/lgbt/ - LGBT

I believe in love and kinship, but the barriers of others' hearts is seemingly impossible to overcome. Everyone is obsessed with connecting on a purely cosmetic level. Forming communities based on consoomer behaviors got me cringing at the bare-level concept of making friends in hobbyist groups. I do not fw the vast majority of people who would "fit“ whatever gender/sexuality people assume of me, because the kind of people who care at all repulse me. Every meaningful relationship I've had has been with a cis bisexual man who wanted to dip their toes in the pool before diving in, and I'm unfortunately still friends with every single one. I'm in a beard marriage with the only other gommie from my tiny little hometown because he was the only man to match my freak and we can't even fuck cause we are just not attracted to each other.

All I want is to connect with others spiritually and mentally. I want people in my life who are willing and capable of having conversations, not people burdened by their desire to "fit in" somewhere or who can only make friends with people who watch their favorite fucking shows. I'll even take being a volcel if it means having more than one person in my life who can just talk without deigning themselves the ultimate judge of societal morals or w/e.

I hate that idpol has me waxing poetic like I'm a homophobic conservative sapiosexual but really the aspects of what make me consoomable to others is so disparate that inevitably anyone who likes me on the surface will inevitably find a facet of me they can't tolerate. I will believe in the concept of someone who could love all of me when I see it.

My close commie friends have moved away. Stuck studying a no-future career that I despise with people that I struggle to connect with due to idpol or whatever.
Ive never had a boyfriend, its difficult as it is in this fuckass country to do anything or find anyone. Yes, I could sleep with some rando for a few weeks, but literally what is the point of doing any of that if I dont truly feel anything, not even happiness. Its more and more suffocating now than ever, I just struggle to communicate with irl people around me and I feel like an utter failure. I just hope that I am actually able to move this year somewhere by myself and not come back.

>>8267
Didn't your friend have more friends? Maybe you could vefriend his friends

>>8269
I befriended them yes, but they moved away

My girlfriend keeps telling me not to say I don't pass (when I don't, I am a complete twinkhon) and she says it is all about confidence, but then admits herself that she passes perfectly, was always being mistaken for a woman even before she transitioned and had extremely lucky genetics. I really like her and this is a minor problem I just wish she listened to me rather than trying to minimize my problems.

Why is it impossible to find a boyfriend? One friend offered to matchmake me with a friend some months ago but I declined and now that I wanted he already has a bf, and I have already messaged more than 20+ guys online and nothing has comed out either (most don't respond since its not on dating apps)

>>8300
How is it going

>>8459
It's been easier to date men than women for me. It's just difficult.

>>8460
Yeah but how do you find a date? I also guess it's easier, but how do I find one…

>>8461
Through friends of friends and being a regular at social events of a specific niche. Maybe online dating is quicker but I never tried it bc it sounds like sending resumes and this shit isn't fun. If dating isn't fun I don't bother, but it can be

How can I met other LGBT folk, if I live in a reactionary shithole? I've only met one other bi guy (apart from me) and we're friends (I even confessed to liking him but he declined), but that's about all. I fear I will not be able to make a romantic relationship with somebody, and I do not wish for that to happen.

>>8463
Use grindr

>>8463
how reactionary are we talking? like are their gay bars you could goto or is there 0 queer spaces

I love my bf so much

>>8464
NTA but it requires phone verification
>>8468
cute

>>8464
Not comfortable with that, because (as >>8469 mentioned) it requires phone verification… (and I'm very paranoid regarding this, I don't wish to become a target of persecution or something)
>>8465
The only tine i visibly see LGBT folk are pride marches that happen in June, and that too only in the metropolis region of my city, I live in more of the outskirts, so I have not really seen any queer spaces or sonething similar.

>>8470
If ur paranoid like me you could try scruffies (you dom't even need and email), I couldn't use it properly because it didn't recognize my ubication with microg but maybe ur lucky

>>8470
Id be carefull with grindr if the country you're in criminalizes being gay, its often used as a honeypot by both the government and gay bashers.

>>8471
>>8472
I should probably also mention that I don't really find datibg apps appealing, they just feel like a massive job hunt-esque thing, and also a honeypot (i.e. the local LGBT dating apps I have encountered)
I forgot to mention that being gay is not illegal per se, but it was till recently. LGBT is usually seen as a "Western decadence", which I have always thought was weird, considering most colonial powers penalised sodomy and stuff…

I came across this niche depression subreddit:
https://www.reddit.com/r/LGBTForeverAlone/

<Anyone in NYC?
<It’s shocking that in a city like this everyone is a shallow superficial thinker with no depth of thought. Nobody has the desire to talk about the complexities of life or are too afraid to even think about the unspoken truths of society. While at the same time are so vapid they have no sense of humor or can appreciate dark harmless humor.
<The worst part is nobody even seems to have the desire to want more out of the minds of others.
Assigned Consumeroid At Birth, ACAB

>>8474
I feel like they met one asshole (or someone they interpreted as one) and they decided to write off all of humanity. If that.

