>>21669Woufh, I see.
This kind of obsession that took a shape of utter dependence even surpassing and consuming other desires of physical body surely is interesting for me.
I had rarely became obsessive ( but not too intensely ) to a thing and that it's re-thinking & re-memorizing & re-generating ( scenarios etc. ) process for days mostly bring some kind of ache - bitterness 'that you desire it to end' in chest. But gladly those rare experiences of mine were ended in 2-3 days, back to my apathetic, empty state. Soo, I guess I can see how a consuming desire may look like. And I guess for you, it's a mere subjection of your material state and circumstances itself, even if you "discredit,negate" of being something being 'contamined' in your mind, or simply see it as an absurd, abstract attritubion- the material state still brings pain.
So~ I bestow my wishes on your tiring, consuming journey.
Also-
In an ancient book of an elder, respectful witch, a thing is written: "In the dimension of time and state, relations and non-relations absorb and ignite each other in a chaotic and unknown way."
Perhaps, different moments popped in your mind would absorb the current relations of your body-machine , and u'll magically no longer have the haunting attritubion of "contamined" !