"
At the same time a intelligent person can discern charisma that isn't really there, from charisma that is real (Compare the speeches of Martin-Luther King Jr. to those by modern US politicians).
>>21190What is over drunk though? is it when you start blacking out? I feel like girls drink just as much as guys.
Theres been times at clubs where some girl and I just happen to catch each others eyes and start making out within 5 seconds of the start of the interaction. I Imagine the girl must be pretty wasted to make out with me that quickly.
Maybe that my own biases as that something that I could only do while wasted because otherwise I'd overthink everything.
>>21196Charisma is having a strong understanding of the implicit "rules" that govern human interaction. This can be anything from eye contact, the words you use, body language etc. These rules tend to be complex, contradictory and often difficult to put into words. This usually develops through proper socialisation; properly socialised people seem more "naturally" charismatic as the more you interact with other people, the more you understand the rules. If you only interact with a small circle (especially if they are unsocialised themselves), it is likely that your social skills are stunted because you have a limited exposure to the rules.
If this didn't develop positive traits organically, you must fake them. "Kneel down, move your lips in prayer, and you will believe”, If you put on a facade of charisma, if you act as if you are already charismatic, and if you try and interact with as many people as you can, eventually you will most likely become charismatic yourself. It probably helps if you also form friendships with charismatic people as you unconsciously adopt traits of people you spend a lot of time around.
>>21122>>21124Okay, so I just asked her:
>on another topic, regarding that "coffee, tea or whatever I prefer" thing>I got impatient>are you free the next Saturday?my heart's beating like crazy, but I've done way stupider shit to get laid, failed and I'm alive, worst thing that can happen is she'll say no, right?
right? >>21132Update: still haven't asked her out, partially because she was off for a few days and also I'm still just really hesitant. I'm being explicitly told she's into me. Like she talks about me to my co-worker and apparently she thinks I "sound like the perfect guy" for her. But I just don't know how to really seal the deal. I started to break the ice a little bit but now I feel like it's stagnated and we don't really have anything to talk about. We're both aware of our mutual interest, but we're also both social retards. I know I should probably ask for her Snapchat or something first, but how the fuck do I go from observational small talk to asking for social media.
I feel myself starting to slide back into blackpill mode and it's fucking killing me. I feel like I'm losing a golden opportunity to redeem myself. Like I have this girl that's seriously into me, is super introverted and has never really had a bf, and is pretty good looking on top of it. It's like an incel's dream come true. But I STILL can't fucking navigate this.
>>21245But what I'm understanding is that she's extremely paranoid about guys, which is why she's never had an actual boyfriend. I just worry I'm going to jump the gun and freak her out if I haven't really seriously talked with her much before. But our opportunities to talk are so limited that it's hard to do much of anything.
And she still just seems very quiet. She got all red the other day when I made a joke and still asks how I am, but that's about it. My co-worker isn't lying or pranking me, she's older than us and has known both of us for a while. But I need to have something to work with.
>>21247Try to find a mutual interest and talk about it with her. When the conversation ends, ask her out for coffee.
If that's not possible then try to take as much advantage of the small talk as possible, do a kinda gesture, get her some food,
anything. Just create an initiative out of thin air, it's not going to magically fall on your lap.
Damnit, use the fact that you guys don't talk too much as an excuse to ask her out so you guys can get to know each other better.
>B-But what if it is too suddenAnon, by the love of shit there's no way for this to happen 'without' it being sudden. Try to soften the blow the best you can if that's such an issue, making her comforted throughout the way. Be casual but concise.
If everything you told us about her interest on you is factual, then there is a near zero chance of it going to shit, unless you royally fuck it up (your fault) or she spaghetti's it completely (her fault).
I don't want to see you here again until you get of this stage. Otherwise you're just making excuses.
>>21261>>21251Alright just a quick minor update: I was off today but i went to the store where we work just to pick up some stuff. She was in and actually stepped out from the office to do something as i was passing (in hindsight maybe she saw me coming?) and we exchanged a quick friendly greeting and carried on. But I did notice she wasn't wearing her mask anymore, so i guess she finally got her shot. This really puts me at ease because i've been so nervous she was going to leave in January over the mandate, since we have quite a few antivaxxers at this place. So now I don't feel as much pressure to rush things, and i can focus on building more of a rapport before asking her out. Like i said, we barely said anything to each other until like a week and a half ago, so I don't want to freak her out by forcing it. I'm not going to wait too long, of course, but i want to make her more comfortable with me and flirt a little bit.