Long distance situationship is taking a mental health social media break after moving to a new country and I'm just sitting around waiting for him to come back. I feel like Forrest Gump after Jenny leaves, and honestly I'm starting to understand that character more and more. I just love him, he's my person. If I had to I'd probably just spend my whole life waiting for him like Forrest did for Jenny. I hope he comes back soon.

>>8491
sorry to tell you this anon but it is over

>>8492
Nah, before he left he said he'd be back, and he was talking about coming to visit me just a couple weeks ago. If he didn't want to talk anymore or wasn't interested he would just tell me.

>>8493
thats what my dad said

>>8494
Sorry that happened to you but I'm not sure those are equivalent.

>>8495
You remind me of me, good luck

>>8496
(report back in 2 weeks)

>>8497
>>8496
Ngl it will probably be longer than that but I hope it's sooner.

>>8491
I'm gonna be you in like 3 months. I'm together with him right now but gonna be moving for work and we'll be apart for at least 6 months. I love him but I don't know how it'll go when I'm away from him and I don't want him to be held back by me.

>>8500
If he loves you too then you won't be holding him back. Just make sure you guys talk open and honestly about how you feel and what's going on.

>>8497
Update: we're talking again and everything is fine.

rank best to worst dating apps for lgbtq+ people? all people ever mention is "grindr", "grindr", "grindr" but clearly that is dominated by cis gay men. What about all the rest? wouldn't make sense to go on grindr if I was looking to date a transwoman I guess?
>inb4 tinder
i don't wanna date any of the pb scum that are on tinder, trans or any other.

>>9537
Transgirls do use Grindr, dunno what others there are

There's Barq if you're a furry lol

Nah anons, Grindr fucking glows ("uhh they all do" - no, more than average) and it is one year younger than Android (the fucking operating system). I see Grindr was brought up a little bit earlier ITT too.

I mean I just skimmed this shit and it's almost laughable (if it weren't serious), this may be worse than the standards on the Match Group-owned apps:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grindr
>Headquarters: West Hollywood
>location-based
>The app has been criticized over moderation, privacy, and safety issues, including its handling of racist and discriminatory content, including a former ethnicity filter that was removed in 2020 following complaints. It has also faced privacy and security concerns, including vulnerabilities that enabled users' precise locations to be identified through trilateration, and its of extensive sharing of user data (including HIV/AIDS status) with advertisers that resulted in a €10 million GDPR fine in Norway. Researchers and human rights groups have also raised concerns about the app's use by drug dealers, the risks it poses to younger users because of limited age verification in certain regions, and its exploitation by criminals and state authorities in anti-LGBTQ regimes to entrap, extort, or assault users. In addition, the company has faced allegations of unfair labor practices in the United States.
>In the early 2010s, Grindr was criticized for not taking sufficient action to moderate the display of racist language by some of its users.[63] In June 2014, when asked about hateful speech on Grindr, the app's creator Joel Simkhai said in an interview with the Israeli newspaper Haaretz that he "didn't like it" but he "[isn't] a sixth grade teacher" and it "[isn't his] job to police such things."
>Labour union complaint: In 2023, the Communications Workers of America (CWA) filed two lawsuits alleging unfair labor practices with the US National Labor Relations Board.[40]
>User location trilateration: In August 2014, it was reported that Grindr's relative distance measurements could facilitate trilateration, thereby pinpointing individual users' near-exact location.[70] A proof of concept was published, and more than 2 million detections were performed within a few days.[71] Authorities in Egypt allegedly used the app to track and arrest gay men.[72][73] Grindr responded by temporarily disabling distance display globally.[74]
>In May 2016, a group of computer scientists from Kyoto University demonstrated how location pinpointing is still possible in the app even when a user is hiding their distance from public display.[75] By exploiting a novel attack model called colluding-trilateration, locating any targeted user becomes a very easy and cheap task without employing any special hacking technique. The attack model works with any location-based service app that shows profiles of nearby users in order of proximity, not just Grindr.[76]
>In May 2022, it was reported that Grindr's user location data has been collected and sold through a digital advertising network since 2017, before Grindr curtailed data sharing with its advertising partners in 2020. Historical data from this period may still be obtainable.[77]
>User data privacy: In April 2018, SINTEF – a Norwegian non-profit research organization – reported that Grindr's data bundles sold to third-party companies could potentially contain some users' sensitive personal information such as HIV/AIDS status and HIV testing dates. The discovery generated widespread scrutiny of Grindr's privacy practices. In response, Grindr released a statement stating "Grindr has never sold, nor will we ever sell, personally identifiable user information – especially information regarding HIV status or last test date – to third parties or advertisers. As an industry standard practice, Grindr does work with highly-regarded [software] vendors to test and optimize our platform. These vendors are under strict contractual terms that provide for the highest level of confidentiality, data security, and user privacy."[78][79][80]
>On January 14, 2020, a report was published by the Norwegian Consumer Council which alleged that Grindr had violated the European Union's General Data Protection Regulation (GDPR) rules. The council asserted that Grindr sent user data to at least 135 advertisers.[81][82] The main concerns of the allegations were for sharing personal information, including users' locations and information about their device. These details could potentially indicate the sexual orientation of a user without their consent.[83] After review from the Norwegian Data Protection Authority, it was ruled that Grindr was in violation of the GDPR and fined €10 million.[84]
>In October 2020, a security researcher discovered a vulnerability in the password reset process. Anyone was able to take over an account using only the email address.[85]
>In April 2024, Grindr was the subject of a lawsuit lodged at the High Court in London for mishandling user data, including the use of "covert tracking technology" and sharing sensitive user data – including HIV status – with third party analytics companies.[86][87]
>Violent ambushes: The use of fake profiles on Grindr by homophobic predators to entrap and assault LGBTQ people is common in various countries.[92][93]
>A 2023 report by Human Rights Watch documents the widespread use of fake profiles on digital platforms like Grindr, by police to entrap, extort money from, or physically torture LGBTQ people in Egypt, Iraq, Jordan, Lebanon, and Tunisia.[94]

