Figured I made a thread to share our romantic experiences – or lack of thereof, – opinions, wishes and advice. That is part of the whole LGBT experience besides the sex and gender.
I reached mid 20s with barely any experience, autism made sure of that. Kissed a drunk lesbian once, I don't even think I looked that cute for a guy in his 20s, so I was honored more than anything. Broke up a friendship with a trans girl after some hasty choices, but she was crazy anyways. Now focusing on friends, making and deepening them.
Wish I had a man I understood and was understood by, someone light-hearted and whimsical to have fun with on the short time I have here on Earth. Femboy-ish ig, not masculine, but takes care of himself, with a touch of femininity to him. Impartial on sex, willing to do it, might be fun even.
One thing I like is the idea of relations as temporary, serial monogamy if you will. I'm all for loyalty while in a relation, but that doesn't necessarily mean it must be forever and ever. People change, why shouldn't their relations? Admittedly I do see the romance in a lifelong relation, sticking with someone and changing together with them. Besides looking for a new partner every x amount of years sounds exhausting.
I have never loved or been loved, and at this point its more likely to stay that way than not.
I had a fling with a girl and got ghosted we did all the intimate stuff but made me realise women objectify men as much as men objectify them albeit it's less based on looks because I'm not a chad by any means but I was always told it's the woman who wants the relationship but it's the man who just wants the sex, all the romantic stuff just seems like a facade so they don't look like whores and filter toxic gooners, it seems woman want your body and soul even if temporary, not just clinical sex which is the ideal of the male.
I'm dating a beautiful puppy girl. Everyday I feel lucky to get to know her. I feel so lucky she wants me to move in with her. I feel so lucky I can make her feel good so well. I hadn't had much sex before her and had never topped. Yet it all went well
I worry sometimes she's not affectionate but I think she just does it in a different way.
>>3156My relationships beside her were all kinda sad
- Guy who never did anything with his wife
- another trans woman who wanted me to be a live in maid and screamed at me for not knowing immigration stuff. Left me homeless
- trans girl who didn't know it yet. Her finding out kinda unstablized the feeling of security I really wanted from her. It wasn't that she was wrong to it's just she started questioning the things about her that made me feel safe with her.
Maybe I was a shitty person to all of them, don't know
I wish being a transhumanist wasn't so fucked
I'm not very good at getting to know people in general. Which I really need to work on, because TBH I've derped out in some pretty spectacular ways.
>>3160I have some lack of empathy for others. IDK how to dissect it further. Maybe I need a therapist, or maybe I need a change to my moral outlook.
>>3162It's because only low autism score people value sex and relationships highly, they breed more and sooner in common with the beasts, usually higher autism score are more interested in objectivity such as status, politics or thought concepts and other people are seen as vessels to engage in dialectics
>>3144>want your body and soul even if temporaryI've heard relations between older women and younger boys is something to the tune of the boys acting like puppies mad for them or risk being abandoned. Don't know if that's what your experience was like, I'm curious really.
>>3157I'm happy you were that lucky Anon. You sound like you're loving your relation I hope it continues and both you and your puppygirl be happy in it. If you don't mind me asking what's being a transhumanist have to do with your romantic relations?
>>3139>>3139I'm almost 30 and never had a boyfriend and had very little sexual encountera
The fact I'm an autist who never worked on his life does not help
>>3203Same but I'm 32 and joined the military.
I've been talking to someone on tinder but idk I'm worried she's TOO into me.
>>3206Why join the military?
>>3215Because I was/am a fuck-up and had zero prospects. Dad died a couple years ago so it really made me think about my mortality.
Obviously it was an immoral thing to do and could bite me in the ass but it was the best option I could think of beyond continuing to be a leech.
>>3226The military won't help you at all. You are just contributing to the regime. Nobody wants to have sex with soldiers. I suggest you rethink your life choices or you will end up dying from an IED planted by the socialist resistance.
>>3228I want to have sex with soldiers tho. He still shouldn't join the military.
>>3228Respectfully, you come off as a NEET.
>>3228Having sex with soldiers = BASED
Having sex with cops = CRINGE
love is so sweet. but im so looooonely
Had sex and didn't enjoy it but I pretended to. She is kind of overweight and boring. Planning to tank the relationship by showing her my unhinged communist fanfics / fiction I write and insisting she read them.
>>3282>Planning to tank the relationship by showing her my unhinged communist fanfics / fiction I write and insisting she read them.Why don't you just breakup normally?
