hello so i didn't want to make a new thread because i feel like its pointless but i'm worried about something similar.
i've always had depression and anxiety, suicidal tendencies that went along with it but mostly got suppressed and transformed into a general, semi-recurring self-harm and possible masochism. okay fine normal.
however, possibly over the last year or two i have had periods of incredible delusion, that seem to come and go over quite short periods, and after which i am often able to recognize as irrational/not real. i have noticed, and am thankful to OP for finally putting a name to it, that occasionally I feel this thought broadcasting, and also but to a lesser degree, thought insertion. likewise i recognize right now that lots of the time i will perceive an imaginary audience, although wikipedia calls it "enthusiastically" watching which isn't quite how it feels - enthusiastic to me connotes positive, but it more often feels like there's an audience watching my every move, and sometimes thought lol, laughing at my expense, doing so enthusiastically, but without any of the positive connotations of enthusiasm.
more specifically, however, is this feeling that i haven't found a name for wherein people will be talking, particularly shit-talking or general negative comments, nominally about someone or something else but it feels as if its a veiled metaphor for talking about me and my behaviors. often i'm able to recognize that what they're saying doesn't quite fit, but this recognition happens in retrospect.
i'm certain this latter thing will be called an issue of self-esteem and anxiety, but that isn't really how it feels. for the most part, i think i have quite a high self-esteem, i know and am aware of both my upsides and downsides, my virtues and vices or whatever people call them.
this is beyond the unexplainable and constant feelings of self-doubt and also guilt that i feel.
for the most part i just ignore my feelings and continue on with life, albeit some things others find easy i find quite hard i.e basic human shit like cleaning my floors or dishes idk, but it comes along with me being able to do stuff quite easily that others find quite hard ie academics, music, reading to a certain degree (although my attention and focus span have definitely gotten worse).
if anyone would care to offer help or had some questions go for it. i'm mainly debating whether i go to therapy or psycPost too long. Click here to view the full text.