Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:41:34 No. 2971
The easiest and quickest way to get better at socializing is talking to people IRL, but I know that's easier said than done because even i'm a recluse and say things like "I don't know what to say!" This quarantine has made things worse because I actually want to talk to people now ;-;
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:41:34 No. 2972
>>2971 >This quarantine has made things worse
Yes, I've been working on social skills and regularly talking to new people for more than a year now and was looking forward to push further this year. The virus really fucked everything up. This whole year.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:41:35 No. 2975
the worst part is that we don't even fucking know if this shitty virus is truly gone after the "hype" surrounding it is gone.
Like imagine going out to socialize and getting the virus after everyone has returned to their work and the media is talking about other stuff.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:41:35 No. 2979
We are reliant on a vaccine. But at least there is going to be standard medication for moderate cases soon.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:41:35 No. 2980
Hopefully, but don't get your hopes up
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:41:35 No. 2981
Thought about using apps like Tinder to look for new friends in the meantime. Thoughts?
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:41:35 No. 2983
I've heard it is exclusively for hookups.
Bumblebee I've heard is more for relationships and friends. But you can't dm people if you're a man.
btw if you were going to use tinder for dating what would you do to keep away right wingers without having to virtue signal???
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:41:35 No. 2985
I would advise using OKcupid instead, their matching and quiz algorithms will pretty much automatically tell you who you won't get on with, it's pretty sweet (and should be used and widened under socialism but that's a seperate issue)
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:41:36 No. 2986
I used interpals to find friends near me. The site is used mostly for language learning, but there's a few people who wanna meetup or be penpals. The site is kinda outdated though.
Okcupid also sounds like a nice idea, but it's mostly for relationships so meetup . com might be better.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:41:36 No. 2999
We are so deep in irony that I can't talk serious politics with my friends (one of them is seriously right wing but progressive at the same time). I want to change that but you know the deal with ironic and self-aware people, everything you do is a performance. How do I escape from that
without changing friends?
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:41:47 No. 3115
I've never had issues with this, my main problem is finding the motivation to actual get into social situations, a lot of the time I'd rather not.
-have a gf and friends
It frees you up to talk without thinking about future plans or commitments. Talking about your friends will also make you seem more normal. If you find that you don't have anything to say, just don't speak, if you try too cope with being awkward you will simply come across more awkward, stand up straight, and listen intently. To not look creepy this requires you to be moderately attractive, cut your hair, exercise, and shower every day, I know some of these are a meme, but if you do these things you can't go wrong.
If you want to meet people you need to get a hobby first or something, people appreciate people who are trying new things, it's hard just trying to force friendship for the sake of it. Obviously it's almost impossible with corona, but ignoring that, go join a pottery class, make some cool bowls, don't worry too much and your life will improve.
I'd say just send them leftist memes and a conversation will form if you send something 'controversial', then you can work from there.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:41:47 No. 3119
>>3115 >I'd say just send them leftist memes and a conversation will form if you send something 'controversial', then you can work from there.
Stalin is controversial but you'll look like a lunatic defending someone like him. Try Castro then bring up how he freed slaves.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:41:47 No. 3124
you have to try to find the points of their arguments that allows them to have their ironic detachment and de-spook them on that shit. they probably have some socially reactionary viewpoint like disliking trans people or some shit which is why they adopt right-wing shit. while working on that, also talk about material issues and ground the idea of the material struggle in a political struggle that goes beyond the bounds of electoralism, unions are a good starting point for that. once he has let go of his reactionary shit and has an interest for material-based political struggles, you've basically done all the work, and from there most people self-radicalize.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:41:47 No. 3125
>>3119 >Stalin is controversial but you'll look like a lunatic defending someone like him.
That's just your superego talking lad, other than liberals people are pretty open to accepting Papa Stalin into their heart
Just tell them about the worldly possessions he died with to begin with
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:41:48 No. 3133
>>3125 >worldly possessions he died with to begin with
You could always go with the "bash the fash" angle that is popular nowadays. I mean he did help kill nazis.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:41:55 No. 3215 >>3115 >I'd say just send them leftist memes and a conversation will form if you send something 'controversial', then you can work from there.
I can't debate for shit, I spill my spaghettis every time I have a serious conversation because of how irony
and being a coward brainlet too probably
poisoned my social interactions. I'm sending funny not-that-political memes tho like picrel hoping in this particular case that it can make them realize how manufactured your consent is by media.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:41:55 No. 3216
He is rather socially progressive (we have a common trans friend he was very tolerant of immediately), and has his interests on the PMC side. He already knows (I think?) Marx's ideas and dialmat since we aren't burgers and it's just not in his class interest. He gets that electoralism is a spook. It's more that he doesn't care about politics since everything is a spectacle for him, even the communist struggle.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:41:55 No. 3217
All of Stalin's worldly possesions were a pipe, two uniforms, a pair of battered boots, an engraved multifunction knife like a swiss army knife and some rubles iirc
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:41:58 No. 3239
Are you really so dedicated you won't even hook up with a right wing chick
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:41:58 No. 3242
Does that come from his official hagiography? Stalin owned nearly 20,000 books at the end of his life and stored them in luxuriant residences, including literal palaces from tsarist times.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:41:58 No. 3243
>>2983 >what would you do to keep away right wingers without having to virtue signal???
Just put "left wing politics" as an interest in your bio. Makes things clear enough for conservacucks without scaring away liberals the way "Marxism" would.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:41:58 No. 3244
The library was state property along with anything else you can mention
Those were the only things his children inherited
His daughter couldn't even live in her childhood home because it was an official residence
It'd be as if she grew up in the Whitehouse or number 10 downing street if you're having trouble getting this
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:42:02 No. 3291
How do I meet new ppl and also find gf
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:42:03 No. 3296
Go to church or sangha or sign up for a dance class.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:42:24 No. 3533
If you're tempted to use Bumble just save yourself the time and cut your balls off.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:42:24 No. 3543
Yeah, I'm the Anon. I'm in the same situation where because of the virus my university is closed and pretty much everything else too, so trying to build a social circle right now is kind of impossible. So this advice is for doing something once this is over.
>I know and have done all the usual stuff: make small talk in class, "ready for the test?", "what's your major" etc. I've built up a rapport with a few people, but once class is done everyone just sort of goes about their own thing and I'm stuck alone again.
Okay, that's good that you've approached people at least on this level, but I will tell you what I think is wrong with what you said and correct me if I'm making wrong assumptions.
You are having mostly small talk and think there is a norm to abide when it comes to how to talk to people?
One thing I learned is when you talk to people it's not about having this rational exchange of information like "I have this major, I liver there, I spend my time like this". Of course you gather information about the person you are talking to, but first and foremost it's about vibing with people. That's the actual goal of any casual social interaction. It's about building a vibe with people and to have fun. If you are stuck at this rational conversation stage, you are not going to be interesting to people beyond being a friendly & polite acquaintance at lectures. When I mentioned norms I meant rigidly following a belief of what you think you should say or "what is normal to ask", but that can be boring. Feel free to be spontaneous and creative in the way you talk to others.
>Everyone seems to have groups to hang out with already.
Yeah, but that doesn't make it an impossibility to still befriend them. In the first few semesters I made a couple of acquaintances that I don't talk to anymore. Then I met my friend group in the 3rd semester. They already knew each other, hung out with each other and had their group that I initially wasn't a part of. I think people who make this excuse, that friend groups already formed so that's somehow an issue, are too pussy to make a move themselves. Are you waiting for an invitation from them? Because it sounds like you are waiting for an invitation. It's true that it is more difficult to become a part of an existing friend group, because they seem less accessible, but if you don't want to be lonely you will need to find the courage to step out of your comfort zone and take the initiative to deepen your relationship with these people on your own. I'd give you the advice to talk to everyone of a friend group if possible, or at least as many as you can. You will become familiar to all of them, you will feel more at ease with them and feel less like a foreign intruder. Also have you asked anyone of them for their number? Because if so, I don't understand how meeting up outside of class didn't happen? Additionally, take the initiative to invite them or individuals of that group to do something with you. I believe this should all be obvious and perhaps you've done that, but that's up to you to give me the details what you have tried. I just think the solution is to take the initiative and make yourself part of that group, which is difficult if you are a more socially reserved or timid person. But I can understand, because I used to be like this as well.
>a paradox, where you can't make friends unless you already have friends.
It's easier to make more friends when you already have friends, but it's not impossible to make them when you don't have any yet. What's actually going on is that for a shy or introverted person it becomes very, very difficult to jump into the cold water and take the lead when it comes to approaching strangers, asking for their number and inviting them to things. It can be intimidating. So they are stuck not achieving anything beyond doing the comfortable stuff, like small talk with people, who due to circumstance are regularly in proximity, but that can change again.
>with a weird loner like me
So that has been a problem through out your post as well that you talk shit about yourself. I mean maybe you are awkward and unusual, but don't you think you are sabotaging your self-esteem and self-image here when you talk like it's a fact you are weird and undesirable? That's certainly going to have an impact in your sub-communication with others. You certainly have some qualities others will benefit from when they befriend you. Maybe you are a good listener. Maybe you have good ideas. Maybe you are very knowledgable.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:42:25 No. 3553
I said I wanted to meet people, not beings who kick their 15 year old kids onto the street because they go to a different church from them.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:42:25 No. 3554
Go to courses/clubs/events of your interest that have people. Socialize with everyone. Be playful with girls. Push forward with girls who reciprocate the flirting and meet your standards.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:42:26 No. 3559
What's wrong buddy?
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:42:27 No. 3572 >>3543 >So this advice is for doing something once this is over. >over
Anyway, I think you're right about me sabotaging myself. I've had a therapist tell me something similar as well as my parents in the past. Whenever I talk to people I'm constantly telling myself "they don't like you and don't want you talking to them" and basically try to rush through the conversation.
Which ties into your first point, yeah, I definitely feel like I sometimes view conversations almost as dialogue trees. And it's weird because there are times where my brain just *clicks* and I find myself talking like a normal person (this is how I felt in my English class – it was a morning class, a few of us would show up early and just chat about random stuff). So I know I'm capable of it, it just takes me getting over my anxiety to actually let it out.
As for the friend group thing, I think my problem (at least with school) is that by the time I start to come out of my shell and become more comfortable with people, oops, semester's over and I never see them again and I'm not acquainted quite well enough with them to ask for contact info. I DID manage to get a few Snapchats last semester (and they were always the ones who offered), but I haven't actually communicated with any of them through that because… I dunno. I feel awkward doing that. It feels like I'm asking them on a date. I tell myself "this is weird, why would they even want to hear from you, let alone hang out?" It's dumb and ties back with my whole lack of self-esteem, which is probably the main underlying issue here. Doesn't help that because I'm an introvert, I don't go out much, so I have no idea where to invite people TO.
This fall will be my third semester, so hopefully I'll end up like you and I'll finally find my group (assuming there's any actual on-campus classes in the fall, which is honestly seeming less likely as time goes by).
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:42:28 No. 3593
>>3572 >Whenever I talk to people I'm constantly telling myself "they don't like you and don't want you talking to them" and basically try to rush through the conversation.
Not sure what to tell you there, cause I'm not an expert. I used to feel the same way about girls but I just ignore that potion of my mind and just go for it anyway. Gotta also work on your self-esteem as well, but you probably already knew that. Maybe Six Pillar of Self Esteem would be a good book for you. I'm reading it atm, it has some insights that weren't obvious.
>So I know I'm capable of it, it just takes me getting over my anxiety to actually let it out.
You are probably stuck in your head. Try meditation to be present to the moment. Meditation has a genuinely healthy impact, it isn't just woowoo spirituality crap. You probably should desensitize yourself to social interactions by having them frequently, so you stop feeling like they are a big deal.
>and I'm not acquainted quite well enough with them to ask for contact info.
You gotta step it up friend, I ask them for their number after the same lecture I met them, lol. You will get used to it, trust me. Just be like "hey we could study together some time".
>but I haven't actually communicated with any of them through that because… I dunno. I feel awkward doing that.
Anything stops being awkward when you do it often enough, that's one thing I learned in the past few years of becoming more extroverted.
Overall, I do relate with you, I had some of the same issues. It's those psychological blockades you need to release.
No, it's all up to you and if you don't put in the effort it's going to remain a problem for the rest of your life. Just being honest.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:52:46 No. 8805
who the fuck calls other creeps in their face? Red flags.
You need to practice socializing before it becomes easier. You won't notice progress though.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:52:46 No. 8807
I'm getting an ASD screen arranged when I can, I'm tired of being on my own and not knowing why I can't understand all these things everyone else seems to instinctively get, my social skills are terrible, my only friends are my step sister and my comrades in my group and I don't understand how I even got them to be friends with me, I'm glad for them, but they're mostly older than I am and we don't have a huge amount in common other than politics
At least if I go and get told yes or no I can re-evalute, I think I have aspergers tbh, I have a lot of the traits and people that I trust have mentioned me being very very reserved and like a blank slate, i.e. unreadable in the past, I know for a fact that people find me super blunt because I get told so everytime I start a new job or interact with a new group, fit the solo sports and co-ordination, not liking certain stimulae as well as other criteria like the inability to express emotional thoughts clearly and terrible hand writing etc. I wonder if there are any groups in my area for high functioning spergs actually, one of those could be nice, go and interact with my fellow people of logic
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:52:47 No. 8808
>>8805 >You need to practice socializing before it becomes easier.
But how am I supposed to do that when every single attempt at that goes so bad? This past event has especially made me so anxiety ridden I can barely feel like functioning in public places anymore.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:52:47 No. 8814
can you volunteer somewhere?
don't try to get people to like you. just be nice, that goes a huge way. you don't even have to talk much. avoid making too much eye contact.
what happened this last time? Maybe we could figure out something you should avoid in the future.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:52:50 No. 8835
I tried to interact with a group of people in a club, I think they were strangers to each others too but for some reason they did not like my presence, I don't know why. One of them moved away initially after I greeted them and then another woman just straight up called me a "creep". And no, I didn't stare at their face, I don't understand. Maybe it's my voice? The way I talk? Or the face? The dress code?
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:52:50 No. 8838
Clubs are just fucking shit man, I wouldn't read too much into they were probably all drunk, if they were a group of people that didn't know each other they might have been having a weird vibe like about to fight or splitting drugs or something
So glad I don't have to go to clubs anymore that's one thing I don't miss from when I was more socially active
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:52:50 No. 8839
Well I'm sure they weren't drunk or fighting, it was just a casual conversation.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:52:51 No. 8845
If you are socially retarded don't start with fucking clubs, that's like learning how to drive with a Lambo
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:52:52 No. 8848
It's very hard to approach people in clubs. I wouldn't try it, nor do I recommend it. If you aren't with friends yourself, that sends to them a huge red flag. Not recommended at all. What happened was basically expected.
When I moved city I tried making friends alone in clubs and bars. I am very social, that shit doesn't work.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:52:59 No. 8902
befriend ben shapiro or smth
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:52:59 No. 8903
I think you were just unlucky. I consistently improved my social skills over the past 3 years and what I can tell you is, whenever you step out of your comfort zone you sooner or later will do something cringy cause you aren‘t attuned to that level yet. Plus, you don‘t know certain things yet that come from exposing yourself and gaining experience. That‘s not something to give up over though, it‘s normal. And you will get better. Everyone who is really socially skilled has experienced that. It‘s just that social butterflies did all the failing when they were children and teens, while some socially unskilled people learn it when they are adults.
Also lol at your club story. Clubs generally have the harshest blow outs. Plus, you don‘t know what the people are like that you approach. Therefore it‘s bot reasonable to criticize yourself over that. They just weren‘t interested in talking to you and the girl was being a cunt.
>>8848 > If you aren't with friends yourself, that sends to them a huge red flag. Not recommended at all. What happened was basically expected.
Eh. I‘ve approached a couple people in clubs on my own, it‘s whatever. Clubs can be really intimidating, so if you don‘t feel comfortable or can‘t maintain a solid frame, you likely will fuck up, yeah.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:52:59 No. 8904
Going to clubs to meet people is a fucking meme, most people go there to dance and drink with friends or hook up with strangers, that's all. You probably got that advice from people who are absolutely clueless and just repeating shit they never tried. You can definitely strike a conversation with people in a club but it's not much different from doing so in any other public situation, there are clues you have to be aware of and someone who's socially awkward and can't pick up on them should stay far away, and ultimately you have to act with the understanding that that's not what people are there for.
By the way, it's the same with gyms and concerts and ESPECIALLY bars. People always recommend those places for some fucking reason as if they're these open spaces where everyone is trying to make friends. Absolutely wrong.
The reason people tend to have an easier time making friends at school and work is because they give you plenty of excuses to interact with people without coming across as overbearing or crossing a line. It's EXPECTED that you will talk to people there. You need to go to places like that. Aside from school and work, you can try
>classes/courses outside of school, including sports >volunteer/community work >open hobby groups of some sort >I've HEARD gaming tournaments and similar events are good for this, but I have no idea. I imagine an advantage is people there are probably as autistic as you
But even then you shouldn't expect to just hit it off with people just like that.
Honestly, the fact that you managed to approach people in a club is kind of impressive, I don't think many people in your situation would have had the balls, so don't give up just yet.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:53:00 No. 8913 >>8835
As others have said, clubs are a terrible place to meet perople, especially if you have low social skills. They thought of you as a creep, because they themselves are fucking animals. The only reason anyone ever goes to a club is because they can't stand being alone but they also strongly dislike their firends, so they need it all to be a smooth blur of noise, shadows and alcohol.
If you want to meet wholesome people, you need to figure out a hobby that forces you to be in contact with others. Here's the hard part though: you need to stop giving other people the power to determine your self worth. When you talk about wanting to end it all (even if you are exaggerating), that tells me you're putting waaaaaay too much weight on the perceptions of people you don't know - perceptions that are based on one interaction. Maybe that's because deep down you fear that you really are a creep. You're not. You're socially clumsy, and your tone deaf attempts at socializing some times makes people around you feel uncomfortable.
Understand that your lack of social skills doesn't determine you any more than your lack of helicopter-flying skills. Social skills can be developed, and if it seems to you impossible, it's likely because you have a negatively skewed sense of self, which robbs you of the confidence and self respect necessary to socialize with other people in a healthy manner. And when I say "confidence", I don't mean ignoring your obvious weaknesses. I mean being able to see them in the proper perspective. If you're nervous when meeting someone new, you can say it out loud (just don't say it's because you don't have any friends). When you say something stupid or otherwise make someone feel uncomofrtable, you can apologize and laugh it off. It's rough at first, but the more you do it the better you get at it. You'll become more comfortable with yorself, and other people will become more comfortable being around you.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:53:09 No. 8981
I don't fuck manlets but thanks for the suggestion
I did manage some pretty good normal people conversations this past week, its hard to practice social skills in the middle of the plague though
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:53:09 No. 8982
Haven't spoken to anyone since March. Whatever progress I had made last year completely undone.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:53:09 No. 8987 >all this talk of how to get gf's
Honest thoughts on this /r9k/ classic by Eggy?
Watched it when it first came out (2015, during peak/prime 4ch /r9k/ which was 2013-2016 imo, the comfiest shit with all the NEET/wagecuck threads, /nightwalk/ generals, epic greentexts, that one guy who posted the >tfw no qt filipina gf Thread every single day without fail, with the same girl in the OP, and the "Some of you guys are alright, Don't go to X tomorrow if you are in Y location, Happening thread will be posted tomorrow morning" meme).
And it was fucking hilarious. I still re-watch it every so often, for the laughs.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:53:10 No. 8989
>>8987 >Honest thoughts on this /r9k/ classic by Eggy?
