>>2804498>i don't want perfection or enlightnment. You are closer to it than those who do.
You seem to think that enlightenment is only sitting in an infinite room of blackness, maybe harkening back to the practice of meditation with your eyes closed. That is not the doctrine of our Parivartanayāna teaching. The revolution-vehicle is a vehicle, not an idle prop. It is defined by its capacity for or state of motion.
We are not talking about no-mind, your "unthinking" as stupidity or lacking intelligence, it is not catching the mind on any particular thing, letting it flow freely. That is non-attachment. It is not non-interaction or not-caring, it is boundless compassion that is not hindered by any obstacle.
What you are describing is infinitely closer, only that where you do not want infinite life, you
want suffering and death. Perhaps you are attached to suffering and death, perhaps
want is not the right term. Regardless, it is in living, in wading through the shit, that enlightenment is found, discovered, realized. Not the shit, not the
you, but the wading. Realize the mutual emptiness in both you and the shit, that the supposedly meaningless reality you push back against is embodied equally in you as you are in it, mutual expressions of void-form.
You are already walk the path, unmarked and unrecognized, but under your feet regardless. You talk about going out with a bang but you must realize that in living so fully, you already are so bright and luminous. Perhaps you cannot yet see it, but you were and are Buddha.