/siberia/ - Off-topic

ugh



yawn



woke up

it appears that a lot of people think I deserve it for some reason but it doesn't really make that much sense at all but it's hard to believe



especially because they use their mental faculties to think that I deserve it so much and just the idea of having a bunch of people, randomly think that its best




or something is really terrible it's really hard to fight against a majority like that

but not only that I had this nightmare I dreamed I was a female again but this time I was a little girl but I was like a little retarded or stupid or something




and in my nightmare I just ran around the neighborhood all over and wherever I went people would put all these objects in their yards like elaborate set designs but they were kind of abstract and they were all really colorful and they would start





they would start painting them when I came around whenever I skipped or ran through their front yards they started painting their sets




but the thing is the paint was really smelly and toxic so it was almost making my stupidity or mental problems worse

I realize now this was a super abstract version of what I have basically been experiencing except I don't run through people's front yards but I don't know




maybe it just represents territory or something but I pretty much am having chemicals sprayed at me all the time even in my apartment and I have consciously



thought and been cognizant of this in my waking life but maybe I should worry even more about it it just feels like such an awful situation to be in it's like really bad





well it just makes me think I should do something more drastic am I really as okay as I thought I was? am I being made that much more stupid all the time?



I don't know what to do I need some type of answer

I am starting to get my spirit back though



my inner spark and defiant spirit and resistance or whatever you call it




it's almost miraculous I guess like all these videos were saying I would just develop the inner strength (tremendous inner strength) to somehow carry on


and I almost have

I guess I just wonder how far it goes that people think I deserve it whether it's this elaborate ploy and a really great deal of people do




it feels like I am facing off against this giant monster it's so huge and I almost stand no chance

thought of an idea for a Final Fantasy like story though not really a major idea but I thought of a theme since all the games start primarily form basic themes


I have a theme I could use to inspire a whole story but I will use it to inspire multiple stories of different varieties I could just write down all the ideas




I have that are inspired by these basic themes

it's really hard to come up with ideas for something resembling an FF game though lawl

ugh yawn




so like I realized I could also make a FF about the third world and neoliberalism and the dirty 30s but I think it would probably be more loosely based on the 40s sort of but than that's basically what FF7 is about I guess


FF7 thinks it's good maybe? I am not entirely sure but I guess it doesn't really explore the concepts enough like it goes into surprising detail and yes the third world which is basically represented as the "slums" and such especially they don't actually bother to explain



that the 3rd world probably thinks it's good to be like that like it well seems like now that the inequality they have is mostly their own doing



I also can't help but think FF13 was the most neoliberal FF I think with FF7 they just consider themselves liberal but it's not actually for sure (but it's also largely due to global warming that's their made precedent I guess)

but I realized that in that I was uncertain about the whole thing surrounding the booms and busts the recessions are basically just the world slowly becoming like the 3rd word in general



the booms are like kind of fascist almost they're too homogenized and collectivist (in a bad way) it's some weird thing in general


thus I realized instead of the 1950s or the dirty 30s you should probably understand or be for something like the 1940s in a sense


because it turned into a war in the 1940s I guess but I don't know if you have to show that you are for any one type of period in time exactly

I've noticed some people do that to an extent but I am not sure

like looking at FF7 what would looking at it as the design is based heavily on the 1930s kind of an changing it into the 1940s instead? also there is also the victorian era which is used a lot I guess but I dunno

understanding the Everyman is helping me understand how a lot of fictional characters are written the way they are it's hilarious



if I make this character an everyman I really have to try hard not to make him seem like an "anti-hero" he would almost come across like Tony Stark or Wolverine


but nonetheless I never thought I would have that much sympathy for an extrovert but there is one characterization idea I have I am not sure what I will use it for



but I was thinking I could use it instead for my grasshopper character a cheery upbeat sunny disposition that is also a little outgoing


it's not revolutionary but there are hardly any fictional characters actually written like that oddly enough so I would actually like writing a character like that

I guess music comes naturally to me a bit


there was this guy I used to live with who practiced singing and playing the piano like 10 hours a day and yet after like a year he did live performances and did a live "record" but yet he just didn't sound very professional especially at singing


it was weird yet when I record myself singing I practically sound official or professional or something I'm not exactly sure what it was I thought it was mostly practice but apparently not



I have better ears than him probably I don't know what it is I have more vice control or something I really enjoy singing though

ugh


I just remembered theoretically it seems like this is the most morally correct outlook the thing with the 1940s


even though the 19th century was fairy liberal I uh, have found that it doesn't make a difference I don't know the exact mechanisms at play that allowed for this


but in my own experiences being super old fashioned and going back to the past is a terrible idea because it is literally going back on progress and