All robots but especially black pill Incels should kill themselves
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:53:13 No. 9012 >>8904
I guess it really depends on the type of concert. I've had several people start conversations with me at small metal shows at the bar, but EDM concert goers are much more reserved and anti-social, talking to them seems to take them out of whatever psychedelic they're doing and pisses them off. Going to a concert with more women (especially young single women) will always be more friendly and have more talkative people than a show that's nothing but 20 year old men.
An interesting lead in I've seen is people will kind of side-talk to me and tell me something, as if they don't care about a conversation but just wanted to get something off they're chest, like "hey dude, I just talked with the bassist for 20 minutes, felt cool to meet a band member", and then you respond back to them with a bit of a question "Oh really, you talk about his new custom from Warwick?", and now you have a normal person conversation going on. Anons also gotta be aware that 90% of conversations will never go anywhere the second they end. Having 10 friends means you talked to 1000 people who you never saw again, socializing is always a numbers game.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:53:13 No. 9014
There's nothing inherently genetic (nor social), always a mixture of both. Some people are luckier than others, and if you aren't you can counterbalance with learning skills, you just need to really want it and have the time to do it (and if you don't have time for this you are basically fucked). There will always be gifted people for social skills like for any other skill.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:53:13 No. 9015
He's right that most "normal" people got there with no effort, but he's trying to imply that self-improvement doesn't exist and it isn't true, I can attest to that. I'm hardly a chad but I'm also not the spaghetti spilling loser I was five years ago.
You should always take posts like this with a grain of salt because a lot of the time it's just people venting or trying to convince themselves it's hopeless so they don't have to put in the effort. Or just trying to piss others off.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:53:14 No. 9019
Anti-incels often like to assert that adult virginity is inherently right wing, despite IncelSupport, love-shy.com, Incelistan, and Braincels being all left-leaning, and the founder of Braincels being an anarcho-communist. Anti-incels also often regard self-identified incel forums as being largely composed of "angry white men" when in truth, incel forums have a high racial diversity.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:53:14 No. 9020
An adult virgin is not automatically an incel, despite most incels being adult virgins, incel has evolved past a simple descriptor and now means something much more toxic, like for example our little bitter, overweight, smoking eggy friend complaining about genetically superior men while sitting in his toyota in a crumpled shirt with 2 days worth of grease in his hair
Adult virgins can't get laid for some reason, Incels can't get laid for very obvious reasons that are completely unrelated to the things they think are the reason
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:53:14 No. 9021
incel ideology =/= adult sexless person
BTW, wanted to remind everyone here:
FRIENDS, NOT FOOD!
Make friends first. Social skills are key to being well in the head.
After that, sex will come much much more easier without the dread it has when you don't have friends.
Also, good quality friends!
-caring for each other
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:53:15 No. 9025
Spot the bitter incel
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:53:15 No. 9026
if someone acted in a way consistent with the incel ideology then they are an incel, regardless if they identify as one.
Incel as a descriptive term doesn't work because celibacy is a choice for 99.9%. Have sex anytime, A schizophrenic vagrant is getting head from a single mother with a crack addiction, you have no excuse for not doing it.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:53:16 No. 9029 >>9026 >if someone acted in a way consistent with the incel ideology then they are an incel
there is no "incel ideology" topkek
>celibacy is a choice for 99.9%.
The absolute COPE. Look up hypergamy and the 80/20 rule.
>>9025 >Spot the bitter incel
Hope she sees this, bro.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:53:16 No. 9030 >>9026 >celibacy is a choice for 99.9%
<meanwhile top 20% Chads hook up/have relationships with 80% of the women
<polyamory increasingly mainstream
<27% of young men are virgins (up from 9% in 1990)
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:53:16 No. 9032 >>9026 >Have sex anytime
>>9031 >how to make friends
Pick a goal you're working towards and talk to people who are working towards a similar goal. But don't be naive or gullible either, some people will take advantage of you in the long run, so steer clear of those types.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:53:16 No. 9033
>>9015 >I'm hardly a chad but I'm also not the spaghetti spilling loser I was five years ago.
Have you actually been able to pull girls though? Because that's the central issue around which the whole "self improvement" vs "no hope" meme rests, isn't it?
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:53:16 No. 9035
If life is so worthless why don't you just kill yourselves you bitter oxygen thieves?
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:53:16 No. 9036
>>9033 >Have you actually been able to pull girls though?
>Because that's the central issue around which the whole "self improvement" vs "no hope" meme rests, isn't it?
I guess. But some people here or on /r9k/ seem to have trouble even talking to service providers.
And look, I'm not gonna pretend someone who is ugly as hell just needs to lift and get a haircut and bam instant sex, my point is that for a lot people self-improvement IS the answer, I doubt that many people even on this socialist Taiwanese woodcut message board are actually "genetic dead-ends".
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:53:17 No. 9044
100% true. If people disagree it's because they were always normies from the start.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:53:45 No. 9251
Where do people go to make genuine friendships after college? Like I really feel like by that time its too late everyone have their own life or are too busy wagecucking to spend time making friends. Meanwhile I got plenty of time to spare but no friends to share it with.
All my old cousins and friends changed or are raising kids and shit now.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:53:55 No. 9326
It's impossible, sorry.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:53:57 No. 9344
>>9029 >Look up hypergamy and the 80/20 rule.
were you aware these are not real and there is no evidence for them?
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:53:59 No. 9357 >>9013 >be born pretty, male >high school was excellent and things happened >stop doing self care >things no longer happened >in college, return to doing self care >things happened
Hmm. I don't think these guys have an excuse.
<lift weight for one day
>im not strong, give up
<talk to girl and she doesn't immediately slobber your sick
>woman bad, me bad too
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:53:59 No. 9359
Have you heard of the movie The Notebook? Women love it. Like love love it.
What's it about? Rich girl falls in love with laborer.
Eat shit. Believe in yourself.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:53:59 No. 9361
even tho I'm not the best at socializing I'd add that the social setting is really important. For example, at a club, you probably don't know what to talk about and people only percieve you by your looks and not by what you've said. On the contrary, if you go to a leftist gathering (Protest, strike, bookclub) you'll probably be on a terrain where you know much more and have tons of shit to say. Thus people will act much more interested in you.
That's my 2 cents good luck anon
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:54:00 No. 9370
>>9359 >Fictional rich girl falls in love with fictional laborer.
Wow! Guess I was wrong!
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:54:00 No. 9372
>>9357 >self care
go back to twitter
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:54:02 No. 9384
Yes, because one is the actual opinions of a real person, which is shared by the vast majority of women, the other is literally a fantasy played out by actors given a script.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:54:03 No. 9388
Regional dialect, dumb dumb.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:54:03 No. 9389 >>9384 >one woman
Magically all women
>youtube lady describes how they are all socialized into it
Aren't you a communist? Don't you also agree that bad shit can be socialized? Meaning it's not permanent?
Why would you be interested in a superficial person in the first place? Date a leftist or someone that isn't interested in hypergamy. Don't continue this "All women are blank" bullshit.
Women are not a monolith.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:54:03 No. 9392
>>9389 >Date a leftist
Yeesh, no thanks, "leftist" women in the US are all mentally ill college students and/or psychotic landwhales.
>someone that isn't interested in hypergamy.
lmao and where would I find those? Church?
>Women are not a monolith.
You're right, they're all different kinds of shallow and retarded.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:54:03 No. 9393
I mean I don't know what else to tell you at this point. You're obviously privileged with being well-adjusted and normal, so you'll never actually be able to understand people like me. You're the equivalent of libshits who tell people to pick themselves up by their bootstraps and just work hard and they, too, can be rich and successful.
Some of us have broken brains from years of abuse and illness, and we're meant to be ignored. Some of us legitimately cannot fucking fit in anywhere or with anyone.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:54:03 No. 9394
There's people out there that will accept you as you are, as a friend, and will help you on the path to healing. They're likely leftists too.
People aren't broken, you're not broken. That'd mean that you have some sort of use-value and were otherwise an object. You're a person.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:54:03 No. 9395
You already have a system of thinking about yourself and other people that precludes your failure.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:54:03 No. 9396
I appreciate what you're saying, I do. But after all this time I just don't believe this anymore. I've been fucked over one too many times, people who I thought were friends or family or authority figures. I do not understand or trust anyone. I've built up so many defense mechanisms that i've trapped myself inside my own mental fortress. Nobody out there can penetrate it, and I lack the capacity to dismantle it on my own. I am not worth anyone's time or effort. People only want to be around cool people who have something to offer. I don't have anything.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:54:04 No. 9400
Yeah well, it is what it is.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:54:05 No. 9410
I'm making progress in keeping up routine conversations with people which is good but I went overboard with a recruiting spiel to two people from my last job while drunk, which is bad
Why do I want to talk to people so badly when its so awful and stressful?
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:54:07 No. 9432
That should knock down that prison wall
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:54:25 No. 9524
gonna have to second the advice to do drugs
IDK about using them once and bam, youve been therapied, but definitely psychedelics can help a bit, and more importantly, shit like molly, 2c series, the entactogens will help you socialize and break down those fears. Also, just anxiolytics possibly. Try self-medding with different things, see what works. Just stay away from harmful stuff. Like id get drunk all the time if it didnt end up making me depressed and fucking my liver, but obv what i need instead is just something else that lowers inhibitions and anxiety.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:54:25 No. 9526
yeah i don't think i'm going to do drugs, i'm fucked up enough as it is
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:57:33 No. 11164
>>11142 >never ask anyone for help for anything. Ever.
Yeah.. good idea.. make your life harder.
I used to browse /r9k/ a lot when I was 17 to 20. I'm not a normie, but I did improve myself severely. There was a word for it. "Cyborg". They have "robots" which are the complete failures and cyborgs are something in between normies and robots. I felt very understood when I browsed that site back in the day. I was entirely surrounded by normies all day in school and outside and had nobody who could relate to my most pathetic of fears and problems, so having found /r9k/ back then felt like home. I'm glad with time I began to turn away from that site, because it is awfully toxic and unhelpful. They take truths but then put a pessimistic and defeatist spin on it and frame everything as black and white and unchanging, essentially turning it into a lie.
I'm skimming sections of it and I find myself disagreeing with a lot while acknowledging the truth in some parts. But that truth is severely muddled and perverted to fulfill some desire of self-victimization.
There is just so much I could point out but it would be a lot of work. So I will just point out one example I just skimmed over. His bar analogy in the third post.
>If they do like, it's usually out of pity and not out of a genuine interest.
This is the perfect example of trying to turn any fucking thing around to mean something negative. That is so implausible, but out of the perspective of someone who hates himself and has low self-esteem that scenario makes perfect sense of course.
I will say as much, it can feel good to indulge in this negativity, because yes things in life can be shit and it feels unfair when you see other people who look like they are living on easy mode. But you gotta accept the hand you've been dealt and whatever social milestones you missed out on. You can work on yourself and choose to live a life you are happy with.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:57:36 No. 11183
Okay, give it to me straight…
Is anything from the OUA/RedPill sphere legit, or is it all insane rubbish? I just want to fuck. Like, if I am interested in friendships with people I act accordingly. That's fine. It's the same whether male or female. But. When I am in the horny zone, I just want a y/n answer if that makes sense.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:57:37 No. 11189
I'm just here to vent. There's no /leftytrash/ thread anymore like in the 8chan days (the GET thread is zero effort weebshit) so I guess I'm posting here.
Semi-recent college grad here. Spent months before the pandemic applying for increasingly desperate job positions. Got three job interviews, rejected by two and ghosted by one. After Covid hit there's fucking nothing, just uploading your resume, then copying all the information in it into the boxes, day after day after day all so their computer algorithm can rule you unprofitable and ghost you. I could probably find some minwage foodservice hell job but the last thing I want to do is bring covid home to my fatass boomer parents. That's the backdrop, all this time isolated with nothing to do has sent me into a deep despair. >tfw no gf I'm beginning to think that the economic subordination of women is a good thing, because command over material resources is the only way that autistic dweebs like me can get some. By autistic, I mean a literal psychiatric label. Something about me unsettles women on a primal level. It's either no eye contact or a rapist stare. I've been on a few dates, all I want to talk about is Second International Marxism or calculating hyperfocal distance. Instead I ask them Dale Carnegie shit about their family and pets, forget all of it, and never get a second date. >Just talk to women bro I'm fucking incompetent, but I try. Got a number from two classmates, got ghosted by one, first date from another. On top of that, two online dates, one of which got angry when I told her she had to pay for own food. >Go to social clubs bro Was involved in my campus' "revolutionary socialism club", was a total sausage fest and felt no connection to the few women there. It was a dogmatic Trot cult (IMT), they indoctrinated everyone to believe that any reading material not by the MELT canon or IMT members was "academic marxism" or "sectarianism". Paramount guru was Alan Woods, some pedantic grandpa who's either senile or has always been a charlatan, always brushes off substantive economic questions with "dialectical" mysticism. Haven't been involved with political orgs since I left college, maybe I'd have a chance at impressing some Bernie Bitch in the DSA with my knowledge of Antoine Labriola, but I doubt it. >Get fit bro Already have, but I'm a 5,5" manlet. I don't lift anymore but my hobby keeps me in decent shape. Linus Tech Tips body, don't know how else to describe it. I'm not suicidal, but I think I might start to be if shit keeps going the way it's going. I tell myself that I should dive back into political theory with all my free time, but the end goal of socialism is looking more and more distant. Don't get me wrong, I still fucking hate capitalism, but I can't shake the feeling that the alternative would be some soviet-style bureaucratic farce where prewritten resolutions are adopted unanimously, as seems to be the case already with all "anti-stalinist", "socialism from below" organizations. I just don't - oh, sorry, I see we're at the end of our time here, back to Halo legendary campaigns and copying wagecuck stats.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:57:38 No. 11198
>>11189 >Instead I ask them Dale Carnegie shit about their family and pets, forget all of it, and never get a second date.
Did you even flirt
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:57:39 No. 11206
Well, I'd complement them on their hair and eyes and shit, and on one of the dates I reminded myself to "contact" (whatever the PUA term) her hands only to literally be brushed off. "Just flirt" - I have no fucking idea what that is supposed to mean.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:57:39 No. 11208
I'm not saying flirting is easy or anything, just asking. Complimenting is good, but you shouldn't over do it. Otherwise you come off like you are putting her on a pedestal and girls don't like that. If she's attractive she has plenty of dweebs who do that already. If you try to flirt physically it's not a big deal if she brushes it off or doesn't reciprocate. Maybe she wasn't into it in the moment or she is shy. If she response lukewarm or dismissive don't make a big deal out of this. Like when you go for a kiss and she turns her cheek. That's totally fine. Keep talking to her in a good vibes kind of manner and pretend nothing happened. Retry later after building the vibe. When I go on a date I either hug her at the start or make this french greeting where we kiss next to our cheeks. It's just to break the touch barrier early on. When we start walking somewhere I will just put my hand on her back to direct her. When we chill at some place I will bring up some random reason to touch her, but in a playful manner. Like I might say "Show me your hand" while extending mine and look at her nails and say something like "Oh you painted them black? Are you some sort of goth girl? Or did your goldfish die and now you're depressed?" Just some dumb shit to be playful. You could also say something like "Your earrings are pretty. Can I see them?" Then you brush her hair behind her ear and get up close to look. It's obviously irrelevant what they look like, point is to build sexual tension by close proximity and touch. You shouldn't over do it with touching her of course. Three or five times are enough on the first date(s).
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:57:40 No. 11214
>>11208 >Complimenting is good, but you shouldn't over do it. … If she's attractive she has plenty of dweebs who do that already.
I definitely wasn't overdoing it. The compliments were genuine but I know I was giving them in the most awkward, forced context imaginable. I think my problem is that I desperately want some kind of emotional intimacy, someone who cares about my feelings beyond some direct or indirect monetary transaction. Thing is, I can't provide this myself. I don't give half a fuck about your dog, or how unfair your grader is, or how much the newer albums from favorite band suck. Maybe I'm not meeting the right people, but I'm running out of places to find them. Class is over, online dating is fucking hell for a manlet. I'm done with the fucking "Leninist" left. Maybe there's potential in the idpol agony that is the DSA, but my dad threatened to kick me out of the house if I joined. Wasn't even broached to him, the org was just mentioned in some conversation about AOC (he doesn't know I'm revleft).
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:57:40 No. 11218
>>11214 >Thing is, I can't provide this myself. I don't give half a fuck about your dog, or how unfair your grader is, or how much the newer albums from favorite band suck.
When people are in scarcity they have the tendency to only think about themselves and to not care about the needs of others. Meanwhile people who have a sort of abundance are in the headspace where they want to give freely to others.
I'm not scolding you or anything, but I am describing a type of behaviour that you seem to be exhibiting based on that comment. The problem is this is unattractive. It causes all kind of negative behaviour like neediness, being socially uncalibrated, being less able to find the right tempo with others. While I understand your need for intimacy and that other things are not going well in your life, there is no way around it, you need to find a way to be content even without girls.
You might think you are depleting your options, but be honest, you probably live in a town with thousands of girls, right? You actually have plenty of options. Technically you could meet a girl anywhere and maybe there are options you haven't thought of.
>The compliments were genuine but I know I was giving them in the most awkward, forced context imaginable.
Don't let this discourage you tho. There was a time where I cringed at the thought of giving girls compliments, let alone the ones I'm attracted to, but things that feel unusual become normal when you do them often enough.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:57:40 No. 11219
>>11208 >While I understand your need for intimacy and that other things are not going well in your life, there is no way around it, you need to find a way to be content even without girls.
Story of my fucking life. I've been faking it all my life, never once gotten close to making it. "Just bee yourself" is even worse.
>be honest, you probably live in a town with thousands of girls, right? You actually have plenty of options. Technically you could meet a girl anywhere and maybe there are options you haven't thought of.
Plenty of fish in the sea, blah blah blah. I've tried approaching complete strangers, every single time I'm met with a look of fear and revulsion and immediately mentioning a boyfriend, real or not. Care to think of some options for me? The other thing I've tried is hobby stuff like the "camera club", it was even more male dominated than the IMT, all middle aged gearheads jacking off their $3000 telephoto lenses with portfolios that make my cliche photos look decent. I don't even know why you'd want to do photography in a social setting anyway, most of the appeal for me is the serene solitude of being completely alone in scenic places around sunrise.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:57:48 No. 11259
>>11219 >I don't even know why you'd want to do photography in a social setting anyway, most of the appeal for me is the serene solitude of being completely alone in scenic places around sunrise.
Dude you are clearly intelligent and I'm sure a girl would feel attracted to you if you articulated what interests you. That is because girls are attracted to passion and ambition.
>I've been faking it all my life
Well don't. Learn to understand your psychology and what triggeres those happiness hormones, specifically in you. I remember in high school I realized everyone liked the very happy people the most, that's why I faked being happy too, to get people to like me. But I had depression and disliked almost everyone around me. To me that felt unfair that being happy seemed much harder to me and that I was implicitly expected to fake it. But then I realized it's not about faking being happy, you need to genuinely become happy by all means. Especially for your own sake and not to be liked by others. We all have our specific triggers that make us feel proud, attractive and happy. As the master of your own life it is your duty to yourself to figure out what your triggers are.
>"Just bee yourself" is even worse.
