Figured I made a thread to share our romantic experiences – or lack of thereof, – opinions, wishes and advice. That is part of the whole LGBT experience besides the sex and gender.
I reached mid 20s with barely any experience, autism made sure of that. Kissed a drunk lesbian once, I don't even think I looked that cute for a guy in his 20s, so I was honored more than anything. Broke up a friendship with a trans girl after some hasty choices, but she was crazy anyways. Now focusing on friends, making and deepening them.
Wish I had a man I understood and was understood by, someone light-hearted and whimsical to have fun with on the short time I have here on Earth. Femboy-ish ig, not masculine, but takes care of himself, with a touch of femininity to him. Impartial on sex, willing to do it, might be fun even.
One thing I like is the idea of relations as temporary, serial monogamy if you will. I'm all for loyalty while in a relation, but that doesn't necessarily mean it must be forever and ever. People change, why shouldn't their relations? Admittedly I do see the romance in a lifelong relation, sticking with someone and changing together with them. Besides looking for a new partner every x amount of years sounds exhausting.
>>3156My relationships beside her were all kinda sad
- Guy who never did anything with his wife
- another trans woman who wanted me to be a live in maid and screamed at me for not knowing immigration stuff. Left me homeless
- trans girl who didn't know it yet. Her finding out kinda unstablized the feeling of security I really wanted from her. It wasn't that she was wrong to it's just she started questioning the things about her that made me feel safe with her.
Maybe I was a shitty person to all of them, don't know
I wish being a transhumanist wasn't so fucked
>>3144>want your body and soul even if temporaryI've heard relations between older women and younger boys is something to the tune of the boys acting like puppies mad for them or risk being abandoned. Don't know if that's what your experience was like, I'm curious really.
>>3157I'm happy you were that lucky Anon. You sound like you're loving your relation I hope it continues and both you and your puppygirl be happy in it. If you don't mind me asking what's being a transhumanist have to do with your romantic relations?
>>3139>>3139I'm almost 30 and never had a boyfriend and had very little sexual encountera
The fact I'm an autist who never worked on his life does not help
>>3215Because I was/am a fuck-up and had zero prospects. Dad died a couple years ago so it really made me think about my mortality.
Obviously it was an immoral thing to do and could bite me in the ass but it was the best option I could think of beyond continuing to be a leech.
>>3228Having sex with soldiers = BASED
Having sex with cops = CRINGE
>>3139>Now focusing on friends, making and deepening them.Good. This is the way.
>Wish I had a [person] I understood and was understood byEveryone who has ever wanted a relationship basically wanted this. Not to minimize you, just so you know your experience is relatively universal and what you're feeling is very normal for better or for worse.
>>3751I dunno, we want what we can't have? For me it's lesbians.
>>3753>Whats wrong with me?Judging from that little passage. Nothing major, we all have that or something similar.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hedgehog%27s_dilemma for example.
In the specific case, maybe you just didn't like them back?
>>3455If there was some special technique it would be known.
It gets better with time, and that's just how it is.
>>3760>In the specific case, maybe you just didn't like them back?It wasnt just one case, its happened multiple times. I wouldnt say I didnt like any of them, I liked most of them as a person or as a friend but not in a romantic sense.
I dont think ive truly romanitcally liked anyone before. I definitley experience attraction to people, but never a romantic crush
>>3768So let me get this straight, you:
>like the idea of loveand
>feel jealous of others' relationshipsbut you also
>get drained rapidly by social interactionand
>never liked anyone romanticallyMaybe you enjoy thinking and fantasizing more about a romantic relation than actually being in one? Like some people might fantasize about fighting or being an explorer than actually going through the risks and hardship those would entail. No offense intended, you're far from the only person who (might) do this.
>>3814OP here. It's better now, I don't think about her nearly as much. If I could go back and do it better,
sure. But I didn't lose much special.
Mind I ask your story anon?
>>3455Force yourself to have sex with someone else. I've been through this recently and it's as disgustingly simple as that. The body leads and the heart follows
>>3768Romance as a special category of socializing is bullshit and worthless. The only quintessentially romantic thing is enmeshment and mutual idealization. These are harmful. Ask yourself if you enjoy/are relaxed in their presence, and if you have good sexual chemistry (literally chemistry, like u enjoy how they smell and taste and all that). If these are both yes, you've found a winner. They check the fundamental boxes. Everything else is negotiations.
I say negotiations because including someone in your life means re-arranging your life a little to make space for them.
Based on your situation there are certain considerations. There are essentially 4 positions. 1: you both have full lives, but you need someone to fuck. This relationship is mainly about sexual chemistry and basic trust. You don't need to love who they are as a person or match them in everything. Your lives intersect minimally, where necessary. You may grow to love them or share more in common with them over time but that isn't necessary. 2 and 3: one of you has a life and the other is kind of a loser. The one with a life gatekeeps and focuses on not losing their center (i.e. not losing what makes them valuable in the first place, which is their self-completeness), and the other one chases and attempts to demonstrate value while weaseling into the other's life more and more. Figure out which one you are and act accordingly. 4: you both have no life. This is perfect for Romance. Success in this configuration requires similar interests, experiences, personalities, etc. Maybe triggering each other's childhood wounds and broken sense of what love is. You are each other's soulmates, it is fated love, etc. You both have nothing else going on, so you can make each other your whole world.
If you're politically active that basically already puts you in the "has a life" category so you should look for either someone who minimally enters your life, or someone who totally worships you, spends money on you, makes you laugh, makes you orgasm, generally makes your life easier and more fun (while not gumming up the works and making you focus too much on them!), etc.
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