>>3282>unhinged communist fanfics / fictionCan you share it here? I'm quite curious now.
>>3295I posted it in the fanfiction thread (this is hatefiction though tbh)
https://archiveofourown.org/works/63403183/chapters/162445723 >>3303was it you who recommended this series in my rape-porn thread?
>>3304I didn't, it might have been another thing in the setting (I hate the setting btw)
>>3307someone rec the setting then called me a paedo without elaborating and left, i read one book and found the setting incredibly boring, there was not even any sex in it.
>>3303Fascinating to find hdg here
>>3139How do you get over them? I still keep thinking of her. It wasn't meant to be. Yet it still hurts. I still can't move on. How many days do you have to be like this? How do you get over it quickest?
why do i develop infatuations with straight-ish transfems
what kind of sickness is it
>>3139>Now focusing on friends, making and deepening them.Good. This is the way.
>Wish I had a [person] I understood and was understood byEveryone who has ever wanted a relationship basically wanted this. Not to minimize you, just so you know your experience is relatively universal and what you're feeling is very normal for better or for worse.
>>3751I dunno, we want what we can't have? For me it's lesbians.
>>3753>Whats wrong with me?Judging from that little passage. Nothing major, we all have that or something similar.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hedgehog%27s_dilemma for example.
In the specific case, maybe you just didn't like them back?
>>3455If there was some special technique it would be known.
It gets better with time, and that's just how it is.
>>3760>In the specific case, maybe you just didn't like them back?It wasnt just one case, its happened multiple times. I wouldnt say I didnt like any of them, I liked most of them as a person or as a friend but not in a romantic sense.
I dont think ive truly romanitcally liked anyone before. I definitley experience attraction to people, but never a romantic crush
i keep waking up needing you
its not realistic so im just hoping it stops one day
same here
except i hope you're alright and get back in touch every day
>>3768So let me get this straight, you:
>like the idea of loveand
>feel jealous of others' relationshipsbut you also
>get drained rapidly by social interactionand
>never liked anyone romanticallyMaybe you enjoy thinking and fantasizing more about a romantic relation than actually being in one? Like some people might fantasize about fighting or being an explorer than actually going through the risks and hardship those would entail. No offense intended, you're far from the only person who (might) do this.
>>3814OP here. It's better now, I don't think about her nearly as much. If I could go back and do it better,
sure. But I didn't lose much special.
Mind I ask your story anon?
>>3455Force yourself to have sex with someone else. I've been through this recently and it's as disgustingly simple as that. The body leads and the heart follows
>>3768Romance as a special category of socializing is bullshit and worthless. The only quintessentially romantic thing is enmeshment and mutual idealization. These are harmful. Ask yourself if you enjoy/are relaxed in their presence, and if you have good sexual chemistry (literally chemistry, like u enjoy how they smell and taste and all that). If these are both yes, you've found a winner. They check the fundamental boxes. Everything else is negotiations.
I say negotiations because including someone in your life means re-arranging your life a little to make space for them.
Based on your situation there are certain considerations. There are essentially 4 positions. 1: you both have full lives, but you need someone to fuck. This relationship is mainly about sexual chemistry and basic trust. You don't need to love who they are as a person or match them in everything. Your lives intersect minimally, where necessary. You may grow to love them or share more in common with them over time but that isn't necessary. 2 and 3: one of you has a life and the other is kind of a loser. The one with a life gatekeeps and focuses on not losing their center (i.e. not losing what makes them valuable in the first place, which is their self-completeness), and the other one chases and attempts to demonstrate value while weaseling into the other's life more and more. Figure out which one you are and act accordingly. 4: you both have no life. This is perfect for Romance. Success in this configuration requires similar interests, experiences, personalities, etc. Maybe triggering each other's childhood wounds and broken sense of what love is. You are each other's soulmates, it is fated love, etc. You both have nothing else going on, so you can make each other your whole world.
If you're politically active that basically already puts you in the "has a life" category so you should look for either someone who minimally enters your life, or someone who totally worships you, spends money on you, makes you laugh, makes you orgasm, generally makes your life easier and more fun (while not gumming up the works and making you focus too much on them!), etc.
>>4049Why would you get angry at him for being asexual though? Especially when he was willing to do sex acts with you. Seems like a weird thing to break up with someone about.