AND IT WILL TURN INTO THE PAST, which just means it will be super repressive and people will develop those types of mentalities like they will actually become more prejudiced in some ways


like it's a terrible idea to go back in time too much

people will wear suits and ties all fucking time but whatever that is, that's not my ancestry for sure wearing a fucking suit all the time and will just be super god damn repressive but it's worse than that

that's why I think if it's not the 1940s for me


than what is it? because people will literally try to completely recreate the 1940s and a lot of people are more on board for that than say the 1970s or something it's unbelievable




so than what is it for me? it's the booms again than or something almost but the 1960s were terrible I think in a lot of ways as well


that's why I was thinking it's just the future for me or something

change is constant


I have to be for change, progress and the future I think

though i guess the past is the future and the future is the past at times


if I were to be for the past at all it would be some type of lost civilization, that there is a probability of having existed at one point



but it probably wasn't that great for sure well it's hard to say there was probably stages where it was good for a while but it probably wasn't always he most free for aforementioned reasons



it's hard to say if there was ever this ideal peaceful time in history



but it seems like the thing with the future I am ignoring things here but not only is the future often looked at as dystopian but something really bad happens usually

it's kind of weird though I don't know why the future is often portrayed in such a shitty way


so the past is preferred than is that what it is? it's kind of weird you don't always need to re-create the past completely and as well


the future doesn't need to be this technological hellscape


it's like in the metropolis anime the whole city gets destroyed at the end it serves a point but still…I guess they have a hard time


fitting or making a story that fits the future if it doesn't follow that set path.


somebody should make a story about escaping the past and trying to go to the future and have it not be bad for once


like fuck this whole thing with the past the world can only repeat we can't have real change basically I really want real change I have to be like this madmen to defy the social order just to enact such a feat I guess but it's a worthy goal

is everything ok?

>>780871
>it's kind of weird though I don't know why the future is often portrayed in such a shitty way


>so the past is preferred than is that what it is? it's kind of weird you don't always need to re-create the past completely and as well


It's nostalgia. When people refer to the past, they're most likely talking about their childhood era. Or an idealized view of childhood past

I shouldn't admit it anywhere probably but the reason why it's almost like a track and the established order considers it impossible to really enact change is because they think the pattern can't be broken because essentially people can't change and thus they force this unbroken chain or order on the face of the world at all times they really think that whatever social order or civilization that exists is just a outward product of the people who are a part of it


and I challenge that assumption I guess like seriously what is that? I guess if I could pick and choose preferences more what would the type of civilization look like for me? that I don't really know for sure.

yawn


woke up


ugh

the past is the future and the future is the past



metropolis is set in the future they build a giant tower that is just like the tower of babel




it makes sense that if they perfected the art of building robots they would eventually try to re-create Adam and Eve which is what happens

I think at first you would think this is reminiscent of the 1950s but it's actually closer to the 30s-40s which I find interesting

can we ever escape?

there's gotta be another way

before since I've been in this situation I've had many reoccurring moments where I feel like I can overcome my circumstances



But I just haven't been able to sustain it for some reason it's hard to describe how or why exactly that's always what it was



that's why I went on my journey across the country that's why I avoided all the contamination so much I always would realize a few times I got a bit comfortable



and I thought I was safe and than this horrible fatigue would set in and that's when I knew I was being exposed to it again the fatigue was all encompassing



and then when I moved on to another area that seemed really clean and clear it was literally like moving out of a big blanket of some type of fog the air itself would feel clearer and crisper



but this song is really befitting I am starting to love hearing distorted guitar again, maybe that defiant spirit has gone even deeper into my soul

I'm able to sustain it again maybe it's some kind of a spiritual thing this time I am not sure the defiant spirit

honestly I thought it was all caffeine before that put me into this state of being I thought it was what kept me motivated the most



but I am finding that deep inside without caffeine I can tap into these feelings without any kind of substance

this is a very soulful song I think it is directly soul based and inspired but I was thinking more about it I do feel conflicted because the thing is



I never thought the music of the 80s was that great it seems like the best music comes from the artists who accepted all that shit with




the 3rd world indirectly and "neoliberalism" though maybe looking back, it kind of cheapens the art to me because it wasn't actually all that real for sure



maybe it was actually more mainstream than you would be lead to believe thus I am not sure what to make of all of that