I thought about this piece of advice a lot and I will tell you what I think about it. I think it is both correct and wrong in a way. Be yourself is wrong if it means you should never change yourself and evolve. If you can identify things in your life or in yourself that you deem to be a problem, then change it. Being yourself shouldn't mean to stay 100% the same for ever, as if human beings were perfect or if growth and improving weren't necessary. Of course they are and you should, but under your terms. The point is not to change merely because you fear the judgement of others or because you want to be liked by others. The opinions of other people
serve as an indicator that something is wrong with you, but you must develop the competence to judge yourself whether or not something actually is an objective problem or merely subjective and therefore shouldn't be changed just because others don't like it. Like music taste. On the other hand being yourself is correct if it means being authentic in the moment. You might have not reached your personal ideal, but when you are in the moment with other people, then be authentic and act on intuition. It makes your interactions with people more natural and free of anxiety. If you feel comfortable in your skin, most likely others will feel comfortable around you too, because people sort of mirror your own internal world, based on how you feel about yourself. In the background you might be changing things in your life and about yourself, but in the present moment with others, be authentic and speak transparently. And you don't act authentic because you expect people to like you more for it, but you act authentic because you realized it's futile trying to get people to like you, who aren't your match. That's what I learned the hard way. The positive are that you will have better relationships with people who match you, you feel more confident and many people actually will like you. But don't make that your goal, that's the paradox of it.
>I've tried approaching complete strangers, every single time I'm met with a look of fear and revulsion and immediately mentioning a boyfriend, real or not.
In the last year I approached perhaps 3 or 4 dozen girls on different occasions and there have been nights were most girls didn't like me and nights were most if not all girls I approached liked me. You said you approached complete strangers and they reacted negatively, but maybe you were unlucky? Maybe there was something flawed about your approach and if you got feedback from another person watching your approach you could see the problem and fix it? All I can say so far is that you should keep trying. If you have a Chad friend go as wing men and ask for his advice. Make sure he is a good and honest guy though and not one of those toxic faggots who boast and lie about their sexual accomplishments.
>Care to think of some options for me?
Pretending Corona isn't a thing: festivals, concerts, parks, events, night clubs, volunteering somewhere (lots of girls usually) and house parties.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:57:49 No. 11272
it's me again.
So I started a new job a couple months ago at a deli. Been going pretty well and I'm generally well-liked by the people there. They even invited me out to get dinner with a bunch of them. I unfortunately wasn't able to go because of some dumb shit but they apparently do it every so often, so at least the door is open for the future.
Maybe I'm not a total unlikeable loser after all.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:57:50 No. 11273
You're going to make it, anon. I went from a sort of outcast or social pariah to a legitimate respected leader among my peers at like 30 years old. You'll do that thing where you lay in bed at night regretting stuff that happened even the very same day forever but if you can find the internal resolve to not make that same fuck up again for a while you'll grow into what you want to be
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:57:51 No. 11287
My advice for social skills is to think like a journalist in a sense (or a good journalist anyways). Watch documentaries by Louis Theroux and Anthony Bourdain. These guys are/were very good at getting people to open up to them because they had an empathetic, non-judgmental approach where they let their subjects tell their own stories. They keep an open mind and mostly just ask open-ended questions. That's what makes them interesting and why people talk to them – because they're interested in others.
People also like to talk about themselves. They have their interests and passions. I've found that asking open-ended questions can get people talking. You don't want to be pushy and don't want to ask things that would make people uncomfortable, although it's okay to take some risks, of course. But remember the key words:
>Who >What >When >Where >Why >How
Those are the building blocks of storytelling, and people like to tell their stories. Who is it, what is something they do, when do they do it, where do they do it, why do they do it, and how? There are endless variations of questions like this.
You're on a date? Forget about asking them about their fucking dogs. Talk to your date about *them*. What is something they're interested in and what they want to do when they're not working? And then when they start talking, they will produce details that you can then use to ask more who/what/when/where/why/how questions. It could even be something that might seem trivial, one time I spent most of a date asking my date about an internet forum that they loved to post on – what is they like about it? How did the forum come into being? How do people post there? And then suddenly you're spending 45 minutes hearing everything you wanted to know from this person about all the details of this obscure forum they've posted on for 10 years and the culture of the place and what they get out of it, too.
You can make a lot of friends this way. I got a member of the Bandidos biker gang to talk to me for an hour about being in the Bandidos – although I had a leg up because I knew a few things already and my dad hung around those guys in the 70s. But I just went at it like Bourdain and asked him about what it's like to actually ride a motorcycle with these dudes on a rural highway going 100 miles per hour with 20 other dudes. And you know what that's like? It's fucking amazing. And I'm like, fuck yeah, dude. And right there, from his perspective, it's like "this guy gets it, he's cool." I had to be careful about what questions I asked him, but as things developed, he'd volunteer information about himself that he wouldn't normally tell people, like being shot at by another biker gang while on a "mission."
And I'm just a scrawny nerd who looks like Louis Theroux.
Last guy I got to know was my neighbor's bro-like boyfriend, who I would normally not have anything in common with, but I learned early on he was really into skiing and snowboarding. So right there, we're off to the races, because this dude will talk your ear off about skiing and snowboarding. It's this guy's whole universe. What it's like, how'd he start, where/when does he go, what is that like, etc. etc. etc. And you can make a few wise cracks but don't fake it like you know – I don't know shit about snowboarding, but this guy would certainly tell me all about it.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:57:52 No. 11288 >>11287
Also, remember these guys' professional thing is being able to go anywhere and talk to anybody. The question of "why" also can refer to many different things. But remember to be empathetic. If there is something this person has got going on, why is it important (to them)?
Remember we're talking about something they do, some interest, some hobby or passion. Maybe it's their work (although often it's not). Maybe it's their kids.
But why is what they're talking about important to *them*? What's the meaning of it? That's where you'll find the truth about a person.
I made a friend at a dive, drag bar in Galveston one time, just hanging out drinking and smoking on the balcony, that eventually came to the subject of her kids, which she mentioned she had. Well, how old are they? What are their interests and what do they like to do? And you can do some banter about this, but I don't have any kids and I don't know anything about raising them. It seems really hard! Wow. Turns out, this girl worked at a Texas Gulf Coast gas refinery, working-class woman, the husband and father to her kids took off, meanwhile her daughter was this science whiz who wanted to study microbiology and was on some fast-track college program. Isn't that amazing? She was so proud of her daughter.
And her kids were the most important thing in the world to her, and I could tell, and I told her that before my friends dragged me out of there 30 minutes later to hit up the next bar. And I wished her and her family all the best.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:58:19 No. 11453
I am almost incapable of talking in a casual situation, I usually just say "OK" or try and force myself to laugh at jokes that I don't find funny due to irony poisoning. However, when I'm talking about anything serious I'm extremely eloquent and well-spoken. I can easily console friends that are depressed or feeling troubled or debate about politics but when I see someone and they try and talk to me I have absolutely no idea what to do. What would you guys reccomend?
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:58:20 No. 11463
I think this "journalist" theory of yours is really interesting that I might try out.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:58:39 No. 11620
>>8903 >blow outs >approach >maintain a solid frame
You're obviously familiar with PUA terminology, and you say you've improved over the last 3 years.
Were there any particular resources (books, etc) you used? Did you deliberately practice your social skills, like making sure to go out more than usual or setting specific challenges?
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:58:39 No. 11621
It's kind of like the occult, anon. The practical advice, what they're telling you to actually physically do, for the most part that works perfectly well. The reasoning they give for why it works, the ideology behind it, is completely bugfuck crazy.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:58:41 No. 11635
>>11621 >The practical advice, what they're telling you to actually physically do, for the most part that works perfectly well.
Example please? All I read is "MOG Erryone breh, just neg her and ignore her brah, she'll want your dick in no time bro!"
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:58:42 No. 11645
>>11635 >"MOG Erryone breh, just neg her and ignore her brah, she'll want your dick in no time bro!"
Again, similar to occult shit, stuff that started out as perfectly reasonable advice got mangled by mechanical repetition and people acting in bad faith.
The concept of 'MOG'ing was originally just 'you need to be assertive, you can't let other dudes walk all over you' - good advice for PUA's intended audience (undersocialised men), but disastrous when harped on endlessly by bodybuilding.com's miscers, the kind of dudes who'll glass a guy for 'lookin at [his] girl'
'neg'ing was originally just 'playful teasing is a key component of flirting' - obvious to anyone who's ever flirted before - but incel psychos took it to mean that 'the only way a woman will fuck me is if I can make her feel as bad about herself as I do about myself'
'ignore her' was originally just 'stop acting so fucking desperate for a root', but redpill reprobates took it to mean 'if you don't treat every woman like an interchangeable part of a thousand-strong harem, you will die a virgin'
As I say, PUA consists of a core framework of useful, practical advice on how poorly socialised men should improve the way they interact with women they want to fuck, namely:
- take care of their appearance
- be assertive and confident
- gain and demonstrate the approval and respect of peers
- be exciting by stimulating a range of emotions
If you're a specific type of socially awkward nerd, PUA material can help you figure out what you're doing wrong.
Over that useful, limited core there exists a mile-thick layer of encrusted fascist/misogynist messaging. At this point, however, we're a solid half a decade past the worst excesses of the manosphere. The useful advice has been recovered and sanitised into a less cognitohazardous form (compare Mark Manson's 'Models' to Roosh V's 'Bang'), and the worst PUA grifters have moved with the Overton window to straight fascism (see Heartiste, Cernovich, Roosh, etc).
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:58:42 No. 11646
best advice I've seen thus far. they actually use a similar "journalist framing" technique in crisis intervention and hostage negotiations. you can talk almost anyone out of suicide simply by doing this well enough - trust me.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:58:42 No. 11649
>>11645 >glass >root >uses 's' instead of 'z'
Are you an Australia?
Anyway, interesting point. I'd be curious to hear you decoding other terms.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:58:46 No. 11680
>>11649 >Are you an Australia?
Yeah, don't remind me. 2020 was supposed to be the year I finally got out of this corrupt one-horse country.
>I'd be curious to hear you decoding other terms.
I'd be happy to. PUA material, along with a lot of deliberate extra socialising and leaving my comfort zone, helped me go from unlikable autist to well-regarded normie. This was back in the bad old days of the 'manosphere' - as you can imagine, it took quite a bit of 'translation' work to make the corpus of people like Roosh V accord with decent communist sensibilities. I'm happy to save others that effort, so feel free to ask any questions.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:59:12 No. 11858
What are good openers for dating apps or sliding into girls' DM's?
I'm tempted to just say: "Damn Anon, you are so bad. Will you let me hit?"
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:59:13 No. 11860
depends on the girl and the culture of each land
Being honest is a good start , mention something in her bio
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:59:13 No. 11861
dating apps: comment on something in their profile, invite them out somewhere cool within 3-5 messages
ideally public for their peace of mind, especially ideally something that you were already going to so it's nbd when they flake (it is normal for you to go out and do cool things, right anon?)
hit em with the 'wanna smash' if it's super late or their profile suggests they're in the mood for it (the profile you see at 11am on wednesday isn't necessarily the one they have up at 1am on saturday)
dms: play it a little cooler - hit em with an invite within 10-20 messages vs the 3-5 on an app, connect more strongly on the basis of common interests
sending them content they haven't seen and that they'll like is a good signal to send - ie, you share their humor and can provide novelty
ABC applies online just as much as it does in real life: Always Be Closing
don't languish in their dms, don't have in depth heart-to-hearts in the tinder chat - move to an irl meet asap
normal prinicples about invitation timing apply - assume that by wednesday her weekend social calendar's been booked
act like the same is true for you (and strive for it to eventually be true if it isn't already)
>"Damn Anon, you are so bad. Will you let me hit?"
general rule when trying to smash - declaratives over interrogatives
there's a fine line between confirming consent and draining an encounter of all sexual tension
that line is the same as the one separating 'will you let me x' and 'you should let me x'
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:59:13 No. 11865
Thanks. What would your Top 5 or top 10 distilled "tips" be?
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:59:17 No. 11890
Note that the following is going to be aimed more toward people characterised as 'shy guys' or 'a good person but not fuckable' than dudes who are regularly characterised as 'creepy' or 'coming on too strong'. The obvious stuff like 'wash, work out, dress well, stand up straight, pay attention to her body language', etc all applies even though I haven't gone into detail about it. The exact reasons why these tips work have been omitted for brevity, but the leftist explanation will generally entail saying 'socialisation' and 'lived experience' a lot, while the rightist one will be a long, droning 'biotruths'. There are tons of little tips and tricks and rules that work well but have gone unmentioned, as in practice you'll forget them entirely unless you resolve to go out and put them into practice the same day you read about them.
Above all, observe Dan Savage's 'campsite rule': leave a person in better shape than you found them. If you think something I've said below countermands that rule, I can assure you that you've misread me.
The number one mistake you see over and over again is dudes not escalating the interaction fast enough. This is the sole real basis for the 'friendzone' - the dude did not register his romantic intent in a timely manner, and was therefore assumed not to have any. Some men act as if their sexuality is an unbearable imposition, an idea that needs to be slowly introduced to an unwitting woman in order to avoid scandal and rejection. Ironically, acting like this guarantees rejection.
This tip applies to every step of the interaction - don't hang around exchanging glances, go up to her literally within 3 seconds of making eye contact. Don't leave room for Jesus between you all night, establish (respectful, consensual) physical contact. Et cetera.
Poker machines lose their compulsive effect if they always pay out. Cats stop playing with a string when you stop bouncing it around. A rollercoaster that doesn't go up and down is a train and isn't nearly as fun. A nascent romantic entanglement loses its thrill if the outcome is never in doubt.
If you're constantly pushing the interaction forward, you give the impression that there is nothing that would be a 'dealbreaker' for you. This in turn implies that you have low standards, which implies desperation, which implies that you aren't worth her time. Conversely, demonstrating that your attention and approval isn't a certainty implies the opposite about you. In other words, if your approval is free it's not worth anything. Pulling back occasionally gives the interaction some spice, makes her invest in it.
Also, if you're constantly running hot, you're only hitting the one emotional note, which quickly gets boring. An effective social interaction of any kind should hit on a range of emotional states - intimacy, sure, but also contentment, melancholy, laughter, anger, joy, fear, curiosity, etc. The wider the array of emotions you can stimulate (in a harmless way, of course), the more engaging you'll be. She'll feel like she's 'known you forever' (because you'll have a big range of emotional associations, just like people she's spent a lot of time with).
The easiest way to make a million dollars is to start with a billion. Social media sensations gain followers on the basis of their follower count. Protoplanetary bodies accrete material according to the gravitational pull of the material they already have. Women will like you if they see that lots of other women already like you.
There are two ways to make this work for you: externally and internally. In PUA terms: 'social proof' and 'abudance mentality'.
Social proof is pretty straightforward: direct proof that you're socially valued. You turned up to the club with a big mixed-gender group. You've worked the whole room at the party. The bartender's your best mate. There are women hanging off your every word. You can bring people and groups together, make introductions. All your stories start with "So I was out with me mates…". And so on.
Abundance mentality is you behaving like someone who has a lot of social proof. You'll stride confidently into a room, because you know everyone likes you. You're not going to bend over backwards (or, heaven forfend, pay) for a woman's approval - if anything, you're deciding if SHE'S worth integrating into YOUR schedule. You're not going to sweat the outcome of an interaction, either - why would you? It's not like women are in short supply. And of course, you're going to be nothing but friendly to dudes in any mixed group you approach - after all, competition implies scarcity.
This might seem like a chicken-and-egg problem, but it's quite soluble - the abundance mentality behaviours are incredibly easy to fake at range and in shallow interactions, and a quick round of 'working the room' creates enough social proof to kickstart the social proof accumulation process. As it accumulates, the need to fake abundance recedes.
There's going to be an early phase in basically every approach in which you're doing significantly more than half of the talking. The exact content of this conversation will be unimportant, but the total information imparted will make or break the interaction. You'll essentially have to indirectly demonstrate that you're interesting (Tip 2) and in demand (Tip 3). The point is, you're going to be carrying the conversation for a while, so you should get good at speaking extemporaneously. If you're not good at this, it can be convincingly faked with some well-rehearsed stories tuned for entertainment value, coupled with a bit of improv practice. In my younger years I joined Toastmasters, a public speaking club. I can recommend it, as you get the opportunity to practice both prepared and off-the-cuff speaking. Also, don't worry too much about if your chosen improv ramble topic is 'too niche/nerdy/boring', for a couple of reasons. First, if she's not feeling it you're gonna see it pretty quickly in her body language: closing off, moving away, reduced attentiveness - this will provide ample warning for you to change tack. Second, topic choice counts for very little compared to emotional content. If it's uncool but you speak passionately about it, you'll likely maintain her interest.
Reading all the books and top 5 lists in the world won't help you if you don't go outside and talk to women. A certain Go proverb comes to mind: "Lose your first hundred games as quickly as possible." I know of two ways to maximise your practice: immersion and structured (or 'deliberate') practice. For immersion, put yourself in a position where you have to interact with people. Getting a bartending job is a popular suggestion, what helped me a lot was staying in hostels when I travelled overseas. You can also try structuring your practice by setting specific, incremental goals - 'I'm going to go out 3 nights this week', 'I'm gonna introduce myself to everyone in this bar', 'I'm gonna approach 5 women tonight', etc.
Aside from all that, it should also be noted that 'it's just practice, it doesn't matter what happens' is also a pretty decent mindset to adopt when going out - from the outside, it looks exactly the same as the 'abundance mentality' of Tip 3.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:59:18 No. 11901
yeah i just don't think i want to even bother attempting to date lol
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:59:19 No. 11913
This is hands down the most spaghetti proof quick guide I've ever read.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:59:21 No. 11936
How do you initiate a one night stand type situation? just broke up
with a long term girlfriend and am looking to fuck around a bit before settling down. Have no problem talking to women or getting them to like me, im just more used to dating girls and only having sex after a dating for a while.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:59:22 No. 11946
>>11936 >How do you initiate a one night stand type situation?
Be attractive and wealthy (wealthy not required if you're attractive enough).
Risk sexual harassment charges until you find someone who reciprocates.
Leave asap or next morning at latest.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:59:22 No. 11948
Everything about meeting women is at its core kind of a numbers game, and that goes double for one night stands. Getting a one night stand is more about logistics than anything: Is she actually looking to fuck that night? Can/will she ditch her friends to go with you? How easy is it to get to your/her place? There's a certain need to 'sort through' women who aren't logisitcally capable of a same-night encounter.
In terms of actually getting to a one night stand, it's pretty much just a matter of compressing the first few dates into one night. That seems like a big ask, but in practice those dates only have a few basic functions: You learn what kind of person they are, you bond over mutual experiences, and you become comfortable with each other physically.
I'm not usually one for 'tricks', but something that does help in this situation are location changes - it makes it seem like you've been together longer than you have (similar phenomenon: forgetting why you came into a room after crossing the threshold).
This all, of course, assumes that you're doing things relatively above-board - not just firing off "u up?" texts at closing time to all the numbers you got over the course of the night, or pushing rope in a bathroom stall while you're both munted on pingas.
I object to this reading of my post in the strongest possible terms. However, I can see how a person might interpret it the way you have. I will attempt to restate the post's thesis in a different way:
Success with women is, substantially, a product of good social skills.
The broad category of 'social skills' can be broken down into a few basic component skills, each of which can be improved with practice. Applying these basic component skills also kickstarts a positive feedback loop of social success.
Put more succinctly - start talking to people. Pay attention to how things go. Keep doing that and you will develop
>perfect social skills and a huge popular social circle.
Does that make my post any easier to parse? I've written quite a few words at this point, so I'm kind of invested in helping my fellow lefty-anons get better at socialising. You don't have to be a poorly socialised autist forever! I got out, and you can too. Please let me know if there is a part you don't understand or believe, or if you're having trouble figuring out a concrete action plan from what I've said.
Honestly mate, what are you even talking about? Average-looking poor people are perfectly capable of having one night stands. The only places I've seen that operate rigidly according to that 'LMS' blackpill logic are nouveau-riche porky hives like LA and Miami.
And 'sexual harassment' isn't even something you can be 'charged with' outside of the workplace.
Honestly, I find the whole 'blackpill' contingent quite tiring - it's almost always the result of either an unwillingness to practice or a complete failure to self-reflect.