>>3812i want you to groom me
i want you to make me your mess
my oneitis crush has problems and i cant trust her anymore
>>4049That's a wild turn of events but kinda sounds like it worked out in the end. Congrats on finding a top to come breed your bussy.
Still here, still 33, still no bf.
I'm my own worst enemy because I'm too scared to put myself out there.
Bumping a gem
>>5331Damn me from almost a year ago
Went on grindr and found a guy, he's very sweet
Unfortunately I'm gonna be leaving in a couple months because of work but I'm gonna treasure the time we have
>>8051That's cute. Happy for you.
Do you have any more experience with LGBTQ apps/sites? Like which are good vs not?
op really tried to make it a healthier thread than the sex and relationships one on siberia and it still ended up just being a queer incel thread
>>8053Oh it's still nowhere near at /siberia/ level…
Or you simply didn't expect single people to make up the majority of posts in threads like these by rule? I'd say it's just a statistical likelihood. Could be a women only or lesbian only one and it would probably still be the case.
>>8052No lol. I used grindr because it was popular. Someone (I think it was the gaygen here) told me to use grindrplus which bypasses the microtransaction bullshit. Vanilla grindr is terrible.
>>8051Can't you make it work out as a LDR? Maybe with VR?
>>8062>Someone (I think it was the gaygen here) told me to use grindrplusI am glad you found it useful. The other day I installed in waydroid but now they ask for phone verification so fuck it
>>8059I wish I had a closeted roommate relationship :(
>>8051>Damn me from almost a year agoIt has been 4 months
Is it normal to be sad about a girl I was normal young transbian friends with if she said she was gonna come to my birthday party and then just kind of didn't show up and I haven't heard from her at all since then? She was gonna come by with her girlfriend and her girlfriend's wife because I'm also pretty good friends with them, but only the two of them showed up. It's been like four days and I'm sad, yesterday I sent a "hey how're you doing" text and she hasn't responded, am I gonna die? Is there something deeply wrong with me? Am I internally freaking out a little over absolutely nothing?
>>3139>That is part of the whole LGBT experience besides the sex and gender.could've fooled me haha :'^)
>>8088It is normal in general to be sad when a friend ditches and ghosts you, yes.
I had a friend I hung out with regularly for a year who just started ghosting me out of the blue. No arguments or anything, he just stopped responding to me and hasn't reached out at all. It's fucked me up, I keep telling myself to stop thinking about it but it doesn't work. These kinds of things just happen unfortunately. And I have done it to others a couple times, but in my case I was depressed and didn't want to see anyone (I don't think that's the case with my friend, I think he just found other people he likes more).
>>8088>>8092Anyways, what I'm saying is that sometimes people just don't want to see you anymore and you have to get over it. Easier said than done obviously. You just have to find other people and hope they're less shitty. I have other friends and a BF thankfully. It's good to have more than one friend, if you become too dependent on one person then if they let you down it'll fuck you up.
First came out to my parents at 13. But they thought I was """confused""" - as if I was destined to become a hetfoid or something
>>8095You are a trans man? That is unexpected.
>>8095you should family-cuck them by getting a gf with a woke family and start calling her parents yours, and telling your parents how much better parents they are
If my friends love and appreciate me deeply why can't I find a boyfriend? Why is it so hard to find homomen in the wild?
>>8107Realize that you're not unique and there's a bunch of guys with your same mentality (expecting a cute gay guy to read your mind).
You either have to be very open about being gay and seek gay spaces and take advantage of whatever opportunities come your way, which can be difficult, or use an app.
>>8093actually it turns out that she's just the same amount of allergic to her phone as i am and i dont have to be sad anymore
>>8109That's great I'm happy for you
I went to the worst case because that shit does happen a lot
Did she break the silence or did you have to find some other way to reach her?
>>8108>You either have to be very open about being gayBut that would trigger my homophobia
>cutei'm not cute, i am… nerdy.
>Realize that you're not unique and there's a bunch of guys with your same mentalityI do, but I don't know why we click, I analyse the mannerisms of guys I have some interest in (I am not very sociable so I don't meet a lot of new guys), they are never homosexual…
>>8111I guarantee there are guys out there who think you're cute. Your issue will be whether you find THEM cute.
>I am not very sociable so I don't meet a lot of new guysThat's the issue, of course you're gonna have trouble finding someone if you only have access to a handful of people. You're dealing with a minority of a minority of a minority, gay guys near you that you're interested in. That's why you have to expand your scope. And yeah it can be terrifying to do it but it's your best option. There isn't really a shortcut to socializing, you just have to do it.
