I might be insufferable. I'm constantly involved in long arguments about small details, that leave other people irritated and frustrated with me. I don't mean to offend, I feel displeasure in seeing others sad or angry or defensive.
People that were close to me walked away from my life or treated me with hostility, and often times I don't know where this comes from. All of this confuses me. I can only conclude that I'm the problem, but I don't know what I'm doing wrong. Sometimes I suspect that I'm autistic for not being able to understand other people's hearts.
For context: colleagues and casual friends regard me as amicable, smart, funny etc. It's only people who get closer that develop a low opinion of who I am, so I think it's something deeper than "giving bad vibes" or whatever.
I have no clue how I can even begin to improve my situation. I'm tired of feeling unlovable, undesirable, bad company. I don't remember the last time I felt appreciated. Any advice from anyone who has felt this way before and could improve their circumstances would be immense help. Or any conjecture, at all. I'll try everything.
>>13450>>13453Autism is a curse. I tire of positivity cliches trying to whitewash the dregs.
Deep down people still pathologise you. Even if you werent combative, the fact youre autistic makes them put you on thin ice.
>>13458Making friends in adulthood is actually quite rare since you usually end up spending more time cultivating a family instead
But friends you do make will be from work.
Im 25 rn and basically have one friend i knew from high school. But i have acquaintances. A friend isnt just someone you hang out with, but a spiritual companion. Thats why its "bros before hoes".
Socrates talks about this, but he also equated friendship with gay sex, so he was already twisting things.
>>13459>you usually end up spending more time cultivating a family insteadI'd rather not
>But friends you do make will be from work.I keep failing interviews because of lack of basic social skills, this time will work I feel like I'll not fail this time
>A friend isnt just someone you hang out with, but a spiritual companion. Thats why its "bros before hoes".I wouldn't really know, but I should keep this is mind
>>13450lmao i feel bad for autists
until i talk to one and remember how insufferable they are
>>13458For starters, you need to have that person around with consistency. So it has to be someone from your workplace, or from some pub you both religiously go to, or a neighbour, or someone in a sports club you're in etc. Then you become acquaintances. That's the minimum required.
With acquaintances, there's three reasons you both could start seeing eachother as friends:
>utility: keeping that person close brings some benefit>pleasure: keeping that person close is entertaining>virtue: that person shares similar values as you, so you find company in eachotherThe two first kinds of friendship can be lasting but are usually short lived (one of a few years). The latter is generally long lasting.
After both of you are familiar enough by consistent coexistence, and find a (or multiple) reason(s) between those three to be around one another, you can start keeping eachother company outside of your initial context. Invite them to hang out, see them outsidr of where you usually see them. Things go from here.
>>13467I was going to post a snarky comment, but subcultures are a pretty good place for autists to meet people. Just don't expect to make any real friends per
>>13466 and you'll have a good time.
>>13459I think this whole stereotype about adulthood being social depravity due to family making is becoming less a thing.
Also its harder to make friemds in secondary school because social circles are already set.
>>13474>mohammedWut?
Jesus and Buddha no muhammed
>>13450Maybe try considering the time and effort that you have to trade to win the argument/ correct the person.
Like I was arguing with my boss randomly about gender =/= sex, and I didn't want to spend 10m fighting about it, and X hours over the course of days/weeks/months after, so I just argued enough to try and make them shut up,
(it didn't work but that's just how arguing works out :) ).
Honestly, arguing is good, it just needs to be done moderatly – that's one thing I give credit to the french, they argue all the time, even with politics.
>>13465One of the greatest pieces of advice has just dropped in this thread.
For those taking notes, link that with the concept of, Self-fulfilling prophecy
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