Also don't ghost people, that's a cunt move. You're all adults, just say "Last night was fun but I'm not looking for anything serious". Honestly, how fucking hard is it to just communicate and not be a shitheel?
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:59:24 No. 11967
Your post made sense, I just can't do any of that because I'm extremely introverted, which impacts my social skills and prevents me from developing a real social circle, which only reinforces the image people have of me as a pathetic loner and reinforces my self-loathing. It just shows how many nigh-impenetrable barriers there are between me and getting something that most people just naturally fall into.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:59:24 No. 11968
basically i feel like this guy
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:59:28 No. 11998
Ok, someone from the cytube directed me here so how the hell am I supposed to interact with people nearby during rona?
For context I'm a university freshman during my cores online and just generally too boring to carry a conversation.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:59:28 No. 12001
Read the thread, there are some good advice (like getting a Bourdain nice attitude). Plus, take care of your health in this cursed times.
Nice dubs btw.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:59:29 No. 12006
>>11967 >I just can't do any of that because I'm extremely introverted
Mate, over the past few days I've written hundreds of words on a nepalese naxalite bulletin board about how talking to women works. Does that sound like something an exrovert would do? For every day I spend practicing this shit I have to spend a day and a half alone to recover. Being 'introverted' is not an excuse. Learning social skills is something that anyone can and everyone should do, regardless of what position they start from or what hindrances they might face. There is practically no ambition, no activity, no dream in this world that can be achieved without somehow engaging other people.
>impacts my social skills and prevents me from developing a real social circle
Don't worry about whether you 'have a social circle', that shit comes after you're comfortable introducing yourelf to new people. Gotta walk before you can run.
>image people have of me as a pathetic loner
Unless you're in high school, if you don't talk to people I can guarantee you that nobody has any image of you at all. Once you start socially engaging with people, they're gonna think you materialised out of thin air in front of them, even if you've been in there for years. If you are in high school don't worry about it, just turn this info into a plan that you can implement as soon as you get to uni. High school is unreasonably difficult on account of how there's nothing to do and everybody's neurologically incapable of empathy. You either luck out early with sports, money, etc, or it's hell. Fortunately there are no consequences going forward.
Your self-loathing comes from a history of social failure, right? You've used the data you have to build a model of yourself and the world. You only have past evidence of failure, so failure is your only possible future. If you want to challenge that model, you need to generate enough contradictory evidence to invlidate the ld model.
What you need to do is start racking up some successes. The trick here is to move at a pace you can manage. If you can't bed a woman, make your goal to have a conversation. If you can't chat, aim to introduce yourself. If you can't introduce yourself, settle for asking her the time. If that's a bridge too far, practice making eye contact as you pass people in the street. If terror consumes you at the very thought of that, do it wearing sunglasses. I don't give a shit who you are or what ails you, you can look at a passing stranger's eyes for 2 seconds while wearing fucking sunglasses.
>how many nigh-impenetrable barriers there are between me and getting something
Social skills are somewhat unique, in that the barriers are only as big as you act like they are. Start thinking you're gonna make it and the barriers will be small enough to step over. Refuse to take that first step and you'll be stuck at the bottom of an infinite well.
>that most people just naturally fall into
Comparing yourself to others: the worst, most pointless waste of time. What, just because someone else did it better, quicker, that means you shouldn't ever get some for yourself? Does Chad give up just because GigaChad could pull twice as many women in half the time? Does GigaChad give up because Charlie Manson could convince women to do more than GigaChad ever could? Did Manson give up because Little Ronnie Hubbard made a mint where Manson only made a life sentence? Did Hubbard give up just because Jesus inspired so much more wealth transfer and slaughter than Hubbard's puny charisma could ever manage? Did Jesus give up just because he'd never be able to escape his weak human side like dear old Dad? Fuck no man, they did it anyway, and they all came away with something. The prizes ran the gauntlet from "Laid" to "The Kingdom of Heaven", but the point is that everyone who didn't start got nothing.
The only person you're in competition with is your past self. "Ha! That autismo cunt would never look anyone in the eye. I did it twice! An infinity percent increase over the best that idiot ever did", etc.
So you can talk eloquently on some subjects, especially ones you've insight on, but clam up at other times. To me that sounds like you don't talk when you're out of your depth. It's a good habit, overall. Nobody likes the arsehole who runs his mouth about shit he doesn't understand. The problem (I'm guessing) is that you end up out of your depth on 'normie' topics. You probably then enter a bit of a spiral, where you think your silence betrays your lack of experience of this normie thing, which marks you out as an autistic impostor, which means they hate you and don't want to hear from you, which deepens your silence, etc.
If what I've described above is the case, there are three things I can suggest:
First, as mentioned upthread - try asking questions. Even if they're idiotically simple. Even if they're just echolalia + uptalk. You interlocutor gets to talk more, you give the appearance that you're interested, and you stand a chance of learning something that you can use to break your silence in a later conversation.
Second, and this'll probably sound weird - take notes. Note down the circumstances that presage your silence. Who are you talking to? What topic was under discussion? Any other pertinent information? Go over your notes - post them here if you want. Find patterns. Outside of the pressure of a social interaction, can you think of anything to say about those topics? If so, memorise it! Then you'll have something to say next time it comes up. Keep that up and you'll pretty quickly have something prepared for most topics that come up (you'll also learn how small is the range of topics covered by most people).
Third, practice changing the subject. Conversations aren't all one way. You're not just there to please the person you're talking to with no regard for yourself. A good conversation meanders around, finding topics that both participants are happily able to talk about. There's no rule saying you have to stick to something you can't speak on. In any case, intervening to change a topic, especially in a group conversation, is a great way to improve your assertiveness. You can take note of and practice the kinds of things that get people to pay attention and comply (volume, tone, gaze, wording, etc).
Honestly mate, you'd probably be best served just taking notes and making plans for what you can do after the rona subsides. Otherwise I'm sure there's all sorts of clubs or hobby-type things that have moved to Zoom and whatnot, that'll at least get or keep you in the habit of interacting with human beings. Your social development wouldn't be advanced by you catching the plague.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:59:30 No. 12010
Thanks for the thorough write up anon.
This reminds of a site called Good Looking Loser which touched upon some of what you're saying, or very similarly.
What do you think of the concept of "Go for 'NO!'"?
Basically go for it, if rejected cool your jets, warm up, then try again. If No a second time either repeat process or preferable terminate the interaction and move on.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:59:31 No. 12016 >>11890 >RAMBLE >text text text
I'm not knocking your guide (haven't even really read it tbh just skimmed for a few secs) especially if it's worked for you but:
Is this really necessary? Women (and people in general) love to talk about themselves no? Why not just ask her open-ended questions about herself, actively listen and ask relevant follow-up questions that show that you're listening? This seems way more low-effort, probably just as if not more effective depending on the girl, and with much less possibilities for a guy to fuck up and spill his spaghetti if he's not a well-trained public speaker with lots of experience in Toastmasters like you are.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:59:31 No. 12019
I think i was lucky enough to be properly socialised by the time I left high school and would consider myself quite extroverted now. I wasn't always like this, but moving when relatively young forced me to learn how to make friends, a skill that I feel is best learned as young as possible. I remember what is what like being too shy to talk to people or being unable to carry a conversation with a girl, or only being able to talk about niche interests with close friends. Thank god I progressed away from this somewhat early because I can only imagine how much more difficult making those first steps must be when you aren’t in school setting. I respect introverts who know that their introverts, but don’t just give up.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:59:31 No. 12021
All of that shit is gay. PUA doesn’t work and is for autistic nerds that overanalyze social situations. You don’t need to be a psychologist and manipulate a chick to fuck her, just talk to them like a basic genuine human ffs.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:59:32 No. 12028
You're lucky, your social development was good enough that the rules and mechanics of social interaction seem obvious to you. Others have not been so fortunate. PUA, hateful as it may be, often represents the only material available for the less socially-developed to figure out the lessons they missed out on as children and teenagers.
Some people never got the opportunity to learn how to >just talk to them like a basic genuine human ffs
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:59:32 No. 12030
The main reason covid quarantines haven't bothered me is the fact I've been practicing social distancing for most of my life. I'm used to spending all of my time by myself. Doesn't mean I like it, but it's all I know.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:59:34 No. 12038
Same here man, its like the pandemic never happened
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 04:59:36 No. 12052
Since you are so knowledgable, can you tell me how to train my flirting skills? I feel like flirting is like being funny; it's not something you can just flick with a switch and have. When you are funny things just spontaneously come to mind, so you have little control over it. I can flirt sometimes the same way. Good shit comes to mind, but it's very often not in my control. Many times I speak with a girl I'm interested in but I can't think of anything flirtatious to say. How do I fix that? I memorized a couple of things that I can use when the context is appropriate. Other than that I'm at the mercy of my mind hopefully coming up with something playful to say. What do I do, grand master? I'm a bit more experienced than the other lads here, but I'm missing this sure fire way of always knowing how to push things forward sexually.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:00:07 No. 12299
I've always wondered how common it is for someone to not have any friends their entire life. I've never really had friends, never hung out with anyone outside of school or work, and it kinda seems like it's a rarity to encounter anyone who is just so uniquely maladjusted that they were never able to succesfully form relationships. I had a few "friends" in highschool but that was really it I guess.
I kinda wonder where everything went wrong though. From what I've observed, most people have never ever had to put in effort to exist as a human in human society. I've found socialization an uphill battle for as long as I can remember. Am I just an outlier? At this point I don't think understanding where everything went horribly wrong would help though. I'm almost 25, middle age is going to get here faster than I think, and I only really have two years of school left before I get thrown into writing spaghetti code and whatever third rate company will take me. After that, I don't think it's even going to be possible to meet people. I live in a huge, densely populated area and it honestly feels like there's really no one around, and even if there was, how am I going to reconciliate having spent 25-40 years of my life completely alone with someone who more than likely has lived a normal life? I don't really have any thoughts anymore day to day, there's just nothing left to talk about with anyone. It's not so bad. There's more than one way to experience life.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:00:07 No. 12301
Bros my whole life has been fucked by a kind of body dysmorphic disorder. I hate the way my face looks and because of it I never really talked to many people or made friends/put myself out there. It’s kind of stopped me from doing things in life I wanted. I never took any pics with friends or of myself because of it.
Now i finally have saved up enough money for a nosejob or something, but I don’t know if I should do it. I feel like it’s kind of cheating or it won’t be me and if I end up in public again people will ask and bring it up. I do want to escape this and just feel normal/fit in, but this doesn’t feel like a great alternative. Also it’s permanent and what if the doc fucks up my face even more or something. What gives anons should I just do it?
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:00:07 No. 12303
I used to have friends and now have none for a long time now. The only thing I miss about it are the good memories, but I’ve found you can have just as many good memories alone. However to succeed at it you still have to do new fun shit, you can’t just sit at home on the internet and having no friends tends to go hand in hand with that. I’ve had good memories alone hiking, journaling in a new place, traveling, making something new/ setting up a cozy home atmosphere, new hobbies etc. Now that some of my memories alone are just as good, I don’t really miss having friends all that much.
However I do think it’s good to have an outlet/ different perspective by talking to others once in a while. I don’t consider myself as having any real friends, but acquaintances. They suffice for the most part.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:00:11 No. 12330
yeh just do it, just make sure it's a good doctor. the rest of your arguments were honestly just spooks. fix whatever bothers you. acceptance isn't always the answer, imo. but i'm saying this as someone who also suffered from body dismorphia. had moderate acne that was very difficult to get rid off. god i was so tired of brainlets giving me the most obvious pieces of advice "just wash your face bro!" ohh… i didn't know. i always rubbbed sewage in my face before, thanks
do it and when people ask you about it just say you are happier this way. you don't need to justify shit.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:00:13 No. 12348
Why don't you have any friends anon
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:00:14 No. 12356
I'm a boring fucking faggot who never learned to socialize like a normal person, that's why
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:00:22 No. 12407
I’m losing my mind in this covid shit. How do people make friends in their 30s, i have no one to talk to all my friends are married now and shit. Cant even go out and socialize, reading books all day is getting tiring
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:00:24 No. 12428
There must be hope for me anon, there must. Do people even care about genuine friendships anymore, or is it all just spectacle?
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:00:24 No. 12429
A lot of millenials are not married. I really don't see it as any different than making friends when I was 25. Unfortunately most will come through work.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:01:34 No. 12941
Why is this place so full of incels?
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:01:35 No. 12947
Social skills are hard as fuck. Suggesting someone read a book is like fucking murdering your family to some people. Just read a book and discuss it with me. Why is that supposed to be an aggressive thing?
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:01:35 No. 12948
Yeah, I flip out easily. Imagine you were having normal conversations and everyone just ganged up on you and started screaming and shouting. That is what it is like for me.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:01:35 No. 12952
Mr Geek boy isn't going to post now. He knows it's too dangerous. You should have heard him yelling and harassing me. You would all whoop his ass if you heard the things he said.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:01:35 No. 12954
Feels good to be legitimately asexual.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:01:35 No. 12955
My life is a nightmare. A nightmare I don't want to wake up from because I deserve it. I deserve my disorders and the mental issues I have. I'm a bad person.
Everyone around me thinks I'm normal and well-adjusted, just a little bit quiet and shy. Let me tell you, the joke's on them. I can fake the small-talk; I can dance the all-important ‘social tango’ if the situation absolutely requires it (for work etc). But none of it is real. I’m an actor. My life is one big deception and the world is my theatre. If only they knew how dead inside I am when they tell me all about their weekends and I say all the right things. I'm an emotional masochist: I love feeling sorry for myself and agonizing over how awful I have it. I torture myself every night while I lay in bed by contemplating my pathetic life over and over and over again. Intellectually, I realize there are a lot of people worse off than I am and this makes me feel awful. But the thing is, I crave that negative feeling and use it to fuel my self-pity. I wallow in my misery and self-depreciation and I love it. Even on a social anxiety forum I don't fit in. At least most of you can honestly say, 'I want to get better; I want to live my life without the issues I have and get past this.' At least you have that to hold on to. It would be an out-and-out lie if I said I wanted to change – I just want to 'go away,' but I'm too much of coward and masochist to ever do it.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:01:36 No. 12960
Helpful post except for the /v/-tier analogy at the end.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:01:37 No. 12964
1 write how you think an interaction would go
2 don't leave out any detail, and idealize the fuck out of it 3 forget the document for a month 4 read it back after a month of trying to socialize, realize it's all cringe and redact and rewrite the bad parts 5 wash rinse repeat until you're happy with what it looks like
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:01:37 No. 12965
Agree with the other anon. Get therapy.
You should also write down stuff. Keep a journal, maybe burn each entry after writing it down so you feel more at ease writing. I used to draw and try to get my emotions in the drawing. I'm not good at it at all, but it worked wonders.
Also acting, as you describe it, is incredibly draining. I suffer from that too and don't know how to stop.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:01:39 No. 12984 >>11142
A huge but refreshingly honest Black Pill. I independently came to similar conclusions as the anon in that screenshot since a few years back, but had not seen it worded so eloquently before.
The only part where that anon might be wrong in my particular case is sex. Not that I've had it, I'm a virgin. More so that I doubt that I will be a virgin forever. Back when I was several years younger (HS and Uni years, I'm in my mid 20's) I can count probably a dozen different girls (maybe a bit more) who I could have banged. 7 or 8 of them I was almost guaranteed to hit if I had chosen to fully reciprocate their physical advances (I chose not to). The other 5 or so were a maybe if I had played my cards right. It wasn't even a case of me being "too oblivious to recognize signals of interest" either. I knew exactly what they were doing (playing footsies, talking my ear off, sitting shoulder to shoulder and thigh to thigh with me on couches, giving me extended hugs, holding hands, hugging me from behind such that their breasts pushed into my back, cuddling, kissing me on the neck, that same neck-kiss girl telling me she's in love with me, another girl in HS walking with me to a friend of mine's house and sneaking into his house with me since he was at band [or was it cross country?] practice, his parents were not home and one of the backyard doors was open so she followed me inside such that me and her were alone in my friend's house for a few hours, one girl even jumped on top of me while I was lying on a bed just chilling at a HS party etc). It's just that whenever girls flirted with me like that, it never seemed real to me, even when and while it happened. So I basically didn't ever feel like I "deserved" such affection, therefore at most I would reciprocate their touch but not kiss them, make out with them or escalate to sex. Even with that girl who kissed my neck, I only kissed her back on the forehead so (as strange as it sounds) I've never even kissed a girl on the lips despite all those experiences. But I digress, and I wasn't recounting all of this to "brag" or whatever (don't know how it could be interpreted as such anyway, considering none of those interactions involved actual sex), just to illustrate the point that if I've gotten that close to banging girls before (but didn't because I deliberately chose not to), then me actually banging girls in the future (should I choose to do so) is possible.
However, funnily enough, that doesn't change the fundamental black pill truth of what that anon from this screenshot
is saying at all, not even in my case. Like yeah, back when all that happened with those girls I was /fit/ and trim/slim from playing HS sports and all (I got fat a couple years after Uni), and I started lifting for the first time in my life several months ago which is steadily reversing my post-Uni fat gains and re-creating dat dere V-taper that I had back in HS and Uni, and this perhaps would allow me to land some local girls to bang through like OkCupid or something idk. Buuut that would never result in a real relationship anyway, or fundamentally change my life circumstances. At the end of the day, I would still be a NEET with no friends (or: none that I more than extremely rarely talk to via text/IM and don't already have their own life set up anyway) who lives with his parents and has zero job prospects, which is an exactly 0% base on which any girl would ever want to have a relationship with me, even if I was to fuck her once or a couple times off Tinder/OkCupid or some shit.
So yeah, I basically accepted since a while back that what this anon from the screenshot
describes as that normie social life, girlfriends/wife and milestones is beyond fucking ogre for me dude. When I had just started to realize this at like 19 to 21 years old, I got sad about it. Especially when I would go on night-walks alone to my old HS or to the park where me and my group of HS friends used to play football, tag, hide and seek, and I would realize that it's over, that all of us had gone off on our separate ways to separate colleges/jobs/etc, that those happy times of youth and close male bonding had passed and that they would NEVER happen again. That all I had left of that were my memories. I sometimes cried hard but silently (those silent tears streaming down your face kind of cries) at those times, alone, sitting on the park bench at night or sitting on the bleachers of my old HS at night, just processing it all and taking it all in. Sometimes on my night-walks, maybe semi-related idk, I would walk to my old elementary school, to the other park where I used to play basketball/chill with my best friend from elementary school or even to my old pre-school. Once I also silently cried while looking at the empty swing-sets/play equipment at night of my old pre-school, with my fingers grasping the chain link fence while I took it all in. "What I would give to be a little kid again, or even just to be a freshman in high school again", I would tell myself back then.
Not long after, one of my (if not the) closest friends from college died and it hit me hard as fuck. There was a group of 4 of us including me since freshman year Uni who were best friends and nearly always chilled together, he was one of us 4.
This song always makes me think of him, it has no lyrics but it's the vibe of it that really gets me:
Like a year and a half later, this other friend of mine from college also died (he wasn't one of the 4, but was close to my friend who had died before and I'd say semi-close to me too, like I wasn't a regular part of his friend group but the few times just me and him would hang out we would chill comfy for a while) and though it didn't hit me as hard as my first college friend that died, it still hit me pretty damn hard.
All of this to say that, pretty much, life is full of pain and some of those painful events might eventually get dulled in the intensity but you will never truly get over them. And, at the end of the day, somehow, I kind of just deal or eventually learn to deal. I've adapted to spending most of my time by myself and not talking to or barely talking to anybody and it's not even something that particularly bothers me or disturbs my calm all that much anymore.
All the social stuff and talking to girls and everything just kind of ended up seeming not that big of a deal/not that important to me at some point compared to the pain of my close friends' deaths when they were way too young, in ways that are not fair, don't make sense, that I won't ever understand and that will never be ok no matter how much time passes.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:01:39 No. 12985
Anyway, apologies for the TL;DR.