Yes, the 1980s were considered an economic boom, but with a rocky start. After a severe recession in the early 1980s (1980–1982), the economy experienced a significant, sustained expansion. This period, often called "the long boom" or a [Reagan boom], saw rapid GDP growth, lower inflation, and a major shift in economic policy.Key aspects of the 1980s economy:Initial Recession & Recovery: The decade began with a deep recession that brought inflation down, which had peaked near 15% in 1980. By 1983, the economy had recovered and entered a period of rapid growth.Expansionary Policies: The "boom" was fueled by supply-side economics, featuring large tax cuts, deregulation, and a strong [Volcker-led Federal Reserve] that broke the back of inflation.Wall Street Growth: The 1980s saw a massive boom in the stock market and financial services, with many calling it the era where Wall Street took over the economy.Mixed Results: While GDP growth was high, the economic expansion also coincided with a significant rise in the national debt and increased income inequality.The boom wasn't universally felt, as it was accompanied by industrial layoffs and, by the end of the decade, a decline in oil prices which hit producing regions hard.What was the economy like in the 80s? : r/AskOldPeopleMay 16, 2025 — Gadshill. • 1y ago. The early 1980s were marked by a recession induced by tight monetary policy aimed at curbing high inflation. T…Reddit·r/AskOldPeople1980s - WikipediaEconomics * The early 1980s was marked by a severe global economic recession that affected much of the developed world. * Inflatio…WikipediaAgain, the 1980s Boom Was About More Than Just the Reagan Tax …May 4, 2015 — The Federal funds rate fell to 9 percent by the end of 1982 and generally ran in the range of 8.5-9.5 percent during 1983. The dis…American Enterprise Institute - AEIShow all

His magic acts as a metaphor for how lies are used to distort reality and gain power, proving that a relationship built on forced deception cannot last.

these people are like locusts that attach on to me and suck my spiritual energy from me I am not really sure what emotional reaction they give me



they make me feel really uncomfortable but it's hard to be sure what else they make me feel it is sucking away my energy I think

I wasn't sure what this meant at first it really threw me for a loop it seems a lot clearer after reading this but


""Ashes" Symbolism: The title implies decay or the destruction of something perfect (the Garden of Eden), suggesting an attempt to find beauty or salvation after a major downfall or personal tragedy."

I don't think that completely makes sense I mean as for as poetry goes it would be hard to convey such a meaning so easily and simply



but eden is like this perfect place that no place in the human world can ever come close to so it doesn't really make sense and it confused the shit out of me


I think I am more of a big picture thinking and I am more abstract and it would be considered "thinking" in the MBTI I guess or something



but I would see it as a metaphor and explanation behind how the world has arisen out of the ashes of eden (the original) eden

or what you had might have been close to eden but it's the ashes of eden now it was always the ashes of eden but



I would focus on comparing the world how it is now to the original eden and make various commentaries in regards to that

which is why I think Breaking Benjamin is a really mediocre band at best

I remember what it is with Sephiroth again and everything but still…I don't get what the rest of FF7 has to do with like the 3rd world neoliberal dirty 30s thing it has going theme or otherwise notwithstanding



I don't know what to call it obviously

>>779988
Anime isn’t exclusive Japanese and we still have western media influencing aesthetics
Also what’s with this anti anime sentiment on Leftypol nowadays

yawn



wokeup

wokeup

ugh


thinking about Metropolis and how they build they giant huge towers and buildings isn't it like new york? and I think well if it's not sustainable



or necessary to build huge towers like that what would the laborers do? I don't necessarily want to take away their jobs but at the same time I don't really



want to condone that kind of thing because it is like the tower of babel all the time or they are like ancient pyramids that take forever to make



in the neo-liberal economy they basically just build condominiums all the time and then inflate the prices so the people who build them can't afford to live in them




and also though if they don't stop capitalism and take away jobs from workers like that everything will get worse because there will be more pressure to have some type of job



so people will turn into cannibal rats essentially psychiatry will get even worse doctors will get even worse they will be more pressure to have some random ass white collar job but not everyone will be good at them what they'll do basically is make it harder to even get or find work which they've already done




you can't really condone people going back to living like tribal people like Native Americans or something because they can't feasibly all hunt all the time so I don't know

who knows what fucked up shit the scientists will try to do


they will probably try to make some type of new eden maybe but it will probably be some perversion



well I guess it will just be like the third world everywhere ugh


literally can't associate with anything that is considered "working class" it is considered forbidden we are literally entering like the equivalent of "reservations" I guess that's what it would be like it would just literally be like indian reservations except for everybody


It's just I believe in a free and open society to some extent at least I think people should question and openly think about things like that is it really for the best is this really the only way? it's all just such bullshit though, like do people ever talk about these things at all even? I guess it's a lot like Goldstein's book in 1984 as well.