Anyway, that's that, I'm not going to post here again until I ask her out one way or the other. Thanks for your guidance and encouragement so far, inshallah I will make this work.
>>21278Yeah this isn't going to happen. She still seems very bland with me whenever I try to talk and doesn't seem that interested in extending the conversation. Maybe she's just that much of a social retard but i dunno. The co-worker that seemed so eager to set us up said she's trying to disengage because she doesn't want to "freak her out" so i'm taking all of this as a signal that this was a huge mistake. She was apparently into me for months but now that i'm talking i just get the vibe that she's lost interest. Maybe i'm wrong and overthinking things but I don't want to shit where i eat so I'm just going to let it go.
Stay blackpilled.
>>21431>>21417>>21278>>21251>>21261>>21247>>21245>>21244>>21243Alright anons. After weeks of waiting for an opportunity and harassing all of you, I got over myself and shot my shot.
She said she was busy working and she doesn't really drink coffee and thanks for the offer. So there you go. As usual, when something seems too good to be true it usually is.
We were both cool about it. Ended with "See you tomorrow" but there you go. Wish my co-worker had just kept her fucking mouth shut to be honest. I don't understand how she could say all that shit and have it end up like this, but whatever! LOL Still feel like a complete retard
So for real this time, thanks for all your advice, but it simply wasn't meant to be.
>>21592I've known people to be overzealous at playing the matchmaker often but your situation is kind of extreme since you know the person they want to match you with for a longtime.
My friend tried to hook me up with a girl(I think) in a weird way in HS. He got my myspace password and sent her a message from me that said: "you're hot" to this girl he was friends with I didn't really know. At the time I was just embarassed and nothing came of it, but looking back she probably told him she thought I was cute or something and he was trying to play the matchmaker.
So maybe this woman so wanted to see you as a couple she lied or embellished what your crush said about you.
But if what she said was true maybe she is into you but it's her own paranoia/social retardation as you described it.
>>21247>But what I'm understanding is that she's extremely paranoid about guys, which is why she's never had an actual boyfriend.One time I was talking to this girl on online dating and then this first conversation she says:
>What are you doing right now? Want to come over and watch a movie?<Ok sure, I'm just going to shower really quickI come back a half hour later and text her. Ok I'm heading out.
>I'm getting sleepy can we take a raincheckI hit this chick up a couple times over the course of a week asking if she wanted to go out and she was just acting retarded about it so I gave up.
So from:
> instant come back to my place off the first conversationto
<flaky unreachable woman who's unavailableSo not to give you false hope, but maybe she is actually into you and it's her own psychological problems holding her back. You'll probably find out soon enough.
>>21578Welp, that's a F.
But take pride in knowing that you went for it, instead of pussying out like so many do.
>>21595>So not to give you false hope, but maybe she is actually into you and it's her own psychological problems holding her back. You'll probably find out soon enough.You were right. I saw her today and she actually came out specifically to talk to me, completely unprompted. She said she was sorry for the other day and said it's her. She told me "I love you, you're like my favorite person here" and that she really likes talking to me, she just "can't" right now. But she kept reiterating that she likes talking to me.
I don't know what the future holds but we're at least clear on where we stand right now. I think we're both just kind of socially retarded and it's best for us to start like this. Maybe it'll lead to something once she gets more comfortable with me, or maybe not. At least now the ice is more than broken and we can be kind of honest with each other.
Anyway, sorry for hijacking this thread for like a month now, but it helped me navigate this whole experience. I think now it's all in my hands and I can finally stop blogging here. Thanks for your patience and help, anons.
>>21641Awesome, glad to hear it anon. I actually was waiting to find out how it went. Now I feel validated as a love guru as well.
I think it definitely sounds like it could be something there and that you're on the right path.
Ganbatte anon!
>>21641See? I told you you had more of a chance than me and I was right.
Middle school girl anon here, i'm way more pessimistic now - the HS reunion date is now set and I'd definitely come off as desperate if I pressed for a meeting anytime soon. I think my first instinctive reaction was correct, and she just isn't seeing the situation that way. Also, someone, most likely the class rep, must have added her to the facebook group for the high school class, so I no longer have an excuse to talk to her when some info gets posted.