Here's something much simpler that I have a little dilemma with at the moment:
I'm slowly getting a V-taper from lifting weekly and walking every day for the past several months so that will maybe help me get more matches on OkCupid/Tinder etc right? Cool.
However, all of my pics on these dating apps are old pics of me from when I was out of shape (my activity levels from playing sports in HS really dropped after I graduated).
Here's the deal:
I don't have enough storage space on my cell phone to take new pics.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:01:39 No. 12986
First suggestion is to stop using hookup apps.
Second suggestion is to get a microSD card from Ali.
Third suggestion is to ask /tech/ next time.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:01:39 No. 12988 >>12962
same, used to d&d with a bunch of guys but we haven't spoken since gathering in groups became forbidden
you could say, oh I guess they weren't real friends, but that's not how it works for me
I can't socialize outside of context. I need to meet x people in y setting or I just don't meet up, at all. except for one or two really close friends. COVID burned all my social context (except fucking work, where there's always the implicit distance of being colleagues) to the ground
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:01:40 No. 12992
>>12988 >used to d&d with a bunch of guys
Based, I wanted to get into it but all this shit happened and I really don't want to use crap like zoom or discord.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:01:40 No. 12996
that's a lot of us right now and we feel you.
I look forward to my sunday online reading group - try to join one if you haven't tried already. there are some really cool people out there and zooming makes it so easy to just be yourself™
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:01:41 No. 13007
Tbh anon just shoot them a message, I'm sure they'd appreciate catching up.
Who knows, maybe you can meet up with like 1 or 2 of them and go hang out?
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:01:41 No. 13008
if security is your issue I recommend checking out jitsi.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:01:42 No. 13012
So I made this thread for you to talk about improving your social skills and you turned it into a black pill thread with incel undertones. Okay I guess.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:01:42 No. 13013
Hey, the replies made by people that deep down enjoy wallowing in their own misery and filth are the minority.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:01:42 No. 13015
it was well intentioned my dude, but some folks dont wanna change and are okay with self pity
plus some folks are trying, even if this thread helped one person aint that enough?
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:01:42 No. 13017
>>12986 >First suggestion is to stop using hookup apps.
Why tho? How else are you supposed to meet girls when there's a global pandemic so IRL social events are all cancelled?
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:01:42 No. 13018
Shit like Tinder is the commodization of relationships presented to you like a sales catalogue. I'd even argue it's detrimental to your mental health.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:01:43 No. 13021
TBH I blame COVID. What use is socializing and finding new people when everything is shut down?
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:01:44 No. 13024
I have to control my outbursts but he bugs the shit out of me. Just thinking of him irritates me. I don't want him reasing my Plato articles or Pasolini articles or any of my work. He should pay me if he wants to read my artistic essays.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:01:44 No. 13025
He wants work then he pays for the work actually suitable for a man of my caliber. No, I am not working for your inbred brother in law that probably drinks fuel drippings out of the back of a bus.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:01:44 No. 13026
Or the fat one. My god, how I hate the fat one. He should be Rose's bew boyfriend. Two fat dumbasses made in Heaven.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:01:58 No. 13154
what is more detrimental, not engaging in dating at all, or dating via shit like tinder? because like it or not the "old ways" do not exist anymore for many of us - even before covid
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:01:58 No. 13155
i got zero matches
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:01:58 No. 13156
I'm proud to say that I've never even downloaded a dating app before or used any type of websites for it in the least.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:01:59 No. 13157
upload better (more edited perhaps) photo's and get back at it. the pictures just draw them in, that's when you win them over with your personality
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:01:59 No. 13158
>>13154 >not engaging in dating at all
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:01:59 No. 13160
Also tinder is very blackpilling if you're bottom of the barrel.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:01:59 No. 13161
One thing I'm lacking is knowing how to avoid awkward silences or when to realize a conversation has ended and it's time to say goodbye. Am I autistic? How do I correct this?
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:01:59 No. 13164
Do what I do and attempt to end every conversation almost immediately to minimize chances of embarrassment, making yourself appear rude and further isolating yourself from everyone
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:01:59 No. 13166
>go outside >talk to strangers normally >get home >start repeating scene in my head thinking I must've done SOMETHING wrong Fuck you anxiety.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:02:00 No. 13168
almost 22 and i have no social life whatsoever and never have. hobbies are empty to me now. all i can do now is read and go to work. don't think i can take life like this much longer
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:02:00 No. 13174
you can try to, in the beginning or middle of a convo, mention something that you were in the process of doing. that way when the convo ends or stalls, you can refer back to it and disengage
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:02:01 No. 13181
tbh it was years ago
i have given up
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:02:03 No. 13190
Currently saying "fuck it" to social skills and working out hoping my new looks will carry me through life and conversations. Am I a selfish dick or is it just smart?
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:02:04 No. 13194
If nothing else is bearing fruit, it's just pragmatic imo.
Potentially it'll actually provide you an oppurtunity one day to talk to a wheyfu, but for now let the iron be your gf.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:02:05 No. 13201
ideally it will make you feel good and look good which should help a lot with socializing and carrying through everyday life
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:02:05 No. 13202
improve yourself (and your situation + prospects) until you get pleassure. Fr though lift weights get dates, and that applies for self care and mental exercise too.
I only got loved when I started loving myself. And I'm an ugly fucker but it's really all about that base. Your 0 will become a ∞
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:02:05 No. 13203
that's a mindfuck, no go
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:02:05 No. 13204
Last time I did she turned out to be one of those facebook boomer schizos (except in her 20s) who believes corona is a hoax made up by some secret worldwide cabal who also is pushing progressive values onto children or some shit.
Sure, at first I could ignore it but then she started talking about that shit more and more often.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:02:05 No. 13205
>have crippling anxiety >also be adhd-ridden extrovert The universe is laughing at me.
please reply 30 anon Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:02:05 No. 13206
yo email me at the email above, I can try to be a penpal friend, anon. I'm younger but I care about genuine friendships and I've many people far older then I that I hold dear, so don't think you're alone in your want for real friendship just yet in this world.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:02:05 No. 13207
forgot to give my email. my bad.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:02:06 No. 13208
You don't deserve your disorders or mental issues. No one does. Does a bad person that breaks his arm deserve it? It's subjective for one and two you're not awful.
I don't mean to compare you to Frankenstein but does a corpse of necrotic flesh made animate only have a capacity for evil? Even if you are a bad person of bad experiences and intentions, that doesn't guarantee that you'll do nigh good. Email me. I'm that penpal anon above. We can be friends if you want. If it makes you feel any better after I got diagnosed with ptsd I kind of just wallowed in it for a while, feeling at least secure and justified in my being that. I'm not saying I totally understand but that I sympathize in a way.
I'm kind of a impossibly shaped peg too, I don't fit in much. And unfortunately, I was too dead for a while and more people then you'd think too are dead inside. But until we are deceased, we can return from the nightmare to the waking.
I stopped having my nightmare for the first night in literally years. I accepted it as part of my life; and I didn't have it last night. I thought it was going to shackle me forever. But I woke up refreshed for the first time in a very long time. Sometimes a miracle happens, minus the religious connotation
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:02:06 No. 13209
Yo I thought we weren't going to be able to mosh until 2024, I accepted it, I want to go to shows too. I was bad with people, I got better, then covid happened and my interior mind got better while my social skills went down the crapper worst in a long time.
I don't really know when shows will come back but just know you ain't alone, so please vent all you want.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:02:06 No. 13210
fuck your post hit too close to home on the night walks bit. I can feel my friends just fading like glass shards on the beach. I hate when you hang out with someone or you think of them and then a time later they die and it just makes me feel fucking empty and I cry too sometimes on my night walks. I cry other times too.
The only thing that's let me quell the pain is turning it into meaning and righteous fury for moral truth. I try to love the world more then the pain I feel inside doesn't love. I spend a lot of time alone too, and yeah, death has always marred me too. People just are and it feels so inconsequential compared to the weight of attrition.
I think that at any age, even if culturally it doesn't feel like it, friendship and adventure can bloom even if time moves on.
every single day since I was a kid I had been calling out to God (where if it were), "please let me go back to a day time forgot so I can try anew".
Also if you still need pic help;
use an image hosting service to upload your photos that are ok to upload. Partner had the exact issue. Used a thumb drive though
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:02:09 No. 13235
I have made several friends over the years but I'm terrible at keeping in touch with them. Any help with that?
A bit before covid happened I tried contacting a very old friend but while we talked a lot I feel it kinda went nowhere and the guy already had his own life, but maybe that was my anxiety speaking. I don't know if I should bother contacting him again once the pandemic is over.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:02:16 No. 13288
I know the people on here are pretty asocial, but I do think it's true that social media helps to keep in contact with people with little effort. Get instagram and just regularly post photos and stories or like and comment the content of your friends. Additionally, you gotta realize that some friendships simply have their expiration dates. I've quit wondering what I've done wrong a long time ago when I realized sometimes people are not your match. Maybe it was like that from the start, maybe you or them changed.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:02:17 No. 13290
>>13288 >Get instagram and just regularly post photos and stories or like and comment the content of your friends.
Eugh, I'm allergic to social media. Thanks for the advice.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:02:17 No. 13291
>>13283 >speaking when alone
You sure it's not anxiety interfering with that? When alone I speak extremely well but when there's someone in front of me I turn into a blabbering retard.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:02:17 No. 13292
Try reading books out loud.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:02:18 No. 13302
>>13301 >no audio
What is this 4cucks?
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:02:20 No. 13314
>>19932 >Yall either gotta work out Won't fix a shit personality >hobbies and quirks Nah you can't force these things, some people are just fated to be boring and alone. Just how it is.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:02:20 No. 13321
>>19936 nothing fucking appeals to me anymore. There's nothing to fucking do anyway because of covid. I haven't left my house except to go to work or the grocery store since March.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:02:21 No. 13324
It's from a movie/book.
You should work out anyway.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:02:21 No. 13326
I always start and lose motivation after like 3 weeks.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:02:22 No. 13328
>>19932 >No one here is as old as that guy. I'm in my 50s. So I beg to differ.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:02:23 No. 13346
This might be a question better asked to a therapist but how do I stop being insecure and unmotivated? I used to like drawing and reading and doing stuff in general but after some messy shit during my teenage years I've become a lazy fuck that does the bare minimum in his daily life.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:02:24 No. 13347
There honestly can be numerous reasons for this. My go to would be depression when it comes to your motivation. Insecurity can come from not accepting yourself and fearing the judgement of others. It can also come from not regularly experiencing victories, which would make you feel confident and competent. By victories I don't mean anything big necessarily. It doesn't have to be. We all have things that we value and that make us feel proud. When I go for a 10km jog I feel like a strong attractive man. When I commit to doing my uni work on time for several consecutive days it makes me feel competent and in control of my life. Ergo, less insecurity, more pride and more power.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:02:24 No. 13350
>>19932 >I am in my early 20s yeah that might as well be teenage love you faggot
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:02:33 No. 13434
>>13360 >that pic
chapoid-addled brain detected.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:02:35 No. 13448
At least i read things other than image board posts, faggot
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:02:38 No. 13472
I feel like it should be way easier for both average looking men and women to find someone to have casual sex with without resorting to prostitution. A nigga be horny sometimes
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:02:38 No. 13473
>realize now that I'm well over 30 that I was mildly attractive as a teenager but severe BDD fucked that up >also ruined by being an autist who didn't care about how he looked so I dressed like shit and had a ridiculous haircut >still a friendless kissless virgin, except wrinkly and past the point of no return Welp, I wasted all the good years of my life
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:02:38 No. 13474
Trash like tinder is made exactly for that.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:02:38 No. 13475
Just leave your routine and LIVE
You are fucking 30 dude. In the grand scheme of things you are still young. Work out, use retin A to get rid of wrinkles, if you are baling get a hair transplant. I'm tired of you NIG9ERS just pitying yourself in MY thread.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:02:38 No. 13477
the use of slurs lets slip 3 things about those who use them:
1. unironic belief in "chan culture", spends far too much time pretending he was on 4chan in 2003.
2. underage, in body or mind (often goes with 1)
3. poor vocabulary, lack of creativity.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:02:39 No. 13487
Yeah, but you have to be reasonably attractive. I'm /fit/ but my face is fucked up
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:02:40 No. 13489
>>13487 >I'm /fit/ but my face is fucked up
If you're in the US or UK, just wear a mask.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:02:40 No. 13493
>>13475 >In the grand scheme of things you are still young
Eh, as you get older time passes increasingly faster.
Anonymous Comrade 2020-12-21 (Mon) 05:02:42 No. 13507
Well if that‘s your attitude I guess you deserve your fate
Anonymous 2021-02-01 (Mon) 11:51:27 No. 14044
Don't think this counts as a "social skill" but this seems like the right place to ask: How do I improve my attention span? My attention span has always been shit but I feel like it's gotten way worse since quarantine started because I've just been switching through social media constantly, literally every day. Any tips on how to improve it?
Anonymous 2021-02-04 (Thu) 12:00:18 No. 14091
I noticed this for myself a few years back. I had read zillions of short articles commenting on leftist theory and history, but my progress in actually checking off the tomes they were referencing (
, etc.) was shameful. I'm not going to pretend I'm perfect, but these three things helped:
1. Stop doing serious reading on anything with a web browser. The temptation to click into tabbed threads, porn, or wiki digressions is too strong. I highly recommend getting an eBook reader and appropriating free books from MIA and libgen (I hate Bezos too but Kindle is the best e-reader). Dead tree books are great too, but I typically reserve those for reference tomes,
and the like.
2. Stimulants. Caffeine helps a lot for serious reading. Most grocery stores have squeezable caffeine syrup bottles you can add to water for an instant fix.
3. Scheduling. Plan in advance when you'll do your reading, for example, "from 7:00 to 9:00 tonight I'm going to read
. Works great
until something forces you to break your schedule and you put down the book for months
Anonymous 2021-03-18 (Thu) 22:36:06 No. 14667
Thank you for the advice soyjak
Anonymous 2021-03-18 (Thu) 22:44:40 No. 14668
I pretty much do everything you said except I always have some cool tunes from the 80's 90's and now
Can't read without it
Anonymous 2021-03-19 (Fri) 22:15:51 No. 14685
>>11208 >Oh you painted them black? Are you some sort of goth girl? Or did your goldfish die and now you're depressed?"
Good one, com. anon. I'd fuck you on the first date, and I'ma guy not into other guys
Anonymous 2021-04-02 (Fri) 15:42:54 No. 14933
I am blushing behind the screen, Anon.
Anonymous 2021-05-04 (Tue) 18:43:22 No. 15408
Anyone else feel like they never found their home? I think I‘ve made friends in the past years that have been great to me and understand me in ways previous people couldn‘t. I‘ve been unlucky to grow up with people around me that simply weren‘t a match for me, which became much clearer growing up. Even now though I don‘t feel at home. There is no group of friend I ever had that I fully felt understood by. I don‘t feel like one of the main people of a social circle either. Anyone else feel like that?
Anonymous 2021-05-11 (Tue) 00:26:34 No. 15583
Oh shit this old thread, didn't think it was still around
Anyway life is still gay for me, I've just given up by this point.
Anonymous 2021-05-11 (Tue) 00:29:05 No. 15584
Oh yeah and I'm still working this job and I fucking hate it now, the people I work with are fucking phony assholes.
Anonymous 2021-05-12 (Wed) 03:08:04 No. 15608
No, but I'll be your fren if you like?
Anonymous 2021-05-12 (Wed) 10:07:18 No. 15612
to add to this, I would suggest reading someplace else then your house, at least for me, the physical act of changing location helps me get focused and not destracted.
Anonymous 2021-05-16 (Sun) 03:42:29 No. 15680 >>11142
Yeah, I'm sorry for replying to old posts still but, coming back to this after now having finished school and worked a job that requires a lot of interaction, this is largely true. The "dude just go outside and talk to randos" meme is the fundamental advice I always get, and I can guarantee that the people who give it are normalfags who have never actually done that themselves. It IS equivalent to telling a homeless guy to just invest in the stock market. Telling people to "self-improve" is the same as telling a homeless man to get a job; it's the classic condescending, ignorant right-wing way of seeing the world.
No one who ever gives this type of "self-improvement" advice has truly suffered or felt alone or depressed. It does not happen. These are people who had it good, maybe hit a minor slump, and relied on their preexisting social tools and connections to bounce right back up. Without those tools you will never integrate with anyone naturally. It doesn't fucking matter how hard you try. I WAS a NEET four years ago. I DID accomplish things - I got my GED, got a car, started college, got a job. And you know what? I feel completely the same as a I did when I was a NEET. I still have no friends, I'm still a virgin loser, I still feel lonely and depressed constantly, I still have no interests (I've actually lost more interests since then).
Every interaction, however good it might feel in the moment, is ultimately hollow and gets me nowhere. I DID talk to people at school, I DO talk to people at work, and still NOTHING. I don't want to hear "oh you're not doing it right," because the people who say that just assume this shit comes naturally and it's YOUR fault for not trying hard enough. Take the people who say "it's on YOU to invite people places". Really? And where would I, a guy who was shut-in for most of his life, invite them? It presupposes that you're already basically a normie who does normie things, just by yourself, and all you need to do is invite other people along and BAM, friends! I'm supposed to just "join a sports club" after being too poor to have ever been a part of a sports team as a kid? I'm supposed to just "find people who share my interests" after years of depression have crushed any interests I had? No matter what advice I follow, what I say, what I do, it's never fucking enough. And after a while, yeah, you want to give up. Because no FUNCTIONAL person has to go to such lengths just to get a fucking phone number. I didn't just try once and give up. I did it over and over and over and over and over and over. And now, gazing into the abyss of post-college wage slavery, I can see that all my hope from four years ago amounted to basically nothing, and I'm at my wit's fucking end.
Anonymous 2021-05-17 (Mon) 03:37:26 No. 15700
tell that my penis :D
he stopped talking to my hand after they had an argument
get roger love's "the perfect voice" via torrent
no genuinely try to learn an instrument or at least music theory + singing if you really love certain music you can understand it to the best extend
everyone sucks ass when they start out, it's just that nobody records them while doing that so we don't see it
Anonymous 2021-05-17 (Mon) 20:21:19 No. 15710
it's funny, since posting that I actually took a Music Appreciation class. Obviously didn't learn instruments but it was kind of neat.
Anonymous 2021-06-13 (Sun) 02:35:51 No. 16447
Yeah I don't know anymore. Coming back to this again a month later and just realizing how month after month it's the same. Fucking. Shit. I'm so goddamn tired of this life. I'm sick of being surrounded by happy normies who hang out and date outside of work. I'm so fucking stunted and all my Self-Improvement(tm) has barely done shit. I feel like a social Sisyphus.
Anonymous 2021-06-13 (Sun) 23:11:03 No. 16462
hmm, you should definitely ignore that advice. It works for some people and it doesn’t work for more alienated and atomized individuals such as ourselves. I was watching a romance movie lately, and liked it. Although thinking about it and the general trope of romance media in general, main characters chasing down their crush is definitely creepy and I would not want to be on the receiving end even if it was some hot hunk.
The reason I bring up the romance movie is that the same creepy social relations present in movies is being repackaged and re-imaged as legitimate advice for making friends and, taken to its logical extreme via fetishization of the movie, sometimes as advice for people looking for significant others which is how you end up being pressed for charges like some (unfortunately) creepy fuck that you can read about on /b/. This social relation of just putting yourself out there and trying to force yourself and others to hang out. I’ve seen this happen to someone as awkward as me but more bold and his quest for friendship just had people talking behind his back and putting on an act. it was pure pity.
