🎶
Cruuuuuuuwuuisan DAS RITE
come mong go cruisaaaaaaan AWYEAH
Lesbo Cruuuuuuisan 🎶
Cruis'n Blast for Nintendo Switch is
colorful fast food. First time you race a course feels like your life turning into an amazing action movie. Second time you race the same course is also movie-like, but in a bad way. You suspect that explosions and stuff are rigidly scripted to coincide exactly with where the player is. In time trial you can slow down and see how the game falls apart: Animals slow down just like you, rockets and even falling rocks idle in the air.
Worst of all is how
rarely collision detection happens. No experienced gamer expects the collision geometry to be as complex as what you see, especially in a racer that doesn't present itself as a very serious affair, but here the amount of things you just pass through almost touches the negative record for a game made this century (still your the winner,
Big Rigs). Massive monsters and explosions can't ever hurt you as human-controlled cars take no damage from anything, which is a tolerable design choice for a 90s style arcade racer IMHO, but you don't even slow down and just clip through. Most of the chaos is just purely optical. Do you like the squid item in
Mario Kart that does nothing but obstruct your view a bit? Would you love a racer to throw many variations of the squid idea at you? Well that's what you get here with the rockets & and explosions & dinos & UFOs and nothing else. 30 years before this Switch game
F-Zero on the SNES had tracks with wind coming from the side you had to steer against, in
Cruis'n Blast you have a storm or torrent of water crossing the track and there is no effect whatsoever on the steering.
You play a course for the first time on the lowest difficulty and in the last few seconds you make it from third place to first place. Then you practice and practice and practice and level up your car and what not, play the same course on the lowest difficulty and… in the last few seconds you make it from third place to first place. The amount of
rubberbanding is off the charts here. The beloved
Mario Kart is notorious for rubberbanding too, but most people playing that can achieve an early and persistent lead in first place on the lowest difficulty and better gamers can do it on higher difficulty as well. Here it is impos
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