Scottish highland history be like
>King James the freckle-less of Macfuckups finally turns 18 and asserts his prerogative against Earl Dougal the Frugal macGillebrigte Stewart of Morgayanal Kelt Clans who killed his father over whose kilt was hotter when he was a child>Earl Dougal raises arms in rebellion against the king with the Earls of Douglas Macarther (no relations to the ww2 general) and Angus MacQueefbeef and the MacFaggotry clan of QueerMCKinkilleckmoreMan bay>The sworn rivals of the MacFaggotry, the MacLosers and the MacManginas join the king to fuck over the Macfaggots for stealing that chicken 200 years ago and buggering their father with bloody pikes carrying a cheek from his ass all the way to QueerMCKinkilleckmoreMan bay on a spear>The king wins at the Battle of Dunballitar Fuckface at the now tourist attraction Friedbacon Bridge>Total dead: 200>The king finally gets some fuckin stuff done>dies from a heart attack eating his famous boiled-in-beer, black wolf blood sausages sewn inside a haggis full of fried onions and goat liver, which was seen as an unmanly vegan dish by the standarts of the time and got him continuous mocks since childhood>leaves with a single 2 month old heir left behind, youngest of his previous 12 brothers dying in childbirth>nobles of the Mac bumsburtons and the Mac bugsbunnies have a bloody fist fight with giant logs tartan belts and their bare hands in eidenburghs over who gets to be regents and influencing advisors to the hier for those sweet sweet taxless trade deals with france>The Black Anuses of Dumbassburgh rapeshire take control the country by a regency after defeating the Red Anuses of the Isle of Shitelays Scrotumlands>Black Anuses can now be corrupt legally and give all their shit to their other cucked anglophile Tory Posh friends, like the influential MacRetards of Fagdort O FlanderFarters (renamed themselves to John Smiths to sound more english)>Red Anuses run to England and beg for help from the other guys who also love england>England intervenes and defeats a Post too long. Click here to view the full text.this thread is why i browse /siberia/ more than /leftypol/
Italian city state period be like
>lord pasta si'prego antonio de-medici of the dutchy of bumfucnoiwaré attempts to purchase the loyalties of the doge latino Romano of Venice by offering him a grand gold plated painting blessed by pope rapebois III called "pota de cristo" which was looted from constantinople
>the doge who is offended by the lack of extra bribes decides to send a letter calling lord pasta's fashion sense un-roman, the most scathing insult during this time
>infuriated by the belligerence of the doge lord pasta decides to amass a mercenary army consisting of 8000 alcoholics from Milan and march on Venice which was left unprepared for an invasion due to the 6th or 7th crusade
>the army of drunkards march on the city plundering and stealing many of the Venetian finest wines
>however a local crazy cat lady who is angered by the drunken presence due to their impolite nature and saying the lord's name in vain throws a rock at lord pasta
>the rock hits lord pasta in the eye and he immediately falls dead and with the lord dead the mercenaries immediately sober up and scatter allowing Venice to flourish in prosperity for a century
>>743787kek good one anon