I didn't do what
>>21313 said, but I did find something else to talk to her about, a school-affiliated charity fundraiser for retarded kids we were doing:
>Hey, we're raising money for gifts for retarded children, the teacher talked us into it, here's the account number if you want to pitch in>Deadline is tomorrow, thoughA week went by without the messages even getting read (not good, but a historical pattern with her, lol), so I reminded her of my existence:
>You still alive xD?<Oh yeah XD<Sorry (pensive emoji)<As far as time management goes, I'm dead XD>my condolences>still, the last time around you were dead for months, so I see you've gotten better xD (this was supposed to be a jab at last year, when she left me on read for months)<XDD<Actually you're right<:D>Anyway, I'm not upset that you didn't pitch in xD>I got long-lasting trauma towards the mentally disabled myself :D (heart emoji reaction from her)<XDD>You laugh, but I almost went to jail once because of them XDDDDD (this is a true story I like telling to people IRL I've also told it on chans)>I don't recommend itThese last two messages were not read, it was like 10pm so I assumed she either went to sleep or continued doing whatever it is she does on Friday evenings
Yesterday morning I found out about the reunion date, so using the fact she didn't have access to the info yet, I asked her:
>the Xth okay with you or do you have some other exam on that day?<XDD, it's okay with me (smiling emoji with hearts for eyes)>huh? XDD?<cause almost all the unis end classes by the Xth, I thought you were joking XDD>…>you still got the uniform? we don't generally wear it to our reunions, but she looks smoking hot in it<yup (gave her a heart react)>good>see you, the capitalist is standing over my head with a whip (pensive emoji) ie. I'm supposed to be working<ohhh, okay! [affectionate variant of "bye" turned into a noun with a diminutive added on top for extra verbal diabetes]>thumbs up I accidentally sent an hour or two later when I unlocked my phone and my finger slipped on the back buttonthe amount of written laughter and affectionate language/emoji I get from her gives me the impression she's like that with everyone
also, the fact I always initiate contact, get replies late and write 90% of the convo is probably a no - she does have more shit to do than I, since I just work 7-3 and fuck off as opposed to doing two degrees at once, but there are limits to everything
tl;dr I should probably just rub one out and forget it instead of autistically hyperanalyzing messenger convos play-by-play on a communist basket weaver enthusiasts' forum, focus on other things in my life like not getting fired from my first job before my contract is up, getting back on track with my thesis and calisthenics or working towards my license and a used Japanese sport compact.
>>21663Yesterday I asked her about her academics, since she mentioned that day in particular in relation to them, and we chatted a bit.
I explicitly urged her to wear the uniform too:
>oh yeah, one more thing before I leave you in peace, remember the uniform for the day after tomorrow<seriously seriously?>of course xD>why else would I have asked you if you still had it?<I mean, I know<But I wanted to make sure if that's still a thing<Cause sometimes traditions dieIt is not, in fact, a thing anymore, lol. I essentially selfishly tricked a woman into wearing stuff I find hot just because I want to see her in it, and damn, does it feel good to be an asshole, pic related. But hey, I never said everyone was doing it, that was her own interpretation.
I really hope we're the only two wearing it, it would be incredibly ironic, because the day we met we both got detention for breaking dress codeClass meet is tomorrow, will report.
(xD) >>21972did a mod make that XD
wtf mods stop creepin
(👀) >>21982>>22009Mods, **smrods*. I don't get how exactly I was being "cancer on /hobby/", but whatever.
Anyway, fuck it all. After the meet yesterday, I declare the middle school girl saga officially over. I really had been reading into the situation too much, and as an undersocialized alienated individual I was just latching onto anything that looked like female attention. First thing of all, she claimed she'd lost her uniform necktie. To that excuse, I provided a solution, a spare one I had lying around, which in the end she refused to wear. Second, she seemed to rather pointedly ignore me - no hi/bye hugs, not paying attention when I was exchanging stories to people around the table, providing curt answers to open questions, pretty obviously being attracted to a different guy too, flipping her hair and everything. Oh yeah, I also fucked up majorly pretty much the moment we started talking, I actually started stammering when she asked me why I had questions for her and I might have blushed.