>>8112How should I do it without changing my mannerisms?
>>8113The self is a tricky thing - you're constantly changing all the time, but you feel like the same person. There's continuity. You can grow into a more sociable person over time (through exposure) while still feeling the same underneath.
Anyways, guys find nervousness cute from my experience. So you don't need to fake a new personality or anything like that.
Finding guys through apps is the fastest/easiest route but it does mean interacting with a lot of strangers. You're gonna have to sift through a wide variety of people until you find someone who's willing to commit and meet up (it 100% should be a public place the first time).
The other option is to find gay groups in your area. If you're in college there's probably an LGBT club/organization. If you're into political organizing there's probably an LGBT wing. There's gay-flavored groups popping up all the time, sports, hobbies, etc.
Are you out to your friends? Hooking up with a friend of a friend is another option. Anything you can do to expose yourself to more people, not just the ones you see day-to-day.
There was this girl at my high school who had asked me on a "date". But when I agreed, it was revealed that she was actually joking. She was truly a cishet Stacy. One guy was so shitty and he asked me to be his girlfriend. I said no. He wouldn't stop.
>>8210Wasn't there anything suspicious about her? I wouldn't accept a random date from a random cute guy. He must really look gay or I would reject it
Do you think she will spred rumours or is your sexuality already known?
flood >>8214I don't know, it was a pretty long time ago and I can't remember. But she had spread rumours, i think
>>8215Homophobic straggots are scum
>>3228love fucking soldiers partners
>>3228Hey so funny thing a lot of people actually want to have sex with soldiers. You were projecting I'm afraid.
>>8217I know. They think that being cishet gives them a free pass to act like selfish little fucks
i got out a 3 year relationship 9 months ago. I had two sexual encounters since then a few months ago. There was no penetration just oral. I thought it was fine, but i dont have any drive to have sex, or socialize with new people for that matter. i deleted grindr long ago. im not really sure who im interested in.
this is my last month of the semester, i hope im not wasting my time/money here. when i dont feel as inadequate ill start talking to people again, surely. probably not on grindr though.
I believe in love and kinship, but the barriers of others' hearts is seemingly impossible to overcome. Everyone is obsessed with connecting on a purely cosmetic level. Forming communities based on consoomer behaviors got me cringing at the bare-level concept of making friends in hobbyist groups. I do not fw the vast majority of people who would "fit“ whatever gender/sexuality people assume of me, because the kind of people who care at all repulse me. Every meaningful relationship I've had has been with a cis bisexual man who wanted to dip their toes in the pool before diving in, and I'm unfortunately still friends with every single one. I'm in a beard marriage with the only other gommie from my tiny little hometown because he was the only man to match my freak and we can't even fuck cause we are just not attracted to each other.
All I want is to connect with others spiritually and mentally. I want people in my life who are willing and capable of having conversations, not people burdened by their desire to "fit in" somewhere or who can only make friends with people who watch their favorite fucking shows. I'll even take being a volcel if it means having more than one person in my life who can just talk without deigning themselves the ultimate judge of societal morals or w/e.
I hate that idpol has me waxing poetic like I'm a homophobic conservative sapiosexual but really the aspects of what make me consoomable to others is so disparate that inevitably anyone who likes me on the surface will inevitably find a facet of me they can't tolerate. I will believe in the concept of someone who could love all of me when I see it.
My close commie friends have moved away. Stuck studying a no-future career that I despise with people that I struggle to connect with due to idpol or whatever.
Ive never had a boyfriend, its difficult as it is in this fuckass country to do anything or find anyone. Yes, I could sleep with some rando for a few weeks, but literally what is the point of doing any of that if I dont truly feel anything, not even happiness. Its more and more suffocating now than ever, I just struggle to communicate with irl people around me and I feel like an utter failure. I just hope that I am actually able to move this year somewhere by myself and not come back.
>>8267Didn't your friend have more friends? Maybe you could vefriend his friends
>>8269I befriended them yes, but they moved away
My girlfriend keeps telling me not to say I don't pass (when I don't, I am a complete twinkhon) and she says it is all about confidence, but then admits herself that she passes perfectly, was always being mistaken for a woman even before she transitioned and had extremely lucky genetics. I really like her and this is a minor problem I just wish she listened to me rather than trying to minimize my problems.
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