However, going back to the romance movie I watched. It did seem to give some advice that was legitimate. The main character was going on a date for the very first time, and his more well adjusted friend told him to survey the entire date area by himself before the date. During this montage the main character got to know the area, but, through self-exploration, also found areas he himself liked naturally and was not simply checking off a checklist for interesting areAs.
How does this relate to friendship and making friends? It’s something I want to try and something that might work with us less- socially skilled. The thing being hanging out with yourself and by yourself and being honest with yourself and finding areas or places or things you do that you enjoy. Of course this is only relevant for friendships irl, but you could take the same approach for more online hobbies, in seeking to enjoy a hobby by yourself and then, when you feel comfortable and knowing that you like the subject, expanding that social circle.
Also, don’t look up “how to make friends posts”. Often, they just repeat the same advice that you hear all the time. What I would suggest is learning social skill cues from websites designed to support neurodivergent people, like those with autism. Especially with autism, they can go more in depth in teaching social skills, although I have yet to find something in teaching comfortability in socializing; comfort may be something that you must recognize on your own.
idk if I may be re-hashing advice you’ve heard, but the above is what I’m gonna try and hopefully not fail(haven’t tried it yet), but your post speaks out to me and others.
Anonymous 2021-06-17 (Thu) 07:20:52 No. 16550
Made a dating profile on of the apps. I think I'm a 7.5, never been called ugly irl, have been told I'm cute, blah blah.
Matching no one that I'm really attracted to. Was even worse on Bumble, just 1 really ugly match. >my god, maybe i'm this fucking ugly too
Anonymous 2021-06-17 (Thu) 11:03:49 No. 16556
If you used Tinder then you should know that getting Tinder Gold makes a big difference.
Anonymous 2021-06-19 (Sat) 14:48:31 No. 16687
I am thinking of going down the online route but that's just put me off
Anonymous 2021-06-19 (Sat) 15:02:24 No. 16688
bros how tf do i find out who liked me on tinder without paying?
i tried all tricks changing location or setting
still can't find out who liked me
Anonymous 2021-06-20 (Sun) 19:44:27 No. 16766
you can use the browser version and change something in the client side code
Anonymous 2021-06-21 (Mon) 06:34:41 No. 16786
Bros I just realized, why should I give a fuck about my awkwardness or social etiquette etc. im going to die one day and all of that will be inconcequential. We spend so much wasted time on how to behave in what situation etc. Next time I see a hot chick, i’m going to let her know my exact thoughts sans my rabid perversions.
Anonymous 2021-06-21 (Mon) 17:31:58 No. 16802
>>16766 >change something in the client side code
change what? and how? idk how to code so explain step-by-step like i'm 5 please
Anonymous 2021-06-21 (Mon) 17:33:28 No. 16803
>>16786 >Next time I see a hot chick, i’m going to let her know my exact thoughts sans my rabid perversions
maybe don't do this. how about you start with just a simple hello? introduce yourself, go from there. play by ear. ask her open-ended questions.
Anonymous 2021-06-21 (Mon) 18:40:25 No. 16806
you go on tinder in your browser, go to the list of superlikes and then press F12 to see the code of the site. i don't know what it was, but changing something in the code made your see the unblurred version of the images
Anonymous 2021-06-21 (Mon) 18:41:19 No. 16807
You probably are too pussy to do it, but that's a good mindset.
Anonymous 2021-06-22 (Tue) 08:59:08 No. 16821
Don't accept society's framing of your behavior as "awkward." It's they who are awkward!
Anonymous 2021-06-22 (Tue) 19:16:37 No. 16838
Not sure if this belongs but..
As a giant negro I cross the street when I see a white woman so she doesn't alert the guards and have them execute me.
It is extremely difficult for men (straight) online. Women online see pretty much every guy except for an elite few as attractive. Your best bet is IRL, online only works for guys who are already "rich".
Anonymous 2021-06-23 (Wed) 12:28:48 No. 16869
hello me. join the leftypol matrix fren
Anonymous 2021-06-23 (Wed) 12:31:20 No. 16870
do psychedelics and take the time to fully immerse yourself in life from time to time and you will be surprised at how slow things can still feel
Anonymous 2021-06-24 (Thu) 13:42:51 No. 16971
> at small drinking gathering with friends and friends of friends. > cute girl i've just met seems to be flirting with me through the night, >touching my leg, laying her head on my shoulder, looking at me a lot etc, >too pussy to do anything, don't flirt back(don't even really know how to) >get angry at myself the next day because she's leaving the country soon How do i get over this fear of rejection/ looking like creep? I've missed so many potential opportunities. Not a virgin btw
Anonymous 2021-06-24 (Thu) 13:51:48 No. 16972
Step one is not caring too much about it, you figured out she was flirting with you and simply being clued in enough to figure that out however belatedly is an advance
Things are looking up for you clearly you have some pull or a woman wouldn't have flirted with you QED
Anonymous 2021-06-24 (Thu) 14:06:21 No. 16973
I would consider myself quite sociable and conventionally attractive. I have no problem talking at length with most people including women. All my relationships in the past have either started because somebody set me up or pure luck. I literarily don't know how to flirt or return advances. I feel like i have a mental block thats always telling me to "not make them think I like them" even if i do.
Anonymous 2021-06-24 (Thu) 20:42:14 No. 16981
There is no trick, you just do it. I can go down all the arguments
>fuck what everyone else thinks, that will only hold you back >good guys will give you cudos for trying, even if you fail >you will gain experience and will be better when the next girl comes around
yada yada, you just do it. You are not a creep for showing interest in a girl. That's the most normal thing. And perhaps one day a girl might interpret your advances as creepy, just accept that. This land mine type of mentality that turns you into an in-active pussy is exactly what differentiates men from boys. Just accept that there are going to be girls who will interpret your advances as creepy, despite the fact you weren't actually being creepy. If she feels that way about you, accept it and move on, but don't let it stifle you. That's not even worth discussing since this girl gave you plenty of signals she felt comfortable with you.
I will give you a piece of advice. Make flirting with others something normal to you. Flirting is just playful jabs and you can do it with anyone. If that becomes second nature for you, it won't feel off or artificial once you are doing it, because you are actually interested in the person.
Anonymous 2021-08-24 (Tue) 09:57:21 No. 19220
Anonymous 2021-08-24 (Tue) 13:04:12 No. 19223
maybe try to lightly reciprocate next time. the fact that you could tell she was flirting with you is a good sign. I am usually oblivious to these things
Anonymous 2021-08-25 (Wed) 14:29:21 No. 19236
that type of attitude will get you no where. Everything can be shit, you could be the worst person on earth but still just best to try. Go to a bar, a coffee shop or a bookstore. Or go to leftist gathrings or concerts for bands you like. Maybe make friends on fbi.gov or that, i personally find it easier to talk to people online(why i have no friends in my classes yet) so that might not be best advice. Join a club or that if you can. It should be easier to become friends with someone who shares many interests with you, but just getting acquantinces(sorry if mispell) should help. opening up is very hard, i dont really open up or like trust people either so i cant help the most, but i find the best advice is honestly take some drugs. or just do anything that gets you into a less defensive mode. i have built trust with some friends at 2 am when im very tired because i just dont have the energy to not be open and to be defensive. best of luck to you tho anon, i hope all goes as well as it can, and if you wanna try the fbi.gov idea i know some people who are looking to talk there so just lmk! hope you have a nice day:)
Anonymous 2021-09-17 (Fri) 10:26:58 No. 19671
Eh…no? If I want to hang out with my friends, I try to immediatly type back and if somehow I have to call it off, then I'll tell them without apologizing. I mean they are my friends after all, no?
Anonymous 2021-09-17 (Fri) 15:12:58 No. 19673
Yeah I tend to overthink things like that too, though I only get like one text a year so it doesn't happen often.
Anonymous 2021-09-18 (Sat) 22:23:22 No. 19688
i feel that
for me one of the worst parts of the advice "just talk to people" is that many people aren't worth talking to. This isnt coming from a place of edgy self-superiority, just that many people themselves are very alienated, not chill, and their way of interacting in the world is dictated by social norms and cliche. Beyond capitalism taking away public spaces or pre-existing communities, it took away all pretexts for socializing (except sex/dating).
The problem isn't just finding people to hang out with, for me at least that's not too hard, but the problem is finding out how to deepen relationships with people, especially when person after person turns out to just actually be interested in a sex or acquaintanceship. There's something you can't get from people who you just go to a bar with, or any other thing. More and more though I'm convinced it's totally political, as in the most suburban minded people are going to not even know how to have genuine relationships, and it's only really politically radical (leftist or anarchist) people who are worth spending time with, since they at least have a functioning mind, and some empathy. Everyone else seems just out of it. Shit feels like the matrix, like everyone is real, but some people are more aware and not willing to just take their alienation as the social norm, and aren't liable to turn into an agent on you suddenly :P
My tip to you btw, is hang out with stoners. They're usually at least more social and stuff and ready to not just fall into the herd mindset
good luck, don't get burnt out and resentful
Anonymous 2021-09-18 (Sat) 23:43:08 No. 19689
yeah i see a message and i just dont want to respond even if we are close. also, maybe you do have autism since i got autism and adhd and apparently this basic function is a pretty revealing symptom.
Anonymous 2021-09-19 (Sun) 12:31:51 No. 19695
Damn this post really made me think…
And I am somebody who is very good at socializing, but your post really has a level of maturity that I still lack. Thank you
Anonymous 2021-09-20 (Mon) 02:44:21 No. 19699
it's somewhat true - there have always been people who don't fit into society, think historical hermits/traditional hikikomori - but also falls victim to tunnel vision. recently i've realized that a normal life as robots understand it really doesn't exist. people who have more friends oftentimes don't have any close friends, or they're so torn up inside about other problems that they can't appreciate what they've got (alcoholism, trauma, sickness, mental illness). people with spouses get cheated on or divorced, people in clubs get kicked out, successful people lose everything to circumstance or ego-trips. there are 8 billion different kinds of people alive right now, and you don't have to conform to an ideal which would be unrealistic for anyone. not having a social life is just one handicap to happiness, but it's not insurmountable unless you deliberately spend all your time moping in toxicity. i've known very few fully happy people in my life, and like the anon says, we all end up alone in the end anyways
Anonymous 2021-09-26 (Sun) 18:50:25 No. 19904
Anonymous 2021-09-28 (Tue) 20:10:40 No. 19996
How do I make women approach me/consider me as an option? I've had ton of gfs in the past but it always felt like I've wooed them for disinterest to full on romantic interest. Should I move to have a place that has more "liberal" girls instead of shy conservative types?
Anonymous 2021-09-29 (Wed) 00:54:54 No. 20003
>>19996 >I've had ton of gfs in the past
Anonymous 2021-09-29 (Wed) 01:14:05 No. 20004
>>19996 >How do I make women approach me/consider me as an option?
Why would women approach a man when they can just wait for men to approach them? You need to have something about you that's too attractive for them to let it go. You need to seem like an option that they would hate to lose out on. Sucks that that's how it is, but that's how it is because of the whole "men pursue women" mentality and everyone being used to it. It seems beneficial from the woman's perspective but that's when you don't consider all the opportunities you miss from not approaching someone you find attractive.
>Should I move to have a place that has more "liberal" girls instead of shy conservative types?
I think there's a strong cultural element to it, so perhaps. Some places/people are really attached to "dating culture" type shit and think there's a whole procedure and set of rituals you need to follow. It's very lame. Rather than moving, maybe look farther afield in your area or better yet try to find the subculture(s) that stand a bit apart from the mainstream, since those can be more open about social things.
Anonymous 2021-09-29 (Wed) 06:27:27 No. 20011
It was fun but it wasn't a total breeze. I'm just very outgoing, even got rejected once or twice.
I see. My favorite type of woman that I think I have best chemistry with is the confident, pursue your own needs kind of girl, but I rarely get to be with those and even when I do, I still have to make the first move.
chad 2021-09-29 (Wed) 07:12:04 No. 20015
fake chad detected
Anonymous 2021-09-29 (Wed) 17:01:33 No. 20026
>>20011 >I'm just very outgoing, even got rejected once or twice.
Now you're just trolling.
Guys have to go after 1000 girls and deal 999 rejections until the ugliest one says yes.
Anonymous 2021-09-30 (Thu) 01:03:09 No. 20049
Should I just kill myself, this is too hard
Anonymous 2021-09-30 (Thu) 06:20:21 No. 20056
I have rejected many women including the hottest 3 girls in my Highschools and I've only been rejected by one women because I dropped my spaghettios. When I was 17 on my country's equivalent of prom night this gym rat aquintance of mine B came up to me all hyped up and rold me the hottest and most popular girl in my school, J asked me to dance with her, and her friend . I was coming down off speed and had just redosed too late so I was feeling depressed. I walked over with B to the dance floor and J and her friend shyly glided over to us and I took her hand and exchanged introductions. She looked up at me with stars in her eyes as we danced in some capacity in the middle of this tacky boat venue. I am legit 100 percent autistic but thanks to my speed addiction and forcing myself to learn social skills I expertly navigated the interaction, my body language, tempermant, eye contact and our dialogue. I could feel her cool exterior melting into my arms. She was not just the arrogant miss popular girl that everyone knew. She let me feel her energy and I let her feel a taste of mine as well. In the brief first moments of interaction we established a sort of intimacy and mutual understanding. This came as a surprise to me. We both faked appearances for social status while feeling insecure and tense on the inside. She seems to have pursued a life after HS. In my case the boundaries containing my life and my persona dissolved completely within a few months. After the dance I met up with this girl, K, her wonderwoman costume was endearing to me. Her breasts that she was showing off were bigger than my ideal. We talked awkwardly and bashfully in the night, her pupils dilated impossibly wide for the darkness. I'm sure mine were as well since I was frying again. The giddiness in my stomach led me to blush. Some hooligans drove past and leered at K. I stood out in fornt of her and puffed my chest instinctively. They talked some dumb shit and I insisted we're just friends. K looked at me expectingly. Later that night we drank and we drank. I took photos with the boys. B came up to me and asked me for a speed. I obliged. He had a seizure 3 days later and his cop mom was pissed, I felt so much guilt I was ready to turn myself in. I drank too much and got sad as shit. I stripped down to my underwear and tried to drown myself in the pool. Everyone ignored me (lol). I came out again and sat down in a circle while everyone was playins spin the bottle. More girls in the circle and more so girls kissing girls. I kissed this sweet girl S who grabbed me for more, she was almost as drunk as me and brought in the tongue. I politely pulled away. K was not too pleased. I called my cringe 4chan rich kid friend over J. He said he'd come over after he grabs his knife (seems legit). We all slept on the couch. J practically plopped himself doen in front of me as the little spoon (so pleased with himself this fucker) K was behind me and tried to cuddle with me a bit. She clearly wanted it but I was strung out and just wanted to sleep. I woke up with her jerking on my flaccid cock. Felt disgusted, good for perspective I guess. Swatted her hand away and went back to sleep. Wake up to the smell of sizzling pig fat churning my stomach to temp of my throbbing head, kill me fuck how am I alive. Grab a slushie with the less fucked up boys, while I wait for the speed to kick in. Such is life as a chad.
Anonymous 2021-09-30 (Thu) 06:21:56 No. 20057
work smarter not harder
On Authenticity Anonymous 2021-09-30 (Thu) 06:33:49 No. 20058
Anyways I had an actual point aside from stroking my ego which no one will read. I wanted to discuss authentic vs inauthentic living. I grew up spending my energy and intent in a very different way before directing my life towards performing as a chad and essentially a false self which was the seed of this narcissism. I am now living a much more authentic life and I am a much better more just person overall because I don't snap and take out my hidden stress through predatory/antisocial behaviour. But aside from that I'm not so sure that a more authentic life is the better one for me. I was more effective in some ways as the false self, more able to reach my ideals and goals. I had more agency and appeared more resilient. More dominant and more powerful so I could better protect the people I love but I often abused it out of the brewing hate and pain deep within me.
Is there a way to synthesise the true self and the false self?
In a way that will allow us to keep the good of both? Humanity is a rational being, this must be possible in somw way. Please share your experiences or ideas therein. I may make a thread on this in the near future.
Anonymous 2021-10-01 (Fri) 10:26:05 No. 20076
You are good looking, outgoing people don't have zero rejects, they simply try again after fail. My dad is outgoing and he regularly approaches women on the streets yet his unlimited confidence didn't turn him into a pussy slayer. Didn't read the rest.
Anonymous 2021-10-02 (Sat) 19:49:58 No. 20175
This. It‘s pretty normal to have numerous rejections. So if you have few you mist be very attractive and must have played it safe.
Anonymous 2021-10-18 (Mon) 23:43:46 No. 20510
I will just type out my thoughts regarding the advice "be yourself" and how I made sense of it. I always thought that to people struggling with social skills this was dog shit advice and after having worked on my social skills for a long time and believing I made significant strides, I will just try to make sense of that piece of advice that requires more nuance, in my opinion.
I will start by saying that we need to acknowledge that there are certain traits that are generally seen as attractive. All isn't entirely subjective, as if people had completely random taste or criteria for what they find attractive. There are some commonalities when it comes to what's deemed appropriate, attractive and successful. Other than that, we have *some* degree of subjectivity; personal taste. The point is some things are just commonly seen as attractive traits. So let's say we had a boy who has a natural interest in sports, naturally engages in competitiveness, has a habit of risk taking, is extroverted and had socially skilled parents. I think we will have an individual who will grow up to be socially successful. It's likely that he will have a lot of exposure to many people, he will have good social skills, he will be athletic and also have the bravery to make the leaps of faith when it comes to certain social situations. Like approaching strangers or a girl they are interested, yada yada. Now let's imagine we have a shy, introverted boy, who was risk averse. I think it goes without saying that if this boy remained this way in their formative years, we will end up with a man with the opposite qualities I just described.and it shouldn't be a far stretch to say, they will be less socially successful. "Be yourself" is dog shit advice if it means to not change. What it should mean, to be useful advice, is to accept yourself as you currently are and to love yourself with the shortcomings you have. This is a must for the sake of your self-esteem. Nobody is perfect. We can compare ourselves to others and feel inferior, or we can be mature and realize it's a trap to think this way. We all have our strengths and weaknesses. And a bitter pill to swallow might be that we have more weaknesses than others. But there are no conditions for self-love. No criteria to fulfill. If you think so, then you tricked yourself into a toxic mentality. (Or maybe you grew up with parents that made their love conditional, so in that case I don't want to frame it that way, that it's your fault) On the other hand that shouldn't be a call to remain the same for ever. One mustn't be static. It's in your own self-interest to improve over time. You will change and you should change for the better. Based on what you deem to be correct, you should improve over time. Perhaps you are shy and see an issue with that. How are you going to assert yourself at work? How are you going to assert yourself when people try to bully you? How are you going to approach the girl you like? Well, you've found your justification to improve on that. Maybe you don't like your skinny fat body. It's not healthy the things you eat and to be honest, everyone feels great looking in the mirror and feeling attractive. So why not change your diet and go to the gym? Well, you've found your justification for that. So you can still change and improve yourself, which doesn't mean you hate yourself or that you outright reject who you are in the moment. You accept how you currently are in this state, which doesn't contradict the acknowledgement that you can benefit from changing certain things. It's in your interest. We enter the part of subjectivity here. Sometimes people can help you figure out what you can change. They could point out something they find rude about the way you speak. Sometimes you come off inconsiderate. Occasionally, you seem unsure of yourself, which leads to others not putting much trust in your words either. But other times some people might point out your interest in anime is lame, the way your dress is tasteless, and the band you love sucks. These critiques mustn't make you feel unsure of yourself. They are in a state evaluation for now. If you were to choose which of those are real problems and working on them would benefit you, which one would it be? Perhaps you might think "I do come off rude, but when we slack off while organizing we risk not meeting the deadline.", "I should work on my confidence. If I reflect on what good work I've done in the past I realize I have no reason to be unsure of my work.", "I know others around me don't like anime, but I'm not going to keep what I like a secret, just because others find it lame." So this is up to oneself to cultivate good judgement and filter out what is actually harmful and what is simply a matter of taste. This is the part where subjectivity comes to play. This is the part to be authentic and to be who you are. Some people won't like it, some people will love it. And this way you will find the people who truly match you. Rejection will act as a filter to find the people who truly match you, and like you for who you are. No trickery or acting needed. And like that you learn that rejection isn't innately bad. That's just my way of rationalizing "be yourself", which to me seemed like bad advice when I was a teenager.