I still had fun at the reunion, so I don't regret going, but I am angry at myself for having nursed a crush this hopeless and stupid for over a month. When I came home, I just threw the spare necktie down in frustration. I then opened up the bottle of whiskey my friends had gotten me for my birthday and got into a theological and philosophical argument with a different childhood friend from school. She ended up trying to convert me to her crazy brand of Catholicism, think "learn ecclesiastical Latin to own the modernist heretics" crazy. I, a leftypol anon, argued in favor of materialism, of course. 10/10, would argue again. I haven't slept at all, but work today is light and only half a shift long. Not sure how I'm gonna make it until the family Christmas Eve dinner is over, though. Enough coffee to give myself a couple of ulcers, I guess.
>>21641>>21643>>21644Hey I doubt most of you care but I just thought I'd give some update on this whole saga, not because I think anyone cares about my life but because it might serve as kind of a whitepill for some:
So after a couple of weeks of continuing to make small talk, I happened to mention that I had watched the new Spider-Man movie. Turns out she loves Spider-Man and had also seen it. A week or so later, she tells me she had already rewatched the movie, and tells me she wouldn't mind watching it again with me. So we exchanged snaps and ended up going to the theater together. We got to chat a bit and had a good time. Not sure I can really call it a proper date, but it's a start. She's just super anxious and it's going to take a while, but I'm willing to wait.
It feels like it's been ages since this whole ordeal started but it's only been two months, and we've both come a long way in that time. In one month we've gone from me being shot down to *her* asking *me* out to a movie. Hopefully things continue to get better and who knows where it'll go. So the big takeaway for all my fellow autismos is this: you never know what's going through other people's heads. It's good to make connections with whoever you can, because if my co-worker had never said anything to me, I would've continued to assume this girl was just another hot blonde that was indifferent to me. It's okay to fuck up along the way because it's not the end of the world.
>>22121No offense, but you and especially her are pathetic beyond belief. Not only is she a complete fucking autist, but you pursue her like she is the only girl in the world making you even more of a retard. But the best thing is yet to come:
>So the big takeaway for all my fellow autismos is this: you never know what's going through other people's heads. It's good to make connections with whoever you can, because if my co-worker had never said anything to me, I would've continued to assume this girl was just another hot blonde that was indifferent to me. It's okay to fuck up along the way because it's not the end of the worldHad to laugh there really, because you were really waddling in self pity after being potentially shut down by her after needing a lot of convincing to ask her out in the first place. I mean…you really are something. Then you write this self-motivation crap thinking that anybody with some self-respect cares about what you sperg have to say in terms of connecting with people. My guess is that she is throwing an autistic fit again in a couple of weeks and she will dump you again, while you will come here giving us an "update" that nobody asked for.
I really mean it, when I say that you should take no offense by my "rant". You apparently made some progress, but what struck me with you the first time you posted, is that you need a lot validation from others. That's why you ask some weirdos on a leftist imageboard for advice and that's why you simp for a weirdo bitch. Don't kys please, but don't think that anybody gives a shit about your "NEVA GIVE UP" words of wisdom.
>>22127>Wow, that's harshI know. But this is needed sometimes
>Still, you yourself admit they're both pathetic, so I'd say they're a good matchIdk if two pathetic people make a good match, just like two people with a big ego don't make a good match
>>22124Yeah wow sorry, just thought since most people on this shithole site are retards like me they might be happy to see that something worked out for someone and it might motivate them. And I didn't even pursue her, I just kept going about my business until she asked me. I talked to her like i talk to any fucking person i see regularly at work.
What are you, some bitter incel? What was the point of this? You're just a nasty contrarian that has to shit on people because you're envious that no one in your personal life likes you enough to even smile at you. Fuck you, cocksucker.
>>23064>>23066 (me)
also I went out clubbing last weekend for the first time since the pandemic started. triple vaxxed, no sickness
one single mom was on me like crazy, but then she went off with some other dude. that pissed me the fuck off, and more so than usual since I'm off antidepressants now. things are going to be a roller coaster for the next few months I suspect
on the other hand I did get a chinese girl's phone# so that's nice
>>22124Fucking love this post.
Archived and Immortalized
>>22124 t.cynical asshole that hates people actually getting something they want and having a healthy relationship, because they secretly hate themselves
LMAO
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