We gotta have something less garbage than this, fellas. This shit's ridiculous. There are relevant apps that don't have several of these drawbacks. Gimme 1 min.

Found this:
>Unstar analyzes negative iOS App Store and Google Play reviews for clusters that improve apps. We write about ASO, app reliability, and consumer software quality.
https://unstar.app/blog/lgbtq-dating-apps-grindr-her-scruff-feeld-taimi-ranked-2026
>1-3 star reviews of Grindr, HER, Scruff, Feeld, and Taimi: bots, outing risks, verification gaps, ads, and each app's hidden paywalls.
Feeld and HER get the best ranking.
Grindr got worse placement, next to Scruff and Taimi.

>>3144
Women are more discriminatory about looks than men are. Have you seen romantic media made or preferred by women? The male candidates are always hunks. The average looking guys are dismissed as shallow horndogs.
Also, women want men to be their butlers and secondary fathers.
Just like how men want women to be secondary mothers

>>3201
I think it’s more because young men aren’t romantically valued as much. Or that cishet age gap relationships with the male being the junior isn’t given as much glamorization when it’s the female being the junior.


>>8059
This. Idk why people think men having any platonic shared space is consolidated homosexual but they never do it with women as much.

>>3753
“Wanting is not the same as having” as an old proverb says. The truth is, people only want romance due to the thrill of the hunt.

>>9578
You’re a prison-gay?
You’re unwilling to have sex with masculine-looking guys?

>>8112
I'm currently in my first relationship (it fell in my lap so to speak), long-distance (for which I am not built). I proposed to meet just about three months in and he accepted, the date got postponed and he changed his mind, I pretty much begged him to reconsider and he did, only to change his mind again (this took about a month). he then proceeded to have a depressive episode and broke up with me for a week, now we're back together (it's been just about three weeks) but it's looking rather bleak.
I love him a lot but as time goes on it feels more and more like it's not going to work out, which sucks because we seem to be very compatible and he's also very pretty although not very stable, which is the only issue and he also recognizes that. my only fault is having fallen in love with a depressed misanthropic loser, not the first time either.

>>9603
Not all masculine-looking gays are ugly.
Also those places you’re visiting are probably cishet males settling with guys due to not having a shot with women

>>8217
Remember, women can be homophobic as well

being a tranknee faggot is so goddamn lonely once you make it past the filter of transitioning for like a decade unless you're down to get virtually molested on Discord by pornbrained transbians who have been on HRT for < two years and have alphabet soup microidentities and therapyspeak self-diagnosed mental disorders in place of qualia or individuality anyone else rel8

>>9766
Those people you described are probably in the same boat as you that’s why they’re like that

The truth of the matter is, transgenderism only accepted as pop cultural products, not as average Joes

Your chances of being a sexually/romantically gratified trans person are dependent on attractive you are. HRT alone is t always enough. Sometimes you need cosmetic surgery.

Cis people, both heterosexual and homosexual are already suffering from low prospects in the dating market as well.