Anonymous 2021-10-18 (Mon) 23:51:05 No. 20511
>>20056 >I stripped down to my underwear and tried to drown myself in the pool. Everyone ignored me (lol).
That is funny tbh
Anonymous 2021-10-20 (Wed) 00:36:04 No. 20526
>>20058 >Is there a way to synthesize the true self and the false self?
I've thought about this issue for a bit and it seems like a bit of a complicated topic to answer, but I'll try. I was in a bit of a similar boat as you for some time, I had a facade for my social life and a true self lurking underneath. For me, both existed at the same time, I played the chad when in social situations and when by myself I was myself. I couldn't fully abandon my fake self because then my image would suffer. I couldn't abandon my true self because then I would be miserable. Something had to be done though, I had, in essence, been living two different lives that were in a deep contradiction with one another and it would only be a matter of time before I would have to choose one.
As the contradiction between my true self and fake self grew, I had been thinking more and more out of what I wanted out of life. As I began to read more and started to develop a more solid foundation of who I was and where I was going, I realized that there was nothing to be found in either the idle-minded contentedness of my true self or the narcissistic facade of my fake self, I had to find an ideal to work towards. After I read How the Steel was Tempered, Ostrovsky's famous quote,
>“Man's dearest possession is life. It is given to him but once, and he must live it so as to feel no torturing regrets for wasted years, never know the burning shame of a mean and petty past; so live that, dying, he might say: all my life, all my strength were given to the finest cause in all the world──the fight for the Liberation of Mankind. And one must make use of every moment of life, lest some sudden illness or tragic accident cut it short”,
burned itself into my mind and I found that neither the fake nor the true were the best forms of me, that there was some ideal self I had to discover and work towards. My ideal self was based on the philosophy of giving back as much as I could while taking as little as I could, although different people could build themselves on different beliefs. That is how I started to combine the fake and the true, moving the best parts of both into my daily life and discarding the rest so that I could be capable of doing as much with my life as possible.
In summary, if you don't want to read all that, to synthesize the fake and the real into one, it's important to have an ideal to work towards that is based on some personal philosophy, not on whatever's easiest or makes you look the best. It's much easier said than done but in my opinion, it's better to have the pride of making yourself better than simply being in mindless contentedness or existing only in facade.
Anonymous 2021-10-20 (Wed) 10:48:52 No. 20533
Reminder that self-help is all bullshit. You either naturally make it or you don't, "improvement" is a meme.
Anonymous 2021-10-20 (Wed) 10:51:43 No. 20534
Lies. I have become much more sociable and funny through deliberate practice.
Anonymous 2021-10-29 (Fri) 23:26:19 No. 20903
Ask for her number, if that goes well try some small talk about media, find out what she's interested in and without thinking say you like that also, then text her 4 times to her 1 reply, be sure to send her a dick pic
Anonymous 2021-10-29 (Fri) 23:30:51 No. 20904
Thank you anon I will do all of that
Anonymous 2021-10-29 (Fri) 23:55:43 No. 20906
My advice for all of you virgins is the same. Ask questions, get a conversation started that way.
People like talking about themselves so avoid the urge to vomit your pet topics on your date.
Generally you can tell how things will go after the first real conversation, and I believe what they say is true, "first impressions are everything"
Anonymous 2021-10-30 (Sat) 00:53:22 No. 20908
But how can I ask her out when we're at work and work in different departments?
Anonymous 2021-10-30 (Sat) 01:00:36 No. 20909
You dont have a break room or any way you can walk by her area and chat or anything? Given the chance, ask what she's doing after work, and if she's free, exchange numbers.
Goodluck anon, dont overthink it.
Anonymous 2021-10-30 (Sat) 01:54:15 No. 20910
Well, she works in the front office (it's a grocery store). I pay for my lunch there most days and that's where I see her, so I could just start making some small talk next time I see her. Problem is there's usually other people there.
Anonymous 2021-10-31 (Sun) 20:32:58 No. 20945
>>20906 >>20909 >>20903
Yeah i dunno she seems kind of bland with me, and in hindsight always has, guess I was wrong oh well maybe I'll try again in another 3 years lol
Anonymous 2021-11-07 (Sun) 22:56:45 No. 21093 >>20910 >>20945 >>20901 UPDATE
So after being kind of deflated for a bit, my co-worker kept encouraging me to go for it. My co-worker also evidently talked to this girl about me.
So today when I went to pay for my stuff, I just made some brief conversation. Nothing serious or personal, I just broke the ice since, like I said, all we've ever said to each other is basic pleasantries. She seemed very smiley and happy to be talking to me. Later on I talked to my co-worker about what happened and she told me that this girl was hesitant about talking
because she said she's
very introverted and worried about getting her heart broken
So now it clicks - she's not being bland with me, she's legitimately shy. Like holy fuck bros, is it happening?? Where do I go from here?
Anonymous 2021-11-08 (Mon) 01:29:41 No. 21097
Just have a deeper conversation with her and lead it to asking for her number. Might as well set up a date on the spot instead of only asking for the number.
Anonymous 2021-11-08 (Mon) 01:51:32 No. 21098
Would that be coming on too strong at this stage? I like her and she apparently likes me, but should I wait a few conversations before trying to make a real move like this?
Anonymous 2021-11-08 (Mon) 15:54:13 No. 21107
My recommendation is this - have another chat with her, and at the end just ask a simple question of "hey, do you want to meet up after work some time?". Don't say date. She will say yes. Before this think up some ideas where you could go, from anywhere as simple as coffee, to something more interesting like an art galery. Ask if she has any ideas where she'd like to go, and if there isn't anything, then suggest one of yours. When you meet up, when you have the chance, just go on and have a chat and try to have a deeper conversation about each others lives, something will come up to discuss regardless.
Anonymous 2021-11-08 (Mon) 21:22:06 No. 21117
This sounds like solid advice, thanks. I saw her today but I didn't really have much else to say. Plus it's hard since there's always an audience around us. I'm sitting in my car on lunch right now basically beating myself up for not keeping up the momentum. I need to find the right moment.
Apparently she's like genuinely nervous about being in a relationship, I really feel for her. She seems a lot more smiley with me though each time i see her.
Anonymous 2021-11-08 (Mon) 21:31:03 No. 21118
tl;dr: I think I may have gotten borderline asked out today, what do?
Okay, this is gonna be a long post, I'll start with the background: About a year ago, my mom met the mom of a middle school classmate of mine and told me said classmate was upset with our class not inviting her to our regular reunions (the middle and high school were de facto a single school, most of the middle schoolers stayed). I felt bad for her, so I invited her to the next one when our class rep announced it (the plan didn't go through anyway, lol) and got left on read for months, lol. More recently, a few months ago, she read the invitation, apologized profusely for forgetting to get back to me and gushed how nice it was of me to have reached out in the first place. The other day, the class rep went and tried to organize another reunion, I invited the middle school girl again. I was bored, so I started asking her about her studies since I had heard a bunch about them from my mom through hers, like if she's still studying the stuff she wanted to, she asked me about mine, yadda yadda. Eventually we bonded over both of us taking longer than usual to get our degrees, i almost went off on a tangential autistic rant but headed myself off with "long story". Towards the end i reminded her to DM the class rep to negotiate another date for the reunion, since the currently proposed date could fuck with her exams at uni, her reply was: >in case we don't see each other there, we always can meet up for coffee, tea or whatever you like and you'll tell me that long story :) >so we'll be in touch :D I replied with the built-in porkybook thumbs up (was this too autistic?). Reasons to consider this "borderline asking me out": > may have been into me in middle school, this is likely wishful thinking on my part as i was an even bigger autist back then and she was pretty hot, still is >she may be impressed by me working full-time in my chosen field already as I told her - that is to say, money this is made even more likely by the fact she knows I studied CS and likely remembers me wanting to be a programmer even when we were kids, so if she's rubbed two brain cells together, she knows I'm in IT and could potentially earn stacks of polandbucks. However, if I remember correctly her family was somewhat wealthy, so she might not be digging for gold (to such an extent, anyway). >she may be actually touched or something by me remembering to reach out to her like she says she is >she is an adult woman, she should be aware of the cultural implications of suggesting "tea or coffee" (I might have myself internalized it as an internet americanism, tbh) >everyone seems to be lonely and desperate these days >the heart reactions to my messages, even stuff like "[yeah, I also think getting my foot in the door before getting my degree is cool], very cool [even]" would ordinarily obviously mean nothing since in my experience young women throw them around like nothing, but may be meaningful given everything else Reasons against this: >the loneliness mentioned above may not be necessarily romantic/sexual >I seriously doubt she has any reason to be even potentially attracted to me, seeing as we haven't seen each other since i was a pretty immature and unattractive teenager, we're both 23 now - either she's platonically curious how an old classmate is doing enough to want to meet up with him regardless of others being there or not, or she's smelling the money as I've said in point 2 of the pros >she may be feeling guilt/pity over the whole "left on read for months" thing questions: >should I interpret it this way at all? should I reevaluate any coomer or idealistic biases I might have? >should I take her up on the offer before the reunion, strike while the iron is hot? I guess sometime next week I could say I got impatient or something and propose a coffee/tea/whatever date (I know the obvious guidelines like decisively proposing a place and time or not being late, ofc)
Anonymous 2021-11-08 (Mon) 21:39:58 No. 21119
>>21118 >thumbs up is porky
Take her on the offer, you can always back out or break up or just stay friends… and yeah definitely strike it hot, just try to be decisive without being too overbearing. If you can't get a girl to like you, get a girl to like herself being around you - compliments, banter and light teasing… just don't bring up any 4chan tier stuff, you'll just be dropping spaghetti.
Like? Outside of don't expect her to just jump in your arms it's kinda situational and depends on the kind of person she is, her relationship status and her interests. It's a tightrope m8, and you gotta walk it. Be friends and just probe the waters further as you go along casually going out and the like until you can get a better sense of her intentions.
Anonymous 2021-11-08 (Mon) 21:42:22 No. 21121
>>21119 >thumbs up is porky I usually post on the Polish general chan, it's normal to call Facebook mean names there >biases like?
basically i'm asking for a reality check on anything I didn't consider already
Anonymous 2021-11-08 (Mon) 21:48:14 No. 21122
>>21121 >Polish facebook
>i'm asking for a reality check on anything I didn't consider already
IDK man, don't get your hopes up to high just go along and njoy yourself, if she's interested, good you got a GF, if she's not, then you got a friend to chat with.
Anonymous 2021-11-08 (Mon) 22:59:49 No. 21124
Noted. Will post here if anything comes of it.
Anonymous 2021-11-09 (Tue) 00:50:45 No. 21125
Just wondering, since I'm terrible at date ideas, is dinner too formal and romantic? Not sure about how our work schedules align so I'm not sure a quick coffee or lunch date would work, so I'm considering going out to some restaurant.
Anonymous 2021-11-09 (Tue) 00:57:00 No. 21126
A dinner like at a fancy restaurant is overly formal and not for a first date unless you go there AFTER doing something like visiting a movie or something like that.
A coffee meet-up and a walk is like an easy informal date, you go grab something you can hold and just take a stroll in a park or something and chat about stuff - getting more comfortable in a casual sense.
Anonymous 2021-11-09 (Tue) 01:24:22 No. 21127
Alright, coffee sounds fine. Should I suggest it for after work the day I ask or should I plan for a few days? I'm retarded, I'm sorry.
Anonymous 2021-11-09 (Tue) 02:06:49 No. 21128
>>21127 >Should I suggest it for after work the day I ask or should I plan for a few days?
Depends situationally, if she isn't doing anything at the time (and you have an idea of somewhere to go nearby) do it that day, if she can't, suggest doing it tomorrow. Prior to this though you better make sure you're on speaking terms in general, so that you don't just come out of the blue as a stranger; in other words she ought to be aware of your name and have chatted before.
Anonymous 2021-11-09 (Tue) 02:24:04 No. 21129
I mean we've technically been interacting for over a year at this point, and evidently she's liked me for a while, but only recently have we really broken the ice and chatted briefly. I want to kind of build a rapport first, yeah, but i don't want to wait too long y'know? We don't really have much time to talk at work, which is why i'd like to go out.
Anonymous 2021-11-09 (Tue) 02:26:44 No. 21130
And she definitely knows my name, she had to give me my paycheck for a year. Plus now that we're both aware of our mutual interest she's been smiling and greeting me by my name more when she sees me.
Anonymous 2021-11-09 (Tue) 02:29:58 No. 21131 >>21129 >>21130 >been interacting for over a year at this point, and evidently she's liked me for a while
Damn dude, then yeah definitely go for it, I thought you'd barely interacted, you're good to go dude.
>she's been smiling and greeting me by my name more when she sees me.
Anon holy shit, you've got a solid chance here, go for it!
Anonymous 2021-11-09 (Tue) 02:41:24 No. 21132 >>21131
Thanks bro. Like I said before, until the past week or so our interactions basically just consisted of "Hi" and "Thanks, see you later" until I decided to break the ice. I just made some brief small talk but it really showed me that she's a sweet person, albeit very shy. I had always gotten the impression that she was kind of an unapproachable hot blonde, but it turns out I was dead wrong.
My co-worker seems really into setting us up together because she's known both of us for years and feels we'd be a good match.
Anonymous 2021-11-11 (Thu) 12:07:16 No. 21184
I don't go clubbing very often, but the dance floor always cracks me up. If you aren't drunk enough, its kinda like being in the thunderdome or a nature documentary. I feel like half the people there aren't even dancing, they are either trying to hit on somebody, or trying to get someone to stop hitting on them. Since this is all done through body movements, its makes it feel so animalistic. I’ve gotten some success in this arena before but usually I’m so drunk that I don’t remember how it happened. Whats y’all trick for clubbing?
Anonymous 2021-11-11 (Thu) 15:59:01 No. 21185
>>21184 >Whats y’all trick for clubbing
1. Get drunk(not passed-out drunk) with friends at a bar or a friends place.
2. Prepare a some alcohol that you can store somewhere hidden outside the club, so you don't have to buy the expensive stuff inside
3. Go apeshite in tne club. I am a good dancer, so I'll usually have no problem just letting loose. I admit most of the time I try to hit on someone, I'll guess that comes with going clubbing for me
Anonymous 2021-11-11 (Thu) 19:31:39 No. 21188
It's not really describable, it's individual - a person that has the intuition to know what to say and when. The best I can do you is that you have to study people and their basic psychologies, like a Sharpie, appeal to the things they want and you have their interest and possible support.
Anonymous 2021-11-11 (Thu) 20:01:53 No. 21189
That is literally what I do lmao, I'm also a good dancer. Honestly for me, the level of drunkness that goes with that blunts the rush of excitement that goes with hooking up.
Anonymous 2021-11-11 (Thu) 20:19:58 No. 21190
>>21189 >Honestly for me, the level of drunkness that goes with that blunts the rush of excitement that goes with hooking up
You know what…I aggree. Especially since most girls don't get overdrunk, even when clubbing
Anonymous 2021-11-11 (Thu) 20:21:48 No. 21191
I guess, you're right. Looking to emulate somebody anyway, is probably the most sheep minded thing to do and certainly not the way to get his own sense of charisma. "Fake it till you make it" my ass am I right?
Anonymous 2021-11-11 (Thu) 20:32:09 No. 21193
Imitating those of talent isn't sheep like, just don't copy them one-for-one, something that functions for on person isn't necessarily the same for another. In Burger society at least, most of this kind of stuff is pretty necessary and based in "Fake it till you make it"
At the same time a intelligent person can discern charisma that isn't really there, from charisma that is real (Compare the speeches of Martin-Luther King Jr. to those by modern US politicians).
Anonymous 2021-11-11 (Thu) 20:33:20 No. 21194
What is over drunk though? is it when you start blacking out? I feel like girls drink just as much as guys.
Theres been times at clubs where some girl and I just happen to catch each others eyes and start making out within 5 seconds of the start of the interaction. I Imagine the girl must be pretty wasted to make out with me that quickly.
Maybe that my own biases as that something that I could only do while wasted because otherwise I'd overthink everything.
Anonymous 2021-11-11 (Thu) 20:56:25 No. 21195
>>21194 >What is over drunk though?
For me when pretty much every sentence by me is not to be deciphered by others and I can't walk straight to the toilet
Anonymous 2021-11-11 (Thu) 21:35:03 No. 21196
Ok so in essence…charisma can't be described and is very hard to learn. The only way to learn it though, is via observing charismativ people?
Anonymous 2021-11-12 (Fri) 00:37:38 No. 21201
Charisma is having a strong understanding of the implicit "rules" that govern human interaction. This can be anything from eye contact, the words you use, body language etc. These rules tend to be complex, contradictory and often difficult to put into words. This usually develops through proper socialisation; properly socialised people seem more "naturally" charismatic as the more you interact with other people, the more you understand the rules. If you only interact with a small circle (especially if they are unsocialised themselves), it is likely that your social skills are stunted because you have a limited exposure to the rules.
If this didn't develop positive traits organically, you must fake them. "Kneel down, move your lips in prayer, and you will believe”, If you put on a facade of charisma, if you act as if you are already charismatic, and if you try and interact with as many people as you can, eventually you will most likely become charismatic yourself. It probably helps if you also form friendships with charismatic people as you unconsciously adopt traits of people you spend a lot of time around.
Anonymous 2021-11-12 (Fri) 00:50:08 No. 21202
Not that anon but the "fake it till you make it" seems to work
Anonymous 2021-11-13 (Sat) 09:04:04 No. 21217
How do you hook up in a club anyway?The moment I start noticing that my butt is repeatedly clashing with a girl, I try to slowly turn to her and establish, but that doesn't work that well. At the end of most nights, I go empty handed. What's y'all tricks for hooking up in a club
Anonymous 2021-11-13 (Sat) 10:11:11 No. 21218
Be good looking and grab their hands. After a while, lower your hands so she has to come closer, then hug her. Then you should know what to do.
Anonymous 2021-11-13 (Sat) 10:27:25 No. 21219
>>21218 >Be good looking
I am pretty decent, but I have a babyface. I get the feeling that most chicks my age dig older looking guys
Anonymous 2021-11-14 (Sun) 15:13:13 No. 21228
Okay, so I just asked her:
>on another topic, regarding that "coffee, tea or whatever I prefer" thing >I got impatient >are you free the next Saturday?
my heart's beating like crazy, but I've done way stupider shit to get laid, failed and I'm alive, worst thing that can happen is she'll say no, right?
Anonymous 2021-11-15 (Mon) 00:00:07 No. 21243 >>21132
Update: still haven't asked her out, partially because she was off for a few days and also I'm still just really hesitant. I'm being explicitly told she's into me. Like she talks about me to my co-worker and apparently she thinks I "sound like the perfect guy" for her. But I just don't know how to really seal the deal. I started to break the ice a little bit but now I feel like it's stagnated and we don't really have anything to talk about. We're both aware of our mutual interest, but we're also both social retards. I know I should probably ask for her Snapchat or something first, but how the fuck do I go from observational small talk to asking for social media.
