The stereotype of a leftist is sometimes an image of a tree hugger, an anarchist who loves people too much and sees the state as the only reason there are social problems and various kinds of activists.
I'm not like that. I've been slightly sociopathic since I was young: I'd like to break other people's things, ruin them, often tease people. I never fit in with other people, so naturally I got accustomed to knowing and sympathizing with various oppressed people. This includes anyone from the local homeless person to bullied children (also adults when it comes to workplace bullying). Although I liked to tease other people, experiencing it myself sometimes made me feel terrible and I recognized that social oppression was unjustifiable.
For some time I was a statist kind of person, but still learning left. I thought that, to protect the weak, we had to fight against all kinds of privileged people using the state. Reading Marx changed my perspective on this and I am now immersed in political economy, to see how to really change the world.
I have been in bourgeois circles and their attitudes to life, the way they look at other people has always upset me. They think they are intelligent, talented people who got to become bourgeois simply because of their 'free will' or effort, when their fortunes are built on exploitation, luck and being born into the right kind of family in the right country.
Still though, I don't know where my concern really lies. I feel like I simply feel bad, on some level, when it comes to oppressed people. I am a sadist, not in the sexual way, but in the way that I laugh when people, animals get hurt, I find it amusing, simply put. So I don't know, perhaps my care for some people is simply a kind of social conditioning. I 'feel bad' in the way that it's not socially acceptable to not feel bad.
I sometimes wonder if I care about my parents at all. Do I care about them because it's socially mandated, or do I have some kind of empathy? A psychologist I once went to for legal reasons commented that I struggle with empathy. This doesn't make me cold and calculating, I'm an emotional person, but I truly feel like that 'feeling' of empathy is just not the same in me as in other people.
At the same time, which is more relevant to this imageboard, I shy away from figures like Lenin, Stalin and Mao, which have commited all kinds of atrocities, which I won't go into detail. Do I shy away from them because it's not socially acc
Post too long. Click here to view the full text.