That's basically what I'm dealing with all the time. I just don't think we should all go back to wearing suits all the fucking time like a lot of people think. Suits, fucking suits. Can't we come up with anything better or more creative? why do you have to create a distinction and a clear divide and line between you and everyone else in that way?

>>780542
They make those kind of characters all the time. Although not in superhero media until now

>>780536
Most Everyman are written to be as sloppy and mediocre as possible for humor.
If anything I prefer the quiet unassuming intelligent nerd better

I just realized I was thinking about how I seem to be influenced by japan so much I don't completely love all japanese things the same amount though



but I think for me at least japan is like progress for me a bit for some reason more than anything




I was thinking that with my writings and art I wanted to try and not be influenced by japan so much and try for a bit more of a western influence



but than I realized I don't think what goes for what is considered normal or really typically western suits me that well either I thought maybe it did




but it doesn't for sure at all which is a predicament for me




so I thought maybe I should I try more of a Mediterranean take on things but I don't think that's really enough either for sure



that's why I think I should instead strive to try and be more in-between and try to create this outlook and imagery that is just really in-between world wise


but I guess when it comes down to it japan is just progress to me in a lot of ways

but that's why I posted this image from the game Beyond Good and Evil it's created by a french game company but it's not that typically western for sure and that's kind of what I mean or



almost what I need to strive for a bit




the creative design and concepts behind Beyond Good and Evil aren't really that great though a lot of the world are just the product of graphical limitations

woke up


ugh



yawn

kristen kreuk is on my new hate list

ugh


fucking extinction


prehistoric birds


I think I could write lyrics like Thom Yorke maybe "cracked eggs birds scream as they fight for life"

except I would make it about prehistoric dodo birds in the harsh subterranean wilderness

I don't think I care for harry potter that much I won't go into detail but it just doesn't resonate with me very much I mean it's okay I guess I liked it when I was a kid a little bit but even then I think





It's almost just too old fashioned/traditional and possibly conservative leaning which is why I don't care for it much for one Hogwarts it's kind of an okay idea but of course




it's actually kind of based on a typical old fashioned european school almost and the seeming gothicness throughout the stories is okay but it's too quaint for me in some ways


I think of Dumbledorf and I just think of course he's this really old guy he's not an old mystical sage necessarily he's just a wise old school principle or something and of course despite his age and position he's like always correct and he knows like everything they never go into the concept that the old generation isn't always right sometimes the younger generation has to break off from the older generation

it just doesn't seem that realistic to me or moving I guess but I don't exactly expect everything to be a reflection of myself



but the thing is Harry Potter is not a comfortable escape or escapism for me exactly it doesn't help me completely escape and forgot all my problems for sure but I guess I don't like escapism for sure that much oddly enough

I just feel like Harry Potter is kind of prestigious almost or something



it's considered really "good" but it's kind of in a snobbery way well I just don't think Harry Potter is like how a preferred or idealized future society should be for sure that much I don't know



that's almost what I feel like it is or something


I feel like it's for people who love school or academia or something


I guess maybe the idea is lost on me it's supposed to be a version of school that teaches you all kinds of things that would almost be considered occult or cool or something (forbidden)






but I don't know Haryy Potter is just not mystical enough among another factors for me or something the writing and imagery and ideas in the books are just not super appealing to me for some reason


well I would like to watch the movies more a bit or something maybe

it just seems like harry potter is for kids almost and it serves as a add on to elementary school or something like it just feels like they're trying to teach you things in kind of a basic and obvious school kid kind of way and I don't think it's that classical or whimsical and great at doing that either



I look at the hat image here and I think "wow that's almost my kind of thing it's kind of pleasantly gothic enough" but then at the same time something about it just totally robs me the wrong way


and it's the same with this hat guy I read the first book I don't remember his name but I just hate this character


I think the basic premise with Harry Potter is pretty adolescence and kid gloves to me it feels liek coddling almost it doesn't feel big or grand or serious enough the basic idea is that Harry Potter is never truly safe or completely protected from Voldermort he has to learn and come to terms with the fact that their are people out their in the world who might want to harm him and that's the process he goes to coming of age but that's such a simple concept for me this concept spans the whole series of books and it's what he has to come to terms with but it just feels such a kiddie thing to me almost

>>781960
Just because something is made for kids doesn’t make it bad

There’s a lot of entertainment franchises made for adults that miss the point