I kinda need advice on something.
I really want to move out and maybe go to college or something. I live in bumsfuckville of less than a thousand people. There are no job opportunities outside of being a farmer. I don’t really want to spend two hours communiting back and forth every day. I don’t like living with my mom, she’s not abusive to me anymore but she was in my childhood and we mostly avoid each other.
My girlfriend refused to go with me, because her mom has cancer and her family needs support. I understand that, I don’t want to leave her either… I don’t know why she does it. Her family doesn’t support her transition and doesn’t respect her. They work her to the bone constantly, make her pay for everything, make her drive them everywhere on top of working full time. She’s miserable.
I understand it’s not really my place to butt in I guess. I feel like moving away might hurt her more because I won’t be there to help. But also neeting is ruining my body and soul. It’s so pointless and miserable. I sit inside and smoke pot and immerse myself in video games just so that I don’t kill myself. I want to go to college and make friends too. I am incredibly lonely here.
Idk.

>>9766
They're probably masturbating while writing that, the internet is the way it is. Either ignore, block or reply with something humorous but non-sexual if you dont want to reciprocate. Like "porn is bad, m'kay" or something.
>>9781
>[they] are probably in the same boat as you
>Your chances of being a sexually/romantically gratified trans person are dependent on attractive you are. HRT alone [isn't] always enough. Sometimes you need cosmetic surgery.
>Cis people, both heterosexual and homosexual are already suffering from low prospects in the dating market as well.
Don't listen to this insane rainbow lib.

>>9797
You can't always save everyone else. Nobody is ever going to care as much about your life and your wellbeing as you do. Not even friends, family, or lovers. I'm not saying to embrace psychopathy but at the core of it, nobody else is going to fix your life. You have to do it yourself even if it means you can't be there to support others. More than likely, the people that depend on you now will find a way to survive without you. It might even give them the impetus to change their life for the better as well. It's a harsh truth but still true nonetheless.

>>9800
>They're probably masturbating while writing that, the internet is the way it is. Either ignore, block or reply with something humorous but non-sexual if you dont want to reciprocate. Like "porn is bad, m'kay" or something.

Those people are just writing spam for amusement anyway. No different from imageboards.

>Don't listen to this insane rainbow lib.

What did I say that was wrong??

>>9812
But what if I regret leaving? I’ll never be able to come back. I have no other friends or anything.

>>9906
Well, that is scary yeah, does it have to be a permanent decision though? You could do long distance with your girlfriend and tell your mom "I love you mom but I can't find a job, I feel like I need to try find myself in the city", hopefully she will understand and agree you can come back and live with her again if it doesn't work out. Same with your friends, just tell them why you need to move away and offer to hang out with them online or come over sometimes to see them, or offer them to come stay with you in the big city and see the sights.

Most of my friends have moved away and yeah we don't see each other as much as we used to be we still do hang out when they're around or hang out online and play games, I'm gonna go on a trip to Japan next year with my school friend who moved away years ago.

Maybe if you set yourself up in the city, and tell your girlfriend how much better it is, that might be enough to convince her to leave her mom and come live with you.

Even if you do lose contact with mom and girlfriend and friends, you can make new friends in the big city, go to like leftist groups or LGBT orgs and so on.

>>9906
Oh sorry, I didn't see you meant you have no other friends. Well that should make it an even easier decision to leave then!

You can't let your girlfriend tie you down somewhere that you're miserable. You have to make your own choices and she can make hers. Maybe deep down she is happy where she is, some people prefer what they know even if it sucks than trying anything new because they couldn't handle change. You can only offer other people a little leg up in their own lives, you can't totally put yours on hold for them.

As an example, I've been living with my BF for 18 months, we wanted to buy a house together but he hasn't found a job in all this time, and I don't think he's been trying very hard to get one most of the time, whereas I've been working flat out to save up and advance my career. I desperately want to buy a house but he wanted us to wait until he had money coming in so he could go on the mortgage, well, I waited too long already for that to happen, so now I'm just buying a house on my own. He can come and live with me but I'm not going to wait forever just because he wanted to do it together. He doesn't really like the house I've picked either but I love it, and I'm the one paying so I'm going to make the decision. Like I said earlier, even though we love each other, my need to buy a house doesn't mean as much to him as it does to me. His feelings about the house don't matter to me as much as mine do. That's just life. Maybe it will give him an impetus to change, maybe not, either way I have to do what will make ME happy.

People have broken up with me for the same reason, because I wasn't doing what they needed me to do, and of course it was crushing at the time, but you know what? I got better, and it was part of what encouraged me to make changes to get me where I am now.

>>9925
Thank you, you are very kind

>>9952
No problem, hope it was helpful!