rice shower assassinated charlie kirk with support from her two girlfriends mihono bourbon and haru urara during the american comeback tour at utah valley university On July 13, 2024, in Butler, Pennsylvania, history nearly diverged into parody.
The Butler Farm Show Grounds had been transformed into a temporary shrine to American politics. An advance team had prepared the stage days earlier, generators humming in the open field. Dave McCormick, the Republican nominee for Senate, was set to appear alongside the presumptive Republican presidential nominee, Donald J. Trump. The campaign had pinned its hopes on Pennsylvania’s 19 electoral votes, and thousands gathered in the summer heat to bear witness.
They did not know three Japanese horse girls had infiltrated the event with a rifle.
From a rooftop overlooking the farm show grounds, Mihono Bourbon lay prone with machine-like focus, calculating bullet trajectories as though analyzing a training sprint. Haru Urara crouched beside her, legs kicking idly like she was waiting for her turn in dodgeball. Rice Shower held the rifle, fingers trembling against the trigger, cursed by fate to forever be the tragic instrument of disappointment.
“Target acquired,” Bourbon intoned. “Presumptive Republican nominee located. Probability of successful elimination: 87.3%.”
“Ehehe~! I don’t know what any of that means, but let’s go, Rice!!” Haru chirped, as if encouraging a teammate at a relay race.
“B-but… this is the President—no, um, the nominee—ahhhh, I’m going to ruin this, I know it…” Rice whimpered.
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