I feel myself starting to slide back into blackpill mode and it's fucking killing me. I feel like I'm losing a golden opportunity to redeem myself. Like I have this girl that's seriously into me, is super introverted and has never really had a bf, and is pretty good looking on top of it. It's like an incel's dream come true. But I STILL can't fucking navigate this.
Anonymous 2021-11-15 (Mon) 00:02:33 No. 21244
Just go get food on work break or something
Anonymous 2021-11-15 (Mon) 00:07:18 No. 21245
stop being a fag and man up, ask her for to get lunch sometime. This requires you to exchange numbers to set up and time and meeting place and all of that.
Anonymous 2021-11-15 (Mon) 00:13:24 No. 21247
But what I'm understanding is that she's extremely paranoid about guys, which is why she's never had an actual boyfriend. I just worry I'm going to jump the gun and freak her out if I haven't really seriously talked with her much before. But our opportunities to talk are so limited that it's hard to do much of anything.
And she still just seems very quiet. She got all red the other day when I made a joke and still asks how I am, but that's about it. My co-worker isn't lying or pranking me, she's older than us and has known both of us for a while. But I need to have something to work with.
Anonymous 2021-11-15 (Mon) 02:27:18 No. 21251 >>21247
Try to find a mutual interest and talk about it with her. When the conversation ends, ask her out for coffee.
If that's not possible then try to take as much advantage of the small talk as possible, do a kinda gesture, get her some food,
. Just create an initiative out of thin air, it's not going to magically fall on your lap.
Damnit, use the fact that you guys don't talk too much as an excuse to ask her out so you guys can get to know each other better.
>B-But what if it is too sudden
Anon, by the love of shit there's no way for this to happen 'without' it being sudden. Try to soften the blow the best you can if that's such an issue, making her comforted throughout the way. Be casual but concise.
If everything you told us about her interest on you is factual, then there is a near zero chance of it going to shit, unless you royally fuck it up (your fault) or she spaghetti's it completely (her fault).
I don't want to see you here again until you get of this stage. Otherwise you're just making excuses.
Anonymous 2021-11-15 (Mon) 11:14:47 No. 21261
Basically what he said, clerk girl anon. I have been working off way less information than you have and I still have done fucking anything. I'm not saying you're a pussy, but just fucking do it, even I could and the girl I've been posting about hasn't given me half the signals yours has.
Anonymous 2021-11-16 (Tue) 21:10:35 No. 21278 >>21261 >>21251
Alright just a quick minor update: I was off today but i went to the store where we work just to pick up some stuff. She was in and actually stepped out from the office to do something as i was passing (in hindsight maybe she saw me coming?) and we exchanged a quick friendly greeting and carried on. But I did notice she wasn't wearing her mask anymore, so i guess she finally got her shot. This really puts me at ease because i've been so nervous she was going to leave in January over the mandate, since we have quite a few antivaxxers at this place. So now I don't feel as much pressure to rush things, and i can focus on building more of a rapport before asking her out. Like i said, we barely said anything to each other until like a week and a half ago, so I don't want to freak her out by forcing it. I'm not going to wait too long, of course, but i want to make her more comfortable with me and flirt a little bit.
Anyway, that's that, I'm not going to post here again until I ask her out one way or the other. Thanks for your guidance and encouragement so far, inshallah I will make this work.
Anonymous 2021-11-18 (Thu) 11:12:15 No. 21313
Go visit her wherever she's going. Ask her to show you around.
Anonymous 2021-11-22 (Mon) 03:31:22 No. 21417 >>21278
Yeah this isn't going to happen. She still seems very bland with me whenever I try to talk and doesn't seem that interested in extending the conversation. Maybe she's just that much of a social retard but i dunno. The co-worker that seemed so eager to set us up said she's trying to disengage because she doesn't want to "freak her out" so i'm taking all of this as a signal that this was a huge mistake. She was apparently into me for months but now that i'm talking i just get the vibe that she's lost interest. Maybe i'm wrong and overthinking things but I don't want to shit where i eat so I'm just going to let it go.
Anonymous 2021-11-22 (Mon) 03:33:18 No. 21418
Also thanks for all the advice and encouragement but I don't think it was meant to be. I feel fucking sick to my stomach over this but it's my fault for getting my hopes up. I should've known better. Maybe in five years i'll get to fuck some fat single mom but i'll probably kill myself before then.
Anonymous 2021-11-22 (Mon) 20:59:16 No. 21431
>>21417 >>21418 >Annoy this thread for 2 weeks about being really close to asking a girl out >never follows through with it and tucks tail like a pussy >Stay blackpilled
Don't cut yourself on the edge here friend
Anonymous 2021-11-22 (Mon) 21:24:32 No. 21432
What do you want me to do? She's fucking giving me mixed signals and barely responds to anything I say, so yeah, I don't think I'm going to take the risk. If she says no, which frankly seems the most likely outcome, it's going to make working at this place hell. Fuck it. Despite everything she supposedly said, she still just seems standoffish. I wanted to build some familiarity first before I did anything but it's impossible. So yeah, sorry for wasting everyone's time, but it's not happening.
Anonymous 2021-11-28 (Sun) 14:30:57 No. 21578 >>21431 >>21417 >>21278 >>21251 >>21261 >>21247 >>21245 >>21244 >>21243
Alright anons. After weeks of waiting for an opportunity and harassing all of you, I got over myself and shot my shot.
She said she was busy working and she doesn't really drink coffee and thanks for the offer. So there you go. As usual, when something seems too good to be true it usually is.
We were both cool about it. Ended with "See you tomorrow" but there you go. Wish my co-worker had just kept her fucking mouth shut to be honest. I don't understand how she could say all that shit and have it end up like this, but whatever! LOL Still feel like a complete retard
So for real this time, thanks for all your advice, but it simply wasn't meant to be.
Anonymous 2021-11-29 (Mon) 17:32:45 No. 21589
Can somebody help me in understanding charisma? What is it? How can I be charismatic? And why are only extroverts attributed with being charismatic?
Anonymous 2021-11-29 (Mon) 17:37:26 No. 21591
You can't win'em all buddy. You tried in the end and failed, but hopefully you learned your lessons(whatever they may be) and go at it again in the near future
Anonymous 2021-11-29 (Mon) 21:02:55 No. 21592
I didn't learn shit. I was told all of these great things by my co-worker that this girl was so into me and outright said she thought I would be the perfect guy but she was so shy and blah blah blah. But then I try to make a move and get shot down anyway. So what the fuck. I feel like ibwas set up to be humiliated. I can deal with normal rejection but this who situation was fucking weird, i feel like shit
Anonymous 2021-11-30 (Tue) 02:23:12 No. 21595
I've known people to be overzealous at playing the matchmaker often but your situation is kind of extreme since you know the person they want to match you with for a longtime.
My friend tried to hook me up with a girl(I think) in a weird way in HS. He got my myspace password and sent her a message from me that said: "you're hot" to this girl he was friends with I didn't really know. At the time I was just embarassed and nothing came of it, but looking back she probably told him she thought I was cute or something and he was trying to play the matchmaker.
So maybe this woman so wanted to see you as a couple she lied or embellished what your crush said about you.
But if what she said was true maybe she is into you but it's her own paranoia/social retardation as you described it.
>>21247 >But what I'm understanding is that she's extremely paranoid about guys, which is why she's never had an actual boyfriend.
One time I was talking to this girl on online dating and then this first conversation she says:
>What are you doing right now? Want to come over and watch a movie? <Ok sure, I'm just going to shower really quick
I come back a half hour later and text her. Ok I'm heading out.
>I'm getting sleepy can we take a raincheck
I hit this chick up a couple times over the course of a week asking if she wanted to go out and she was just acting retarded about it so I gave up.
> instant come back to my place off the first conversation
<flaky unreachable woman who's unavailable
So not to give you false hope, but maybe she is actually into you and it's her own psychological problems holding her back. You'll probably find out soon enough.
Anonymous 2021-11-30 (Tue) 02:55:44 No. 21596
Yeah I think more than anything i just caught her off guard. She might need time to digest all of this. And to be fair the co-worker did warn me that she might not want to go out and just start slow as friends. So since i still see her semi-regularly i'm just going to play it cool and be friendly. Even though she turned it down we did actually get a pretty good conversation flow going for once, so I think by now the ice is pretty well broken lol. Hopefully we can keep that momentum going and I'll have a friend. And who knows, maybe it'll blossom into something down the road.
Anonymous 2021-11-30 (Tue) 22:25:47 No. 21605 >>21578
Welp, that's a F.
But take pride in knowing that you went for it, instead of pussying out like so many do.
Anonymous 2021-12-02 (Thu) 21:20:57 No. 21641 >>21595 >So not to give you false hope, but maybe she is actually into you and it's her own psychological problems holding her back. You'll probably find out soon enough.
You were right. I saw her today and she actually came out specifically to talk to me, completely unprompted. She said she was sorry for the other day and said it's her. She told me "I love you, you're like my favorite person here" and that she really likes talking to me, she just "can't" right now. But she kept reiterating that she likes talking to me.
I don't know what the future holds but we're at least clear on where we stand right now. I think we're both just kind of socially retarded and it's best for us to start like this. Maybe it'll lead to something once she gets more comfortable with me, or maybe not. At least now the ice is more than broken and we can be kind of honest with each other.
Anyway, sorry for hijacking this thread for like a month now, but it helped me navigate this whole experience. I think now it's all in my hands and I can finally stop blogging here. Thanks for your patience and help, anons.
Anonymous 2021-12-03 (Fri) 01:48:18 No. 21643 >>21641
Awesome, glad to hear it anon. I actually was waiting to find out how it went. Now I feel validated as a love guru as well.
I think it definitely sounds like it could be something there and that you're on the right path.
Anonymous 2021-12-04 (Sat) 14:54:55 No. 21663
See? I told you you had more of a chance than me and I was right.
Middle school girl anon here, i'm way more pessimistic now - the HS reunion date is now set and I'd definitely come off as desperate if I pressed for a meeting anytime soon. I think my first instinctive reaction was correct, and she just isn't seeing the situation that way. Also, someone, most likely the class rep, must have added her to the facebook group for the high school class, so I no longer have an excuse to talk to her when some info gets posted.
I didn't do what
said, but I did find something else to talk to her about, a school-affiliated charity fundraiser for retarded kids we were doing:
>Hey, we're raising money for gifts for retarded children, the teacher talked us into it, here's the account number if you want to pitch in >Deadline is tomorrow, though
A week went by without the messages even getting read (not good, but a historical pattern with her, lol), so I reminded her of my existence:
>You still alive xD? <Oh yeah XD <Sorry (pensive emoji) <As far as time management goes, I'm dead XD >my condolences >still, the last time around you were dead for months, so I see you've gotten better xD (this was supposed to be a jab at last year, when she left me on read for months) <XDD <Actually you're right <:D >Anyway, I'm not upset that you didn't pitch in xD >I got long-lasting trauma towards the mentally disabled myself :D (heart emoji reaction from her) <XDD >You laugh, but I almost went to jail once because of them XDDDDD (this is a true story I like telling to people IRL I've also told it on chans) >I don't recommend it
These last two messages were not read, it was like 10pm so I assumed she either went to sleep or continued doing whatever it is she does on Friday evenings
Yesterday morning I found out about the reunion date, so using the fact she didn't have access to the info yet, I asked her:
>the Xth okay with you or do you have some other exam on that day? <XDD, it's okay with me (smiling emoji with hearts for eyes) >huh? XDD? <cause almost all the unis end classes by the Xth, I thought you were joking XDD >… >you still got the uniform? we don't generally wear it to our reunions, but she looks smoking hot in it <yup (gave her a heart react) >good >see you, the capitalist is standing over my head with a whip (pensive emoji) ie. I'm supposed to be working <ohhh, okay! [affectionate variant of "bye" turned into a noun with a diminutive added on top for extra verbal diabetes] >thumbs up I accidentally sent an hour or two later when I unlocked my phone and my finger slipped on the back button
the amount of written laughter and affectionate language/emoji I get from her gives me the impression she's like that with everyone
also, the fact I always initiate contact, get replies late and write 90% of the convo is probably a no - she does have more shit to do than I, since I just work 7-3 and fuck off as opposed to doing two degrees at once, but there are limits to everything
tl;dr I should probably just rub one out and forget it instead of autistically hyperanalyzing messenger convos play-by-play on a communist basket weaver enthusiasts' forum, focus on other things in my life like not getting fired from my first job before my contract is up, getting back on track with my thesis and calisthenics or working towards my license and a used Japanese sport compact.
Anonymous 2021-12-06 (Mon) 11:04:13 No. 21687
Have you ever left your number on a note to waitresses or is that just something in movies?
Anonymous 2021-12-07 (Tue) 04:53:22 No. 21705
>>21641 >that image
Jesus Christ(chan) that's some old shit.
Anonymous 2021-12-22 (Wed) 22:04:04 No. 21972 >>21663
Yesterday I asked her about her academics, since she mentioned that day in particular in relation to them, and we chatted a bit.
I explicitly urged her to wear the uniform too:
>oh yeah, one more thing before I leave you in peace, remember the uniform for the day after tomorrow <seriously seriously? >of course xD >why else would I have asked you if you still had it? <I mean, I know <But I wanted to make sure if that's still a thing <Cause sometimes traditions die It is not, in fact, a thing anymore, lol. I essentially selfishly tricked a woman into wearing stuff I find hot just because I want to see her in it, and damn, does it feel good to be an asshole, pic related.
But hey, I never said everyone was doing it, that was her own interpretation.
I really hope we're the only two wearing it, it would be incredibly ironic, because the day we met we both got detention for breaking dress code
Class meet is tomorrow, will report.
Anonymous 2021-12-23 (Thu) 10:26:16 No. 21982
did a mod make that XD
wtf mods stop creepin
Anonymous 2021-12-24 (Fri) 10:41:33 No. 22009
im so scared bros
how are we supposed to improve our social skills when they are watching over us is this part of the test? act cool everyone
Anonymous 2021-12-24 (Fri) 11:06:47 No. 22012 >>21982 >>22009
Mods, **smrods*. I don't get how exactly I was being "cancer on /hobby/", but whatever.
Anyway, fuck it all. After the meet yesterday, I declare the middle school girl saga officially over. I really had been reading into the situation too much, and as an undersocialized alienated individual I was just latching onto anything that looked like female attention. First thing of all, she claimed she'd lost her uniform necktie. To that excuse, I provided a solution, a spare one I had lying around, which in the end she refused to wear. Second, she seemed to rather pointedly ignore me - no hi/bye hugs, not paying attention when I was exchanging stories to people around the table, providing curt answers to open questions, pretty obviously being attracted to a different guy too, flipping her hair and everything. Oh yeah, I also fucked up majorly pretty much the moment we started talking, I actually started stammering when she asked me why I had questions for her and I might have blushed.
I still had fun at the reunion, so I don't regret going, but I am angry at myself for having nursed a crush this hopeless and stupid for over a month. When I came home, I just threw the spare necktie down in frustration. I then opened up the bottle of whiskey my friends had gotten me for my birthday and got into a theological and philosophical argument with a different childhood friend from school. She ended up trying to convert me to her crazy brand of Catholicism, think "learn ecclesiastical Latin to own the modernist heretics" crazy. I, a leftypol anon, argued in favor of materialism, of course. 10/10, would argue again. I haven't slept at all, but work today is light and only half a shift long. Not sure how I'm gonna make it until the family Christmas Eve dinner is over, though. Enough coffee to give myself a couple of ulcers, I guess.
Anonymous 2021-12-24 (Fri) 16:26:05 No. 22018
Live in learn, friend
Anonymous 2021-12-24 (Fri) 16:56:52 No. 22019
My thoughts exactly, anon. At least I can say that once in my life I asked out the girl I liked. When I was walking home in the cold, I had one of these Disco Elysium-esque moments where a "skill" in my head told me in a soft, deep voice:
>You'll get up from this. As you always have. I think that would have been a Volition moment in the game.
Anonymous 2021-12-24 (Fri) 20:24:36 No. 22027
Oh yeah, one more thing I've noticed: this stuff hurts less with age. At my most hormonal as a teenager, jealousy physically felt like freezing down to your bones and being on fire at the same time. Now I just tensed up and maybe whitened my knuckles a little,
Anonymous 2021-12-30 (Thu) 23:50:28 No. 22121 >>21641 >>21643 >>21644
Hey I doubt most of you care but I just thought I'd give some update on this whole saga, not because I think anyone cares about my life but because it might serve as kind of a whitepill for some:
So after a couple of weeks of continuing to make small talk, I happened to mention that I had watched the new Spider-Man movie. Turns out she loves Spider-Man and had also seen it. A week or so later, she tells me she had already rewatched the movie, and tells me she wouldn't mind watching it again with me. So we exchanged snaps and ended up going to the theater together. We got to chat a bit and had a good time. Not sure I can really call it a proper date, but it's a start. She's just super anxious and it's going to take a while, but I'm willing to wait.
It feels like it's been ages since this whole ordeal started but it's only been two months, and we've both come a long way in that time. In one month we've gone from me being shot down to *her* asking *me* out to a movie. Hopefully things continue to get better and who knows where it'll go. So the big takeaway for all my fellow autismos is this: you never know what's going through other people's heads. It's good to make connections with whoever you can, because if my co-worker had never said anything to me, I would've continued to assume this girl was just another hot blonde that was indifferent to me. It's okay to fuck up along the way because it's not the end of the world.
Anonymous 2021-12-31 (Fri) 09:42:31 No. 22124
No offense, but you and especially her are pathetic beyond belief. Not only is she a complete fucking autist, but you pursue her like she is the only girl in the world making you even more of a retard. But the best thing is yet to come:
>So the big takeaway for all my fellow autismos is this: you never know what's going through other people's heads. It's good to make connections with whoever you can, because if my co-worker had never said anything to me, I would've continued to assume this girl was just another hot blonde that was indifferent to me. It's okay to fuck up along the way because it's not the end of the world
Had to laugh there really, because you were really waddling in self pity after being potentially shut down by her after needing a lot of convincing to ask her out in the first place. I mean…you really are something. Then you write this self-motivation crap thinking that anybody with some self-respect cares about what you sperg have to say in terms of connecting with people. My guess is that she is throwing an autistic fit again in a couple of weeks and she will dump you again, while you will come here giving us an "update" that nobody asked for.
I really mean it, when I say that you should take no offense by my "rant". You apparently made some progress, but what struck me with you the first time you posted, is that you need a lot validation from others. That's why you ask some weirdos on a leftist imageboard for advice and that's why you simp for a weirdo bitch. Don't kys please, but don't think that anybody gives a shit about your "NEVA GIVE UP" words of wisdom.
Anonymous 2021-12-31 (Fri) 10:37:15 No. 22127
Wow, that's harsh. Still, you yourself admit they're both pathetic, so I'd say they're a good match.
Anonymous 2021-12-31 (Fri) 10:42:00 No. 22129
>>22127 >Wow, that's harsh
I know. But this is needed sometimes
>Still, you yourself admit they're both pathetic, so I'd say they're a good match
Idk if two pathetic people make a good match, just like two people with a big ego don't make a good match
Anonymous 2021-12-31 (Fri) 23:00:06 No. 22148
Yeah wow sorry, just thought since most people on this shithole site are retards like me they might be happy to see that something worked out for someone and it might motivate them. And I didn't even pursue her, I just kept going about my business until she asked me. I talked to her like i talk to any fucking person i see regularly at work.
What are you, some bitter incel? What was the point of this? You're just a nasty contrarian that has to shit on people because you're envious that no one in your personal life likes you enough to even smile at you. Fuck you, cocksucker.
Anonymous 2022-01-14 (Fri) 09:50:02 No. 22409
>>22124 >while you will come here giving us an "update" that nobody asked for. >>22148
hello can you pls post some updates from time to time? thx
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